STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

What stresses have you had, either wedding or non-wedding related, since you got engaged??

What major changes have happened to your life since the engagement/wedding? (moves, losses, job changes, friends, etc.)

Do you think the stress/change had an effect on your ability to really enjoy this special time of your life??

Do you/did you feel as happy as you expected you would as an engaged or married woman?

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

Since I got engaged when I was still in school, it was hard financially to start planning my wedding. If it werent for the help of my parents and his parents I would have not been able to put any deposits down on vendors until now.

Graduating college, finding a job and taking my boards all this year put a lot of stress on us, and the fact that my busy schedule didnt allow us to see each other that often, that was dissapointing.

I lost my grandmother in April, and my grandfather had to go into a nursing home, so knowing that they wont be able to be there with me at my wedding is heartbreaking.

Since FH lives in PA, I am doing most of the planning on my own, since he cant be here all the time to come with me to my vendors, I miss that part. But in a way its good because than I get what I want

Although I have been through a lot this year, I am still very happy about getting married, and I am so excited that the wedding is coming up faster than I could have imagined. I cant wait to be married and be able to see FH every day, since I have not seen him for a period of more than 6 days in a long time.When we were at school we were together day and night, and I cant wait to get back to that.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

Planning our wedding has been on of the most stressful things I have been through recently. Between FMIL & my mom I have had it. I have almost called of the wedding as least twice b/c of them. But (knock on wood) its seems to have calmed down.

Other than that I am pretty happy at where I am in my life now. And in the grand scheme of things this is nothing.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I never really felt different when we became engaged...more just the fact that to people we seem 'serious' about our relationship (as if we need to prove something).

In the beginning is was hard because he left 2 weeks later for Boot Camp and we did not talk AT ALL for 6 weeks. Then left again for additional training (could at least talk on phone). I just kept looking to the future and brighter things in life.

Now things are good and he is trying to get his life back to a routine with employment, etc.

I think the most enjoyable is when he says 'my fiance'.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I know I was very stressed out for the beginning part of my planning as I was also under work stress in attaining professional licenses.
Since the wedding and adjusting to married life, I have realized that I am more concerned with quality of life as opposed to making the bucks. In the last few years, I have doubted my career a few times, but it wasn't until I was married that I knew for sure I wanted out. Most of my friends remained the same but some of them have distanced themselves from me... and I think they probably place blame on ME getting married.. which is so not true. Aside from that, I think life has been grand! You life does change and your goals and values change for the better I feel.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

These are all very good questions and I for one can say that I have been feeling more stress since the engagement, sometimes so much that I dont think I have been enjoying it very much. I am happy, but there are so many and will be many more changes in my life (ie: living with someone, relocating to LI at some point, maybe changing jobs, finances, etc...). Also, this whole wedding planning thing is kind of driving me a little crazy; I am in no way a 'party planner', I am a procrastinator, my bank account is being depleted........AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm also a 'nervous nelly' by nature which doesnt help
But hey, I'm sure it will all work out in the long run b/c it has too and will be glad that I did go through with it all

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

Planning our wedding wasn't very stressful for me. Sure there were times when I was stressed (especially before we had a date/location), but overall it was more enjoyable than anything else. But even when there was stress, it didn't carry over into our relationship.

As for life changes, I lost my job about 6 months after we got married. For awhile I was an emotional roller coaster ride - with the ups and downs of interviews, rejection, etc. Al was so incredibly supportive, and it only made me appreciate him more.

I think I keep realizing more and more how wonderful it is to be married, and Al does too. A couple of times a week, he'll just smile and say 'we're married' - its adorable. And seeing him so happy only increases my happiness (he always says he never knew marriage could be so wonderful).

Now we're planning our move east, and I know that will be a stressful time. But we try to support each other, rather than turn on each other when stressed (did I mention Al's great at massages ). My biggest fear/stress is how my in-laws will be involved in our lives once we move back, but we've discussed it a lot and he acknowledges that there's some work to be done there.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

Oh god, what HASN'T changed or been stressful since we got engaged? I quit my very good paying job which left us penniless, I moved FAR AWAY from JT!, I came home to no job, no money, no prospects, I FINALLY got a job that I am SO STRESSED OVER, I moved in with my parents (need I say more?), etc...so overall, a lot of things have changed for us in the past NINE months (is that all?!?!), but I think that the stress of it all is worth it in the end because they were changes in order to better our life in the future.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

To answer my own questions...

I was only home about a half an hour from my engagement (we got engaged at Disney) when my mother told me my dad had a spot on a chest x-ray. I was FURIOUS that she would tell me something like that so soon after I got home and when I was so excited about the engagement. Especially since she didn't tell my brother at all because she didn't 'want to upset him.' That DEFINITELY took the wind out of my sails, and the effect lasted a long time. I don't think I really ever regained the same level of excitement I had before she told me.

A week or two after I got engaged, my father had to go to the hospital for a biopsy. It came back positive for cancer, and he started treatments, which thankfully worked and he's fine now. A few months before that my mother had major spine surgery.

Planning the wedding itself was stressful, but not as bad as I thought it would be. We had no problems with either of our families, and didn't fight over the plans at all. I think the hardest part was making appointments around my DH's crazy schedule. I also had to do a lot of the planning because he was studying for a promotion exam and working on the house.

I guess the major change or loss I felt was the loss of my BF a few months before the wedding. Due to jealousy and other major issues, we haven't spoken in about six months. I think I still feel the loss, because she was more like my sister than a friend. I think it definitely has had an effect on my overall level of happiness at this time in my life.

My DH and I aren't living together yet because of house renovations. That's a definite disappointment and stress. When the house is ready, I'll be moving which will definitely be a major change. I'll be 60+ miles away from my family, and while I'm looking forward to the change and to finally being with DH, it's going to be a major adjustment.

I'm definitely happy and more relaxed about my life since I got married. I think I was happier engaged than I am married, though, but that's only because of my housing situation right now. I wouldn't say I felt as blissfully happy about the engagement and wedding as I imagined I would feel. Not to say I wasn't happy! But it just wasn't as intense as I expected it to be.

Thanks for being honest and sharing your experiences!!!

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

the bar exam!

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

So far the only stressful change has been that my best work friend left our company, got married and moved to Rochester to go to grad school and my office neighbor was let go a few weeks ago and I feel as if there are very few people around my office who I can talk to about my wedding plans and my friends are so hard to get a hold of so I wind up having no one to talk to about my plans and that is sad. When I ordered my dress, I wanted to share it with some co-workers, but it was right after we got news of the layoffs and no one really wanted to know about my dress.

I am glad I have you guys to share my stuff with. That is the biggest most stressful thing that I have had recently. No one to talk to and share with

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

For me the biggest stress has been the money issue. Each week I save for school, save for the wedding, pay my bills and then there's nothing left! I feel like I'm going to be broke for the rest of my life. Relationshipwise, FH and I are better than ever - I was very stressed waiting for the proposal! Although trying to keep up with my BMs is next to impossible but I try not to let it get to me, otherwise I'll lose it. And of course, the recurring nightmare that my mother gets into an argument w/ one of the people she doesn't get along with (i.e., my dad, uncles, etc.) on my wedding day and I start screaming in the middle of the reception and make a big ole scene. Or the same nightmare but FH's family...these things keep me awake at night but I still can't wait to be Mrs. Eroxs.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I would say money has been an issue for me. 95 % of my check goes to 'the wedding fund' and then I DIE before the next paycheck.

FI has been great, but FMIL is starting to stress me out.

My dad has gotten REALLY sick right before I was engaged...so that's been most of my stress there...I'm afraid I'm gonna lose him before I get married...have children...etc. (I'm the youngest child) and pops is 73.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

Planning our wedding was great a lot of fun, and the occasional stress.
But the hardest part was during it:
My cousin killed by a drunk driver
DH's father passing.
These 2 incidents about 2 weeks apart really tore into us but we made it through.

Since then everything is MUCH better, just the regular adjusting to married life, me being busy busy busy with all sorts of things, school one of them, on my plate.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

ive been overall 100% happier and less stressed since the engagement. i think you kinda of gain more respect from people. its not just ' oh them and their girlfriend or boyfriend' ,its 'them and their fiance', everyone knows that you both are serious(although our families knew that before the engagement)... but its kinda like getting a promotion.. (you get more respect and instead of a raise you get engagement gifts)
its been fun planning the wedding too cause i remember were planning for this day which will be the day we get married, i take on his last name, we will live together, and consumate our relationship. Its very exciting to think what the engagement and wedding stands for, definatly less stress

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

the biggest stresser for me was when DH was laid off...a month after the wedding...I had been planning on quitting my job, since I detested it so much, but instead I had to stay and endure pure torture from that place...

but at least the lay-off bumped up our moving plans...and now we are happy and relaxed...although now its me without a job....

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I was engaged for almost a year and during that time, we had to deal with several stressful events. DH's grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in November and went downhill so rapidly. She passed away in February due to sepsis (blood poisoning). A month after her death, my MIL was diagnosed with sarcoma. She had a 8 1/2 pound tumor in her left thigh and the only hospital in the area that would touch her was Sloan-Kettering. We weren't sure if she could walk down the aisle in our wedding in July. On top of that, my grandmother had been fighting colon and liver cancer throughout our engagement and was doing pretty well until April. In June, her doctors told her that she would not make it to our wedding and she was day-to-day. Since we were dealing with all of the crises, I had no one to help me with my wedding plans so I did 98% of the legwork by myself on top of dealing with all of this stress. Two days after the wedding, my grandmother passed away and my MIL is recovering very nicely. I'm not as stressed as I was before, but all of the stress that I had to deal with in the past year had me seek therapy. I really did not enjoy my engagement, but I love being married!

I forgot another stress - my father and step-mother moved to North Carolina two months after we got engaged. I was so used to have them only a train ride away and I spent my first Xmas without them. It was weird but we still talk at least once a week.

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I second the bar exam!
That was the WORST experience of my life, worse than I could have ever imagined! I was not sleeping, not eating and crying all the time. I lost all social skills from being in the house all day and night and it put a strain on my relationship w/fh. (mostly bc I vented all my frustration on him )
If someone so much as mentioned the wedding while I was studying I would flip out. My studying was much more important to me than centerpieces or bridesmaids!!
Thank God that's all over........for now......

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

OMG everybody!!! Hugs all around!!!

Re: STRESS/CHANGE--mini poll

I am very happy to be engaged and I am even more in love with my FH than ever. However, FH is driving me nuts. He is stressing me out the most. He wanted a small wedding, he actually wanted to take off for Vegas. ut I have always dreamed of a big wedding and talked him inot it. But he just goes nuts everytime I bring up something to do for the wedding. He is driving me crazy!!