Okay so my FH was in Atlantic City this past weekend for his friends bachelor party. And the last stop they made was to a strip club. Now there's nothing i can do about it. It was his friends bachelor party and i certainly don't expect my FH to sit anything out. But i had a few thoughts on the topic...
-lots of people say that it's their last chance to see some boobs or naked bodies. Now correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the guys think of this before they put the damn ring on your finger? I mean when you give the girl a ring... it sort of means that she's it, doesn't it? And that she's the last person you're ever going to sleep with? So if you want to see more boobs or a*ses... shouldn't you wait to give her the ring or at least visit the strip club before you propose to get it out of your system? I mean how romantic is it that your FH has to go to a strip club right before he marries you? Wow that says romance to me!!!
-Okay so say your FH is at a bar and him and a group of people leave. Then he realizes he has to pee and this girl in the group says oh i'm right around the corner, you can use my bathroom (i know its far fetched, but keep with me). When your FH comes out of the bathroom, she all of a sudden comes out of the room naked.... shouldn't your FH feel awkward and that he shouldn't be seeing this, much less be there? That's its very inappropriate? So why is it okay to see someone naked as long as you PAY for it?
I know i'm rambling and all, but it just aggravates me. I mean just because some people say it's acceptable to pay to see naked women, doesn't mean that it's okay. If you're single, that's one thing. But especially when you're engaged... how is it appropriate or acceptable to see other naked women!?!?!?! My FH definitely wouldn't like me showing my goods to other people, so why would it be okay for him to see someone else's goods?
nicolehojo
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
ok, so for the man on this board,... If your WIFE is at a strip club, or better yet, a b-ette party, and another man is Naked, rubbing, shaking twisting and all the other wonderous moves they have all over your wife... would you like it? or how about when they take the bride to be, and pull them up with them, throw them on there lap, make some moves. Just immagine, try to see what is going on, Does that not bother you in the littlest way ?
No it wouldn't bother me. Just like Beth said... I would simply say 'have a good time!'.
1. Its *HARMLESS* fun. Key word: HARMLESS. Is she having sex with the guy? Nope. Is she getting the guy's number? Nope. Does she have any feelings whatsoever for this guy? Nope.
2. I refuse to 'TELL' my wife what she can and can't do. She wouldn't 'TELL' me what to do. I don't 'TELL' her what to do.
And in regards to 'making compromises'.... yeah there are plenty of times you have to compromise in a marriage... over SERIOUS issues. We compromise over paying the bills. Doing the daily chores. Running the house.
I can understand if the guy is going out to a strip club every weekend. I can totally see that leading to a problem.
But for an occasional bachelor or bachelorette party... its such petty stuff. Not serious.
I showed my wife this thread and she laughed her a$$ off. She can't believe that some women actually think this way.
Her first response to me was 'Aren't you glad I don't act like that'.
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
JanuaryBride06
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by ellebelle1
Posted by johnsae
I think I stopped worrying when FH's friend once mentioned that he could 'smell another dude's B.O. on the stripper that gave him a lap dance'
On another note, FH has told me many times that I should be glad that he's not like 'most guys' - because, all strip clubs AREN'T harmless, there are some really seedy, shady places that have back rooms (actually some of the so-called 'classy' joints have the back rooms too), where ANYTHING goes.
Which brings me to a related subject that FH and I often talk about...'Happy Endings' - which he claims almost every guy in America has had (except for him, of course)
It seems like every girl I know, knows of some guy that got a happy ending (BJ), but it's no one's FH themselves. I know of someone. Hmmm.. Makes you wonder, right.
It doesn't make me wonder about anything.
johnsae
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Posted by ellebelle1
Posted by johnsae
I think I stopped worrying when FH's friend once mentioned that he could 'smell another dude's B.O. on the stripper that gave him a lap dance'
On another note, FH has told me many times that I should be glad that he's not like 'most guys' - because, all strip clubs AREN'T harmless, there are some really seedy, shady places that have back rooms (actually some of the so-called 'classy' joints have the back rooms too), where ANYTHING goes.
Which brings me to a related subject that FH and I often talk about...'Happy Endings' - which he claims almost every guy in America has had (except for him, of course)
It seems like every girl I know, knows of some guy that got a happy ending (BJ), but it's no one's FH themselves. I know of someone. Hmmm.. Makes you wonder, right.
It doesn't make me wonder about anything.
DjPiLL
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
LOL... ok for the THIRD time now. Please read slowly and carefully.
I don't have any problem with my wife getting a lap dance at a strip club. Is it really that hard to understand?
klingklang77
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW I'd laugh along with you, but I really don't get your sense of humor.
I merely posed a question as to where people draw the line. I never made fun of the way people felt. I merely wanted to know what makes one okay, but not the other?
it was more of dry humour. i wasnt making fun of the way people felt. it was suggestion saying that those that do not like porn, which in my opinion every guy has, and kind of get upset about them watching it, then to go and make your own porn with FH. it was just a response to your porn question.
MrsWmson2be
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Re: strip clubs... vent
I love my FH. He loves me. Neither of us see the need to get lapdances from the rejects we didn't choose. It's laughable that some find that stuff 'entertaining.' If I wanted a man grinding on my lap or in my face, I wouldn't have said 'yes' to FH's proposal. Simple as that.
BHW
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Re: strip clubs... vent
nicolehojo
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
LOL... ok for the THIRD time now. Please read slowly and carefully.
I don't have any problem with my wife getting a lap dance at a strip club. Is it really that hard to understand?
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
MrsWmson2be
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Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
LOL... ok for the THIRD time now. Please read slowly and carefully.
I don't have any problem with my wife getting a lap dance at a strip club. Is it really that hard to understand?
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
My college roommate's cousin had a private bach party and ended up, how do you say, giving the male stripper oral 'gratification'. She married her DH that next weekend and never even told him. Disgusting, but sometimes women are worse than men.
nicolehojo
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by nicolehojo
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
LOL... ok for the THIRD time now. Please read slowly and carefully.
I don't have any problem with my wife getting a lap dance at a strip club. Is it really that hard to understand?
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
My college roommate's cousin had a private bach party and ended up, how do you say, giving the male stripper oral 'gratification'. She married her DH that next weekend and never even told him. Disgusting, but sometimes women are worse than men.
but it happens at male bach partys also. nothing like renting out the basement of a bar to get your friends trashed, then have 2 female strippers come and visit. The video tape i saw was horrible!
DjPiLL
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
You quoted my response. And you still asked?
What makes a private bachelorette party any different than a strip club? Because the guy is naked? A lap dance is a lap dance.
As long as my wife isn't giving the guy a blowjob... who cares?
SeptBride70
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DMartins
Posted by Blu-ize
How about Porn? Is that any different?
No different for me... I think porn is disgusting/immoral. FH is not one to watch it, but I made sure to relay my feelings about this from the very beginning so there was never any confusion.
A lot of people are saying that strip clubs are 'harmless' and 'no big deal'. I'm sure that's true, but for me I just plain feel that it is disrespectful. Hell, I won't even go to Hooters because I think the entire establishment demoralizes/objectifies women but that's another topic completely. I should be the only woman FH sees naked/half-naked, as long as it is in his control. I would not marry someone who had intents of seeing other women naked at some point in the future. And just to clarify, this is not a trust or insecurity issue because I completely trust him and am a secure woman... who demands respect.
wow, you really made me think-- thank you. i never thought about the 'demoralization' and 'objectification' of women before. it's so upsetting when 'if the girl gets naked she's a...' and 'if i guy does it it's okay'. those double standards are terrible! thanks for posting, that was a great point you made! KUDOS
i think it's great that everyone is sharing all different sides of the issue and different perspectives-- all of them make me think in different ways!
MrsWmson2be
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Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by nicolehojo
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
so you never answered, if it was your wife, and this was going on... would you be cool with it? another man naked shaking his stuff on her?
LOL... ok for the THIRD time now. Please read slowly and carefully.
I don't have any problem with my wife getting a lap dance at a strip club. Is it really that hard to understand?
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
My college roommate's cousin had a private bach party and ended up, how do you say, giving the male stripper oral 'gratification'. She married her DH that next weekend and never even told him. Disgusting, but sometimes women are worse than men.
but it happens at male bach partys also. nothing like renting out the basement of a bar to get your friends trashed, then have 2 female strippers come and visit. The video tape i saw was horrible!
I don't doubt it. If a person (male or female) will do that the weekend before he/she is getting married, he/she will do it during the marriage too.
DMart
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
No it wouldn't bother me. Just like Beth said... I would simply say 'have a good time!'.
1. Its *HARMLESS* fun. Key word: HARMLESS. Is she having sex with the guy? Nope. Is she getting the guy's number? Nope. Does she have any feelings whatsoever for this guy? Nope.
2. I refuse to 'TELL' my wife what she can and can't do. She wouldn't 'TELL' me what to do. I don't 'TELL' her what to do.
And in regards to 'making compromises'.... yeah there are plenty of times you have to compromise in a marriage... over SERIOUS issues. We compromise over paying the bills. Doing the daily chores. Running the house.
I can understand if the guy is going out to a strip club every weekend. I can totally see that leading to a problem.
But for an occasional bachelor or bachelorette party... its such petty stuff. Not serious.
I showed my wife this thread and she laughed her a$$ off. She can't believe that some women actually think this way.
Her first response to me was 'Aren't you glad I don't act like that'.
I just want to say that women who think like me on this issue are not some sort of monster wives/girlfriends. Your wife may think it's very funny that women think like this, but to me this is a serious issue and something I feel strongly about. I guess I just don't comprehend why someone in a marriage would put themselves in a 'sexual' situation outside of their marriage. Even if nothing ever happens, which is usually the case, it's still the fact that they put themselves in a situation like this to begin with.
Some may me as immature for thinking like this, but actually I think it's the other way around.
FallBride05
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
Posted by DMartins
Posted by Blu-ize
How about Porn? Is that any different?
No different for me... I think porn is disgusting/immoral. FH is not one to watch it, but I made sure to relay my feelings about this from the very beginning so there was never any confusion.
A lot of people are saying that strip clubs are 'harmless' and 'no big deal'. I'm sure that's true, but for me I just plain feel that it is disrespectful. Hell, I won't even go to Hooters because I think the entire establishment demoralizes/objectifies women but that's another topic completely. I should be the only woman FH sees naked/half-naked, as long as it is in his control. I would not marry someone who had intents of seeing other women naked at some point in the future. And just to clarify, this is not a trust or insecurity issue because I completely trust him and am a secure woman... who demands respect.
wow, you really made me think-- thank you. i never thought about the 'demoralization' and 'objectification' of women before. it's so upsetting when 'if the girl gets naked she's a...' and 'if i guy does it it's okay'. those double standards are terrible! thanks for posting, that was a great point you made! KUDOS
i think it's great that everyone is sharing all different sides of the issue and different perspectives-- all of them make me think in different ways!
Demoralizing and Objectivfying, yes they are... but these women CHOOSE to do this. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them too.
My brother wanted to take DH to a strip club for his BP. DH wanted no part of it, and in the end didn't even have a BP. That was his choice.
If DH wanted to go out one night with the boys and go to a strip club... so be it. I trust him, and I trust his friends. And I'm not that insecure, because I know those girls don't hold a candle to me. If he made a habit of doing it, that's one thing, but as far as I know, as long as we've been together (just over 2 years) he has never gone to one.
SeptBride70
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by Goldi1021
DH just went to a bachelor party the other night at a strip club. He had dancers at his bachelor party and has planned many himself. It (strippers/clubs etc) becomes a problem at a bachelor party if a guy goes all the time as a SUBSTITUTE for his wife at home. I would tend to agree. He (we actually) may be a wee bit older than a bunch of grooms here. That being said, after asking him and a bunch of other guys in his age group there seems to be a general consensus that it is probably one of the biggest wastes of money. Much like gambling - you spend and spend and still come out a loser. This business is notorious, as much as casinos, for sucking (no pun intended) the life out of men through their pockets. The costs of drinks there are unreal. Huge money makers.
I myself have spent an evening at one of the more upscale 'gentlemen's clubs' with a friend of mine (who was a bouncer) and nothing is more fascinating than watching the men just TALKING to the girls thinking that the girls are actually into them. Ladies, they arent. They couldnt care less. To them, men are income. Go into the bathroom and hear them bad mouth the guy who just slipped them a phone number wrapped in a $20. Think about how Artie Bucco said it last night on the Sopranos sitting next to Tony at the BING - average, non-powerful looking men go into a club, pretty much stare, get a lap dance and then (for lack of a better way of saying it) BOOM done. You don't go home with the girls. you dont have a hot chick as a girlfriend. You just have a hmmm um well you know.
Thus concludes my rant. No major opinions. No fights. Nothing but love (and pasties!)
wow, really interesting and written so well. i think the part that really got me thinking was:
'...and nothing is more fascinating than watching the men just TALKING to the girls thinking that the girls are actually into them.'
it's kinda sad in a way-- everything that everyone has written has really made look at things in so many different ways which is great-- but that really stuck out in my mind... very well written again!
nicolehojo
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
you dont have to act like a 3 year old because i didnt see the post, because i was reading other post's and the page had not updated yet. Take a chill dude. and apparently you dont understand what im asking you either. a lap dance at a strip club, is VERY different then one at a private b-ette party. oh wait, you didnt know that did you.
You quoted my response. And you still asked?
What makes a private bachelorette party any different than a strip club? Because the guy is naked? A lap dance is a lap dance.
As long as my wife isn't giving the guy a blowjob... who cares?
well good for you if a blow job is all that would bother you. and yes i quoted your response, i dont feel like you seem to think a strip club and a private one is different.
FallBride05
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Re: strip clubs... vent
They may be different, but to me, a stripper is a stripper is a stripper. I trust my DH 100% regardless if he goes to a club or a private bach party. I personally couldn't care less about what other men do , that's their conscience, and their FW's problem, not mine.
DjPiLL
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
well good for you if a blow job is all that would bother you. and yes i quoted your response, i dont feel like you seem to think a strip club and a private one is different.
They are different to a point. I know private parties can get a little 'crazier'. And I know where you were going... it just wasn't going to change my opinion.
But again... its not an issue for me because I TRUST my wife would not do anything she knows she shouldn't be doing.
Its as simple as that. I don't have to act like mr. mommy and say 'well you can look, but you can't touch.... you can do this but you can't do that'.
This isn't 3rd grade stuff. She is an adult. She knows what she can do and what she can't. And I am scure enough in my relationship with her for this not to be 'a deal breaker' as some would call it here.
And thank god that she has the same respect and trust for me.
DjPiLL
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
'...and nothing is more fascinating than watching the men just TALKING to the girls thinking that the girls are actually into them.'
it's kinda sad in a way-- everything that everyone has written has really made look at things in so many different ways which is great-- but that really stuck out in my mind... very well written again!
Again.... you can go to a strip club and do NOTHING.
Its really a game in the end. The women try to get money out of the men. The men give the women a hard time and try to play the game.
Its actually quite amusing.
And while I have never been to a 4star place like Scores because its $$$$$$$$. I really didn't find the drinks to be THAT much more expensive than your typical upscale Manhattan dance club. Yeah they are more... but not much more.
What will get you in trouble $$$$$ wise is when there are a bunch of girls sitting at your table with the guys. Then the waitress comes over and asks the guy if he wants to buy a 'round'. The guy think its just a round for the guys. LOL... nope. He just bought all the girls $10 bottles of water. Along with the beers for the guy. He gets handed a $100 tab.
My best man fell for this trick at my second bachelor party. Bloody fool. I joked at him all night.
