Tell me what you think...

You two definitely need to talk. Not just about his new friend but also about your relationship. If he feels that there are problems, thiose problems need to be addressed and resolved by the two of you (not him and a new friend).

While there isn't necessarily a problem with having a female work friend, there is an appearance of inappropriateness if he's actually calling her that often. None of the male work friends I have ever have called me very often outside of work. JMO

JMO but this needs to end NOW! My FI & I never talk with people of the oppositte sex about our problems unless its his sister or my brother. We've known 6 COUPLES that have ended because one of them left for the person they were confiding in. We just feel it's inportant that we can talk to one another. If we don't have good communication how can we have a strong relationship?

As for the all hours calls - my FI is in EMS & for some reason his female partners think they can call at 3 am. When they do he hangs up. I mean socializing with a colleague out of the office is one thing (and we both do it) but not frequently. When they are that close a friend they see us at work - and don't bother us at home! Thats OUR time together not their time to take away.

Maybe there is no physical relationship at this point, but it sounds like they've established the mental/emotional side. Sorry, but I've seen it and been there before - and I've been on both sides. There's no question that something's going on, and it's not innocent. You two should probably take some time and work out your issues - personal issues and couple/relationship issues - and see where those thoughts and discussions lead. I just hope you can be honest with each other. Good luck!

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Posted by Bride Needs Advice

Well, he says that he started talking to her about us because we've been having problems. He says they 'clicked' and that they have a lot of stuff in common but that's it... there's nothing else going on. I don't know whether to believe him or not...

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I was undecided about this situation until i read this...I think that a future husband shouldn't be talking about your relationship with a girl he 'clicks' with!
Hey i am all for friends..I have 3 male friends but i also involve my FH in those friendships, which i think has made a huge difference! I don't think relationships that are secret are ever right...regardless if you are jealous or not...I can be jealous but being honest is being honest!
There should be no reasons to keep secrets!

ETA...there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex! But when you are talking with them all hours of the night and hiding the friendship...well red flags go up!

BIG RED FLAG HERE!
I have been in his shoes! And no it wasn't innocent talking.. I too tried to pull the same crap once upon a time. Yes i told my significant he was just a 'friend', yes i 'clicked' with this friend. I bonded emotionally and yes emotionally lead to physical..Same exact situation, I wasnt' engaged though, we had problems in the relationship, and the new attention was hitting hard.

Is he talking about her alot? Does he leave the room when she calls? All of a sudden is he wearing different clothes maybe changed colognes?

You guys need to have a blunt heart to heart talk, about lots of things, love, relationship, respect and MARRIAGE!!
Friends are good, but I think if you can't involve your FW/FH with this friend it's fishy, whether you're a jealous person or not..

I am one of those who said when you have nothing to hide, you are direct about things. I find his behavior totally unacceptable considering the fact he calls this girl at other times other than working hours and he hasn't tell you anything about her.....*Red Flags*....*Red Flags*.......**RED FLAGS**

The female friend part is fine. My husband has made female friends since we've been engaged and married. I've even become friends with some through him.

Its the calling all hours of the night that is strange. Why does he need to talk to her late at night? That would bother me a lot!

I need to comment on this because i feel like I witnessed this at work( hopefully its not your FH...lol) But there is a guy Im friends with who started recently and is getting married next year, he is a friendly guy and hit it off with a girl he started at the same time as , he talks to her a lot, even after work hours but I know for a fact that NOTHING is going on with them, shes not his type, he has a lot of girl friends and talks to the people he's close with about his fiancee all the time. He calls her at night but she knows all about his fiance and has her own boyfriend and jokes with him mainly as he is about 6 yrs younger and its like a brother sister relationship....i was afraid at first my FH would get mad that I was so close with him, but I told him about it so to ward off any jealousy...and hes ok with it...

Now if I was his finace and found out I'd be freaking out completly but I can say that this guy is doing nothing wrong, the girl has a boyfriend and kids and not interested either, they are just friends....

I hope this eases your mind a little...putting myself in your shoes I'd still freak out BUT I think there is a chance its nothing no matter what anyone says....

IF this girl is just a friend, maybe suggest a happy hour or something after work that you can go to with him and meet her, that might ease your mind as well..

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Posted by PrincessRose

The calling at all hours is what bothers me, along with the having never told you part. Even if you're a jealous person, it's important that he not HIDE things.

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Ditto!

FIRST of all....HOW did you find this out? If you were suspicious and let's say, checked his CELL PHONE calls, his phone bill, etc....then the fact that the suspicion is there TO BEGIN WITH is a BIG TRUST ISSUE. If you are willing to MARRY someone you don't even trust, then you wouldn't have even started this post.....so that makes me believe that first and foremost, there are trust issues.
SECONDLY, why is he calling her at all hours of the day and night? The only woman he should be calling in the middle of the night is YOU.
THIRDLY....why is he turning to this OTHER woman, talking to her about how bad your own relationship is???? He should be talking to YOU about your problems.
In my book, this is grounds for ending the marriage.
I am sorry, but you have to read the writing on the wall.....I think you know deep down what the truth is.
Good Luck!

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Posted by KimberlyBride

If it was innocent he would have told you about it. And talking to this person all hours of the night is definately unacceptable. I hope it turns out to be really just a 'friend.' Sending you positive vibes.

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ditto. It's the all hours of the night that would REALLY bother me.

PS: and not even I call my best friends in the middle of the night, not to mention a 'new' friend. How new is this friendship that he is comfortable calling at any hour of the night?
And they 'click'???? You say that you 'click' with a new guy ya like....or a new girl....
AAAAGH!
DANGER DANGER DANGER

I think that people are making assumptions based on very little information. 'All hours of the day or night' could actually be 9 AM to 9 PM, not the middle of the night.

I think while there seems to be some issues here, there's also a lot of info we don't have and I don't think we should be rushing to judgement based on one side (or less) of the story.

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Posted by jannshari

I think that people are making assumptions based on very little information. 'All hours of the day or night' could actually be 9 AM to 9 PM, not the middle of the night.

I think while there seems to be some issues here, there's also a lot of info we don't have and I don't think we should be rushing to judgement based on one side (or less) of the story.

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THIS IS TRUE, but there is only ONE PERSON who knows what is true deep down inside and the girl who wrote this post obviously is upset for a reason.
If it didn't seem shady, then she would never have even started this thread. And if she 100% trusted him, then there would be nothing wrong with his behavior.
But I am going by what MY reaction would be if all of a sudden MY FI was calling some new girl from his job to talk about OUR relationship.
Who knows. Maybe it IS a harmless friendship, but not in MY BOOK.
There would be SERIOUS problems if I EVER found out something of that nature.