the wedding is in 2 weeks and im not talking to the groom!

We had an arguement because i wanted to throw one of the groomsmen out since he tried to jeapordize our relationship aug 16th with a strip joint...im not talking to my groom since he doesnt want to cancel him out..i sent an email this morning canceling that groomsman
so the wedding may be off...what do you think girls im so upset that my fh is choosing his idiotic friend over me, he did not call me back yesterday...can you believe this?
im sorry but i must put my foot down and this is what i think is best to do....he hates seeing my fh getting hitched and has always been disrespectful to fh i want him out!
fh doesnt know i emailed him this morning


...i fell i have every right to be mad when we have been harrassed by this groomsmen for three yrs for being a couple and b/c fh does not want to go to clubs any more gm thinks that clubs are the only thing to do

so yes there i s more to the story plus they wanted him to get his last blow job and said they would wait outside his house until he came out they asked him twice in two weeks...the guy that gm hangs with aims to ruin virgins and ruin relationships...thats what type of guys gm hangs with and is influenced by

I'm a little confused. You are upset that he took your FH to a strip joint, period? Or something happened at said strip joint and you believe that the friend is to blame for the incident? Two very different things.

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Posted by Cpt2007

I'm a little confused. You are upset that he took your FH to a strip joint, period? Or something happened at said strip joint and you believe that the friend is to blame for the incident? Two very different things.

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Yea same here....if your upset over just going to a strip joint, I think thats a little silly. Yes I would be upset, but its bound to happen, its a guy thing. Plus, I would be out there having the time of my life at Hunkamania instead of sulking. HOWEVER, if you think more than just stripping happened, that a whole other story.

he tried to jeapordize our relationship aug 16th with a strip joint

Taking your FH to a strip joint is not an attempt to jeopardize your relationship. GM was making a day all about FH, not about you and/or the relationship.

i sent an email this morning canceling that groomsman fh doesnt know i emailed him this morning

You are way out of bounds. FH's party is HIS party. He gets to pick it, he gets to make decisions about it. This is the 'his half' part of the two halves making a whole when you get married. It's still entirely his purview.

m so upset that my fh is choosing his idiotic friend over me,
He did not. Was there a plan for him to run off to Massachusetts and marry his GM? No, he chose to marry you. Again, this was not about you to begin with, and isn't now.

he hates seeing my fh getting hitched and has always been disrespectful to fh i want him out!
But FH doesn't, and it's his friendship. If he doesn't feel disrespected enough to put his foot down, even after you're married, you still have no place interfering in his friendships. That's what personal boundaries are for. They're a good thing. You don't have to like the guy, you don't even have to be civil to the guy, but you can't make FH fight a battle he doesn't want. Just like he's not fighting you by not calling back. You can't make him.

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Posted by Cpt2007

I'm a little confused. You are upset that he took your FH to a strip joint, period? Or something happened at said strip joint and you believe that the friend is to blame for the incident? Two very different things.

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yep....strip joint is not something to end a relationship over...a stripper is....big difference....

Are you mad about them going to the strip club or is there more to the story? Guys will be guys and going to a stripclub is pretty much what guys do before they get married. It's all in good fun. If something else happened... well then that's a completely different story!

IMO, as much as you dislike his friend, it really isn't your place to throw him out of your wedding. This is as much your FH's wedding as it is yours, and if he wants him to be part of his special day, I don't think you should have emailed him without telling him. Of course you have a right to decide who is in your wedding or not, but I would have discussed it with your FH and had him break the news to his groomsman. JMO.

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Posted by Maria31

IMO, as much as you dislike his friend, it really isn't your place to throw him out of your wedding. This is as much your FH's wedding as it is yours, and if he wants him to be part of his special day, I don't think you should have emailed him without telling him. Of course you have a right to decide who is in your wedding or not, but I would have discussed it with your FH and had him break the news to his groomsman. JMO.

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ITA and your went way out of line emailing the GM behind your FH back. It is BOTH your wedding and you have the make the decision together. I think him going to the strip club is nothing. He is a grown man and he can make his own decisions. You can't control him. Once you marry FH you marry his family and FRIENDS. I think now that you sent that email all trust in this relationship went down the tubes. I sincerely wish you the best in whatever happens.

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Posted by Maria31

Are you mad about them going to the strip club or is there more to the story? Guys will be guys and going to a stripclub is pretty much what guys do before they get married. It's all in good fun. If something else happened... well then that's a completely different story!

IMO, as much as you dislike his friend, it really isn't your place to throw him out of your wedding. This is as much your FH's wedding as it is yours, and if he wants him to be part of his special day, I don't think you should have emailed him without telling him. Of course you have a right to decide who is in your wedding or not, but I would have discussed it with your FH and had him break the news to his groomsman. JMO.

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i have to say, i keep seeing comments that she shouldn't really be mad simply bc they went to a strip club...boys will be boys...yadda yadda.

if she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with it, then she absolutely has a right to be mad. the email on the other hand--not such a great idea...

btw, this kind of drama is exactly why i think bach parties are a ridiculous tradition. they were born in a time when it was customary for men to beat their wives, and thankfully, women now have the right to stand up and say, 'no, it's not okay for a stripper to grind her crotch on yours.' if you as a woman are comfortable with it, great. if not, then your man should respect that.

JMO

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Posted by beram63

i have to say, i keep seeing comments that she shouldn't really be mad simply bc they went to a strip club...boys will be boys...yadda yadda.

if she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with it, then she absolutely has a right to be mad. the email on the other hand--not such a great idea...

btw, this kind of drama is exactly why i think bach parties are a ridiculous tradition. they were born in a time when it was customary for men to beat their wives, and thankfully, women now have the right to stand up and say, 'no, it's not okay for a stripper to grind her crotch on yours.' if you as a woman are comfortable with it, great. if not, then your man should respect that.

JMO

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It's not that she's mad about the strip club, it's that she sees it as a personal attack and an attempt at sabotage. She may have had a right to be mad at FH, but GM is a third party doing the typical GM thing and has no duty to her wishes whatsoever.

FWIW, it was always ok for 'respectable' women to look down on strippers (and burlesque performers, and vaudeville performers, and dancing girls, and whomever it was before that).

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Posted by beram63

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Posted by Maria31

Are you mad about them going to the strip club or is there more to the story? Guys will be guys and going to a stripclub is pretty much what guys do before they get married. It's all in good fun. If something else happened... well then that's a completely different story!

IMO, as much as you dislike his friend, it really isn't your place to throw him out of your wedding. This is as much your FH's wedding as it is yours, and if he wants him to be part of his special day, I don't think you should have emailed him without telling him. Of course you have a right to decide who is in your wedding or not, but I would have discussed it with your FH and had him break the news to his groomsman. JMO.

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i have to say, i keep seeing comments that she shouldn't really be mad simply bc they went to a strip club...boys will be boys...yadda yadda.

if she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with it, then she absolutely has a right to be mad. the email on the other hand--not such a great idea...

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She has a right to be mad. . .AT HER FH. Yes,s ome women do not approve of strip clubs and that is fine. But that is not the GM's problem. . .it is her FH's.

I doubt the GM is saying 'Let me eff this whole thing up and take him to a strip club' I am sure it was more like 'I would love to see some t!ts, lets take Bobby to a strip club'

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by beram63

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Posted by Maria31

Are you mad about them going to the strip club or is there more to the story? Guys will be guys and going to a stripclub is pretty much what guys do before they get married. It's all in good fun. If something else happened... well then that's a completely different story!

IMO, as much as you dislike his friend, it really isn't your place to throw him out of your wedding. This is as much your FH's wedding as it is yours, and if he wants him to be part of his special day, I don't think you should have emailed him without telling him. Of course you have a right to decide who is in your wedding or not, but I would have discussed it with your FH and had him break the news to his groomsman. JMO.

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i have to say, i keep seeing comments that she shouldn't really be mad simply bc they went to a strip club...boys will be boys...yadda yadda.

if she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with it, then she absolutely has a right to be mad. the email on the other hand--not such a great idea...

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She has a right to be mad. . .AT HER FH.

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i completely agree with you. i responded to her on the 09 board and said something similar. i just read a lot of comments from other posters that kind of said that she should just accept the strip club thing because that's what guys do at bach parties. i think--if she made it clear to her FH--that she has a right to say it's not okay even if it's bach party tradition.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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She has a right to be mad. . .AT HER FH. Yes,s ome women do not approve of strip clubs and that is fine. But that is not the GM's problem. . .it is her FH's.

I doubt the GM is saying 'Let me eff this whole thing up and take him to a strip club' I am sure it was more like 'I would love to see some t!ts, lets take Bobby to a strip club'

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I TOTALLY agree, I'm sure the GM did not have a master plan of sabbatoge.

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Posted by DrWho

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Posted by beram63

i have to say, i keep seeing comments that she shouldn't really be mad simply bc they went to a strip club...boys will be boys...yadda yadda.

if she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with it, then she absolutely has a right to be mad. the email on the other hand--not such a great idea...

btw, this kind of drama is exactly why i think bach parties are a ridiculous tradition. they were born in a time when it was customary for men to beat their wives, and thankfully, women now have the right to stand up and say, 'no, it's not okay for a stripper to grind her crotch on yours.' if you as a woman are comfortable with it, great. if not, then your man should respect that.

JMO

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FWIW, it was always ok for 'respectable' women to look down on strippers (and burlesque performers, and vaudeville performers, and dancing girls, and whomever it was before that).

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this is true. i'm thankful that we live in a time when girls have a right to educate themselves, and thus, are not stuck making a living off of their bodies because they couldn't get/keep a husband and had no other way to support themselves, which was all too often the case. i'm also thankful that we live in a time when a woman has the freedom to openly express her sexuality...when a porn star like jenna jameson can become a mainstream celebrity. all of that seems to get away from the OP though.

this is a question of trust, respect, and compromise between 2 people who are choosing to make a life together. i agree with you though that it's a problem between the couple, not the bride & the GM.

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Posted by DrWho

he tried to jeapordize our relationship aug 16th with a strip joint

Taking your FH to a strip joint is not an attempt to jeopardize your relationship. GM was making a day all about FH, not about you and/or the relationship.

i sent an email this morning canceling that groomsman fh doesnt know i emailed him this morning

You are way out of bounds. FH's party is HIS party. He gets to pick it, he gets to make decisions about it. This is the 'his half' part of the two halves making a whole when you get married. It's still entirely his purview.

m so upset that my fh is choosing his idiotic friend over me,
He did not. Was there a plan for him to run off to Massachusetts and marry his GM? No, he chose to marry you. Again, this was not about you to begin with, and isn't now.

he hates seeing my fh getting hitched and has always been disrespectful to fh i want him out!
But FH doesn't, and it's his friendship. If he doesn't feel disrespected enough to put his foot down, even after you're married, you still have no place interfering in his friendships. That's what personal boundaries are for. They're a good thing. You don't have to like the guy, you don't even have to be civil to the guy, but you can't make FH fight a battle he doesn't want. Just like he's not fighting you by not calling back. You can't make him.

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ITA


your FH is a grown man--he could have said 'no i don't want to go' but he didn't. so how is that the GM's fault and he is 'trying to jeopardize the relationship'

This is like when a guy cheats, and instead of going after the guy who cheated....you go after the girl they cheated with and wanna kick her @ss and tell HER to stay away from your man.....when in reality its about the choice that the man made.

take a step back---your FH made the CHOICE to go and he could have siad 'no--i don't want to disrespect my girl' -- i bet he really wanted to go and because you said he couldn't...he probably asked his GM to take him and try and put it on him.

sorry but i think you overreacted on this one....be mad at the FH

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Posted by ant n tilde

'I would love to see some t!ts, lets take Bobby to a strip club'

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I don't know why that strikes me as being so funny. I guess I keep hearing it like he's asking for a cup of coffee.

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Posted by Kricket212

I kinda agree with the other girls...if it's over the strip joint then it's silly. It sounds like there is alot more stuff we don't know.

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ITA...there must be some kind of underlying issues here...but still should be dealt with between them not the GM

I also posted this on the 08 boards


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Posted by fitchc

We had an arguement because i wanted to throw one of the groomsmen out since he tried to jeapordize our relationship aug 16th with a strip joint...
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Did he just take your FH to a strip joint for some harmless looking or did he pay for one of the skanks there to do something sexual to your FH like more than a lap dance?

For me the first scenario would be no big deal -- the second would be reason to not only throw the groomsman out of the BP but to cancel the whole wedding. If #2 then you can say that the dude was truly trying to sabotage the wedding. But you have to remember that your FH was not kidnapped and force to endure a strip club... He went there willingly I'm sure.

Your FH like many men is probably worried that getting married is the end of life as he knows it. You reinforced that by going behind his back -- a mistake on your part. I would apologize to your FH for doing that after he said no -- it's his wedding too and you're not his mom - and I would let the jerk groomsman be in the wedding if he still wants to.