Totally Distraught

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:17 AM

Totally Distraught

FH and I had a HUGE fight last night about where to book. Worst of all, my mother got involved. Now FH is thinking of calling it off.

My mother apologized, but it is all so bad. Any advice?

pickles16 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:21 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

We had a huge fight too where my mother got involved, you have to just let him cool off...and make sure everything stays between you and him...as much as my mother was right, I had to rememeber that this wedding is ours, and granted my parents are paying for most of it, it is our wedding, and we need to do what we want within reason, and taking into consideration our parents...I hope this helps

SFP0214 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:21 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

scrap all the places you are looking at so no one gets their way and look for a new place you can comprise on???? I don't know maybe not... but don't worry. FH was probably just upset and said some things he didn't mean. It will be ok.

JenniferLee111204 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:22 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

go talk to him. this is a VERY stressful time for you both. stupid and silly things are going to make you both crazy. even if you both NEVER disagree - this is the time you are going to .... you need to stop, think, relax, and talk it through. but you cant threaten to call it off when you have a disagreement.

what were you arguing about? what about the hall was it ??

jennifer

anjerandunder Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:29 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

don't worry..stress brings out the worst in people..fh and i have argued over everything practically but it always works out..look for a new hall and remember no matter how much your family wants to be involved..take their advice and make your own decision..you're going to get plenty of unsolicited advice until your wedding is over!!

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:41 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

I went to look at East Wind last week without him becuase he had plans. I fell in love with it and asked him to hold the date.

So this past week we have been looking at these crap places because he thinks EW is too far for out of town people. But he said he would look.

So we are supposed to drive out to EW tomorrow and I want to leave a deposit if he likes it.

Well, he told me that he wants to explore every oppotunity before booking. (but they will only hold the date til tomorrow) So i lost my freaking mind last night. I BLEW up adn threw it FIT. Like a 4 year old. I lost my freaking mind.

Somehow my mother called in the midst of this and she and FH got into it.

Then my mom called to apologize. But he isnt talking to me.

MegLehner Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:47 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

You could always humor him and go and look at the places that he wants to see. After you look at a few you could tell him you dont like any as much as you like EW.
I am from the school of thought that the wedding day is all about the bride and therefore you should have you wedding where ever you want. I booked the hall b4 FH proposed. He was not thrilled w/ the choice (he wanted something more modern like the Brooklyn Museum of Art), but he got over it. I let him plan the honeymoon.
Also, IMO it doesnt matter how mad he is at you (or your mom) he should accept your mom's apology and maybe even apologize back to her.

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:49 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

Thanks. What does IMO mean?

MegLehner Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:50 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

Posted by ANA6178

Thanks. What does IMO mean?

In my opinion . . .

JenniferLee111204 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:51 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

im playing devils advocate here. dont be mad at me for saying this. first i want to say that i think it was nice of your mom to apologize. ok, now - i know that you really LOVE EW. and i hear its so pretty, but your FH didnt even see it yet. It sounds like he wants to be involved, too, and he should be, because it's his wedding also. I was under the impression that he wouldnt give it a chance - which i immediately thought he was in the wrong, but the fact that he said that he would go look - i cant help but think you were a little hard on him. i dont know where you live - but there are SOOOO many halls on LI - so many really wonderrful halls. And like i mentioned, it sounds like he wants to get involved, and thats a good thing!! you both should take a day during the week and go to a few. go to EW last! then, by the time you get there he and you wouldve seen lots, and if you love EW still, and he also does, book it!

again, i hope you dont get mad that i am saying this, but im just being honest with you. everything is going to work out!

jennifer

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 08:51 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

THanks.

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 09:01 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

You are totally right. I just feel awful. I should have made him more involved in the looking.

But now he is just mad. And my mom is so sad. She feels bad that she lost her cool.

nferrandi Posted: Sep 29, 2004 09:06 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

If he's not talking to you, why don't you try sending him an email. I know that when FH and I fight, it's easier to get my feelings out if I write them, that way he can't intterupt. Just tell your FH that you know you lost control last night and you love the fact that he wants to be involved with all of the planning. Tell him you are open to gong to see whatever halls he wants. As far as the date at East Wind goes, if you lose the date than maybe it wasn't meant to be and you and your FH will find a place you love even more. And if it turns out that EW is the only place you can envision getting married, then maybe you change to your date. It's not the end of the world. Just make up with your FH and go from there.

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 09:32 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

I feel like I am going to throw up!

Donna Posted: Sep 29, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

Posted by ANA6178

FH and I had a HUGE fight last night about where to book. Worst of all, my mother got involved. Now FH is thinking of calling it off.

My mother apologized, but it is all so bad. Any advice?

The part about him thinking of calling it off is what worries me. I'm not sure how long your engagement is, but there are always going to be bumps, fights, arguments leading up to your wedding day - (you can ask on the Newlywed Board) Is he going to think about calling it off every time that happens?

The marriage is what should be most important, not the hall, the flowers, the dress, etc.

luckybride2004 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 10:17 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

First of all My FH and I have been in the same place you are right now. At the beginning we got into some doozies of fights but in the end, we both came to our senses and realized we are really on the same side of the arguement. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and realize what exactly you are fighting over. Is it about the place or the fact that he didn't go with you and he felt you made this decision without him? This might be a little confusing, but what FH and I usually realized was that the fight was usually not about the topic we were fighting about but something else. As soon as you get to the real reason you are arguing, you will figure it all out. There is a reason you two got engaged. Just never forget that reason and you will be able to work through this all together. It is obvious you two love each other. I wish you the best of luck with whatever happens!

lillian771 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 10:27 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

I agree that you should write him an email or a letter. It is great that he wants to be involved, and if he hasn't even seen EW, how can he agree to book it? You should check out all your options...otherwise one or both of you will be wondering what could have been!

Don't worry, you will get through this. It is a stressful time and I'm sure FH just said things he didn't mean out of frustration. Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 10:32 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

I know you are all right, but the more I apoligze to him the angrier he is getting right now.

cmastro25 Posted: Sep 29, 2004 10:45 AM

Re: Totally Distraught

ANA6178, give him a little time. He needs to cool off. Maybe buy him flowers or a card or something and explain to him that your nerves go the nest of you. That when you saw the place, you just knew this was it and could really picture your special day there. And the fact that you were giving this deadline of only holding the date for ONE DAY drove you nuts. I think everything should be okay once you talk to him, when he's cooled off. Also, keep in mind, that EW might be telling you they can't hold the date for more time, but there's no guarantee that someone is def. going to book. And if they do, is it the end of the world to move the date to another weekend. You have so much planning to do, if you let the little details get to you, your nerves are going to snap.

Try to relax and have a little fun. I am sure everything is going to be fine.