Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding

i am sooo sorry that you are going through this - but dont be afraid to leave - and to go to the police - they can protect you - and also - you need to talk to your mom and explain everything to her - shes there for you - take advantage of that!

I hope everything works out! Good LucK!

It is really sad that woman have to deal with these things. You should know if he does it once he will always do it. please remember that. The presents are just his way of making himself feel better about the situation. Honestly I agree with the other he needs to get out of the house. But you need the strength to get him out. He has brought you down so many times maybe you need help to get him out.

there are so many places you can go to.

If you need to talk I am here

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I don't understand why your Mom allowes this to go under her roof-

if I was in your situation- I would first off- get a job-

next get an order of protection- and kick him out of the house- also alert the neighbors of the situation and tell them to call the polic if they see him lurking

I wouldn't stay at the house much longer- but you have yourselves painted into a corner- the best bet for you might be to call a shelter for battered women- they will be able to help you- if you mother is going to stand up for you- you will need some kind of protection

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Posted by Beth1210

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I don't understand why your Mom allowes this to go under her roof-

if I was in your situation- I would first off- get a job-

next get an order of protection- and kick him out of the house- also alert the neighbors of the situation and tell them to call the polic if they see him lurking

I wouldn't stay at the house much longer- but you have yourselves painted into a corner- the best bet for you might be to call a shelter for battered women- they will be able to help you- if you mother is going to stand up for you- you will need some kind of protection

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I agree with this, but I worry about your mom as well. You need an order of protection immediately, however, even with that you are in danger. You and your mom need to get out. Then, the sheriff can remove him for trespassing. Don't wait until you or your mom is hurt again by him. He needs help controlling his anger. This is not your fault and there is nothing you can do to help him. Love yourself first and get the heck out of there. Get the protection you need. If it happens again, call the police and press charges. Keep him locked up until you feel safe. He sounds controlling and manipulative. Would he be mad if you got a job? Either way, you need to.

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Posted by Blu-ize

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Posted by Beth1210

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I don't understand why your Mom allowes this to go under her roof-

if I was in your situation- I would first off- get a job-

next get an order of protection- and kick him out of the house- also alert the neighbors of the situation and tell them to call the polic if they see him lurking

I wouldn't stay at the house much longer- but you have yourselves painted into a corner- the best bet for you might be to call a shelter for battered women- they will be able to help you- if you mother is going to stand up for you- you will need some kind of protection

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I agree with this, but I worry about your mom as well. You need an order of protection immediately, however, even with that you are in danger. You and your mom need to get out. Then, the sheriff can remove him for trespassing. Don't wait until you or your mom is hurt again by him. He needs help controlling his anger. This is not your fault and there is nothing you can do to help him. Love yourself first and get the heck out of there. Get the protection you need. If it happens again, call the police and press charges. Keep him locked up until you feel safe. He sounds controlling and manipulative. Would he be mad if you got a job? Either way, you need to.

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I work in this field and there are some things that I feel I must put out there. First is the sherriff being able to arrest on trespassing; it is not very likely that this will happen, there needs to be a formal eviction before hand otherwise he will claim that is his residence (which it is right now).

As for her having him arrested and keeping in jail until she feels safe; this is not how the criminal justice system works. More than likely, he will be arrested for an offense, spend the night in the Precinct then go to court to be arraigned in the morning. It is at the arraignment that the court can issue an Order of Protection; there are 2 types, a Stay Away which would remove him from the home and a Refrain From which would allow him to remain in the home but have to refrain from acts or threats of violence. She needs to go to the arraignment to request the Order of Protection. He will then either be released, or possibly have bail set according to his record, etc. If he is released or is able to pay his bail, he is free to go until the next court date. If he cannot pay his bail, he will remain for about 1 week and be arraigned again. What I'm trying to say is that it is a long process and it is not guaranteed that he will serve any jail time; the victim can request the order of protection which most times the court will grant and also convey their wishes to the District Attorney but if the abuser serves jail time is out of her hands.

It is very important for her to understand all of these things prior to going forward. There are many options for safety such as shelter, panic alarms in her home, changing the locks, etc. As always, if something is happening and you are in danger, call 911 immediately. If you plan on leaving, do so quietly as I've stated earlier as letting him know can place you in danger.

I'm sorry if this is too long, I just feel that this topic is too important for me not to contribute to.

I was in an abusive relationship at the start of college. I look back and can't believe I didn't get out earlier. I realized that I was afraid to leave because even though there were so many bad times, I made sure I only thought about the good times. I felt so bad about myself that I was almost too afraid to be on my own and without him.
He was the same way...always gave me flowers and apologized. If he apologizes and gives you amillion dollars, but then does it again...then it is meaningless.
You need to do whatever you have to in order to get away. Go to a good friend, a relative, a neighbor, anyone who will be there for you and help you. You have to be around people that will give you the strength to leave and never go back...that's what I did. I am not marrying the sweetest most wonderful and good hearted man. There is someone like that out there for you. It will be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but in the end you will be so proud of yourself for the strength that you had.
Good luck!!!