we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE
Original post by eddies girl
ok quick background--its going to be nine yrs in two weeks and in those nine yrs we broke up twice-we both did it once and both times it was for about 5 months and we both were with another person--so we started dating in 98 and i broke up with him in 03 and then he broke up with me in 05..we got back together and 6 months later we were engaged and everything was wonderful at first but for the past i guess 3 or 4 months or so we have not been very good...for starters he lives upstate and has since we broke up in 05 bc he was living here bc his parents bought a house and he didnt want to move up there..so i only see him sat night till monday..so our problem is that we dont talk--like we dont have fun and we dont have anything to say anymore so when we talk durin the week its like 5 min conversations and its just like how was ur day blah blah...i thought that ur bf/fh/whatever should bring out the best in you but i dont think we do that for each other...so today we were talking about us because we also talked about this two weeks ago and we said we would see what happens and we basically are going to talk when i see him next time but i dont think we are going to make it...theres so many things about each other that we both dont like that we realize are never going to change and he said he thinks that we just grew up into different people and hes like are you honestly sad about this and i said no and hes like im not either...of course we are both sad but i think we both kinda knew that this wasnt going to last and i think that when we got back together last time we thought ok we are going to get engaged and thats it but every reason we broke up those times hasnt changed and what bothers me the most about this is that im sooo scared...scared that im not going to find somebody else who i will love again and who will love me...im 23 and i always pictured myself married and with children at a young age...im sorry this is so long but i thought maybe u girls might have some comments or anything..thanks for listening
OK FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND BEST WISHES AND ALSO TO THE GIRLS THAT FORWARDED ME...WE DIDNT TALK UNTIL LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE CAME HERE TONIGHT AROUND 8 AND LEFT ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO AND WE JUST KNEW IT WAS OVER AND WE CRIED AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING WE WERE FEELING AND HOW WE CANT PICTURE BEING WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT THATS NOT A REASON TO STAY TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND HOW WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE JUST HUGGED AND KISSED GOODBYE AND I RETURNED THE RING AND THATS WHEN WE BOTH REALLY BROKE DOWN...BUT WE BOTH FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEST BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVENT BEEN HAPPY IN A LONG TIME AND MAYBE WE SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND JUST BECAUSE WE MISSED EACH OTHER WE MISTOOK THAT FOR HAVING TO BE TOGETHER AND OF COURSE WE WONT BE OVER EACH OTHER IN A FEW MONTHS..ITS BEEN NINE YRS AND IF ITS TRUE THAT IT TAKES HALF THE LENGTH OF THE TIME YOU WERE TOGETHER TO GET OVER THE PERSON WELL THEN I AM SCREWED!!! LOL...BUT I FEEL GOOD AND WE SAID THAT AFTER TIME WHEN WE ARE OVER EACH OTHER THAT WE HOPEFULLY CAN BECOME FRIENDS BUT OBVIOUSLY NOW WE WONT TALK AS MUCH BECAUSE WE DONT WANT WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TWO TIMES ...WELL GIRLS I MAY COME BACK TIME TO TIME BC I THINK THIS IS GREAT THERAPY BUT FOR NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE ME TIME AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT...GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WEDDING PLANS!! AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING
JeanetteandSteve
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
i am so sorry this is happening to you now, but i am also happy for you that you realized this before you got married.
forget the cost of the wedding for a moment (which is pretty hard to do b/c we all know we're not just talking a few bucks here) but imagine you DID get married at this age, had kids and THEN realized it wasn't working. it would have killed you and you would have lived with guilt doing that to your children, etc. etc. etc. i know it's hard to think about it this way, but please try and see the positive.
and i know it's hard to imagine, but you will most definitely find someone else who you will love, who will love you, and who will be your other half. maybe this happened for a reason...that reason being so that you will be careful and wait for the person who truly is the one you were meant to be with.
i hope the pain doesn't last too long, you seem to be in a really good place right now, ready to deal with it. i wish you the best and i know whatever happens, it will be for the best.
jgl
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
oh my, i am so sorry!!!! I truly wish you the best!!! If both your hearts are not into it and you are not surprised by all this, then it's probably the right decision and its better that you both find this out now and see if you dont belong together now, before you get married.
If the path you take is to seperate.. i know that you will find love and happiness again!! you are a young woman with a great big heart! There are plenty of men out there looking for just that!!
GL
chrispar
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
So sorry that you are going through all of this. It seems that you are prepared for what could happen. If you need to talk let us know!
Munchkn16
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I've been there... I was with my ex for a long time, longer than I should have...because I was afraid that no one else would ever love me. I was 22 at the time. But I realized that staying with someone b/c you're afraid to be alone isn't the solution, either.
You DESERVE someone that is going to bring out the best in you. someone that you will love you back as much as you love them someone that you can spend your life with and not regret it
And you will find it. You might not be 23 when you get married, but it'll be to the right person.
Whatever happens... good luck.
ama1771
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
Fall Bride 2008
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I am so sorry that you guys are going through this and I hope you both get what you want out of life regardless of what decision you guys come to. Hang in there!
eddies girl
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thanks again girls...im seeing him on thurs and we are goin to talk in person so ill keep u updated
KickinDandelions
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good luck!! we'll be here whenever you need
Crystan08
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ShanonandSteve
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
good luck samantha! I hope everything works out for the best.
we are all here for you.
FutureMrsRice
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I broke up with someone that I thought I would marry when I was 23 and I was devestated!
I know how lost you must feel and how sad you can be. BUT! After that break up I started dating someone new and now at 25 I am getting married to him. I can't even imagine marrying the other guy. You have plenty of time and you can still be a young bride and mother
Much love!!
JM4EVA
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Mrs.D08
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
Good Luck. I hope everything goes the way you want it.
LuvMyAlfonse
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I am so sorry! I hope everything works out for you...
megzzie
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I'm so sorry you're going through this
Marriage is for life, and if you feel in your heart that you've drifted apart and he is not the one, that's okay - it's better that you realize it now than later on when you're already married and children are involved.
I hope everything works out for the best!
Belongs2DanBuckley
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
That really $ucks! Listen, take some time and collect yourselves...its probably just jitters. Everyone goes through this at some point. You guys are really young. When I was 23 I went through alot of sh*t with my FH, we even broke up for a while, but honestly....it was the best thing that ever happened to us. We realized that we would have been lost without each other and even though we knew before it was a certainty now. On the other hand, if it really isn't meant to be you cant force it. I know you want to get married but don't get married because you want to be married.....you should really know that FOR BETTER OR WORSE you want to spend the rest of your life with this person...if that's not something you are absolutely sure of- don't do it....its not worth it. Take some time and figure it out.
Good luck....we're all here for you!
failurebydsign
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
You will find love again..I did
I was in a relationship for 4 years..Even engaged..I was much younger..I was only 19 when we broke the engagement..But here I am..Only 3 years later marrying the man of my dreams and IM happy the other one didn't work out because I would have never found FH..IM still young..Ill only be 22 when we are married..But you will find love again..Promise
Bella77
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I am sorry this is happening! The tone in your writing shows that you know what you're doing though, and can be honest enough with him, and with yourself, that things aren't right, for whatever reason.
I know you're scared because you don't know yourself without him after all these years. But this can be a very positive thing - to get to know yourself, as an adult woman. You already have a good head on your shoulders, and finding another love is the LAST thing you should worry about - you are so young!! (I bet you're tired of ppl saying that) Just work on finding you, and be thankful that it would end like this, instead of built up anger and bitterness.
you'll be in my thoughts - good luck on thursday..
MissMath
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
Sweetie! I went through the same thing ( I just wasnt engaged). I was 23 with the guy for four years and things just went sour. WE grew so far apart but we styaed together out of convience instead of love. Now I am here 3 years older, wiser, and in love with the man of my dreams. If it is not meant to be then let go! Something more meant for you will come your way. I promise you! Your happiness is key here. Just have faith and be strong!
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad
I'm so sorry.. i hope everything works out for the best..and don't worry i feel everything happens for a reason! 23 is still young! don't worry you will find love again..