we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

ok quick background--its going to be nine yrs in two weeks and in those nine yrs we broke up twice-we both did it once and both times it was for about 5 months and we both were with another person--so we started dating in 98 and i broke up with him in 03 and then he broke up with me in 05..we got back together and 6 months later we were engaged and everything was wonderful at first but for the past i guess 3 or 4 months or so we have not been very good...for starters he lives upstate and has since we broke up in 05 bc he was living here bc his parents bought a house and he didnt want to move up there..so i only see him sat night till monday..so our problem is that we dont talk--like we dont have fun and we dont have anything to say anymore so when we talk durin the week its like 5 min conversations and its just like how was ur day blah blah...i thought that ur bf/fh/whatever should bring out the best in you but i dont think we do that for each other...so today we were talking about us because we also talked about this two weeks ago and we said we would see what happens and we basically are going to talk when i see him next time but i dont think we are going to make it...theres so many things about each other that we both dont like that we realize are never going to change and he said he thinks that we just grew up into different people and hes like are you honestly sad about this and i said no and hes like im not either...of course we are both sad but i think we both kinda knew that this wasnt going to last and i think that when we got back together last time we thought ok we are going to get engaged and thats it but every reason we broke up those times hasnt changed and what bothers me the most about this is that im sooo scared...scared that im not going to find somebody else who i will love again and who will love me...im 23 and i always pictured myself married and with children at a young age...im sorry this is so long but i thought maybe u girls might have some comments or anything..thanks for listening


OK FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND BEST WISHES AND ALSO TO THE GIRLS THAT FORWARDED ME...WE DIDNT TALK UNTIL LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE CAME HERE TONIGHT AROUND 8 AND LEFT ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO AND WE JUST KNEW IT WAS OVER AND WE CRIED AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING WE WERE FEELING AND HOW WE CANT PICTURE BEING WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT THATS NOT A REASON TO STAY TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND HOW WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE JUST HUGGED AND KISSED GOODBYE AND I RETURNED THE RING AND THATS WHEN WE BOTH REALLY BROKE DOWN...BUT WE BOTH FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEST BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVENT BEEN HAPPY IN A LONG TIME AND MAYBE WE SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND JUST BECAUSE WE MISSED EACH OTHER WE MISTOOK THAT FOR HAVING TO BE TOGETHER AND OF COURSE WE WONT BE OVER EACH OTHER IN A FEW MONTHS..ITS BEEN NINE YRS AND IF ITS TRUE THAT IT TAKES HALF THE LENGTH OF THE TIME YOU WERE TOGETHER TO GET OVER THE PERSON WELL THEN I AM SCREWED!!! LOL...BUT I FEEL GOOD AND WE SAID THAT AFTER TIME WHEN WE ARE OVER EACH OTHER THAT WE HOPEFULLY CAN BECOME FRIENDS BUT OBVIOUSLY NOW WE WONT TALK AS MUCH BECAUSE WE DONT WANT WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TWO TIMES ...WELL GIRLS I MAY COME BACK TIME TO TIME BC I THINK THIS IS GREAT THERAPY BUT FOR NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE ME TIME AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT...GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WEDDING PLANS!! AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING