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we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

eddies girl Posted:

we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad...UPDATE

ok quick background--its going to be nine yrs in two weeks and in those nine yrs we broke up twice-we both did it once and both times it was for about 5 months and we both were with another person--so we started dating in 98 and i broke up with him in 03 and then he broke up with me in 05..we got back together and 6 months later we were engaged and everything was wonderful at first but for the past i guess 3 or 4 months or so we have not been very good...for starters he lives upstate and has since we broke up in 05 bc he was living here bc his parents bought a house and he didnt want to move up there..so i only see him sat night till monday..so our problem is that we dont talk--like we dont have fun and we dont have anything to say anymore so when we talk durin the week its like 5 min conversations and its just like how was ur day blah blah...i thought that ur bf/fh/whatever should bring out the best in you but i dont think we do that for each other...so today we were talking about us because we also talked about this two weeks ago and we said we would see what happens and we basically are going to talk when i see him next time but i dont think we are going to make it...theres so many things about each other that we both dont like that we realize are never going to change and he said he thinks that we just grew up into different people and hes like are you honestly sad about this and i said no and hes like im not either...of course we are both sad but i think we both kinda knew that this wasnt going to last and i think that when we got back together last time we thought ok we are going to get engaged and thats it but every reason we broke up those times hasnt changed and what bothers me the most about this is that im sooo scared...scared that im not going to find somebody else who i will love again and who will love me...im 23 and i always pictured myself married and with children at a young age...im sorry this is so long but i thought maybe u girls might have some comments or anything..thanks for listening


OK FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND BEST WISHES AND ALSO TO THE GIRLS THAT FORWARDED ME...WE DIDNT TALK UNTIL LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE CAME HERE TONIGHT AROUND 8 AND LEFT ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO AND WE JUST KNEW IT WAS OVER AND WE CRIED AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING WE WERE FEELING AND HOW WE CANT PICTURE BEING WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT THATS NOT A REASON TO STAY TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED AND HOW WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE JUST HUGGED AND KISSED GOODBYE AND I RETURNED THE RING AND THATS WHEN WE BOTH REALLY BROKE DOWN...BUT WE BOTH FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEST BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVENT BEEN HAPPY IN A LONG TIME AND MAYBE WE SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND JUST BECAUSE WE MISSED EACH OTHER WE MISTOOK THAT FOR HAVING TO BE TOGETHER AND OF COURSE WE WONT BE OVER EACH OTHER IN A FEW MONTHS..ITS BEEN NINE YRS AND IF ITS TRUE THAT IT TAKES HALF THE LENGTH OF THE TIME YOU WERE TOGETHER TO GET OVER THE PERSON WELL THEN I AM SCREWED!!! LOL...BUT I FEEL GOOD AND WE SAID THAT AFTER TIME WHEN WE ARE OVER EACH OTHER THAT WE HOPEFULLY CAN BECOME FRIENDS BUT OBVIOUSLY NOW WE WONT TALK AS MUCH BECAUSE WE DONT WANT WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TWO TIMES ...WELL GIRLS I MAY COME BACK TIME TO TIME BC I THINK THIS IS GREAT THERAPY BUT FOR NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE ME TIME AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT...GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WEDDING PLANS!! AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING
Mrs.D08 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

23 is young, I'm sure you will fall in love again. But you shouldn't go into a marriage if you are not 100% sure, because it is suppose to be forever. At least it's happening now then later.
PrincessJen Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad



First off I'm sorry you're going through this. Breaking up is not easy especially when you ahve so much time invested in a person.

Second know that at 23 you will find someone else even if this doesn't work out. It may feel like it now but trust me you will. You don't want to marry someone you don't feel like you connect with. It's supposed to be for life.

Third, plans change. I had planned to be engaged by 24, married by 26 & having my first child by 28. SO NOT HAPPENING. I'm getting married at 27, finishing law school at 29 & not having my first child until 31... at least that 's the current plan. Just know things don't always go the way you plan but there could be something better coming down the pipeline.
MikeandJess Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I'm sorry you're going through this but it really does sound like it is for the better. Imagine how awful it would be if you went through with the wedding and then realized you should have never been married. 23 is so young you have plenty of time to meet the man you want to marry, you'll probably even enjoy the single life being that you've been in a relationship so long.
kab523 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by Mrs.D08

23 is young, I'm sure you will fall in love again. But you shouldn't go into a marriage if you are not 100% sure, because it is suppose to be forever. At least it's happening now then later.


I agree with you 23 is so young. I also thinkit is normal after ending a long relationship or any relationship to question if there is anyone else out there for you and t\he answer is....YES!!!! You are so young and have so much ahead of you in life you willmeet someone else.
dream426 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I am sorry you have to go thought this but I do agree with the girls. If it doesn't bother you too much that you are going to break up that should say something. We are here for you.
TommysWife08 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

first off - i am SO sorry and you will be in my thoughts!!

second - i know that you wanted to be married young, but if you are worried about never finding someone else to fall in love with, you have NOTHING to worry about!! you are 23 & have SOOO much time to find love again! i know it ***** that you might not be a young bride like you wanted to, but you will absolutly find someone else!!

third - you should think about what happened during your other 'breaks' with your BF... what changed and what was different that made you guys get back togther?? because something obviously had to have changed for the better to ment the relationship again! if you and your BF realize that you want to work things out, then i would think about what has happened in the past... like, what could you change now to make things better? or what could you not do or do more of to make the relationship stronger?? i dont know all the details of your relationship, but if both of you want to work things out there are a lot of ways to go about that - and you have been successful in the past so you know you can do it!!

sorry about the babbling... im a social worker so sometimes i just go on and on with the advice lol please FM me if you need anything!!

jteach711 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I am so happy that you both are realizing this before it was too late. I know how hard this must be on you but imagine if you did get married and 5 yrs from now one of you decided to end it. Well then it would be a lot harder to walk away and there might have been children involved. This sounds like it is for the best

One quick story to help.
My mom amd dad had dated since they were 13. Married at 18. Had me at 19. Right before their 20 yr. anniversary, my dad left her for another woman. This was the only man my mom had ever been with. She thought her life would be over. She had 3 kids and no career. BUT a short time later she met a man a t a deli and they went on a date and have been married for about 7 years.
Moral of the story is that it is never too late to fall in love and youre never too old to find love.
Good Luck to you.
nifheim Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

23 is young for today and really you have a long way to go in life before you can say oh i am running out of time to find someone to love. Most women are not marrying until their 30's in today's age.

Now about your relationship. Analyze it see what is missing what attributes fh is lacking and what he promised in prev. break ups. If he is not serious about the relationship he won't be serious in a marriage. If your unsure and only take this as the last boat and your jumping on then don't get married. I have had too many friends and family members get divorced because of having that thinking and its a long battle to death divorces because you grow bitter and angry over wasting your life away with this individual.

Sit down with fh an discuss his behavior and what you need out of this relationship and see what he wants then figure out of you two can meet up somewhere and be in a marriage.

Sorry to hear the sadness going on!
madseason Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by MikeandJess

I'm sorry you're going through this but it really does sound like it is for the better. Imagine how awful it would be if you went through with the wedding and then realized you should have never been married. 23 is so young you have plenty of time to meet the man you want to marry, you'll probably even enjoy the single life being that you've been in a relationship so long.






I agree....and we arent going anywhere..Well all helpyou through this!!!!

You never know what the future holds....for anyone...we only know what is happening to us right now.

This is another door opening for you, whether its parting or working harder...and youll survive it and be ok in the end.
hayleyandsteve Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

my prayers are with you!


beachbum05 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I am really really sorry

I do applaud your maturity though. I think it's really mature of you to recognize that you've grown apart, rather than hold onto it. Ya know? So many couples just hold on because it's easier than breaking up.

But make sure that you guys see each other and talk it out. Make sure you're both making the right decision. 9 years is a long time! There's a reason you've both lasted together that long!!

Good luck.
madseason Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

Posted by beachbum05

I am really really sorry

I do applaud your maturity though. I think it's really mature of you to recognize that you've grown apart, rather than hold onto it. Ya know? So many couples just hold on because it's easier than breaking up.

But make sure that you guys see each other and talk it out. Make sure you're both making the right decision. 9 years is a long time! There's a reason you've both lasted together that long!!

Good luck.


Leave it to Bonnie to hit the nail on the head!!

You should yourself for your maturity!!!! I reread what you wrote and you werent throwing a tantrum and stomping your feet. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders!

I agree with bon tho...there is a reason why u have come back to eachother 2x.

Good luck and remember...were always here..
betiboop7 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I dont know you and i dont know your situation...it is very sad but i do want to let you know that i was kind of in a similar situation to you...i was with someone for 6 years and he had a ring for me, i thought that would make me happy but really thinking about it there was so many things that i wanted to change..i was not happy. I was 25 at the time..and i made the decision to break up with him..It was the best decision that i ever made because i met my FH and ive never felt the way that i do when i am with him..you are still so young..i am 27 years old and just got engaged..believe me it is sad right now and what ever you decide will be the right decision...follow your heart...dont just stay with someone bc you are scared that you wont find someone else that is going to love you, because if you are with the wrong person..you will find mr. right and you will look back and be like wow..he is everything that i always wanted in someone!! Trust your instincts..no one knows better than you....We are all here for you though!!

FancyMe1018 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

i am sorry to hear this is all happening all at once i wish the best for you and hope you are happy when you decided what you want.... my prayers are with you

karen6474 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

i'm soooooooooooooo sorry this is happening to you. 9 years is a long time. definitely think about this b/c marriage is a big commitment & if you're not 100% sure you want to marry him i wouldnt. we are here for you!!!
graezie Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

i'm so sorry that you are going through this but you are young. don't go into marriage if you have strong doubts and is unhappy now. might as well deal this issue with him now than later... hope you find love again.

KickinDandelions Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I'm so sorry you're going through this!! We're here if you need to talk...please don't feel like you're never going to find someone else!! It happens! My friend just got married to a guy that proposed on their one year anniversary...and she's 26! Before that there were a few guys she thought she'd marry and every time they broke up she was completely scared. But every relationship made her stronger and realize what she wanted in a man...and when she found the right one...everything just clicked and she was able to make her decision with a clear head, knowing that it would work out.
eddies girl Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

thank you girls so much for the support, i know it is def better now than to go through with the wedding and realize it later on down the line. i know i will prob find somebody so i should just stop with that its more of i have been in a relationship since im 14 and im scared to death to not be in one, like i dont know how to not be in one. i dont know if we are going to make it through this but i know that if we dont im going to have him in my life somehow bc i know this is not going to be a bad breakup bc its just we have drifted apart. i do feel its that we are together bc it has been 9 yrs and we are just comfortable with each other and i always said that i cant picture getting married to anybody else but i think its bc i havent know anything else then him...i want somebody to make me laugh--honeslty thats the number one thing i want in a guy--and he doesnt do that--not like never i mean but its just hes more of a moody, serious type...well this is long enough so i will prob talk more later...thanks again girls

TheMrandMrsof2008 Posted:

Re: we might call it off...really long sorry im just sad

I agree with everyone, but more than being 23, you have a right, at any age to be IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES you.. and is willing to work hard to get 'things' done. I wish you the best!!!

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