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Posted by shopaholic07
My parents and I are paying for the wedding expenses. So since I am spending my own money on our wedding, then I think he should contribute something as well.
Posted by shopaholic07
I'm having a very traditional wedding in the sense that my family is picking up the tab for EVERYTHING. FH family has not offered to help pay for anything. So....FH and I were discussing the HM a few nights ago and I asked him what was his budget for it. He corrects me by saying, 'You mean, what is OUR budget for the honeymoon'. I told him that it is the groom's responsibility to pick up the tab for the HM and he didn't really say anything. I'm helping my family pay for the wedding and I'm also thinking about having LASIK surgery in the next few months so I'm going to be really strapped for money. Am I being unreasonable by suggesting he pay for the honeymoon since he or his family isn't contributing anything else?
TIA
After reading all of the posts to my topic, I just wanted to add a few things:
It was never my intention to cause drama by posting my question. I just wanted to see how other couples were handling their HM expenses. My parents are paying for everything concerning the wedding.....engagement party, wedding shower, and the wedding. I am also helping them as much as I can. Neither FH nor his family has offered to pay for anything. When we first got engaged and were discussing expenses and how much everything would cost, FH said, “My father paid for everything when my sister got married.” I passed this information on to my parents and that pretty much dashed their hopes of asking FH’s parents to contribute something. I should also add that our parents’ financial situations are drastically different--FH’s parents have substantially more money than mine. Although my parents are just going ahead and paying for it themselves, I know that it has put a strain on their savings. If FH and his parents are abiding by etiquette in terms of who pays for the wedding, then I think it only fair if I abide by etiquette and request that he pick up the tab for the HM. If it is “our honeymoon” and we should pay for it together then shouldn’t the same methodology be applied to “our wedding”?
I do consider myself very lucky that my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding and I am really amazed at the couples who are paying for it all on their own. The last thing I want to do is to come across as being selfish. I know that tradition and etiquette has changed over the years but my situation is fairly traditional. I am well aware that a marriage is a partnership and that my FH and I are equals so I think given that I am contributing to “our wedding” and he is not (and I am not asking him to), he should pay for the HM.
Espo22, MandG072909, & Stephanielyse – I really respect the comments you posted and will keep them in mind going forward. Thank you.
Posted by shopaholic07
Posted by Meaghan729
Posted by shopaholic07
I do consider myself very lucky that my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding and I am really amazed at the couples who are paying for it all on their own. The last thing I want to do is to come across as being selfish. I know that tradition and etiquette has changed over the years but my situation is fairly traditional. I am well aware that a marriage is a partnership and that my FH and I are equals so I think given that I am contributing to “our wedding” and he is not (and I am not asking him to), he should pay for the HM.
I dont see how this thread is full of drama - you brought up a good discussion on how couples view 'their' money -
Im glad that you are thankful for what you are being generously given - but you need to get over the fact that your FH's family isnt paying. I said before my grandma is paying for our wedding - my FH's parents arent paying anything - I dont know if they can afford to or not, but thats not up to me to judge - i am not going to my FH and saying he has to pay for stuff bc his parents arent -
and you are saying YOU are contributing to the wedding - is it you or your parents? if its not YOUR money, why should your FH have to pay just because his parents arent? thats the part that is confusing me...
My parents and I are paying for the wedding expenses. So since I am spending my own money on our wedding, then I think he should contribute something as well.
shopaholic- alot of times how you ask a question makes a difference...At first when people read your post it sounded more like you expect him to pay for things and what people SHOULD pay for. But it just came out wrong, now that we know more details people will look at it differently and have a different opinion. So don't feel bad, just a misunderstanding.
Posted by Espo22
shopaholic- alot of times how you ask a question makes a difference...At first when people read your post it sounded more like you expect him to pay for things and what people SHOULD pay for. But it just came out wrong, now that we know more details people will look at it differently and have a different opinion. So don't feel bad, just a misunderstanding.
Posted by cherish83
Posted by Espo22
shopaholic- alot of times how you ask a question makes a difference...At first when people read your post it sounded more like you expect him to pay for things and what people SHOULD pay for. But it just came out wrong, now that we know more details people will look at it differently and have a different opinion. So don't feel bad, just a misunderstanding.
Yup same thing has happened to me. I think thats the problem with typing it out. It isnt like we are hearing you talk about it and can't hear the tone of voice which helps in understanding your point of it.
tradition has it that the groom pays for the honeymoon
Posted by AeroJenn
I'm not quite understanding this because I see it a little differently. Yes your parents are paying for your wedding and 'traditionally' the groom pays for the honeymoon. BUT, his money IS your money essentially once you are married. So, in reality, if 'he' pays for the HM, you do realize that you both are actually paying for it. Even if you have two seperate accounts right now, eventually you will mostlikely combine the accounts or share them....so the money will be coming from both of you in the end anyway.
Personally, I believe marriage (that includes finances) is a partnership -- therefore from the point of engegment on there really shouldnt be this nit-picking of 'you pay this, i'll pay this' since its all going to be coming out of both of your monies in the end anyway. But thats JMO.
