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strip clubs... vent
Original post by aliwnec10
Okay so my FH was in Atlantic City this past weekend for his friends bachelor party. And the last stop they made was to a strip club. Now there's nothing i can do about it. It was his friends bachelor party and i certainly don't expect my FH to sit anything out. But i had a few thoughts on the topic...
-lots of people say that it's their last chance to see some boobs or naked bodies. Now correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the guys think of this before they put the damn ring on your finger? I mean when you give the girl a ring... it sort of means that she's it, doesn't it? And that she's the last person you're ever going to sleep with? So if you want to see more boobs or a*ses... shouldn't you wait to give her the ring or at least visit the strip club before you propose to get it out of your system? I mean how romantic is it that your FH has to go to a strip club right before he marries you? Wow that says romance to me!!!![]()
-Okay so say your FH is at a bar and him and a group of people leave. Then he realizes he has to pee and this girl in the group says oh i'm right around the corner, you can use my bathroom (i know its far fetched, but keep with me). When your FH comes out of the bathroom, she all of a sudden comes out of the room naked.... shouldn't your FH feel awkward and that he shouldn't be seeing this, much less be there? That's its very inappropriate? So why is it okay to see someone naked as long as you PAY for it?
I know i'm rambling and all, but it just aggravates me. I mean just because some people say it's acceptable to pay to see naked women, doesn't mean that it's okay. If you're single, that's one thing. But especially when you're engaged... how is it appropriate or acceptable to see other naked women!?!?!?! My FH definitely wouldn't like me showing my goods to other people, so why would it be okay for him to see someone else's goods?![]()
-lots of people say that it's their last chance to see some boobs or naked bodies. Now correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the guys think of this before they put the damn ring on your finger? I mean when you give the girl a ring... it sort of means that she's it, doesn't it? And that she's the last person you're ever going to sleep with? So if you want to see more boobs or a*ses... shouldn't you wait to give her the ring or at least visit the strip club before you propose to get it out of your system? I mean how romantic is it that your FH has to go to a strip club right before he marries you? Wow that says romance to me!!!
-Okay so say your FH is at a bar and him and a group of people leave. Then he realizes he has to pee and this girl in the group says oh i'm right around the corner, you can use my bathroom (i know its far fetched, but keep with me). When your FH comes out of the bathroom, she all of a sudden comes out of the room naked.... shouldn't your FH feel awkward and that he shouldn't be seeing this, much less be there? That's its very inappropriate? So why is it okay to see someone naked as long as you PAY for it?
I know i'm rambling and all, but it just aggravates me. I mean just because some people say it's acceptable to pay to see naked women, doesn't mean that it's okay. If you're single, that's one thing. But especially when you're engaged... how is it appropriate or acceptable to see other naked women!?!?!?! My FH definitely wouldn't like me showing my goods to other people, so why would it be okay for him to see someone else's goods?
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by ellebelle1
Pill- you wouldn't care if some big hot dude rubbed his **** up against your wife's crotch?
At a strip club? No... that is their job. She is there for her bachelorette party or at a bachelorette party.
I have enough trust in my wife to know she isn't going to have sex with the guy.
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by FallBride05
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
Posted by DMartins
Posted by Blu-ize
How about Porn? Is that any different?
No different for me... I think porn is disgusting/immoral. FH is not one to watch it, but I made sure to relay my feelings about this from the very beginning so there was never any confusion.
A lot of people are saying that strip clubs are 'harmless' and 'no big deal'. I'm sure that's true, but for me I just plain feel that it is disrespectful. Hell, I won't even go to Hooters because I think the entire establishment demoralizes/objectifies women but that's another topic completely. I should be the only woman FH sees naked/half-naked, as long as it is in his control. I would not marry someone who had intents of seeing other women naked at some point in the future. And just to clarify, this is not a trust or insecurity issue because I completely trust him and am a secure woman... who demands respect.![]()
wow, you really made me think-- thank you. i never thought about the 'demoralization' and 'objectification' of women before. it's so upsetting when 'if the girl gets naked she's a...' and 'if i guy does it it's okay'. those double standards are terrible! thanks for posting, that was a great point you made! KUDOS![]()
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i think it's great that everyone is sharing all different sides of the issue and different perspectives-- all of them make me think in different ways!![]()
Demoralizing and Objectivfying, yes they are... but these women CHOOSE to do this. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them too.
of course and you are right about that... but i was just saying that it made me think about it in a different way... meaning, some people might feel that way about it and it could offend them (either the people that choose to work there and the fact that they are condoning it or perhaps the people that go there, either way)... but i was just saying that i never thought about the fact that someone might take it that way before. i'm not saying I feel that way, just never entered my mind... just wanted to clarify that.
and to point out again that i think what everyone is posting is interesting and i think it's good that we are all expressing our feelings.
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
'...and nothing is more fascinating than watching the men just TALKING to the girls thinking that the girls are actually into them.'
it's kinda sad in a way-- everything that everyone has written has really made look at things in so many different ways which is great-- but that really stuck out in my mind... very well written again!![]()
Again.... you can go to a strip club and do NOTHING.
Its really a game in the end. The women try to get money out of the men. The men give the women a hard time and try to play the game.
Its actually quite amusing.
And while I have never been to a 4star place like Scores because its $$$$$$$$. I really didn't find the drinks to be THAT much more expensive than your typical upscale Manhattan dance club. Yeah they are more... but not much more.
What will get you in trouble $$$$$ wise is when there are a bunch of girls sitting at your table with the guys. Then the waitress comes over and asks the guy if he wants to buy a 'round'. The guy think its just a round for the guys. LOL... nope. He just bought all the girls $10 bottles of water.Along with the beers for the guy. He gets handed a $100 tab.
My best man fell for this trick at my second bachelor party. Bloody fool.![]()
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I joked at him all night.
dude, i'm not arguing with you or trying to go against what you are saying in any way. i think what everyone (i have posted this several times) is saying is very interesting and i just like the way differen't people's opinions make me think-- including yours. that's it, not looking to get into a big discussion because everyone feels differently and there's no way everyone is going to agree. i mean what i said and not in a sarcastic way at all, really.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
For all the women here that don't know better.... here is the 'typical' routine that goes on at a strip club.
Group of five guys enter a strip club... say for a bachelor party. They get seated at a table.
A Waitress will probably immediately come over and take a drink order (for the guys).
5-10 mins later... the manager of the club will probably send a group of girls over to the table (usually a girl for every guy).
Some girls may immediately ask the guy if he wants a lap dance. But most girls will probably start to 'talk' to the guys. 1 girl talking to each guy.
The girls usually make 'typical small talk'. Whats your name. Why are you here. What do you do. Bla bla bla.
While they are all 'talking'... manager sends waitress over again asking if they need 'a round'. ALWAYS SAY NO when there are girls at the table.![]()
Unless you are feeling especially generous.
Then after the talking... they will eventually try to solicit a lap dance (usually $20 for a song).
If you say yes... the girl will either start dancing in front of you... take off her top... sit there and watch... bla bla bla. Or she will take you to a more 'secluded lap dance' area where I guess you have more privacy. But again... you just sit there and watch (because you are not supposed to touch). I am sure the 'lap dance' areas are HIGHLY video supervised by the club management.
If you say no to the lap dance... the girl will eventually go away. 10 minutes later... a different girl or a different group of girls will come over to start the process again.
Rince. Recycle. Repeat.
Group of five guys enter a strip club... say for a bachelor party. They get seated at a table.
A Waitress will probably immediately come over and take a drink order (for the guys).
5-10 mins later... the manager of the club will probably send a group of girls over to the table (usually a girl for every guy).
Some girls may immediately ask the guy if he wants a lap dance. But most girls will probably start to 'talk' to the guys. 1 girl talking to each guy.
The girls usually make 'typical small talk'. Whats your name. Why are you here. What do you do. Bla bla bla.
While they are all 'talking'... manager sends waitress over again asking if they need 'a round'. ALWAYS SAY NO when there are girls at the table.
Then after the talking... they will eventually try to solicit a lap dance (usually $20 for a song).
If you say yes... the girl will either start dancing in front of you... take off her top... sit there and watch... bla bla bla. Or she will take you to a more 'secluded lap dance' area where I guess you have more privacy. But again... you just sit there and watch (because you are not supposed to touch). I am sure the 'lap dance' areas are HIGHLY video supervised by the club management.
If you say no to the lap dance... the girl will eventually go away. 10 minutes later... a different girl or a different group of girls will come over to start the process again.
Rince. Recycle. Repeat.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
dude, i'm not arguing with you or trying to go against what you are saying in any way. i think what everyone (i have posted this several times) is saying is very interesting and i just like the way differen't people's opinions make me think-- including yours. that's it, not looking to get into a big discussion because everyone feels differently and there's no way everyone is going to agree. i mean what i said and not in a sarcastic way at all, really.![]()
I hear what you are saying. Fair enough.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by STBMrsDaniRella
dude, i'm not arguing with you or trying to go against what you are saying in any way. i think what everyone (i have posted this several times) is saying is very interesting and i just like the way differen't people's opinions make me think-- including yours. that's it, not looking to get into a big discussion because everyone feels differently and there's no way everyone is going to agree. i mean what i said and not in a sarcastic way at all, really.![]()
I hear what you are saying. Fair enough.
ok cool, i'm glad. i actually would like to take one of those pole dancing excersize classes!! lol i figured it would 'frisk me up' a bit hahaha!! but clubs are not FH's 'cup of tea' (his feelings from before we even met) so i dont know but maybe if it's me FOR him he would like it?? i wonder!! i dont know if i could pull it off though hehehe
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
well good for you if a blow job is all that would bother you. and yes i quoted your response, i dont feel like you seem to think a strip club and a private one is different.
They are different to a point. I know private parties can get a little 'crazier'. And I know where you were going... it just wasn't going to change my opinion.
But again... its not an issue for me because I TRUST my wife would not do anything she knows she shouldn't be doing.
Its as simple as that. I don't have to act like mr. mommy and say 'well you can look, but you can't touch.... you can do this but you can't do that'.
This isn't 3rd grade stuff. She is an adult. She knows what she can do and what she can't. And I am scure enough in my relationship with her for this not to be 'a deal breaker' as some would call it here.
And thank god that she has the same respect and trust for me.
i understand that you trust you wife, and thats awesome, its one of the most important things you can have.
At a private party (im talking from what i saw on the video) and it was all guys i knew, half of them stayed in a corner because they didnt like what was going on and didnt want to be involved, but it started they came in stripped to music, stripped all the guys and then started preforming acts on eachother, it was discusting. That is the type of party i am talking about. yes my FH was there, and no he didnt participate, did he watch yes, who wouldnt? I am not saying he cant. but touch another chicks boobs and thats not right, touch another mans ***** and thats not right in my eyes. your married or getting married.
This is the kinda thing i am talking about, not the go to a strip club, drink and watch girls dance. this was everything i mean everything but sex as in meaning intercourse.
your holding your ground, i dont want you to change, but this is the reason i dont like bach parties, it does not mean that it happens at every party, it does not mean that this is what everyone looks for. if this is the 'crazier' that your talking about then ok. but im not sure
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by ellebelle1
you are saying the girl just dances in front of you, and you watch because you can't touch. I've seen lapdances before, and the girls were actually grinding her crotch on the guy's ****, and rubbing her body all over his. If I ever say a naked girl rub her body all over y FH's, I would be very upset. But, that is just me. We've established that others do not care.
They may rub on you... but again... its not like something you see in a porn flick.
Its really not that big of a deal. Part of the fun of it is having it done in front of your friends so they can joke on you.
I don't really care for lap dances personally... because i'm like 'whats the point'. The last thing I need is to spend $20 buks to have a girl dance in front of me for 3 mins.
But in the end... the point is... the fact that its an experience... and something you can share and joke with the guys for years. You never forget your bachelor party.
Hell... my best man STILL raves about the bachelor party that I threw for him. And he got married four years ago!
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by nicolehojo
At a private party (im talking from what i saw on the video) and it was all guys i knew, half of them stayed in a corner because they didnt like what was going on and didnt want to be involved, but it started they came in stripped to music, stripped all the guys and then started preforming acts on eachother, it was discusting. That is the type of party i am talking about. yes my FH was there, and no he didnt participate, did he watch yes, who wouldnt? I am not saying he cant. but touch another chicks boobs and thats not right, touch another mans ***** and thats not right in my eyes. your married or getting married.
Ok... so your man was there and did nothing (which was the right thing). That sounds like a pretty wild party and is definitely NOT the norm.
Granted... if I was put in that situation I would definitely NOT do anything like that either.
But I would by LYING if I said I wouldn't want to at least be there for the experience of sharing my friends 'last night out'. That sounded like a wild party. Something you definitely will NEVER forget.
Again... you can watch but you don't have to touch.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
For all the women here that don't know better.... here is the 'typical' routine that goes on at a strip club.
Group of five guys enter a strip club... say for a bachelor party. They get seated at a table.
A Waitress will probably immediately come over and take a drink order (for the guys).
5-10 mins later... the manager of the club will probably send a group of girls over to the table (usually a girl for every guy).
Some girls may immediately ask the guy if he wants a lap dance. But most girls will probably start to 'talk' to the guys. 1 girl talking to each guy.
The girls usually make 'typical small talk'. Whats your name. Why are you here. What do you do. Bla bla bla.
While they are all 'talking'... manager sends waitress over again asking if they need 'a round'. ALWAYS SAY NO when there are girls at the table.Unless you are feeling especially generous.
Then after the talking... they will eventually try to solicit a lap dance (usually $20 for a song).
If you say yes... the girl will either start dancing in front of you... take off her top... sit there and watch... bla bla bla. Or she will take you to a more 'secluded lap dance' area where I guess you have more privacy. But again... you just sit there and watch (because you are not supposed to touch). I am sure the 'lap dance' areas are HIGHLY video supervised by the club management.
If you say no to the lap dance... the girl will eventually go away. 10 minutes later... a different girl or a different group of girls will come over to start the process again.
Rince. Recycle. Repeat.
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me. I'm not saying you (or other men) would take this outside of the 'club' context, but for me, I'm not comfortable with that type of setup. I feel like I get to be there when he needs help with his life and hits rough patches, and she rubs her body up against him and he gives he money? If he wants to keep me for companionship and support, then he needs to keep me (and only me) when he wants to express sexual feelings. I wouldn't have a bachelorette party with a stripper (he's told me before several times it would bother him) and I would also expect he wouldn't do so to me.
If you and your wife have the type of relationship where you went to a strip club and she wasn't bothered by it, then that's great, situations like that aren't problematic to me. I just speak for myself personally based upon my own feelings.
I also believe it is possible for a group of guys to have a great and memorable time enjoying things that don't involve a strange woman humiliating the groom.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by MrsWmson2be
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me.
I'm sorry... but hearing this I have to say... 'your bothered easily'.
This can happen ANYWHERE... not just a strip club. You are expecting your man to never talk to ANY woman.
And remember... while you mention the money aspect and he shouldn't give these girls money. For HIS bachelor party... he wouldn't be spending a dime so thats not the issue.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nicolehojo
At a private party (im talking from what i saw on the video) and it was all guys i knew, half of them stayed in a corner because they didnt like what was going on and didnt want to be involved, but it started they came in stripped to music, stripped all the guys and then started preforming acts on eachother, it was discusting. That is the type of party i am talking about. yes my FH was there, and no he didnt participate, did he watch yes, who wouldnt? I am not saying he cant. but touch another chicks boobs and thats not right, touch another mans ***** and thats not right in my eyes. your married or getting married.
Ok... so your man was there and did nothing (which was the right thing). That sounds like a pretty wild party and is definitely NOT the norm.
Granted... if I was put in that situation I would definitely NOT do anything like that either.
But I would by LYING if I said I wouldn't want to at least be there for the experience of sharing my friends 'last night out'. That sounded like a wild party. Something you definitely will NEVER forget.
Again... you can watch but you don't have to touch.
i just hope you understand now why i dont like the parties, and its alot more normal with this then you can immagine, its cheaper to pay per person at the bar for unlimited drinks, and rent out there back room then it is to go to the strip club
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by MrsWmson2be
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me.
I'm sorry... but hearing this I have to say... 'your bothered easily'.
This can happen ANYWHERE... not just a strip club. You are expecting your man to never talk to ANY woman.
And remember... while you mention the money aspect and he shouldn't give these girls money. For HIS bachelor party... he wouldn't be spending a dime so thats not the issue.
Am I bothered easily? Yes over some things, no over others. I don't find it 'unreasonable' for a woman (or a man) to be uncomfortable with someone other than them sexually arousing their FH/FW.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by MrsWmson2be
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me.
I'm sorry... but hearing this I have to say... 'your bothered easily'.
This can happen ANYWHERE... not just a strip club. You are expecting your man to never talk to ANY woman.
And remember... while you mention the money aspect and he shouldn't give these girls money. For HIS bachelor party... he wouldn't be spending a dime so thats not the issue.
Am I bothered easily? Yes over some things, no over others. I don't find it 'unreasonable' for a woman (or a man) to be uncomfortable with someone other than them sexually arousing their FH/FW.
I have to agree with MrsW. Besides a strip club, I don't think there would ever be a circumstance that a woman in a thong bikini would offer to take her top off for him for $20. Unless, maybe he goes to Cancoon during Spring Break from his law firm.
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by MrsWmson2be
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me.
I'm sorry... but hearing this I have to say... 'your bothered easily'.
This can happen ANYWHERE... not just a strip club. You are expecting your man to never talk to ANY woman.
And remember... while you mention the money aspect and he shouldn't give these girls money. For HIS bachelor party... he wouldn't be spending a dime so thats not the issue.
Am I bothered easily? Yes over some things, no over others. I don't find it 'unreasonable' for a woman (or a man) to be uncomfortable with someone other than them sexually arousing their FH/FW.
There's a difference between not liking or being uncomfortable with the idea of strip clubs and forbidding your FI/DH from going to one for a bachelor party.
Well, now that depends on how strongly the discomfort level is, I imagine. If you don't like it, but don't really care, that's one thing. But if it bothers a bride a great deal, then I believe she needs to speak up. FH has told me he wouldn't want to marry me if I had some guy's groin in my face.
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by MrsWmson2be
I see what you're saying, but the thought of a girl having a one on one conversation with my FH in hopes that he'll give her $20.00 to take her top off and dance on his lap bothers me.
I'm sorry... but hearing this I have to say... 'your bothered easily'.
This can happen ANYWHERE... not just a strip club. You are expecting your man to never talk to ANY woman.
And remember... while you mention the money aspect and he shouldn't give these girls money. For HIS bachelor party... he wouldn't be spending a dime so thats not the issue.
Am I bothered easily? Yes over some things, no over others. I don't find it 'unreasonable' for a woman (or a man) to be uncomfortable with someone other than them sexually arousing their FH/FW.
There's a difference between not liking or being uncomfortable with the idea of strip clubs and forbidding your FI/DH from going to one for a bachelor party.
Well, now that depends on how strongly the discomfort level is, I imagine. If you don't like it, but don't really care, that's one thing. But if it bothers a bride a great deal, then I believe she needs to speak up. FH has told me he wouldn't want to marry me if I had some guy's groin in my face.
Just because someone goes to a strip club doesn't mean he will get a lap dance. Maybe most guys get them, but I don't think it's an automatic thing. I know a bunch of guys who will go to strip clubs for a bachelor party, but that's as far as it goes. Some will get lap dances and some won't.
When all is said and done, my FH had dinner with his best man and three of his friends at a Korean bbq place, then hit a nice sports bar, they had a good time. I likewise went to dinner with a few of my close friends, had a few drinks at a bar and a club, and went home. Everyone involved mentioned how they had a good time (enjoyed the food, the company, the drinks,etc). Sooooo, I'm grateful that FH and I feel the same way about strip clubs and that I don't HAVE to be 'that woman' who doesn't really like it but just ***** it up anyway.
