Spoiled Bride Syndrome

Is anyone else acting like a spoiled brat when it comes to the wedding?

I really am not spoiled. If I were, I could probably afford all the things I want..but my problem right now is that I just don't know how to say no to myself or make sacrficies about the wedding. I want what I want, whether I can afford it or not. I keep feeling like it's the end of the world, like my wedding will suck if I don't have a band or expensive favors or whatever. I guess it's aport of the reason that my ENTIRE original budget is just going to cover the hall. I really need to get out of this mindset or I'll be in debt forever.

for example, from day 1 I said I wanted a DJ. I said I can;t afford a band so I can't have one. Now I love a band that costs $7500..and I feel like I have to have them..like a DJ will just make me look cheap and lack energy, or I didn't want to spend a lot of flowers, but now I have to have the high candleabra centerpieces or else!

Does anyone else fall into this? How do you get out?

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

You have to keep looking for ways to get what you want for less money. Put the brakes on Jenn! Take a breath!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

I fell into it, but over different things than you mentioned.

Now that I look back, I still think that you can't skimp too much, but I think that some of the excesses no longer matter and I think that the DIY stuff tells the best story.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by Blu-ize

You have to keep looking for ways to get what you want for less money. Put the brakes on Jenn! Take a breath!

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But how?

I think I'm just getting overwhelmed..which is why I'm considering hiring a coordinator...(yet another high price thing I origicannly swore I'd never have)...but maybe it'll help me save money in the end by being able sit down with someone and budget it out.

All this after coming so close to not having a wedding b/c of $$ reasons.

(Which is why I really feel like a brat!)

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

just stop! that is the only way you can get past this...you don't need to have expensive favors or a huge band, we are having neither and we know our wedding is going to be a blast. make it about you and fh, not the music or food....in the long run, who will notice if you had a band or not

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

It's important not to lose sight of what is actually happening - the marriage of two people who love each other, surrounded by family and friends.

Once you've gotten that down pact, then everything else will just fall into place.

I have amazing vendors at amazing prices! Just b/c you pay less doesn't mean you sacrifice quality.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

Just think about AFTER the wedding.. where will you live, do you want a house, etc etc etc.

I wanted sooo to go nuts and do everything too but as it is we are barely skimping by and have no clue about living arrnagments after the wedding.. and now I wish I did even less!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

Thanks.

I need the perspective. I promised myself I wou;dn;t get swept up in all this and now after being engaged 2 years and avoiding it...here I am.

i think a lot of it is just panic at how little time there is left and how little I've done..so I don't have a picture in my head about whatr my wedding will look like...so I'm jujst trying to paint it with big big big stuff to make it look nice, meanwhile it could be nice for less!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

We can help you. You can find vendors that you love and you don't have to break the bank. Like I said, take a step back.

You have time. Don't feel like you have to book everything and make every decision immediately.

The ladies of LIW can talk you off the ledge! Don't make me come over there with my noodle pudding!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

Another problem is that FH is just as impractical as I am. We're both bad with money...well individually we're ok but when we're together we could go broke in a second if we're not careful. And now FH is temporarily making more money (he's contracting) and so he's got stars in his eyes when really it's not THAT much more money.

I think sitting down and setting a real budget will help.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

SO..how can I save money?

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by marymoon

Another problem is that FH is just as impractical as I am. We're both bad with money...well individually we're ok but when we're together we could go broke in a second if we're not careful. And now FH is temporarily making more money (he's contracting) and so he's got stars in his eyes when really it's not THAT much more money.

I think sitting down and setting a real budget will help.

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That will def help!!!!

Also youd be surprised at how beautiful the simple things will look when everything is pput together.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by Jen2999

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Posted by marymoon

Another problem is that FH is just as impractical as I am. We're both bad with money...well individually we're ok but when we're together we could go broke in a second if we're not careful. And now FH is temporarily making more money (he's contracting) and so he's got stars in his eyes when really it's not THAT much more money.

I think sitting down and setting a real budget will help.

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That will def help!!!!

Also youd be surprised at how beautiful the simple things will look when everything is pput together.

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Maybe you can help me get those beautful flaming centerpieces for less

Are they cheaper when they're on fire?

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

And here's a spinoff question. Does anyone else have a FH who is bad with money? before we met he saved every penny he ever made, but now he spends so much. For the holidays we set a $200 limit, and then we reaised it to $300. He probably spent closer to $1000 on me. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I appreciate the gifts..but...we can't afford it. And now he's talking about having my whole family go down to disney world as a graduation thing for me. I mean it sounds so good..how can i say no? But we're planning a wedding and honeymoon 6 mos later....

he insists that he can afford it, but I know we're living beyond our means..or would be if I let him have free reign

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by marymoon

And here's a spinoff question. Does anyone else have a FH who is bad with money? before we met he saved every penny he ever made, but now he spends so much. For the holidays we set a $200 limit, and then we reaised it to $300. He probably spent closer to $1000 on me. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I appreciate the gifts..but...we can't afford it. And now he's talking about having my whole family go down to disney world as a graduation thing for me. I mean it sounds so good..how can i say no? But we're planning a wedding and honeymoon 6 mos later....

he insists that he can afford it, but I know we're living beyond our means..or would be if I let him have free reign

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Rob is SUCH an impulse spender and he would give me the world if I asked for it. I literally had to sit him down and show him how much the wedding is costing and tell him I needed him to save XXX a month in order for it to work. Only then did he realize that he needs to buckle down and really skimp on some things. He had a credit card bill from a while back (and part of my ring is on it) and I told him I also wnated that paid before the wedding.. he changed his ways real quick!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by marymoon

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Posted by Jen2999

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Posted by marymoon

Another problem is that FH is just as impractical as I am. We're both bad with money...well individually we're ok but when we're together we could go broke in a second if we're not careful. And now FH is temporarily making more money (he's contracting) and so he's got stars in his eyes when really it's not THAT much more money.

I think sitting down and setting a real budget will help.

---

That will def help!!!!

Also youd be surprised at how beautiful the simple things will look when everything is pput together.

---

Maybe you can help me get those beautful flaming centerpieces for less

Are they cheaper when they're on fire?

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dude.. I could make that thing for like 10 bucks... hahahhaa

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

Believe me, FH and I are super spenders, but not above our means. We have decided that we will put his paycheck in the bank, and use mine for bills, rent, spending $, etc. This way we know that we are socking alot away for the wedding, and living within our means at the same time. I think that you really need to keep your perspective about things...I am the first one to be a spoiled bride, but I have no problem shopping around to see where I can get the most for my $, or making things that I know I can make. We also want to buy a house within a year after we get married, so we made a pact that we will not go into debt over the wedding - nothing on credit cards, etc. My parents are paying for alot of the wedding which makes it easier, but we still are putting a decent amount in as well.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

He sounds like Doug.

I think it's time to make a real budget and show it to him and make him realize we ahve to save tens of thousands in 11 months!

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

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Posted by ChristineAEV

It's important not to lose sight of what is actually happening - the marriage of two people who love each other, surrounded by family and friends.

Once you've gotten that down pact, then everything else will just fall into place.
.

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This is very, very true. Just remember, you will wake up the day after the wedding, and the day after your honeymoon, and be married. You don't want to have no money left, or worse, wedding debt. Money is a huge cause for fighting in newlyweds, so to start a married life with a lot of debt might cause problems.

Re: Spoiled Bride Syndrome

i too had a budget set in mind and then went over that just with the reception hall. but i figured we had so much in savings between the two of us and help with wedding expenses that we'd be fine.

Then we found out FH needed oral surgery and he doesnt have dental and even with dental it woulnt be covered much so its setting him back 10K total when its all said and done. we pushed our date back which will make up the money he's losing and then some extra with the extra couple of months.(knock on wood)

and it really hit home like what if something else happens in the future and we decided it was better to put money towards a house and savings. i decided i didnt need the 2000 dollar dress i wanted and found another one for way less than 1000 and that i ca make my own candle centerpieces or get small flower centerpieces, etc. found a great DJ thanks to christine for an awesome price.

What i suggest is setting a budget for each vendor and stick to it, if one costs less than what you budget then you can pu that money saved towards something else. do what makes you happy and what you feel will make your wedding day special for you and FH don't worry about what anyone else will say about your wedding. your wedding is not about pleasing others, its about pleasing yourself. good luck