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The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Original post by AmandaLynn04

Thread views: 12,103

BY: DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER

I finished reading the book, and, here are my thoughts, as promised:

I'll break it down by chapter:

Chapter 1: The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The title tells all. It talks about how women tend to neglect the feelings of their husbands and put themselves first, without even realizing it. I'm going to take a quote from the book here, which sums it up.

'Kaye, a listener, sent me this e-mail to express her awakening to the notion of gratitude:

I must say that an important point came for me when I was listening to you on the radio, Dr. Laura. You were listening to some woman grouse about picky little things, and you asked her, 'Does your husband provide well for your family? Are your kids all healthy? Do you get to stay at home with them?' and so forth. She answered yes to all of those questions. Then you said, 'So stop whining! You have forgotten to be greatful!'

It was as though God took me by the shoulders and said, 'Hello! This is you idiot!' Right at that moment, in the car, I began to thank God for my husband and for every excellent quality he has. Since then, I have made a conscious effort to do the following things:

Thank God daily for such a terrific guy, mentioning specific qualities for which I'm grateful.

Look for daily ways to be a blessing to my husband (trying to understand what pleases him, anticipating his needs, etc.)

Chart my menstrual cycle and remind myself on PMS days that what I'm feeling isn't true and to keep my mouth shut and let it pass.

Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.

Take responsibiliy for my own emotional well-being: Stay rested, don't over committ and then complain, stay in touch with friends with a positive influence.

Stay focused on making a home for my family and remember that it is my highest calling and responsibility, and that it has eternal value. The more I do this, the happier and more content I am.'

That's the first chapter, in a nutshell. It is so important for us to realize that we each chose our FH for a reason, and that we need to keep him for that same reason. It is SO HARD to find a good man, and SO EASY to keep one.

It is also so easy to get caught up in the everyday struggle of life, and neglect those closest to us (our husbands) because they're there, and they'll always be there.

Chapter 2: The White Rabbit Syndrome

The White Rabbit Syndrome refers to the retort of the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.... 'I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time.'

It's very important to make time in your day for FH. Even if it's a 5 minute phone call. Let him know how much he means to you EVERY DAY. Don't take what you have for granted. Don't let (your future) kids, job... etc. get in the way of your marriage, if it weren't for your marriage, the rest might not exist.

Chaper 3: 'You're a nag!'

Just as the title says. Don't be a nag. Praise your FH for doing things, even if they are everyday things that they are supposed to do (i.e. take out the trash, put their plate in the dishwasher). It'll make him want to do even more for you. Trust me.

Chapter 4: Men have feelings? Really? You're kidding!

Now, men do not, and never will have the same feelings as us, and have the ability to express them in the same way. It is very VERY important to understand that.

From the book:

A man needs to feel strong and as a protector for women -- basically, to conquer the beast and rescue the fair maiden.

What every man wants is for his woman to make him feel that he is strong and the head of the household. I am not talking caveman style, dragging the woman around by her hair, but just as the leader of the family.

A man wants respect, kindness, and love from his woman.

A man wants to be put on a pedestal, not so that he can look down at everyone, but, to show him that he is the most important thing to his woman.

A man needs his woman to show him that she needs his strength to help her through life.

** The man should be the major breadwinner in the family. Every man needs a battle or war to win to prove himself that he is strong and capable of conquering any and all dragons that life throws his way. Taking care of his family by working and providing are his battles.

A man needs enthusiastic approval, appreciation, and respect from his wife for being a competent man, husband and father.

A man needs his wife to show some interest in his interests, especially when it's an activity she may not 'get' or like. Just being there is important.

A man needs his wife to greet him after work with love and enthusiasm.

A man needs to know that his wife is sexually satisfied by him.

A man needs his wife's encouragement in order to be a man.

**I don't necessarily believe this one, it's a little too old school for me, but, I put it out there, it was on the list and I didn't want to leave it out.

It's really important to realize that your FH has feelings too, and, even if he can't express them as well as you do, they're there, and they mean something.

Chapter 5: 'Huh? Honey, what did you say? What did that mean?'

In the interest of not making this the longest post ever, in a few words:

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Men don't get subtle hints. If you want to go to the movies, say:

Honey, let's go to the movies.

NOT:

Honey, what do you want to do tonight? And then get mad when he says he'd like to stay in.

Chapter 6: What's Sex?

Don't ever withhold sex from your husband. Everyone gets tired, and that is no excuse. It's part of a healthy relationship. Don't ever use it as a tool to get what you want, it's just hurtful, and wrong.

A man wrote it:

'My wonderful wife has put it best: 'Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife. When a wife deprives her husband of sex for days, even weeks, on end, it is tantamount to his refusing to talk to her for days, even weeks.' Think of it that way, wives, and realize what a deleterious impact enforced sexual abstinence has on a good man who is determined to remain faithful.'

Chapter 7: A Man Should Be Respected In His Own Home

This sounds so much more barbaric than the meaning behind it.

Basically, respect your husbands choices and work together, not against each other.

Here are two more quotes from the book:

This is about a woman who used to be REALLY critical of her husband, and, then she realized, that he may not do things the same way she does, but, he gets it done, and that is what counts.

'And in the end, it doesn't much matter that they eat PBJ sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a day or that one tooth brushing gets overlooked or whatever little thing that used to set me off?
What matters is that our sons have learned that their daddy is an awesome, competent and loving caretaker. More important, I have learned that I set an example for my sons of how a wife should act. Would I want my sons to marry someone who treats them the way I used to treat my own husband? NO!'

And, the other, really important.

'My mother, I believe, had the best advice; in fact, I tollow it to this day as a married woman. The general idea behind her words was simple: If you want me to love and respect the man you date and eventually marry, don't come to me with complaints about all his faults and weaknesses. You may forgive his words and actions easily; I, however, am your mother, and I don't like to see you hurt. It will take more for me to accept his apologies than it will for you.'

SO TRUE. How often do you complain to your mom about your FH? I know I have. But, it's true. Nobody else is there living your life with you everyday, and, we all get into little arguments. Telling your mother about every little thing is such a bad idea. You may have forgiven and forgotten weeks ago, but, a mother doesn't.

And, finally:

Chapter 8: Guy Time

I'll be quick here.

A guy needs his guy time, be it with his brothers, his parents, his cousins, his friends, whomever. It has NOTHING to do with you, and it does not mean he doesn't love you as much.

We all need and take our girl time, so, we have to reciprocate.

Believe me, when guys get together, it's for nothing else other than to watch a game, or play cards....

It is sometimes hard for us to understand this. 'Why do you need to go out without me? What are you doing that I can't be a part of?'

The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. He's being a guy. Let it go.

Okay, that's it. I hope this helps, and, I hope that you girls go out and get the book. It was a great read, and, I highly recommend it. It is NOT for everyone, though, and, you have to read it with an open mind!

MJDoc12 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by HearzBellz

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I just read the whole thread on LIF. It's cute. And I feel really REALLY bad for a lot of husbands.

And now it is personal.

I so hate that it had to go there. Because really I love a good clean debate. But now it's gone all ugly.

One thing to talk about a book and to say if it suits you or not...that is fine, but now you are overstepping. You know who I feel badly for? I feel badly for those who are so idealized about marriage but are inexperienced. I feel badly for those who think they have it all figured out because when things go wrong - and trust me they will - the book won't help. I feel badly for those who are so unsure of who they are, and what they are in their life, that they have to read some BS manual written by a hypocritical hag. I am so glad that reading one book has made a foundation for you to criticize and feel 'really REALLY bad for a lot of'LIF DHs. Totally uncalled for.

And for the most part the thread on LIF was pretty tame & again disagreeing with the book (although I do understand that the title would suggest otherwise). Most were just amused and joking about a lot of the points made in the post by the author, not the poster.

HearzBellz Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AmandaLynn04
You're wrong. There were MANY posts over there that were outright NASTY. Not all, but, there were quite a few. This NEVER became personal here, but, it did over there, and, well, that's just sad.

I have been reading them all day. The comments for the most part are directed toward the author. Many of the girls are poking fun at it, because IRL it is not always as people say it will be. There is only one post that was directed at the posters and not the topic, and for the most part many subsequent posts did not follow suit. Also, just so you know, several of the posters on that thread are the DHs of LIF. So both points of view are taken. And a DH & DW have a little chat on their as well.

AmandaLynn04 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by HearzBellz

Posted by AmandaLynn04
You're wrong. There were MANY posts over there that were outright NASTY. Not all, but, there were quite a few. This NEVER became personal here, but, it did over there, and, well, that's just sad.
I have been reading them all day. The comments for the most part are directed toward the author. Many of the girls are poking fun at it, because IRL it is not always as people say it will be. There is only one post that was directed at the posters and not the topic, and for the most part many subsequent posts did not follow suit. Also, just so you know, several of the posters on that thread are the DHs of LIF. So both points of view are taken. And a DH & DW have a little chat on their as well.

Well, first if I believe a lot (not all, I'm not saying all) of what is said, and, what is being bashed is what was said, then, how is that different from bashing me?

And, my personal dig was at those who DID make nasty comments that personally offended me, not at the entirety of LIF.

But, you know what, IMO, it is ABSOLUTELY pathetic to take a thread from here, and bring it over there to make fun, and, if anyone says that was not the intent of the original poster, they're full of sh1t.

Also, I don't normally read over there, it's not my place to be posting over there, IMO. I just went over there because someone had mentioned here that there was talk about it over there too, and, I was curious what exactly it was that was being said.

Autumn08 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AMGBride2008

Yep, that makes sense. I think the thing that the book fails to cover (and I'm totally speculating, I haven't read it) is that, yeah, we'll do all of these things for our husband, but we expect our husband to do all of these things for us too.

Marriage is a 2 way road, with 2 people striving for the same goal--- a happy marriage. If we followed, to a tee, what this Dr.-Woman is telling us, we really would be Stepford zombies who live to SERVE our husbands.... that's wrong, plain and simple. We, as women, need to be cared for just as much as our husbands do... they're our PARTNERS.

Someone said it earlier (or maybe it was on LIF because this very topic is being discussed there too).... this whole 'plan' that Dr. Whats-her-face came up with has a Catch-22... it could TOTALLY backfire.... you do all of these thing for your husband expecting to gain a more fulfilling marriage but in the end, he could wind up taking advantage of you and treating you like hired help.... I think there's a fine line there that, for those who plan on living this lifestyle (no judgemnet... promise!) need to be aware of.

I think that when you break down what this Dr is telling us, it's quite simple, but it needs to be altered here and there and in the end, you need to look at where it's coming from... a book written by a former unpaid W H O R E who reverted to a life of husband stealing LOL!

Here is what I got out of the book. Women tend to complain about relationships and how it isn't full filling them and meeting their needs. This is why it's geared toward women. Don't forget marketing. Are men going to read a self-help book? Most likely not. I didn't even think I would read one! lol

The basic lesson hidden behind all the controversial, anti- vs. pro.- feminism, unpaid whoring, home wrecking and hipocracy is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

It's more than household chores, financial contributions and daily tasks being 50/50. The respect, love, intimacy, romance, and niceness (is that a word?) has to be 50/50 as well.

If the relationship isn't meeting your emotional needs, the author asks youto step back and evaluate if you are meeting the emotional needs of FH/DH.

(Now the book is geared towards people who are married and are having trouble and I think that's where part of the misunderstanding comes in.)

With that said why continue in a downward spiral of disrespect, hurt, criticism etc. Who cares who the first person is but if you are unhappy in a relationship you have the power to stop and do something nice, compliment, and say thank you and it can build an even stronger relationship.

HearzBellz Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

The author was being discussed. Not you. That is all I am saying. Also, it opened up a nice discussion for a few opposing views.

Sorry that the whole thing offended you, but no need to 'feel badly' for anyones DH. Its just not necessary.

And as for cross posting; it happens all the time. Posts from here, articles from Yahoo, myspace blogs etc...... so don't take it too personally.

stephanief Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I don't really think it's funny. And, I COMPLETELY RESPECT all of you who have posted your opinions about it, whether or not it agrees with my feelings, or what the book says. But posting mocking pictures is immature.

oh please, get your panties out of that bunch.......it's not that serious

stephanief Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I just read the whole thread on LIF. It's cute. And I feel really REALLY bad for a lot of husbands.

ETA: There is a thread on LIF about this, similar to this one, actually, about this one, with the same stuff, well, a lot of bashing, and a random '08er rolling her eyes saying how she couldn't even reply, and rolled her eyes.

wow, honestly, you opened the proverbial can of worms...we are having fun, try it one day....don't get so defensive, thanks

stephanief Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by HearzBellz

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I just read the whole thread on LIF. It's cute. And I feel really REALLY bad for a lot of husbands.

And now it is personal.

I so hate that it had to go there. Because really I love a good clean debate. But now it's gone all ugly.

One thing to talk about a book and to say if it suits you or not...that is fine, but now you are overstepping. You know who I feel badly for? I feel badly for those who are so idealized about marriage but are inexperienced. I feel badly for those who think they have it all figured out because when things go wrong - and trust me they will - the book won't help. I feel badly for those who are so unsure of who they are, and what they are in their life, that they have to read some BS manual written by a hypocritical hag. I am so glad that reading one book has made a foundation for you to criticize and feel 'really REALLY bad for a lot of'LIF DHs. Totally uncalled for.

And for the most part the thread on LIF was pretty tame & again disagreeing with the book (although I do understand that the title would suggest otherwise). Most were just amused and joking about a lot of the points made in the post by the author, not the poster.

BHW Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AmandaLynn04

Posted by HearzBellz

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I just read the whole thread on LIF. It's cute. And I feel really REALLY bad for a lot of husbands.

And now it is personal.

I so hate that it had to go there. Because really I love a good clean debate. But now it's gone all ugly.

One thing to talk about a book and to say if it suits you or not...that is fine, but now you are overstepping. You know who I feel badly for? I feel badly for those who are so idealized about marriage but are inexperienced. I feel badly for those who think they have it all figured out because when things go wrong - and trust me they will - the book won't help. I feel badly for those who are so unsure of who they are, and what they are in their life, that they have to read some BS manual written by a hypocritical hag. I am so glad that reading one book has made a foundation for you to criticize and feel 'really REALLY bad for a lot of'LIF DHs. Totally uncalled for.

And for the most part the thread on LIF was pretty tame & again disagreeing with the book (although I do understand that the title would suggest otherwise). Most were just amused and joking about a lot of the points made in the post by the author, not the poster.

You're wrong. There were MANY posts over there that were outright NASTY. Not all, but, there were quite a few. This NEVER became personal here, but, it did over there, and, well, that's just sad.

I honestly don't understand your logic. No one personally attacked you. They simply disagreed with the ideas in the book. However, you post that you 'feel REALLY bad' for a lot of the LIF husbands and yet you're the one being attacked?

AmandaLynn04 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

I apologize if I offended you. I'm a bit upset, and, I shouldn't take this so seriously, but, I do.

Espo22 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AMGBride2008

Posted by AmandaLynn04

However, they are very fortunate to be able to stay at home and be with their children, because their husband is working. So, instead of as soon as he walks in the door, bombarding him with the trials and tribulations of your day, you give him 15 minutes to wind down from his, and then do it.

Does that make sense? It's really all about little things that we do, that we can do differently, for a better result.

Yes, this makes complete sense... but what I think a lot of nay-sayers are saying is basically... when do WE get to wind down from our day? KWIM? (and I don't just mean the whole SAHM thing, but in the broad sense).

I agree, and i think this is what my biggest problem is...so much attention to the man and how he is feeling but what about the woman? I mean if both FH and i get home from work, and i get home later than him, sometimes he already took a nap lol. I hate to say this but im like a man when it comes to alot of these things, im not a neat freak, im not all about everything having to be perfect, ill do it but just along the way you make sure to always keep it in order and never get messy. ALSO fh is a neat freak and prefers things done his way so i dont even have to worry about this. He does dishes before ill even think of doing it, he always does the garbage and its HIS thing to do and takes his time recycling everything. I do things for FH but he does things and he is great and when i do something for him or say something its bc of him being great or that i love him, not to get something from him. I am the type of person that if you dont deserve it im not doing it, and it works with me bc if he'll turn around and say no im not taking out the trash, ill say ok fine neither am i and i have no problem with it. Personally i prefer for them to do things bc they want to, not that i have to act a certain way in order to do so. Just as the woman dont forget about yourself.

I won't comment much on the rest of the book bc i haven't read it and also dont know most of what its generally about...i read some of the points it was making but just a few

cbcf Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

)

Posted by Autumn08

Posted by AMGBride2008

Yep, that makes sense. I think the thing that the book fails to cover (and I'm totally speculating, I haven't read it) is that, yeah, we'll do all of these things for our husband, but we expect our husband to do all of these things for us too.

Marriage is a 2 way road, with 2 people striving for the same goal--- a happy marriage. If we followed, to a tee, what this Dr.-Woman is telling us, we really would be Stepford zombies who live to SERVE our husbands.... that's wrong, plain and simple. We, as women, need to be cared for just as much as our husbands do... they're our PARTNERS.

Someone said it earlier (or maybe it was on LIF because this very topic is being discussed there too).... this whole 'plan' that Dr. Whats-her-face came up with has a Catch-22... it could TOTALLY backfire.... you do all of these thing for your husband expecting to gain a more fulfilling marriage but in the end, he could wind up taking advantage of you and treating you like hired help.... I think there's a fine line there that, for those who plan on living this lifestyle (no judgemnet... promise!) need to be aware of.

I think that when you break down what this Dr is telling us, it's quite simple, but it needs to be altered here and there and in the end, you need to look at where it's coming from... a book written by a former unpaid W H O R E who reverted to a life of husband stealing LOL!

Here is what I got out of the book. Women tend to complain about relationships and how it isn't full filling them and meeting their needs. This is why it's geared toward women. Don't forget marketing. Are men going to read a self-help book? Most likely not. I didn't even think I would read one! lol

The basic lesson hidden behind all the controversial, anti- vs. pro.- feminism, unpaid whoring, home wrecking and hipocracy is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

It's more than household chores, financial contributions and daily tasks being 50/50. The respect, love, intimacy, romance, and niceness (is that a word?) has to be 50/50 as well.

If the relationship isn't meeting your emotional needs, the author asks youto step back and evaluate if you are meeting the emotional needs of FH/DH.

(Now the book is geared towards people who are married and are having trouble and I think that's where part of the misunderstanding comes in.)

With that said why continue in a downward spiral of disrespect, hurt, criticism etc. Who cares who the first person is but if you are unhappy in a relationship you have the power to stop and do something nice, compliment, and say thank you and it can build an even stronger relationship.

COMPLETELY agree with you on this...you definitely stated what the book was for and I feel you are completely right. I am not going to get into stuff on this board because I dont know who looks at it so I dont want anyone knowing something that FH and I have not told anyone. But I understand what the book is about even though I am not having trouble or unhappy. which i dont think you have to just read it if you are married and having trouble.

but anyway i completely agree with you. and i dont appreciate the 04 person who said we are idealizing marriage and we are unexperienced. actually some on this board have been married before, are currently married or have lived with FH for a number of years...so I dont think any of us are unexperienced when it comes to talking about stuff such as this. I mean yes when you are MARRIED it is slightly different then just living together...but there are times when things go wrong in relationships before you are even married. AND I dont think the book was meant to be there for when things go wrong it is just giving people advice (which you dont have to take) about what Autumn08 said!!!!

Autumn08 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by Espo22

I agree, and i think this is what my biggest problem is...so much attention to the man and how he is feeling but what about the woman? I mean if both FH and i get home from work, and i get home later than him, sometimes he already took a nap lol. I hate to say this but im like a man when it comes to alot of these things, im not a neat freak, im not all about everything having to be perfect, ill do it but just along the way you make sure to always keep it in order and never get messy. ALSO fh is a neat freak and prefers things done his way so i dont even have to worry about this. He does dishes before ill even think of doing it, he always does the garbage and its HIS thing to do and takes his time recycling everything. I do things for FH but he does things and he is great and when i do something for him or say something its bc of him being great or that i love him, not to get something from him. I am the type of person that if you dont deserve it im not doing it, and it works with me bc if he'll turn around and say no im not taking out the trash, ill say ok fine neither am i and i have no problem with it. Personally i prefer for them to do things bc they want to, not that i have to act a certain way in order to do so. Just as the woman dont forget about yourself.

I won't comment much on the rest of the book bc i haven't read it and also dont know most of what its generally about...i read some of the points it was making but just a few

The book is very general because everyperson, couple, and relationship is different and well... it's a book... the audience is broad. I was very hesitant reading it and I'm glad I did. I don't agree 100% with the author and she has old school views. But the advice was helpful. Not everything applies to everyone especially in todays world. But I feel I can take what I want from it and adapt it into my life and relationship.

Espo22 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by Autumn08

Posted by AMGBride2008

Yep, that makes sense. I think the thing that the book fails to cover (and I'm totally speculating, I haven't read it) is that, yeah, we'll do all of these things for our husband, but we expect our husband to do all of these things for us too.

Marriage is a 2 way road, with 2 people striving for the same goal--- a happy marriage. If we followed, to a tee, what this Dr.-Woman is telling us, we really would be Stepford zombies who live to SERVE our husbands.... that's wrong, plain and simple. We, as women, need to be cared for just as much as our husbands do... they're our PARTNERS.

Someone said it earlier (or maybe it was on LIF because this very topic is being discussed there too).... this whole 'plan' that Dr. Whats-her-face came up with has a Catch-22... it could TOTALLY backfire.... you do all of these thing for your husband expecting to gain a more fulfilling marriage but in the end, he could wind up taking advantage of you and treating you like hired help.... I think there's a fine line there that, for those who plan on living this lifestyle (no judgemnet... promise!) need to be aware of.

I think that when you break down what this Dr is telling us, it's quite simple, but it needs to be altered here and there and in the end, you need to look at where it's coming from... a book written by a former unpaid W H O R E who reverted to a life of husband stealing LOL!

Here is what I got out of the book. Women tend to complain about relationships and how it isn't full filling them and meeting their needs. This is why it's geared toward women. Don't forget marketing. Are men going to read a self-help book? Most likely not. I didn't even think I would read one! lol

The basic lesson hidden behind all the controversial, anti- vs. pro.- feminism, unpaid whoring, home wrecking and hipocracy is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

It's more than household chores, financial contributions and daily tasks being 50/50. The respect, love, intimacy, romance, and niceness (is that a word?) has to be 50/50 as well.

If the relationship isn't meeting your emotional needs, the author asks youto step back and evaluate if you are meeting the emotional needs of FH/DH.

(Now the book is geared towards people who are married and are having trouble and I think that's where part of the misunderstanding comes in.)

With that said why continue in a downward spiral of disrespect, hurt, criticism etc. Who cares who the first person is but if you are unhappy in a relationship you have the power to stop and do something nice, compliment, and say thank you and it can build an even stronger relationship.

very nicely put...as long as both are putting in, dont only think about what you're getting but are you giving what you want.

Basically to each their own on this...keep your man happy and make sure hes keeping you happy.

Autumn08 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by Espo22
keep your man happy and make sure hes keeping you happy.

You summed up my post... and the original idea of the entire thread in one sentence! lol

HearzBellz Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by cbcf
and i dont appreciate the 04 person who said we are idealizing marriage and we are unexperienced. actually some on this board have been married before, are currently married or have lived with FH for a number of years...so I dont think any of us are unexperienced when it comes to talking about stuff such as this. I mean yes when you are MARRIED it is slightly different then just living together...but there are times when things go wrong in relationships before you are even married. AND I dont think the book was meant to be there for when things go wrong it is just giving people advice (which you dont have to take) about what Autumn08 said!!!!

I never said anyone in particular (or in general for that matter) is inexperienced or idealistic. I was making a point that real life is very different from an overgeneralized bit of advice in a book. Sorry if it came off as personal. I fear that somewhere in the world this book will become someone's manual to a happy marriage, that's all. And married life is very different from living together. And it becomes even more different if children are introduced into the family. Just a little background on me, since most of you do not know me, DH & I were friends from Junior High, became Best Friends after my first engagement fell to pieces, 10 years later began to date, 3 years later got married after a 7 month engagement, bought a house 18 months after marriage and had a baby 2 years after that. Life always changes, and so does marriage. So after almost 20 years together as friends, traveling companions, roommates, lovers and partners, I have a decent idea of my relationship, an, if I were to take its advice, would be rather detrimental to the relationship DH & I have. And that is, as I stated before, JMHO.

Espo22 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by Autumn08

Posted by Espo22
keep your man happy and make sure hes keeping you happy.

You summed up my post... and the original idea of the entire thread in one sentence! lol

its whats most important. I think its just hard when theres views that people do agree with but mixed with things that we view as old fashioned and don't agree with. I have to admit that was my problem, i would see things and say to myself NOOOO he should do it on his own...but i do like the philosophy behind the main point which you said.

Snowflake08 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

yes melanie
niceness is a word

dm24angel Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by nmagel

Posted by dancinmyazoff

. This sounds like the class that used to be taught in school during home economics during the 50's 60's that I heard about where you 'learned' how to be a wife.

Funnily enough, those women who took those classes had the marriages that lasted the longest!

Because they had to live through being miserable b/c they didnt believe in divorce, its naive to think they were all truly happy.

Also , if you NEED to take advice from her ( this ) book...then arent you in turn just as in need of a relationship 'check up' as anyone reading a 'magazine' about a different marital issue?

Seems hypocritical to me????

I think that each person in a relationship should be honest and live as they choose to live.

Dont need a book to tell me how to respect my husband. That cannot be 'taught' .....

But I guess some need a little extra help to find happiness and then, so be it..read away and take from it what you may IMO....

Meaghan729 Thread views: 12,103

Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!

Posted by AmandaLynn04

I just read the whole thread on LIF. It's cute. And I feel really REALLY bad for a lot of husbands.

ETA: There is a thread on LIF about this, similar to this one, actually, about this one, with the same stuff, well, a lot of bashing, and a random '08er rolling her eyes saying how she couldn't even reply, and rolled her eyes.

seriously, the post wasnt brought over to LIF to bash you. just the author, who by her own track record, isnt qualified to write a book about such things.

and my husband is quite happy with his wife who doesnt cook every meal, brings home a larger paycheck, and is his EQUAL thank u very much