hes being a huge ARSE!!!!!!!! he let me know last night that he REFUSES to wear a wedding band to work. he's a police officer in south jamica and he claims that he will be the only one wearing a wedding band cuz 'you know meg if i upset a hoodlum he gets my name off my name tag looks me up in the computer then comes to KILL YOU!' mind you this arguement went on in a resturant i was so hurt and upset i started to cry and he told me i just dont know what its like to be a police officers wife and i need to understand. but i just DONT UNDERSTAND thats the dumbest thing ive ever HEARD... then he said ' fine ill wear it and i hope you live and they dont come to kill you' i was soooo crushed when he said that! HOW COULD ANYONE SAY THAT???? non of the guys he hangs out with wear their wedding bands but i have my own theory behind that but am i overreacting??? or would you be hurt also??? my come back was well then im not wearing my E-Ring cuz thats a symbol to the world that i have a fiance and he got all pissed. but i feel that its the same thing! please help!
JoesFutureWife
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
My fiance can't wear a ring to work because he is an outside plant engineer for cablevision and they actually aren't allowed to wear them. I didn't have a reply because if he can't wear a ring he cant wear a ring. My parents have been married for 40 years and my dad never wore his wedding band because he is in construction. The awsm thing that my fiance opted to do (on his own without my advice or opinion), he made an appt with his tattoo artist to have his ring tatted on his ring finger when we get back from our honeymoon. I was floored! and shocked!
toniscott
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
Posted by lwny427
My brother is a cop and he spent 8 years working in the South Bronx. He wore his ring.
Personally, I'm not a fan of the guys not wearing their rings. My FH said he was worried about damaging his ring at work (he works outdoors with alot of machinery). I told him that was fine, but then he would need to get a ring tatto around his left ring finger.
Agree. FH was a cop in the South Bronx housing when we got engaged and he said he would wear his ring, he's still a cop in another area and will be wearing the ring.. I did hear that same statement about puting the picture of a loved one in the clear plastic slot in the hat they wear. Fh said he didn't want any pics in there in case someone he arrested got out and looked us up and recognized me....ALSO, i'm a construction manager on construction sites and I wear this big rock...No excuses for these guys :)
CNC4eva3402
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I sat and read all these replies..at first I was 100% on your side...but I really do see his point. I mean, these people do not think with the right mind-set. I know it seems far fetched that they would actually look him up and get to you, but it HAS happened..and its a scary thought. My ex had told me some crazy stories about what goes through criminals minds, especially in jail where they realize how important family is..and they HATE seeing officers being able to go home to their family and they aren't able to. Sometimes these people have nothing to lose, and get a sick joy out of harrasing and hurting other people. It's so sad but it happens!
I know cops have that whole 'i'm untouchable' macho outside..but deep down he knows that he really can't protect himself and you from EVERYTHING and he knows what a risk he's putting himself at , and he doesn't want to involve you in that. Of course, he could have said it much nicer..but maybe its sort of his 'weak' spot..because if he admitted that out loud he would like like 55 ego points?!?
MeLnLuke
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
awww if it makes u feel any better, im a cop in the city (flushing qns) and all the men 'in' the pct wear their bands and most of the men on patrol usually dont wear their wedding band b/c their afraid it'll get caught on a fence while running after a perp
Soon2BMrsD
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
Posted by LCnAC
I have to reply to this one cause Im a PO myself...I wont wear my ring when im on patrol for both safety reasons and because I dont want perps to know my business. I also had my address and car registration changed to a PO box.
thank you for responding its comforting to hear it right from the horses mouth (just a saying)
Soon2BMrsD
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I just wanted to say THANK YOU! to everyone that replied it both made me feel like i wasnt insane but also opend my eyes to see that maybe hes not such an ARSE after all! it still botheres me but im sure ill get over it! its not like hes saying he doesnt want to marry me or anything im just very sentimental and would love to have him wear it all the time! but hey.. pick you battles right?
thanks again girls i really appciriate everyones thoughts !
Mizzdimple
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I kinda get what your FH is saying. I know you know either way it doesnt matter if he wears the ring hes still your guy.........and to others also...
DnellD809
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
Yea, I would definitely be a little more upset if he didn't want to wear it out in public when he's not on duty. He probably knows whats best and is following what the other married guys are doing that are there with him. I would probably react the same exact way though cause it's no fun to think he won't have it on. Hopefully for the most part you don't see much of him when he's on duty and you won't have to see him without it.
ldrenckhahn
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
What about wearing it on his right hand? Just a suggestion...
JUSTICE
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I have the same issue. I told him we could get him a tatoo. He agreed to wear it now. I work in the criminal justice field. I know a lot of guys really do feel this way. It also could get caught on a fence if chasing someone. There are a lot of legitimate resonas so I mess with him. Lokk sometimes a ring makes these guys more attractive. A ring is not gonna prevent anything!!!
ttweety7
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
mine said the same thing... he is getting a tattoo instead
mnd1202
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
dont worry mine wont be wearing his either, but he is fdny and he really cant god forbid
Tigerlilie10308
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
meg, my fh is also a Police officer he works in the south bronx houseing projects....He also will not be wearing his wedding band to work. He actually plans on getting it tatooed on his finger after the wedding. For a few reasons....one its so gross where he works that everything that he wears at work comes off at his locker at the end of his shift. Even his watch. He has a work watch and a nice watch.........I kinda of understand his thinking as far as people looking him up some people (anywhere) are crazy and you never know. FH has the worst signature and i always tease him about it...it doesnt even look like a name and he always tells me its for a reason. So if he writes someone a summons when he signs it........they cant look him up and go to his house.......i Know it sounds kind of paranoid of them but you have to understand the mentality of some of the people they deal with on a day to day basis. ......IMO just try talking to him and telling him how much it means to you. Maybe he could wear it around his neck.
Soon2BMrsD
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
thanks girls for posting!! its really not an issue anymore.. i have to understand which i do.. i dont wear my e-ring to work and am getting a special ring just to wear to work since im going to be a nurse and cant wear anything with big diamonds so i get it i think it just hurt when he first said it cuz i hadnt thought about him NOT wearing it!
bonbabs
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I just have a comment. A friend of mine is a NV police officer and he told me that he doesn't carry around photos of his wife or children for the exact reason your fh gave. Strange enough it, might actually BE the truth. If that is the real reason then he actually was looking out for you. Now granted he handled it the wrong way, but it could be the truth. Why don't you make a compromise and have him wear the ring when he's not working. It might be a win win situation.
Good luck Alyssa
chrissybean77
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I just read through all the posts on this and I am not sure what to say. My FH is also NYPD and he has never once mentioned not wearing his wedding band in the future at work. In fact I make jokes all the time about how now he is going to have to wear a piece of jewelry and never be able to take it off and he never said anything about not wearing it at work. Other then the criminals possibly noticing he is married I'm not sure how that would translate into them getting a hold of your personal info if you are unlisted (but then again who knows the workings of their criminal minds). I expect my FH to wear his, but if he gives me this reason I will respect it. However, it certainly better remain on his finger until he gets to the locker room and immediately be on his finger the minute he changes after work!
MrsJ08
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
My FH is a PO and he said the same thing!!! he works in the south bronx and does CSI stuff and he said he doesnt want to ruin the ring and bang it up. So I said dont worry we will get you a non expensive ring lol...and he said ok lol...but he also said to me that most PO dont wear their rings during work I think thats BS, but he told me not to worry he will wear it lol
AR31
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
well my FH said the same thing.. he won't be wearing his wedding band because he's in the medical profession.. i mean i understand where he's coming from..
i don't think you are overreacting.. try talking to him in a week or so.. and i'm sure once you two are married, with all the emotions attached to the ring, he may totally change his mind..
Janet82308
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
I work in East NY I'm inside for most of the week but when I go out the ring stays in my locker.... My friend was chasing a perp and hopped the fence and his ring got caught on the fence and he needed surgery. So I undestand where he is coming ftom.. Also my FH is a police officer and I explained to him if he doesnt feel comfortable wearing it I understand bc like your FH said things can happen.. He's in an A house so try to understand where he is coming from I know its hard right now..... He cant wear it around his neck for the same reasons...... good luck I hope I helped....
anamaree77
Posted:
Member since
Re: unhappy with my Police Officer... i mean FH
wow I guess we all have this argument at some point. I was a little upset too when FH said he wouldn't wear it but he's an electrician and his hands are in electrical panels all day so he says it's 'dangerous' but he'll wear it all the time outside of work. I pretty much think it's just an excuse not to wear it and I think the more and more I think about it.........i'm ok with it. Yes it is a symbol of our love but I see men all the time hitting on me or having affairs WITH their Wedding Rings ON!!!!!!!!!!!
Wearing the wedding ring isn't going to stop a guy from cheating, if they're going to do it then they will regardless. I'd rather just have him be honest and say I dont want to wear it. I know i'm the only one for him so although it took me a little while to realize this, i'm ok with it. He's really not a jewelry person so whatever....if the sign of love was a toolbelt instead of a beautiful wedding ring, I wouldn't wear mine either HAHA.
