the wedding is in 2 weeks and im not talking to the groom!

---

Posted by ant n tilde

I kind of knew your response would be like this.

Many times girls post and then when they don't hear what they wanted to hear - they suddenly REVEAL the background to the story.

I wish you the best of luck in your marriage. Just remember - sometimes ( not always ) you CAN judge someone by the company they keep

---

That's why I didn't respond. I had a feeling it wouldn't turn out good.

It seems like this is a trust and maturity issue that should be dealt with in private and not broadcast on the internet. You can't ask for advice or opinions and then get mad at those who respond. If there is more to the story that you don't want to share that you really can't expect people to understand.
There is nothing that could happen to make me not talk to my husband, even if it wasn't positive. Communication is ESSENTIAL, in all situations.
I think it's time to step away from the computer and deal with what's going on. But that's all just my opinion - take from it what you will.

---

Posted by fitchc

wrong girls...i have every right to be mad when we have been harrassed by this groomsmen for three yrs for being a couple and b/c fh does not want to go to clubs any more gm thinks that clubs are the only thing to do

so yes there i s more to the story plus they wanted him to get his last blow job and said they would wait outside his house until he came out they asked him twice in two weeks...the guy that gm hangs with aims to ruin virgins and ruin relationships...thats what type of guys gm hangs with and is influenced by

you never should trust anyone 100% not even your best friend i never let my guard down ive seen too much to my surprise anyone can cheat and i mean the nerdies of nerds

---

I have to say--that you must realize that its your FH's choice to hang out with guys who are shady like that. Do you not trust him enough to say no? And did your FH NOT go into the club willingly?? Did they drag him kicking and screaming into the strip joint?

I just wanna say that it seems like you obviously don't like this guy and are putting a lot of anger on him , but your FH is a grown man who chooses to be around guys like that. In the end it comes down to whether or not you trust HIM -- not the other guys. My DH has a friend that I know can cheat on his baby momma and stuff--and while I may not 100% enjoy when Dh hangs out with him...I realize that no matter what happens--in the end my DH can be trusted and I know he won't do anything. If he did do something--it wouldn't matter if he was with his shady friend or not.....he's gonna do it regardless.

I hope you guys can resolve this issue together.

---

Posted by fitchc

wrong girls...i have every right to be mad when we have been harrassed by this groomsmen for three yrs for being a couple and b/c fh does not want to go to clubs any more gm thinks that clubs are the only thing to do

so yes there i s more to the story plus they wanted him to get his last blow job and said they would wait outside his house until he came out they asked him twice in two weeks...the guy that gm hangs with aims to ruin virgins and ruin relationships...thats what type of guys gm hangs with and is influenced by

you never should trust anyone 100% not even your best friend i never let my guard down ive seen too much to my surprise anyone can cheat and i mean the nerdies of nerds

---

well dont think we're wrong, just that you didnt tell the whole story so we're only going by what you told us. We can only go by what was posted in the OP, we cant guess other things that have been happening for years.

It is wrong if his friend is acting like this but there is only one person who can put a stop to it and that is your Fh. If he doesnt like the actions of his friend then he is the one who needs to talk to him. You saying something wont change anything bc his friend will just see it as YOU not liking this behavior not that your fh doesnt like this behavior and he will continue to think he can still do these things. Like i said, a guy cant be forced into doing things. One of dh's friends doesnt like going out or doing any of those things and trust me he doesn't, no matter how much they'll ask him to go out to a bar, and i mean a regular small local bar and he just wont.

You really need to talk to your FH, if his friend tries to cause this much trouble then somebody needs to tell him to stop and the only one it will matter coming from is your FH. This friend needs to hear that your fh is the one who doesn't like some of the things he does, and thats the only time he will stop. If this continues its only bc your fh allows it to continue.

---

Posted by fitchc

wrong girls...i have every right to be mad when we have been harrassed by this groomsmen for three yrs for being a couple and b/c fh does not want to go to clubs any more gm thinks that clubs are the only thing to do

so yes there i s more to the story plus they wanted him to get his last blow job and said they would wait outside his house until he came out they asked him twice in two weeks...the guy that gm hangs with aims to ruin virgins and ruin relationships...thats what type of guys gm hangs with and is influenced by

you never should trust anyone 100% not even your best friend i never let my guard down ive seen too much to my surprise anyone can cheat and i mean the nerdies of nerds

---

ok but your FH is still a grown adult!!! No one forces anyone (especially an adult) to do anything that they dont want to do without a little nudging. Fine his friend isnt the greatest person in the world but it is still not your right to tell him who he can cant be friends with.

And if you dont trust your FH then you need to rethink getting married, bc I DO (as well as others on here Im sure) trust my DH 100000% and would NEVER EVER think in any other way.

You wanna know something... I totally agree that you are justified in being really mad at the GM, if he's actively trying to get the groom to have any kind of sex with another girl, that's way out of line and this kind of guy DOES NOT belong in your wedding!!! That is exactly the kind of thing I fear with my FH and his non-supportive friend(s)... but in that case I think that the guy did personally wrong you and that you were justified in confronting him directly... That's undermining your relationship and hurting you personally. You have a right to say something to him personally, IMO. He's too much a part of YOUR wedding (not just his) where he owes you that respect to.

BUT, I think the best thing would have been for your FH to have been the one to dump this guy from the bridal party. I agree with the girls that it's more his issue to deal with, and you need to work it out between you. I would be hurt if it was my FH and he allowed this guy who acted in this way to be a part of our wedding, but it says a lot more if he's the one to have that talk with the GM - otherwise you look like the crazy bride that this GM might be telling him you are, driving a wedge between you further and you don't need that right now. Take the high road and don't give this 'friend' anything bad to say about you.

---

Posted by fitchc

you never should trust anyone 100% not even your best friend i never let my guard down ive seen too much to my surprise anyone can cheat and i mean the nerdies of nerds

---

If you think this, maybe you should step back and really think about why you're getting married. If you don't 100000% trust your FH, you have more problems than him going to a strip club.

i dont feel im out of line b/c fh is not agressive enough and is walked all over all of the time and needs a backbone!

he is very naive doesnt see things until its too late


the gm and his friends which used to be my fh's friends got angry when we stopped going out because we wanted to be alone and get serious so they started harrassing us via phone calls at 2am in the morning every sat night stating that fh is a wuss for being in a relationship the blow job thing was to aim to ruin us at a strip club but fh didnt go they asked him again two weeks later stating they will wait outside until he comes out if he said no to the strip club

---

Posted by 2007 Crescent Bride

---

Posted by ant n tilde

I kind of knew your response would be like this.

Many times girls post and then when they don't hear what they wanted to hear - they suddenly REVEAL the background to the story.

I wish you the best of luck in your marriage. Just remember - sometimes ( not always ) you CAN judge someone by the company they keep

---

That's why I didn't respond. I had a feeling it wouldn't turn out good.

---

I'm with Crescent!

:

Ladies..As I said on the 08 board..she was upset and posting quickly with anger..lets give her the benefit of the doubt and try and help her now..

This is for those who are saying they knew 'she be like this' We all need to stick together...

well if you have been 'bullied' for 2 yrs--due to these guys.....then you need to be dealing with your FH more than anything. if he doesn't have the ability to put his foot down---then that is an issue you two need to deal with. the whole 'his friends are causing issues' really doesn't fly--cause if you two are consenting adults old enough to enter into marriage--then you have to be able to discuss and talk about things and work together. if you don't handle it--your FH will never stand up for you. the GM stinks--no doubt about it--but again, your FH is a MAN who should be able to stand up for himself.

maybe you might get rid of these friends, but if he has the habit of being this way--then I guarantee he will find new friends who probably do the same thing. sorry you're dealing with it

---

Posted by MJDoc12

well if you have been 'bullied' for 2 yrs--due to these guys.....then you need to be dealing with your FH more than anything. if he doesn't have the ability to put his foot down---then that is an issue you two need to deal with. the whole 'his friends are causing issues' really doesn't fly--cause if you two are consenting adults old enough to enter into marriage--then you have to be able to discuss and talk about things and work together. if you don't handle it--your FH will never stand up for you. the GM stinks--no doubt about it--but again, your FH is a MAN who should be able to stand up for himself.

maybe you might get rid of these friends, but if he has the habit of being this way--then I guarantee he will find new friends who probably do the same thing. sorry you're dealing with it

---

i agree 100%, no matter what any of dh's friends do, if dh did something i didnt like then i'd be mad at Dh, just bc his friends tell him to do something is no excuse at all and i would laugh at my dh if he tried to use that excuse. We're both adults, and the same way i dont think he can be forced to do anything, i know i cant be forced to do anything. No matter what my friends do or say, if i dont like something i wont do it, and my friends actions have nothing to do with me.

What i expect from DH is to handle any situation he is faced with, bc whether its a friend, a strip club or whatever the situation i expect him to act a certain way. If he doesnt then nobody but him is at fault. Things can happen at any given time, not just strip clubs and let me say I know ALOT of guys who have cheated and most never cheated at a strip club, they do it when theyre out at regular clubs or on their own time. So knowing that a difficult situation can occur at any time whether his friends are around or not, its my dh's actions and how he handles it that i care about.

When dh and i first started dating, we were only together for a month or so, his friends did something that wasnt the greatest thing to do. They all went out to a bar, and all the bartenders there are these real hott girls dressed very sexy, there was one in particular his friends always saw and had a thing for her. Well this bartender came up to dh's friends and asked if my dh had a gf, they said NO. His friends told him that she asked and that they said no, dh got mad, called the bartender over and said sorry about my friends but they lied to you and i just wanted to say that i do have a gf. He felt it was wrong for this girl to believe he didnt have a gf, and also knowing she might make a move later or else why would she ask. I am glad he told me bc i knew something was up when he called me from the bar bc i heard him arguing with one friend when this friend came over to talk to him while he was on the phone with me. Now i didnt hold a grudge against his friends, it was wrong but we werent together for long at all, not that its an excuse but dh never lasted long with girls so im sure they thought it would end soon lol. But if dh didnt handle that situation well then the ONLY person i would've been mad at is DH, i wouldnt care what his friends did, hes not a puppet and can think for himself. More than how anyone around him acts, i only care about how he acts and his actions. If he ever told me 'oh my friends forced me to do this' or blamed any bad action on his friends, i would just see it as an excuse and a bad one at that.

Dont take this as an attack on you. We're not saying youre wrong just trying to urge you to talk to your fh and show you that its your fh who has to deal with his friend. Its not that friend you need to have trust in, its your fh you need to have the trust in and know how to handle any situation that comes his way and to always make sure he is being respectable towards you. He is the one in the relationship with you and has to do right by you, and is going to make a commitment for life to you. If its not this particular friend, there can always be people in your life who will try to influence you to do things you shouldn't do, you need to know that he can handle it. Theres definitely alot of communication the two of you need to do. I wish you the best of luck and i know its a very hard situation for you right now. We all have done things we shouldn't do out of anger, so dont think people are blaming you for the way you reacted towards his friend, but now its time to think about you two need to do, to talk all this out and fix any problems you two have.

I always find it suspicious when someone posts the same thing on three separate boards.

hmm just read through all of this and it was kinda confusing to be honest but from what i can gather, here are my thoughts on it (for what its worth)...

i am completely in your boat with regard to your personal feeling on strip clubs. Both DH and I don't and won't go to them and no, its has zero to do with trust, but us having respect for eachother and no desire to be there. thats just personally where we're at with it and i know others differ on this and thats fine. so anyways... i can understand that part of it.

the problem, as a PP alluded to, is that both of you need to be on the same page with regard to it and it doesn't appear that way. you said DH's friends want him to continue to go to clubs but he doesn't want to any more (maybe i read that wrong?), but he clearly still made the decision to go to that strip club. if he doesn't want to do something, he is a grown man and can say no. my issue, in your situation, would be directly with my DH, not his friends, because he made the decision, knowing how you felt about it, period.

I can see how it must be very hard for you that you have to worry about DH having friends like that, who aren't respecting your relationship (big qu thats comes to my mind is- why does he continue to surround himself with ppl like that who are blatantly disrespecting his future wife- i.e.- the whole trying to get him a BJ thing for one example), but to be honest I also don't think it was your place at all to be the one to email the friend/GM and tell him he is out of the wedding. That is your DH's responsibility alone!

Sorry this is happening so close to your wedding. Sounds like you and DH really need to sit down and have a long talk!

eta: tried to answer as best as I could here but now after reading the thread on 08, the story is sounding more and more fishy and confusing with the kidnapping threats and everything, and i thought they already took him to the strip club. so confused.

---

Posted by MJDoc12

well if you have been 'bullied' for 2 yrs--due to these guys.....then you need to be dealing with your FH more than anything. if he doesn't have the ability to put his foot down---then that is an issue you two need to deal with. the whole 'his friends are causing issues' really doesn't fly--cause if you two are consenting adults old enough to enter into marriage--then you have to be able to discuss and talk about things and work together. if you don't handle it--your FH will never stand up for you. the GM stinks--no doubt about it--but again, your FH is a MAN who should be able to stand up for himself.

maybe you might get rid of these friends, but if he has the habit of being this way--then I guarantee he will find new friends who probably do the same thing. sorry you're dealing with it

---

I agree with everything you've said so far

fitchc - you really need to realize that while you hate the actions of his friends, he is a big boy.

Which means, if he hasn't done so yet, he will never tell his friends to get lost. If he hasn't done so yet, he will never grow a backbone.

You cannot change him or make him do anything. And if you try, you will only wind up resenting eachother.

I truly sympathize with you. But, if you do not 100% trust FH not to go along with his friends, why are you getting married? I don't mean to be rude about it, but I worry that you are trying to change him, which will only lead to a life of heartbreak and anger.

Don't get me wrong, this GM sounds like a real jack@ss. I wouldn't want my FH hanging out with him either. But you cannot make FH's decisions for him.

just wrote this whole thing and then the server went down AGAIN bleh. i'll keep it short.

after trying to untangle this story from that monster thread on the 08 board, this seems clear to me:

your problem is with your FH. you need to address one of 2 things with him. either (1) he needs to stop being such a coward and put his idiot friend in his place (ya know, stand up for you, his wife-to-be), or (2) you have to address with him this habit of using his friend as a scapegoat for his dirty dealings. no guy just ends up getting a blow job bc he was too drunk to stop his dumbass friends. sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

bottom line: there was no excuse for sending that email. your FH should have been man enough to do that himself if all you say is true. not for nothing, but i can't for the life of me understand why he was asked to be in the bridal party in the first place.

yay!

the reason why i posted it in so many chat rms is because i was really upset and wanted quick answers