I'm having a very traditional wedding in the sense that my family is picking up the tab for EVERYTHING. FH family has not offered to help pay for anything. So....FH and I were discussing the HM a few nights ago and I asked him what was his budget for it. He corrects me by saying, 'You mean, what is OUR budget for the honeymoon'. I told him that it is the groom's responsibility to pick up the tab for the HM and he didn't really say anything. I'm helping my family pay for the wedding and I'm also thinking about having LASIK surgery in the next few months so I'm going to be really strapped for money. Am I being unreasonable by suggesting he pay for the honeymoon since he or his family isn't contributing anything else?
TIA
After reading all of the posts to my topic, I just wanted to add a few things:
It was never my intention to cause drama by posting my question. I just wanted to see how other couples were handling their HM expenses. My parents are paying for everything concerning the wedding.....engagement party, wedding shower, and the wedding. I am also helping them as much as I can. Neither FH nor his family has offered to pay for anything. When we first got engaged and were discussing expenses and how much everything would cost, FH said, “My father paid for everything when my sister got married.” I passed this information on to my parents and that pretty much dashed their hopes of asking FH’s parents to contribute something. I should also add that our parents’ financial situations are drastically different--FH’s parents have substantially more money than mine. Although my parents are just going ahead and paying for it themselves, I know that it has put a strain on their savings. If FH and his parents are abiding by etiquette in terms of who pays for the wedding, then I think it only fair if I abide by etiquette and request that he pick up the tab for the HM. If it is “our honeymoon” and we should pay for it together then shouldn’t the same methodology be applied to “our wedding”?
I do consider myself very lucky that my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding and I am really amazed at the couples who are paying for it all on their own. The last thing I want to do is to come across as being selfish. I know that tradition and etiquette has changed over the years but my situation is fairly traditional. I am well aware that a marriage is a partnership and that my FH and I are equals so I think given that I am contributing to “our wedding” and he is not (and I am not asking him to), he should pay for the HM.
Espo22, MandG072909, & Stephanielyse – I really respect the comments you posted and will keep them in mind going forward. Thank you.
AeroJenn
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
I'm not quite understanding this because I see it a little differently. Yes your parents are paying for your wedding and 'traditionally' the groom pays for the honeymoon. BUT, his money IS your money essentially once you are married. So, in reality, if 'he' pays for the HM, you do realize that you both are actually paying for it. Even if you have two seperate accounts right now, eventually you will mostlikely combine the accounts or share them....so the money will be coming from both of you in the end anyway.
Personally, I believe marriage (that includes finances) is a partnership -- therefore from the point of engegment on there really shouldnt be this nit-picking of 'you pay this, i'll pay this' since its all going to be coming out of both of your monies in the end anyway. But thats JMO.
Marchbride07
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Fh put it on his credit card and we are going to take some of the money we make at the wedding to pay it off...so technically we are doing it together....
angnick
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
our parents gave it to us as a wedding gift!
pixiechickie
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by Kara and Todd
I guess this whole debate is sort of foreign to me because, in my way of thinking, it is OUR money, not his or mine. Perhaps I'm in a different situation since FH and I already live together and have all of our money in joint accounts.
Same here
SoontobeMrsH
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
We live together & have for 4 years our money is our money, so we're paying for the HM
Meaghan729
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
We paid for the HM together...
Pinkiegirll07
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
FH and I are paying for our honeymoon...I've heard that the groom is supposed to pay when it comes to etiquette...but what does it really matter in the end? We're going to husband and wife on this trip so we're both paying for it together! JMO!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
OK thanks for saying this because its exactly what I was thinking!
kellygirl
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by uncqt02
Traditionally the groom plans and pays for the honeymoon,
I never heard of such a thing
AeroJenn
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
OK thanks for saying this because its exactly what I was thinking!
me too
BunnyBride
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Member since
Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by AeroJenn
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
OK thanks for saying this because its exactly what I was thinking!
me too
Count me in
MJDoc12
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
i agree. not trying to flame--but sometimes when brides come on here sayign 'who is SUPPOSED to pay for XXX' and 'What does ETIQUETTE say about paying for this?' it really annoys me. tradition or not..this is 2007...no one HAS to pay for a dime. FH and i are paying for OUR wedding entirely
sounds like you and your FH have a 'my money is MY money and your money is your money' attitude with finances. personally, i have never understood this mentality.
it's a wedding & HM for BOTH of you, and if your parents and you are paying for everything, and he hasn't contributed a dime...sounds like there are more issues here than who is supposed to pay for a HM. JMO
superkat
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by BunnyBride
Posted by AeroJenn
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
OK thanks for saying this because its exactly what I was thinking!
me too
Count me in
Same here. There is an mental adjustment that is needed. It isn't MY money vs HIS money. It is OUR money. It is called marriage.
sarahthegreat
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
its your honeymoonn too. keep that in mind. i realize that you are having a traditional wedding, but you may need to pay for your hm. at least part of it.
AeroJenn
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
[/QUOTE It isn't MY money vs HIS money. It is OUR money. It is called marriage.
thats an excellent definition of marriage
...and I agree.
MandG072909
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by Meaghan729
this is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here...
first of all - whoevers parents are paying (doesnt matter if its brides or grooms or both) are very very LUCKY- it has nothing to do with etiquette - and has everything to do about $$$...my mother is a widow and I know she would love to pay for our wedding, but she cant afford it. I am very LUCKY that my grandmother is helping us -but I did not go up to her and demand her to pay for anything - she offered on her own.
and then to say its the grooms responsibilty? what year is it, 1950? it is a trip you are taking as husband and wife, it should be the responsibility of the couple - unless someone comes forward and says they are paying for it, I would budget for you two to pay for it TOGETHER.
and feel blessed that you are getting so much help with wedding costs, because many people on here are not.
Alright I so try not to fuel drama and I was trying to bite my tounge but I feel like I have to stand up for the OP...
She NEVER said she expected anyone's parents to pay for anything...she said its being done this way because its traditional and its not right to tell her that it doesn't have anything to do with ettiquette and everything to do with $$$...as someone who's parents were more then generous in paying for A LOT for our wedding w/out being asked but who's inlaws have plenty but contributed next to nothing because it was 'traditional' I can see why maybe she would feel the need to mention that....
And as far as she and her FH are concerned, she goes on to say that 'she' is contributing to their wedding...this would assume that maybe they do keep their money seperate at least for now and if that works for them then that works for them...she didn't ask for anyones opinions on that...
Parents paying aside...I think that if she is contributing and he isn't, she very much has the right to ask her future husband to contribute more for the honeymoon...in this case I think it would be a testimate them being equal and NOT being in the 1950s...
And to the OP...if I am off point here then I'm sorry for assuming this is how you feel and then everyone else can just take this as my opinion
sarahthegreat
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
money issues always create drama on these boards.
cherish83
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by korndoggie In the end it is our honeymoon and it's our money.
Exactly, IMO the amount you spend should be a decision you make together, you are going to be married and the bill will be coming to both of you when all is said and done. Unless someone comes out and says 'Hey I'm paying for your HM' the assumption should be you (meaning you and your FH) will pay for it, not what 'etiquette' dictates.
yeah since we got engaged i kind of feel it is 'our money' ( we dont currently live together either) so we are both technically paying for everything together. . . i never think of 'you pay for limos' and 'i pay for flowers' etc - we put money into a joint acct and we both are paying for the honeymoon. . .
Same goes for us
ali120206
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Re: Who Pays for the HM?
Posted by cherish83
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by korndoggie In the end it is our honeymoon and it's our money.
Exactly, IMO the amount you spend should be a decision you make together, you are going to be married and the bill will be coming to both of you when all is said and done. Unless someone comes out and says 'Hey I'm paying for your HM' the assumption should be you (meaning you and your FH) will pay for it, not what 'etiquette' dictates.
yeah since we got engaged i kind of feel it is 'our money' ( we dont currently live together either) so we are both technically paying for everything together. . . i never think of 'you pay for limos' and 'i pay for flowers' etc - we put money into a joint acct and we both are paying for the honeymoon. . .
Same goes for us
I agree too! It's one of the most difficult things to get used to, sharing money, but, it happens!
