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Updated-Maid of Honor DRAMA

Original post by Kelly79

Sorry to vent.....
but my maid of honor is acting ridiculous right now!

my wedding is in 15 days and tells me that she is wearing her hair in 'flat twists'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry, but that is not what my fh (her brother), myself and her had agreed on months ago.

I am not a bridezilla, but I believe I am turning into one for this one small thing.

I told her that if she wears her hair in flat twists, she will NOT be in any of our professional pics...she cursed me out and then hung up the phone.

Am I wrong for telling her that?

I just think that the hairstyle she says she is going to wear is not appropriate for my wedding!




Here is the update...

I called her and calmly discussed the reasons why she wants that specific hairstlye and if they were any other haristyles she would consider...

her answer 'I WILL WEAR MY HAIR HOWEVER I F***ING FEEL LIKE IT! I DON'T GIVE A S**T WHAT YOU OR MY BROTHER SAYS, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT...YOU CAN TAKE MY DRESS AND GIVE IT TO YOUR SISTER TO WEAR' click-she hung up on my AGAIN
erdbeere Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by Kelly79

First of all...I NEVER said it would make her look ugly, IMO, it is just not what I pictured for my wedding, I just don't think it is a wedding hairstyle...I think it is more of a casual hairstyle


First of all, I do have to agree with some of the others that you are over reacting a bit. I picked my girls dresses, and their necklaces, but everything else I am leaving totally up to them...I know they have good judgment and wouldn't show up looking messy or anything.

2nd of all, I think the pictures the other girls posted of flat twists look beautiful and very formal.

and 3rd, when I picture my wedding, the last thing I see is the girls' hair or nails or even makeup... I just see them there with me and FH on our day...and saying your MOH can't be in formal pictures is really kind of harsh, and if someone told me that I'd probably rethink being in the wedding in the first place... sorry, thats JMO.
MikeandLisa Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by erdbeere

Posted by Kelly79

First of all...I NEVER said it would make her look ugly, IMO, it is just not what I pictured for my wedding, I just don't think it is a wedding hairstyle...I think it is more of a casual hairstyle


First of all, I do have to agree with some of the others that you are over reacting a bit. I picked my girls dresses, and their necklaces, but everything else I am leaving totally up to them...I know they have good judgment and wouldn't show up looking messy or anything.

2nd of all, I think the pictures the other girls posted of flat twists look beautiful and very formal.

and 3rd, when I picture my wedding, the last thing I see is the girls' hair or nails or even makeup... I just see them there with me and FH on our day...and saying your MOH can't be in formal pictures is really kind of harsh, and if someone told me that I'd probably rethink being in the wedding in the first place... sorry, thats JMO.



yes, but you still had control over the dresses and necklaces. maybe the OP doesnt care about necklaces, but hair is important to her! as brides, we are each entitled to orchestrate our day, as long as our requests are not out of control. MANY brides request that their girls wear a certain hair style... which is NOT a big deal at all, and contributes to the overall tone/look of the bridesmaids. to each their own.
Licee15 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

I'm sorry...I think you are over-reacting it's hair for crying out loud.....


As long as they don't look like a hot mess... who cares!!!!! At least people in your bridal party are even getting their hair done!
cuteauburnininny Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

i am a hairstylist and i hate hate hate flat twists like that.

SN2BMRSBURTE Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Everyone is differant. Some brides tell their bridal party how to wear their hair, and some let them pick. There is no right or wrong way. If you are a bride that is telling the bridal party how to wear their hair, then you have every right to say no to a particular hair style. I personally did tell my bridal party that I wanted them to all get updos, and they are all getting them done at the same salon. My best friend NEVER wears her hair up, but she said she would gladly do it for my wedding. It just depends on what your tastes are.

I personally don't think that that hairstyle is appropriate for a wedding, I think it is a cute hairstyle for the summer, or just to wear casually.....but that is also just my taste.

If it will bother you, then I would tell her she can't wear it like that, in a nice way. I just told my BF that I wanted everyone's hair to look the same in pics, and like I said she agreed to it

I hope everything works out!
twinkle164 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

I understand how you feel. Corn rows can be done beautifully or ugly. No way to tell until you see them. But either way, she wont ruin your pictures. You will be the focus of all the pictures not her. My sister just cut all her hair off in a fit of anger. It doesn't look bad but I almost died when I first saw it. However, if it doesn't look good in the pictures it wont bother me but every time she looks at it, it will bother her.
B22 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

whatever. its your wedding.

personally i think its an ugly hairstyle for a wedding. i think you have every right to dictate (yes- DICTATE) what you want.

IMO I see alot of people over reacting to a BUNCH of situations.. to the point where I find myself rolling my eyes often. but you know what?? thats their RIGHT. its not MY wedding. its theirs.

its YOUR wedding, YOUR opinions.. YOUR situation.

so what if prinses77 let her BM choose what they will wear etc etc. good for her! I'm a more lenient bride as well but i dont expect everyone else to be.

some brides want their wedding to be a certain way and know what?? its their right!
Maybride519 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

bonitachyc Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

dude it's your wedding! you're the ruler of all! be the princess for a day! whatever you say goes!

Maybride519 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by GinaBambina88

Yeah, I have to say, flat twists aren't only a 'black thing'..... white girls, spanish girls, etc.. wear them too...most of the time, girls wear a style like that for their high school prom...also, the pic that you chose to show doesn't do the hairstyle justice...chances are she won't wear her hair looking messy like that...flat twists can be worn to look more formal, I actually had my hair in flat twists last week and they didn't look as bad as that pic looked....I'm sorry to say this but I think you're overreacting...that's normal though, I find myself overreacting a lot too, stress can do that...just take the time to think about what's really important and try not to focus on the little things so much..you'll drive yourself insane


I LOVE that! I wore my hair like that for my prom. Only difference was that I had the rest of it up in curls but the front had the twists. You should really ask her what she had in mind. For all you know, she could want her hair to look something like this. I think it is beautiful and totally appropriate for a wedding. Sorry, I think you were out of line.
MrsB2BE Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by Maybride519

Posted by GinaBambina88

Yeah, I have to say, flat twists aren't only a 'black thing'..... white girls, spanish girls, etc.. wear them too...most of the time, girls wear a style like that for their high school prom...also, the pic that you chose to show doesn't do the hairstyle justice...chances are she won't wear her hair looking messy like that...flat twists can be worn to look more formal, I actually had my hair in flat twists last week and they didn't look as bad as that pic looked....I'm sorry to say this but I think you're overreacting...that's normal though, I find myself overreacting a lot too, stress can do that...just take the time to think about what's really important and try not to focus on the little things so much..you'll drive yourself insane


I LOVE that! I wore my hair like that for my prom. Only difference was that I had the rest of it up in curls but the front had the twists. You should really ask her what she had in mind. For all you know, she could want her hair to look something like this. I think it is beautiful and totally appropriate for a wedding. Sorry, I think you were out of line.


I think everything had been said nicely - If you feel they will not look neat or done properly then I think you have a right to have an opinion no matter the style. I asked my girls to simply wear their hair in an updo ( more because of how hot it is going to be) - You chose you MOH because you trust her and there must be a special bond - I doubt if she would do anything to ruin your day!!!
Nina_m74 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

I can understand what the original poster is saying, if this is a haristyle your MOH has never worn, then how are you to know what she has in mind? Your initial picture in your head may not match her's.

Some of those pics looked really nice and formal, however some really didn't seem to suit a formal affair. For me the ultra tight ones are not the look I would want at my wedding - I don't want to see someone's scalp showing through the hair-do. That's just my opinion, I don't like that style.

I think most of us are reasonable and considerate of our BPs feelings - we all give and take on many things for our wedding, sometimes it's all in the tone. Maybe you guys just set each other off with your tones, it's a stressful time, it's easy to get defensive. I agree that you should each just cool down a bit and then approach the subject again, calmly and openly so you can each find out what the other is thinking
lilangel Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

This is a wedding not a trip to Cancun or Hedonista!

Now mind you I have seen flat twists done very elegantly. Where it is on half of the head and done up to look like a crown and the back hangs loose I have had them done that way and it looked really pretty with my curly hair.

Take a deep breathe and see how she is doing it before you take her out of your pictures. She may have it done so that it looks very nice.
rachie Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by MJDoc12

yikes...this thread got way out of hand!!

but just wanted to say....you picked your MOH for a reason--if she has flat twists in her her, well it won't be the end of the world. and who knows, it might look really good on her.

i think we sometimes focus on the things that really just do not matter at all. to tell your MOH that she won't be allowed in pics cause of her hairstyle just seems so dramatic. in the grand scheme of things, is it really that big of a deal? your MOH is supposed to be about the person who is most important and stands besides you as you get married. as long as she looks presentable, i don't see the big hoop-la over her hair style.

this goes back to the Already Married Brides Thread that we all love--and the #1 thing that is said on there from past brides to future bride: Don't sweat the small stuff

This person is your FH's SIL and your STB SIL, you will have to be friends with her for the rest of your married life, is the entire relationship worth souring over a HAIRSTYLE??

take a moment and step back from this all and see how its really not such a huge deal after all.


Melissa you always have the best advice
SherinJeff Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

I agree with the OP.

Its HER wedding and her fsil should RESPECT that she wants a certain amount of uniformity to the bridal party.. and frankly.. those twists are not for everyone. Who says they would even look good on the MOH.. AND.. Yes.. it would throw off all the pictures if she stands out like a sore thumb... perhaps even taking the focus off the bride when everyone looks at the photos and sees her and says.. *** was she thinking?
this is NOT her wedding!!!!!!

I dont think this type of hairstyle is 'small stuff'. IMO. of course.

Having said that.. and having dealth with SIL's from HELL.. you do want to try to come to a compromise.. because she is going to be in your life forever.. and best to start off on the right foot.

Exlain to her that you love her, and that it is SO important to you and your FH that she is part of the wedding.... but say that you had a certain look in mind.. and would really appreciate it if she would work with you on this.
you DID make her a MOH... so you must be close?
JennysMOH Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Ask her to show you pictures of what she has in mind. I mean I have seen some beautiful hairstyles with flat twists. I think you jumped to conclusion about what you thought and what she meant. Look at GinaBambina88, she looks gorgeous.

BunnyBride Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by JennysMOH

Ask her to show you pictures of what she has in mind. I mean I have seen some beautiful hairstyles with flat twists. I think you jumped to conclusion about what you thought and what she meant. Look at GinaBambina88, she looks gorgeous.


Ask for a photograph so you can see how she would like to do it..And I agree..GinaBambina88's hair looks fabulous
MJDoc12 Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

wow this sure did spark some fire didn't it!?

at this point i hope the OP and her FSIL can resolve this issue without drama---but this thread itself has kind of gotten crazy...and...



JennysMOH Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by MJDoc12

wow this sure did spark some fire didn't it!?

at this point i hope the OP and her FSIL can resolve this issue without drama---but this thread itself has kind of gotten crazy...and...





heatherandrichie Posted:

Re: Maid of Honor DRAMA

Posted by JennysMOH

Posted by MJDoc12

wow this sure did spark some fire didn't it!?

at this point i hope the OP and her FSIL can resolve this issue without drama---but this thread itself has kind of gotten crazy...and...





I just wish her luck in whatever she chooses! I have flown off the handle recently & regretted saying certain things. I love 'Don't sweat the Small Stuff' one of my fav. books & sayings!

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