Tell me what you think...

Hmmm. Okay, the talking on the phone at all hours is strange. But I completely disagree that a man should stop making new female friends once he becomes engaged. My FH has a bunch of female friends, some of whom he has lunch with occasionally (they work together). He doesn't tell me about it every time they go to lunch together. And I have no problem with that.
If having female friends is unusual for your FH, then talk to him and let him know your concerns.

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Posted by brideinapril

NO!!!! Totally not acceptable. How would he feel if it were you talking to a 'new' male friend?

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He says that if I told him that we were just talking and nothing was going on that he would believe me because he trusts me.

This is how me and FH started our relationship.... 'innocent work friendship'... I was seriously dating someone else at the time... so do the math... I am now MARRYING my 'innocent friend from work'!

This is NOT cool at all... I'm sorry. You need to have a long talk with your FH.

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Posted by TwoBugs

Hmmm. Okay, the talking on the phone at all hours is strange. But I completely disagree that a man should stop making new female friends once he becomes engaged. My FH has a bunch of female friends, some of whom he has lunch with occasionally (they work together). He doesn't tell me about it every time they go to lunch together. And I have no problem with that.
If having female friends is unusual for your FH, then talk to him and let him know your concerns.

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It really isn't unusual for him to have female friends... he is a very friendly person but the other female friends he has, he hasn't talked to them as much as he's talking to this one (although he claims when he first met his other female friend before we met, he said they would talk for hours on the phone and they were just friends... but I just feel it's different because they didn't live in the same state).

I think because he knows that this would bother me, he didn't tell me about it but it still makes me suspicious and now I doubt the trust. I just don't know

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice

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Posted by brideinapril

NO!!!! Totally not acceptable. How would he feel if it were you talking to a 'new' male friend?

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He says that if I told him that we were just talking and nothing was going on that he would believe me because he trusts me.

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I think he's only saying this to validate what he's doing!!
I just think its so wrong - its not like its an 'old ' friend that he had before you, this is someone new and trust or no trust it sounds suspicious.

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice

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Posted by TwoBugs

Hmmm. Okay, the talking on the phone at all hours is strange. But I completely disagree that a man should stop making new female friends once he becomes engaged. My FH has a bunch of female friends, some of whom he has lunch with occasionally (they work together). He doesn't tell me about it every time they go to lunch together. And I have no problem with that.
If having female friends is unusual for your FH, then talk to him and let him know your concerns.

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It really isn't unusual for him to have female friends... he is a very friendly person but the other female friends he has, he hasn't talked to them as much as he's talking to this one (although he claims when he first met his other female friend before we met, he said they would talk for hours on the phone and they were just friends... but I just feel it's different because they didn't live in the same state).

I think because he knows that this would bother me, he didn't tell me about it but it still makes me suspicious and now I doubt the trust. I just don't know

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Its not the fact that he is friends with her that is the problem - It is healthy to have friends both male AND female - the problem here is that he said he clicks with her while at the same time he is talking about your relationship and the troubles that you are having. If i was in your position (and i was at one point) I would stop this particular friendship - and tell him WHY it is wrong - not because she is a girl that he talkign to - but what he is talking about.

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Posted by TwoBugs

Hmmm. Okay, the talking on the phone at all hours is strange. But I completely disagree that a man should stop making new female friends once he becomes engaged. My FH has a bunch of female friends, some of whom he has lunch with occasionally (they work together). He doesn't tell me about it every time they go to lunch together. And I have no problem with that.
If having female friends is unusual for your FH, then talk to him and let him know your concerns.

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Here's a very good example of something...

I could never write something like this because I would not want my FH having (or making new) female friends.

Twobugs and I have different opinions...As will everyone else you ask. So that is why you have to go with what you feel...What do YOU think about the situation that you are in?

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice


He says that if I told him that we were just talking and nothing was going on that he would believe me because he trusts me.

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He's manipulating you. Don't let him turn this around on you!

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Posted by shelly3950

I would be most pissed that he didn't tell me. When FH meets a new guy, I usually hear his name around. 'Oh I s/w X...' etc... Having a female friend is not the issue to me, its not sharing it.

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I agree. My whole thing is 'don't do anything you don't think you can tell me' because that indicates that something is wrong with the action. In this case, if he didn't tell you about it, it would seem that he thinks there's something wrong with what he's doing. Did you speak to him about it?

ETA: I just read through the rest of the posts. Him talking to her about problems you guys have been having and they 'clicked'...I'm sorry but that's a recipe for disaster.

This sounds like a terrible situation. You seem to be open to and aware of the fact that he is friendly and has female friends and yet he thought THIS friendship would upset you. There is no reason that I can see that your FH needs to discuss YOUR relationship with someone you don't know or know about at all hours of the day and night.

There's something to get to the bottom of and I am sorry to say it may be awful when you get there.

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice

The reason why he didn't tell me is because he knows I'm a jealous person... and he said that I would've automatically assumed something is going on when there isn't. The last time he started talking to some other girl (a while back), it really upset me.

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All the more reason for him to be honest with you!!

Now you need to figure out why you are jealous. Is there a reason? If so, this is clearly a recurring issue and may cause BIG problems in the future.

If he has never given you a reason to be jealous, and you still are- that is an issue. That may be why he confiding in another woman. Even if its just a friendship, you should be the one he turns to.

Whatever the reason, his behavior is not right. It sounds like the beginning of an 'emotional affair'. Why can't he talk to you the way he talks to his friend?? That is something you need to find out!


Good luck to you!

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice


He says that if I told him that we were just talking and nothing was going on that he would believe me because he trusts me.

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He's manipulating you. Don't let him turn this around on you!

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I agree!!! Stop it now! At my old job...two married people got really tight venting to eachother about their spouse and had an affair!!! I am sorry....but I would not accept it!!! He hid her from you for a reason. He has a problem with your relationship or problems...he needs to go to you!!!!!!! No one else, especially not a female!!!!!!
Don't fall for it girl!!! JMO!

Yeah, I totally agree, and I am NOT AT ALL a jealous person, but here I think you do have cause to be annoyed. I am sure that it is nothing at this point, but has potential.

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Posted by marymoon

Red flag! Red flag! I'd be PISSED. He started talking to her about your problems (umm..'i'll comfort you....how could she do that to you? I am better' -- I know that game, I've played it...NEVER a good sign) red flag, they 'clicked' red flag, he didn't tell you about her BIG RED FLAG!



Ahhh..good luck!

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I'll throw in my 2 cents here. If the two of you are having problems, he should be talking things out with You. You two are engaged, and should be closer to each other than anyone else in the world, with no secrets between you. The fact that he kept this friendship with a girl that he 'clicked' with a secret, and that he calls her at all hours discussing your relationship definitely does not sit well with me. In my opinion, his behavior, even though they are 'just friends' is a betrayal of your trust. Trust should be the foundation a relationship.

I wish you all the best!!!

AMEN! The fact that he is discussing your relationship is a Betrayal of Your Trust!!!
I would be greatly upset at that fact!! He should not be discussing you with another woman.

plain and simple - trust your instinct. Sounds like something is wrong to me. If you are unfomfortable - that it needs to be addressed.

Certainly it's OK for all of us to make new friends male or female BUT if you or your signifigant other is uncomfortable about one of the friendships for whatever reason, it's time to sit and have a long talk. If it means that certain frindships need to go then that's that. The commitment and trust between husband and wife must come first.