Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Original post by DoYouReallyLuvMe

Jan 08, 2006 12:36 AM

I'm not a newbie but I wanted to come on anonoymous.I'm in an abusive relationship. Basically Fh hits me. He has beat me on 7 occasions dating back to Nov'04. The police came one time but he had left and I didn't press charges. The most recent being last week. When I ran to the room to call the police he broke my phone and threatened that he will only be there for 2 days and he'll be out for me. If not him then someone will come and cut my pretty face or burn it with lye. So I was really scared. The next day he came home with $400 earrings and roses. Every time he apologizes and I forgive him. I don't know if it's because I'm scared to leave him. He doesn't trust me at all he told me so himself. He's 15 years older than I am. I don't work and in the past 7 months since I lost my job I have been out 2 times without Fh, I don't go anywhere because I don't want to hear his mouth. Right now I 've had enough I can't take it anymore. A part of me still loves him but another part of me can't be with someone who does this to me. I'm sad and mad at myself for letting it go on for all this time. We live with my mother and I cant go to her because she has been around when it has happened on 2 occasions but it's like she puts on blinders to it. So I'm coming to you ladies what would you do in this situation? He claims he's looking for an apartment but who knows.
I need help. Sorry for rambling. He's sleeping and I wanted to get this off my chest.Thank you.

Mrs. Powell Posted: Jan 08, 2006 05:49 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this. Honey, get out of that abusive relationship before it is too late. Trust me you are far too much of a good woman to deal with anyone hitting on you. Gosh, it really breaks my heart to see men abuse their women. Seek help quickly. If you need someone to talk to and empower you you can FM me if you choose.

mskittynj Posted: Jan 08, 2006 05:56 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

This is a tough situation but you need to have courage and strength to leave. Your safety comes first. Good luck!
XOXOXOXO
Kitty

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Jan 08, 2006 06:02 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

OMG! I didn't even finish reading your post. Please get help. Do not spend another minute of your life with this psycho! there are a lot of services avaialble to you. please, get yourself out of this destructive relationship ASAP!

Sweets14 Posted: Jan 08, 2006 06:19 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Get out!! They all say they are going to change but believe me he never will. It's a real vicious cycle that will never end. He will be the perfect man after he beats you to win you back and once he has you the abuse starts all over again.

BHW Posted: Jan 08, 2006 06:41 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Nic and Ant Posted: Jan 08, 2006 07:13 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

I'm sorry this is happening to you.
But, Please leave him right now!!! Nothing good can come from you staying with him. If you think you can change him, He will never change. You can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed. Please help yourself now, while you have the opportunity to leave.

When you get a chance and he is not around. Please look at the following websites. These websites can help you prepare yourself to leave him.

This website can help you with finding a shelter to go to: http://www.ldrny.org/TOPNEWS/materials/Shelters.pdf

This website can help you with safety planning:
http://www.womenslaw.org/

Some other websites to help you get out:

http://www.safe4all.org/help/
http://www.geocities.com/finexhouse/medical.html

Here is a number for you to call to see what you can do and who can help you:
National Domestic
Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Please use this information to help you get out. I wish you the best of luck.

wendy1220 Posted: Jan 08, 2006 07:22 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Posted by Nic and Ant

I'm sorry this is happening to you.
But, Please leave him right now!!! Nothing good can come from you staying with him. If you think you can change him, He will never change. You can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed. Please help yourself now, while you have the opportunity to leave.

When you get a chance and he is not around. Please look at the following websites. These websites can help you prepare yourself to leave him.

This website can help you with finding a shelter to go to: http://www.ldrny.org/TOPNEWS/materials/Shelters.pdf

This website can help you with safety planning:
http://www.womenslaw.org/

Some other websites to help you get out:

http://www.safe4all.org/help/

http://www.geocities.com/finexhouse/medical.html

Here is a number for you to call to see what you can do and who can help you:
National Domestic
Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Please use this information to help you get out. I wish you the best of luck.

I have a few more for Long Island:

Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.sccadv.org 24 hour hotline: 631-666-8833.

Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence
24 hour hotline: 516-542-0404

If you want to make the calls, please do so when he is not home. Both agencies have shelter and supportive services available to you.

Bobbysgirl Posted: Jan 08, 2006 07:35 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

You need to get out of this relationship now. You hear all those stories of women who stay in abusive relationships... save yourself and get out! Go to the police... go somewhere... just get out of that dangerous situation! I wish you the best of luck! We are always here if you need us.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jan 08, 2006 08:09 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

all of these ladies are trying to help you with advice...but everything they are saying--i'm sure you already know. 1000 people could tell you about all the shelters and places you can go..how you just need to reach out for help and it's there...but at the end of the day none of this matters unless you make the conscious choice to leave. so you have to ask yourself what you are willing to put up with. if you're not gonna leave this man, then you are telling him that it is okay to treat you this way

you say a part of you 'loves him'...but please ask yourself this extremely important question: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH THE MAN HE IS, OR THE MAN YOU WISH HE WOULD BE?????

answer the question honestly and i hope you make the right choice

DUCKS2001 Posted: Jan 08, 2006 08:14 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

HI DARLING, I AM AN 06ER PEEKING, HONEY YOU NEED TO GET OUT, GET A PROTECTION AGAINST HIM, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY AND YOU WILL FIND BETTER. SOMETIMES PEOPLE STAY BC THEY FEAR WHAT MAY COME. I TRULY CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. BUT YOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW AND RESTART YOUR LIFE AGAIN. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WAY BETTER WHO RESPECTS YOU AND LOVES YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING. I WOULD BREAK IT OFF BC YOU DO NOT WANT A MARRIAGE WHERE YOU CAN GET HURT LET A ALONE AN UNBORN CHILD. FM ME ANYTIME.

GO DOWN TO POLICE GET THE PROTCECTION THING AND THEN BREAK IT OFF. THIS WAY YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO BACK YOU UP. DEF. WARN THE COPS WHEN YOU WILL BE TELLING HIM AS HE MAY HURT YOU.

LOTS OF LUCK
CHRISTINE

FDWedding07 Posted: Jan 08, 2006 09:59 PM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Posted by giapet99

Leave if it getting worse know it's not going to get any better after your married, please do it for yourself. What if he kills you and your mother. Kick him out change the locks and go to the police!!!!!!!!!!

I agree you have to leave. You deserve better. It will never get any better. Once you are married it will only get worse. There are plenty of groups and hotlines you can call for professional help. You can FM me if you need them. Good Luck! Let us know.

Sweets14 Posted: Jan 09, 2006 01:45 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Men like that completely kill your self confidence. You need to be strong and know that he is completely wrong for what he is doing it is not your fault. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You need to get away from the abuse! I've been there as well as had a close friend of mine that experienced that with her ex husband. She finally after years of abuse escaped to a battered woman's shelter. She got her life together. Now is happier then I've ever seen her. It's a lot of work but you can do it! When these men kill your self confidence you feel like you are stuck and that no one will ever love you. This is false!!! You need to be strong. First get to safety. It's a lot of work but you will get your self confidence back and believe me, it will make you a thousand times stronger!!!! If you need help, advice or just someone to talk to feel free to FM me. I've been there. I understand what you're going through. Be strong!

Maybride07 Posted: Jan 09, 2006 08:02 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

You need to leave! There is no way you should stay with this man. He is a terrible person that will only get worse. If you stay and have children with him, he will probably beat your children. This is no way to live, and you deserve so much better that this. please get out of the situation, get help Please.

JazzyT Posted: Jan 09, 2006 09:34 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

You have to get the strength and leave, he is controlling and abusive and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

Soon2BeMrsD Posted: Jan 09, 2006 10:10 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

i am so so sorry you are going through this, i cant even imagine how hard it is for you...but you really have to leave him, he is not the man for you, you are a special person and nobody deserves to be treated that way at all! i know it must be so hard to think of leaving him, especially if he is threatening you if you do, but you have to think how much worse will it get if you dont? dont tell him your leaVING HIM, GO TO THE POLICE FIRST AND GET YOUR RESTRAINING ORDER...if you tell him first he will not let you go...im praying for you and know that we are here for you!

BklynItaliana Posted: Jan 09, 2006 10:16 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

i'm sorry to hear about this.. i want you to know that we are here for you.. we are telling you that this situation is not good.. not to hurt your feelingsbut b/c we want the best for a fellow LIWer.

Everything that the girls have said previously are very informative and you should seriously consider them.

I understand that this is a very difficult decision for you to make, but in your heart you know what you should be doing...

Please for your own safety, take the advise of the girls

BE SAFE

Missladybug15 Posted: Jan 09, 2006 10:38 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

I am so sorry you have to go through this. best advice I can give you is to leave asap, dont tell him, just go, dont even pack if you dont have time

mark'smama Posted: Jan 09, 2006 10:39 AM

Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

Please find the strength and get out while you still can. You have reviled you secret and that is the first step. Now please take the next and go to the police and report him and get an order of protection.
Studies show that abuse relationships very rarely gets better, it only gets worse!!!

WE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU TO TALK!