Between your parents and his parents about how the wedding will be paid for?? I know that these days the bride and groom tend to pay a lot more (or the whole thing)....but in some families both parents contribute as well.
I ask because there is a HUGE debate over if this 'discussion' is appropriate. FH thinks that it is not appropriate to talk about money and I think, while that may be true in most cases, that this is a special situation. FIL's have not discussed if they are helping with the wedding at all. I think that they should have at least mentioned something to FH. I am not saying that they have to contribute, but I think it is important for us TO KNOW so that we are not floating around in limbo and we cant make a budget.
Also, my mom scheduled a lunch date with his mom and she mentioned that she would like to talk about 'how everyone is going to contibute' to her when they shcedule the lunch. FH tells me last night that his mother is offended that my mother asked. NOW WHAT??? This is causing a HUGE strained on me and FH. Its TOO SOON for this tension!!!
Sorry...had to vent
Your thoughts???
OK--So talked to FH and he is sticking to the 'dont talk about money thing'. SO, I talked to my mom and asked her to please not mention money when she goes to lunch with FMIL tomorrow. She responds with 'well, I'm just gonna cancel now because that was the purpose of the meeting'. I am like 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME??'...Just go to lunch and be an adult about it. I told her that I dont understand where she is coming from because it was our understanding from the beginning that they were not helping us pay for the wedding. I dont know if my mom thought that she was going to use her magic powers and change FMIL's mind, but like I said, maybe she needed to hear it right from her. SOOO--now I dont even know if she is going to cancel the lunch because she got all pissed off and just sat and watched tv--then 10 minutes later she changed the subject and went to bed. And to TOP IT ALL OFF, the 4 of us are supposed to be going to Giorgios for the Expo tomorrow night. SHOULD BE A GREAT TIME!!! (Someone stangle me PALEASE ). So thats the most recent update.
M&LSept1606
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Re: Was there a discussion????
no discussion-my Dad is paying for most. I assume his parents aren't paying for anything. So I already added it in my budget. If they end up paying for some or a few things it will just be extra money I wouldn't have had.
MissingTheBGene
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Re: Was there a discussion????
No discussion. And we do not discuss with either sets of parents who is contributing what. It's just easier that way.
JessicaM.
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Re: Was there a discussion????
everyone's situation is different, but from what you have said, I think it will be a VERY BAD IDEA for your mom to mention ANYTHING about contributions to the wedding costs.
if his mom is easily offended and your mom is easily pissed, this could lead to an unnecessary disaster.
Best bet is for you to be the go between in this situation- and tell your mom that money talk are OFF LIMITS at their luncheon. you should just tell your mom that as far as you know they are not contributing to the cost of the wedding- then your mom can set a limit on guests- then FH can tell his parents the limit and say if they want to go over fine, but they have to pay up after that.
july06bride
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Re: Was there a discussion????
there was never a discussion between families... we always knew my family would be paying for the entire reception so that was not an issue, as far as the vendors that ball was all ours until fh's family decided to pay for the majority of the vendors...the discussions were more with us and in laws and us and my parents..
good luck krista!
jes81276
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Re: Was there a discussion????
No discussion. As soon as we got engaged my parents told us that they would pay for the reception and my dress. So far, we haven't heard anything from FH's parents and I am just assuming that they are not giving us any $ - if they do then it will be extra money that we didn't count on, which will be great.
soontobemrsv
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Re: Was there a discussion????
We had that discussion and my parents got together with his parents and they discussesd it. My parents are paying for the Reception and FH parents are chipping in for all the extras and so are we. Everybody has a part
MrsP2Be
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Re: Was there a discussion????
I started a thread about this when the **** hit the fan a few months ago.
My parents invited his parents over for dinner to talk about it..and his father told us he'd only pay for a band, that he was 'done' with paying for weddings after his daughters wedding.
He knew we only wanted a DJ, but he was not willing to put the extra thousand towards the general wedding cost. Later on he said he might be willing to pay for 20 people, but it will come out of our wedding present!! My FIL's are not hard up for cash, they just choose not to spend it on their son. People are blown away when we say their unwillingness to chip in considering what they have. My mother even told him to his face he's stuck in another era. Yeah, they probably won't be getting together again anytime soon. He told my parents that they want him to pay for the wedding of my dreams and he doesn't want to do that.
My parents put them on a budget of 50 invited guests (which I thought it was nice, considering what a jerk he's been) and we've never heard anything else about it. My FH has a feeling he'll chip in eventually but I'm not holding my breath.
MrsP2Be
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Re: Was there a discussion????
I am just SO frustrated because now my mom and his mom are going to lunch tomorrow and I know that its going to get blown WAY out of proportion and his mom is going to end up getting OFFENDED while my mom is going to be PISSED!!! ERRGGG!!!
Sounds JUST like my family..only it was his dad that was offended..but it was my mom who was pissed!
Goldi1021
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Re: Was there a discussion????
The circumstances around my wedding were certainly unique in a very sad way. FH and I started dating about 6 months before my father was last placed in the hospital. As Dad became increasingly ill, FH and I got more and more serious. By the time we knew we'd get married, my siblings and mother agreed that it would be necessary to re-work my parent's estate in the event that Dad passed and also in the event that mom's heart surgery rendered her unable to advocate for the family. In the midst of that process, it was my brother who said (before we were officially enagaged) that my mother should bequeath a trust in the sum of a certain amount of money to apply to my wedding (I guess they knew FH was the one) because if mom should pass as well, at least we wouldn't have to worry about financing this huge event.
Once Mom recovered from her surgery and completed cardiac rehab, we had to focus our energies on making Dad as comfortable as possible as long as he was able to sustain life. As we were doing that, FH and I got engaged.
It was never a good time to have 'the discussion' but I think my FIL's knew that they wouldn't be able to contribute financially. I begged my mother to call my FMIL to begin the congratulations between the families and she did. At that time FMIL said she would like to 'participate' in the wedding but did not and has yet to offer a sum of money. I know FH wishes they would or could but it is becoming more apprent that they can't. That is fine. People do what they can.
Dad passed a little over 2 weeks ago and Mom herself is elderly. FH and I are doing whatever WE can to contribute to lessen the financial and emotional burdens on her. Any sum of money contributed would be helpful at this point. Even $1000 would cover the cost of at least 7 or 8 guests with tax and gratuity.
I am willing to put buying my own home on hold for an extra year or two so I can have this day. I waited so long for this and I know I deserve it.
Sorry for the rant - I needed to vent.
JanuaryBride06
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Re: Was there a discussion????
apparently his mom called my mom and they discussed. conveniently, his mother has forgotten the conversation.
NPTbride
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Re: Was there a discussion???? (UPDATED)
Posted by kissy27
There has never been a discussion between the 2 families & there never will be one...FH & I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. We decided to have it this way because we wanted to have total control & say over our wedding. After all it is 'our day' & we want to have what we want!
