Brides Helping Brides ™ - VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Beth1210 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:31 AM

VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Ok- My Mom passed away about 10 months ago- My parents had been married for 32 years, very happily- after about 5 months my father decided he didn't want to be alone anymore and started dating-

He went out with one women and decided she is the greatest thing since sliced bread and has been going out with her ever since- FYI- she gross, ugly and IMO a GOLD DIGGER

So with my wedding rapidly apporching He is planning on bringing her- which I really don't want him to do- she makes me, my bro, my sis, my FH, cringe

I want my Dad to be happy- but isn't this MY DAY- he didn't even ask if I was ok with it- I almost freaked out yesterday when he asked why she wan't on the shower list! Today he send me her address for the wedding list

He is paying for the whole wedding- I feel like my back is up against the wall

I wanted to talk to him about it- but I feel like it's going to cause a huge fight

I really don't know what to do

ShelliNMando Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:35 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

That is a horrible situation...but if he is paying for the whole wedding I would let him bring who he wishes.

If your dad is happy or at least thinks he is happy that is very important. I am sure your mom would want him to be happy and not depressed.

5 months is quick but I think it is his way of dealing with your mom's passing.

So sorry!

suven Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:36 AM

.

maybride03 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:37 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I'm sorry about what you're going through... :( :( IMO, you should let her come to your wedding if it makes your dad happy. I know it's supposed to be your day and your wedding, but your dad is your dad and if it's going to cause a huge fight, it's totally not worth it. Even if she's there, you can treat her just like another guest - no need to elevate her into a parent-of-the-bride position or anything. You can still have your special time with your dad and the day of the wedding you'll be so busy greeting other guests and having a good time you won't even notice she's there. Good luck!!!

D&C Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:40 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

so sorry to hear this I can see both sides

1) This lady may bring up images of your mom and that may make you very sad, especially on your wedding day because you will be wishing your mom was there and not this lady that you hate

but

2) Your Dad is probably emoitonal as it is with losing his love of his life and now his little girl is getting married.

I kinda feel like you should say its ok for her to come. It is our parents days as much as it is ours. I dont think he is doing anything to out right hurt you. Wouldnt you rather have your dad have someone to talk to and laugh and dance with then sitting there alone sad over your mother's passing?

this is a tough one

Beth1210 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:44 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I just don't want people to be talking about my Dad and his date instead of me and my FH-

I just wish he would have asked me how I felt about it- he is so selfish lately-

D&C Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:46 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by Beth1210

I just don't want people to be talking about my Dad and his date instead of me and my FH-

I just wish he would have asked me how I felt about it- he is so selfish lately-

you are the bride, they will be staring at and talking about you girlfriend

shamrock12472 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:46 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I think you should really let your dad take whomever he wants to take. Regardless of who's paying, this woman is making your dad happy and he enjoys her company. Aside from any abusivness, fraud or deceitfulness on her part, you really shouldn't butt your nose into his business - he is the one spending time with her, not you. It doesn't matter if it is your day or not, you are inviting people so that they can enjoy themselves to.

italia6973 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:47 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I'm going through the same thing. My dad wants to bring this woman to the wedding which he is paying for. She's nice enough, but we don't really know her that well, plus my grandmother (my mom's mom) will there and that will be just so hard for her to deal with. I told him going through this whole process of planning a wedding without my mom has been hard enough on me already. To see him there with someone else would put me over the edge. Plus I'm doing a lot of different things to honor my mom. He hasn't mentioned her again. I just hope out of respect for mine, my sister's and my grandmother's feelings he just leaves her out of it.

bluesashbride Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:48 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

i think if your dad is paying and he wants her there then there's little you can do. but maybe you can talk to him about you feelings overall-really nicely-that seeing him date again just kinda causes mixed emotions. you're happy he's happy but seeing him with someone other than your mom is tough and it'll be even harder at your wedding. he may understand...maybe even offer to go it alone, but i'm not sure i would ask him to go alone.

shamrock12472 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:49 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by Beth1210

I just don't want people to be talking about my Dad and his date instead of me and my FH-

I just wish he would have asked me how I felt about it- he is so selfish lately-

With all due respect, this is rather childish. Is it at all possible that you are still grieving about your mother and this is how your grief is manisfesting itself? I also don't think it is selfish that your father wants to continue living a fulfilling and healthy life.

simbacat Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:52 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by ShelliNMando

That is a horrible situation...but if he is paying for the whole wedding I would let him bring who he wishes.

If your dad is happy or at least thinks he is happy that is very important. I am sure your mom would want him to be happy and not depressed.

5 months is quick but I think it is his way of dealing with your mom's passing.

So sorry!

I'm sorry, but I agree with this.

jantany26 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:53 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by shamrock12472

Posted by Beth1210

I just don't want people to be talking about my Dad and his date instead of me and my FH-

I just wish he would have asked me how I felt about it- he is so selfish lately-

With all due respect, this is rather childish. Is it at all possible that you are still grieving about your mother and this is how your grief is manisfesting itself? I also don't think it is selfish that your father wants to continue living a fulfilling and healthy life.

I have to say that I agree. It's your day but you also need to think about your father's feelings. If he is happy and wants to be with her, you need to be there for him.jmho

Beth1210 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:53 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by shamrock12472

Posted by Beth1210

I just don't want people to be talking about my Dad and his date instead of me and my FH-

I just wish he would have asked me how I felt about it- he is so selfish lately-

With all due respect, this is rather childish. Is it at all possible that you are still grieving about your mother and this is how your grief is manisfesting itself? I also don't think it is selfish that your father wants to continue living a fulfilling and healthy life.

Maybe you didn't read my whole email- My Mom died 10 months ago- if you haven't lost your MOM I really don't think you have the right to call me selfish-

I have had to plan everything with her- Have sales people in stores ask me why my MOM isn't here

Of couse I am still grieving- I had/have a GREAT family-

Don't you think it's weird and hard for me to see my Dad with another women?? Who I only met once???

shamrock12472 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:57 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I completely understand how hard it is losing a parent and you don't ever get over it. I also know how weird it is to see that parent with someone else. I am very happy that my mother has been able to find someone and move on with her life so that she can be happy. I was just trying to offer a different view of things and a more objective opinion. I am not trying to upset you at all.

TEDNJENN Posted: Jul 20, 2005 10:58 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I know where you are coming from. My mom died 12 years ago and dad started dating after 2 years of being alone. Unfortunately he started dating my moms 1st cousin. My father is the most wonderful man in the world and i would do anything for him... Even though NO ONE likes his now wife( my cousin) Everyone loves him and respects that he is happy. I hate the fact that she will be walking into my reception on my fathers arm instead of my mom but he is happy and i know she is not replacing my mother. If you love your father let him be happy and remember its your day, the focus is on you. Not your fathers date!!

Good luck!

acre730 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 11:01 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. It is so hard, especially since it hasn't been that long. If I were you I would really talk to my dad about it and really let him know how you felt. Maybe talking about it with him will allow you each to see the others opinions more clearly.... I know that you feel like you 'should' invite her, but I also know how hard it must feel to have your wedding day without you mother around. My real feeling is that it is your day and you should do what makes you comfortable.

ML110 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 11:02 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

i agree with the others.... weddings are expensive and your dad is probably making some sacrifices to pay for the whole thing for you... and if this is the only ' request' hes made... i'd say you're lucky!!
let him bring her... its not gonna take the attention off of you and your husband at all.... like someone else said, you don't have to elevate her to the mother of the bride postion or anything special like that...she'll just be another guest. its a special day your your WHOLE Family... let your dad enjoy it, too.

Beth1210 Posted: Jul 20, 2005 11:16 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

Posted by italia6973

I'm going through the same thing. My dad wants to bring this woman to the wedding which he is paying for. She's nice enough, but we don't really know her that well, plus my grandmother (my mom's mom) will there and that will be just so hard for her to deal with. I told him going through this whole process of planning a wedding without my mom has been hard enough on me already. To see him there with someone else would put me over the edge. Plus I'm doing a lot of different things to honor my mom. He hasn't mentioned her again. I just hope out of respect for mine, my sister's and my grandmother's feelings he just leaves her out of it.

I am sorry you are going thru this also- yeah this women was nice the first and only time I met her- I just don't want my grandma to be upset- plus my brother and sister are also upset about this

My sister still lives at home and she has to deal with the situation more then I do- My bro hasn't met her yet-

He even asked me for order a courasge for her- He is very wrapped up in this women- and isn't thinking clearly- he bought a boat- not b/c he loves boats and has always wanted one - but b/c she loves boats- and He had been planning on buying a new corvett- but now he isn't b/c she has one

I just feel like he is moving WAY to fast- I would have liked him to date mulitpule women- less seriously-

He hasn't dated anyone since 1970- the world has changed

suven Posted: Jul 20, 2005 11:19 AM

Re: VENT- what would you do? ( LONG)

If you think the conversation would get heated, you could try to get him involved in some of the 'honoring Mom' ideas.

Tell him you're going to honor her in the ceremony. Ask him for input on phrases to include in your program to honor your mom. Maybe then he will realize that this is a VERY sensitive issue for you?