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we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

Original post by eddies girl

ok quick background--its going to be nine yrs in two weeks and in those nine yrs we broke up twice-we both did it once and both times it was for about 5 months and we both were with another person--so we started dating in 98 and i broke up with him in 03 and then he broke up with me in 05..we got back together and 6 months later we were engaged and everything was wonderful at first but for the past i guess 3 or 4 months or so we have not been very good...for starters he lives upstate and has since we broke up in 05 bc he was living here bc his parents bought a house and he didnt want to move up there..so i only see him sat night till monday..so our problem is that we dont talk--like we dont have fun and we dont have anything to say anymore so when we talk durin the week its like 5 min conversations and its just like how was ur day blah blah...i thought that ur bf/fh/whatever should bring out the best in you but i dont think we do that for each other...so today we were talking about us because we also talked about this two weeks ago and we said we would see what happens and we basically are going to talk when i see him next time but i dont think we are going to make it...theres so many things about each other that we both dont like that we realize are never going to change and he said he thinks that we just grew up into different people and hes like are you honestly sad about this and i said no and hes like im not either...of course we are both sad but i think we both kinda knew that this wasnt going to last and i think that when we got back together last time we thought ok we are going to get engaged and thats it but every reason we broke up those times hasnt changed and what bothers me the most about this is that im sooo scared...scared that im not going to find somebody else who i will love again and who will love me...im 23 and i always pictured myself married and with children at a young age...im sorry this is so long but i thought maybe u girls might have some comments or anything..thanks for listening


OK FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND BEST WISHES AND ALSO TO THE GIRLS THAT FORWARDED ME...WE DIDNT TALK UNTIL LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE CAME HERE TONIGHT AROUND 8 AND LEFT ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO AND WE JUST KNEW IT WAS OVER AND WE CRIED AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING WE WERE FEELING AND HOW WE CANT PICTURE BEING WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT THATS NOT A REASON TO STAY TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND HOW WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE JUST HUGGED AND KISSED GOODBYE AND I RETURNED THE RING AND THATS WHEN WE BOTH REALLY BROKE DOWN...BUT WE BOTH FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEST BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVENT BEEN HAPPY IN A LONG TIME AND MAYBE WE SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND JUST BECAUSE WE MISSED EACH OTHER WE MISTOOK THAT FOR HAVING TO BE TOGETHER AND OF COURSE WE WONT BE OVER EACH OTHER IN A FEW MONTHS..ITS BEEN NINE YRS AND IF ITS TRUE THAT IT TAKES HALF THE LENGTH OF THE TIME YOU WERE TOGETHER TO GET OVER THE PERSON WELL THEN I AM SCREWED!!! LOL...BUT I FEEL GOOD AND WE SAID THAT AFTER TIME WHEN WE ARE OVER EACH OTHER THAT WE HOPEFULLY CAN BECOME FRIENDS BUT OBVIOUSLY NOW WE WONT TALK AS MUCH BECAUSE WE DONT WANT WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TWO TIMES ...WELL GIRLS I MAY COME BACK TIME TO TIME BC I THINK THIS IS GREAT THERAPY BUT FOR NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE ME TIME AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT...GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WEDDING PLANS!! AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING
Princess Cut Bride Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by jdienstag

I am so happy that you both are realizing this before it was too late. I know how hard this must be on you but imagine if you did get married and 5 yrs from now one of you decided to end it. Well then it would be a lot harder to walk away and there might have been children involved. This sounds like it is for the best

One quick story to help.
My mom amd dad had dated since they were 13. Married at 18. Had me at 19. Right before their 20 yr. anniversary, my dad left her for another woman. This was the only man my mom had ever been with. She thought her life would be over. She had 3 kids and no career. BUT a short time later she met a man a t a deli and they went on a date and have been married for about 7 years.
Moral of the story is that it is never too late to fall in love and youre never too old to find love.
Good Luck to you.


Very well said Jess.

Samantha...Jess is right...before you make any kind of decision think it over long and see if you can picture yourself happy in the long run.

Good luck!!
Kimbalina Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

You are young and deserve to be with some one who wants you, as you are now

tara08 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Im really sorry that you are going through all this but know that if you have a feeling that its a mistake than dont go through with it... you definitely will find someone who will love you...i know in your head you had a plan to be a young married mother but know that plans always change and when they do most of the time its for the better. I was in a really long relationship and when wer broke up i felt like my world was over.... years later after meeting fh i can honestly say breaking up was the best thing that happened to me.
hth
LoveisBliss Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I hope you can work things out...

23 is sooo young! I was almost 27 when I met FH and had just gotten out of a very serious relationship 3 weeks prior that was leading up to engagement and marriage... Completely unexpectedly, I met FH and after some time passed I just KNEW he was 'the one'... that made everyone else just 'someone' very unimportant... about 4 months later and FH & I were engaged! And I never looked back...

Life is funny like that... You never know what lies ahead and what you're destined for... The plans and goals we set for ourselves are not always necesserily what life wants for us...

Your reason for marriage should never be 'well we've been together forever, where do i even begin to meet someone new.. i'm so old.. i don't want to start all over'

Always trust your judgment... you don't want to be forever unhappy because of a mistake... Just think what you could be giving up...

Espo22 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I am so sorry to hear this ...it sounds like you really thought this through...I hope whatever you choose will make you happy in the end and be the right decision for you.

I was in a very similar situation. I started dating someone when i was 15-16 years old. Our relationship wasn't the greatest but we stayed together for about 8 years. ...We fought ALOT!!!, we had a difference in opinion about someones role in a relationship. It was weird bc whenever i pictured our future together I would always think of so many things we would have to overcome but knew deep down inside that it would not happen...I couldnt sit there and picture this happy life together. Of course it wasn't all bad and there were times we didnt fight lol. But I just got used to that type of relationship, and it became routine...In my head i began to believe this is what a normal relationship is all about. I mean he loved me right what more do i need ...Of course we broke up a couple of times, and each break up was different, either i did the breaking up and he was all depressed and i was busy focusing on myself, or he did the breaking up and i was upset and he was busy focusing on himself. Its funny bc alot of ppl would bring up marriage to me and i would say ugh we have time, i couldnt picture being married to him bc of all the other things going on, which should've told me something lol.

Well obviously we did eventually break up, it was the weirdest thing too...we got into a HUGE fight one night, i went home and i was just honestly so tired and emotionally drained of all that, i just couldn't take it anymore and i never called.
About 3 weeks-1month go by and he calls me flipping out bc he was waiting for me to call bc he thought i owed him an appology...During that time i focused on myself, did my own thing...I had realized what an unhappy person i had become. I was always in a bad mood, ready to flip out on someone at any given moment. I hated what i had become. All of a sudden i was so stress free without him in my life, didnt worry about arguements or stupid things, i instantly became alot happier. I realized then that i can and should live without him. Its not easy though to leave a sure thing, and then all of a sudden put yourself out there again...You're leaving behind everything you've known for such a long time. Now you're entering a world where you dont know what will happen or what you will find.

It was the best decision i made...Also no matter what i did go through in the past, it made me who i am today. Entering the relationship with FH, i knew how to handle things now, i approached arguements differently, i handled him differently, all because i remember from the past how some things aren't worth it or it gets you nowhere. Learning from my past relationship experiences, has given me the relationship i am in now, one that i can look to the future and see myself being happy, finally getting treated the way i wanted to be treated, except the 1 year affair of course LOL(hes not lol, its a joke for anyone who missed this last week)

Sorry i wrote so long, but the same way i learned from my experiences, maybe others can learn from my experience.

Good luck with whatever happens, and wish you the best.
eddies girl Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

thanks again everybody for ur support...denise thank you for such a long message but i really connected to your story about u and ur ex because thats how i feel..its not like anything has happened, its not like we fight all the time, we just dont bring out the best in each other and thats not how i want to be for the rest of my life. i want to laugh and love and be happy forever and i dont see that with him...what really hit me is when you said, 'Its not easy though to leave a sure thing, and then all of a sudden put yourself out there again...You're leaving behind everything you've known for such a long time. Now you're entering a world where you dont know what will happen or what you will find.' it gave me chills reading it...i think we got engaged thinking that we got back together and that was it and that was the next step and we got so involved in planning the wedding that we didnt think about the marriage and somewhere along the way the same reasons we broke up the two previous times came back..because when u break up and get back together ur not thinking bout the bad and stuff that broke u up, ur just thinking bout how much u miss the person and how could this little thing or that little thing bother u but it came back..not saying that it happens to everybody but in our case it did so thursday he is actually sleeping over bc he lives upstate and we will talk more but we havent talked since sunday..so i will be back on here after we talk
eddies girl Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

oh but denise what did u mean by the one year affair??

Espo22 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by eddies girl

oh but denise what did u mean by the one year affair??


LOL no it was a joke hes not having an affair, some tried causing drama on LIW, its nothing
Espo22 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by eddies girl

thanks again everybody for ur support...denise thank you for such a long message but i really connected to your story about u and ur ex because thats how i feel..its not like anything has happened, its not like we fight all the time, we just dont bring out the best in each other and thats not how i want to be for the rest of my life. i want to laugh and love and be happy forever and i dont see that with him...what really hit me is when you said, 'Its not easy though to leave a sure thing, and then all of a sudden put yourself out there again...You're leaving behind everything you've known for such a long time. Now you're entering a world where you dont know what will happen or what you will find.' it gave me chills reading it...i think we got engaged thinking that we got back together and that was it and that was the next step and we got so involved in planning the wedding that we didnt think about the marriage and somewhere along the way the same reasons we broke up the two previous times came back..because when u break up and get back together ur not thinking bout the bad and stuff that broke u up, ur just thinking bout how much u miss the person and how could this little thing or that little thing bother u but it came back..not saying that it happens to everybody but in our case it did so thursday he is actually sleeping over bc he lives upstate and we will talk more but we havent talked since sunday..so i will be back on here after we talk


I understand that feeling completely...Some people just stay together bc its what they are comfortable with, they dont question their own happiness or if this is truly the best thing for them...I dont know you or your Fh so can't judge what the situation really is...But obviously it is how you feel...The best thing you can do is to talk to him, both of you put all your feelings out there in the open. Then take time for yourself, and just see how it goes...Just wait and see how it makes you feel, are you happier, do you feel you're better off? It will all be answered on its own, nothing you can do but just wait and see how you'll feel...It is an extremely hard situation and such a confusing time, you don't know whether or not you are making the right decision or not, but everything happens for a reason and deep down you know what the right answer is.

Some people just stay together for the sake of being together, dont get married for that reason...Maybe for you two its different i have no clue, but this is the time both of you need to evaluate what you both want out of your own lives, your relationship together and is this the best thing for the both of you.
eddies girl Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

i updated on first page

Kimbalina Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

BEST wishes to you and I hope that you get everything around you that you want and deserve!
Mrs.D08 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

Well, Good Luck with everything.
graezie Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

hi sam,
you might not be able to read this anymore but just in case... i wish you well. like i said before, hope you find love again. be strong.
big hugs.
Rissespieces Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

I'm so sorry this happened but i wish you luck in the future!

ShanonandSteve Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

BIG hugs Samantha.

Good luck with everything!

blu6385 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

i am sorry this happen to you
Luvbsb4eva Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

I am so sorry! Just remember that everything happens for a reason and that you will be ok!
Blondie77 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

you are so young - you have your whole life ahead of you. you will be a stronger person after this experience - stay true to yourself and good luck! enjoy your twenties! and you will meet someone perfect for you!!

angl2001 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

I am so sorry you guys couldnt work it out. I guess its for the best! You dont want to go into a marriage not being sure of it ya know? I wish you the best of luck. Hope you do pop in from time to time! we will miss you
good luck!!
LoveisBliss Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE



So sorry to hear this! I wish you all the best!

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