WEDDING MAY BE OFF...FIRST UPDATE!!! SECOND UPDATE WITH RESOLUTION!!!

Fh went to his parents house last night while I was shopping for a MOB dress with my mom and sister. When he got home he asks me if the invitations were finalized. I said no, I was waiting for one more sample. SO then he says 'I want my parents names on the invite.' UM, NO! He hasn't helped me do ONE THING for this wedding, and neither have his parents! Actually NO ONE from his family has! They are OLD TOO! His parents are going to be 70! They think everything I do is 'New Age' or 'Trendy', and it is NOT! CHECK OUT MY ALBUMS! All my ideas are things I got from here. Nothing is far out or even close. My parents gave us $10,000 for the wedding but my FH thinks that doesn't count for anything because we have gone WAY over the $10,000 and we have to pay for the rest but his parents haven't given us A PENNY! They gave us a WHOPPING $200 for our engagement and then started telling me I have to send STD's to every dying-in-hospital-old-foggy-person-even-FH-has-never-met-relative-of-theirs! I think this is BULL$HIT!! MY Parents names are going on the invite! Why should his parents get the same honor as mine? They are the hosts and he tells me 'It's disrespectful because his parents aren't dead.' MINE AREN'T EITHER!! So they he SCREAMS at me 'If my parents names aren't on those invitations, I WILL NOT MARRY YOU!' Awesome...I slept on the couch...I seriously don't know if I can do this. I have planned every little part of this wedding by myself and for him to come in MOMENTS before I finalize things is SO thoughtless, stupid and very unfair. I WILL NOT put his parents names on the invite...it disrespects MY FAMILY then! UGH! Thanks for listening...sorry soooooooooooooooo long.

***UPDATE 1 ON PAGE 3***

***UPDATE 2 ON PAGE 4***

i understand youre upset, i felt the same way about his fam, but if its really important to him, maybe you should just do it. in the end its not a huge thing, and it does recognize them . also, what does them being old have to do with anything?
just my opinion.

You poor thing....breathe.....

You're under a lot of stress, and yes it certainly is frustrating for his parents to do this when they really aren't contributing. I seriously doubt your FH meant what he said about not marrying you.

The older generation is HUGE on etiquette and protocol. Yes, they did not contribute to your wedding, but they feel just as much a part of it because it is their son getting married. In their eyes, the name on the invite has nothing to do with what they contributed. They just want recognition. Ridiculous, I know.

Just take a deep breath, and really think this through. Is it worth all this? If you put their names on the invites, you will make them and your FH happy, and your FILs can shut up. Putting their names on the invite is a miniscule little thing in comparison to all of the big important and MEANINGFUL things that will happen on your day. But it's totally your call. It's about what's most important to YOU!

first off

but IMO I think you might be blowing this a little out of proportion. I understand your parents are giving money and his parents are not and the whole honor thing, but think of it this way:

This is just one teeny tiny part of the VERY large picture! It's not important who's names go on the invite when you think of what the invite is for. Sometimes you have to choose your battles and when you stop and take a minute, is this really worth fighting over and calling the wedding off?

Just so you know where I'm coming from. Neither set of parents are giving us money BUT my mother has agreed to pay for everything that I will be wearing that day, which when all is said and done will be close to 10K.

His parents are paying for the rehersal and haven't offered anything else.

both sets of names are going on the invite because we feel we both want to respect them. It's not a matter of who paid for the wedding but it's a matter of how much they have done to raise us for the past 20 some odd years. . .

Just something to think about...

Agree with the post above. What does being old have to do with anything? Parents are parents regardless of age.

It sounds, however, like you both need a breather. If you want to be really traditional about the invitations, it is the bride's parent's names on the invites (this is typically b/c they pay for the wedding). It is more 'modern' to have both sets of parents' names on the invitations.

Also sounds like there is more going on there than a scuff over invitation wording. Maybe you guys should sit down after you've had time to think, and talk out whether or not this is just about wording.

JMHO.

I felt the same way at first regarding FIL's name on the invitation but FH said he wanted their names included. I said that was fine and I would include as...
Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Diana
to
Bradley
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent

however, when I showed my Mom she was really nice about it and said no that makes it seem like they aren't as important as Dad and I so put their names at the top with ours so it ended up looking like...
Mr. and Mrs. Bride's parents
and
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents

At first I wasn't happy nor was my Dad happy about it but it worked out. His parents gave us some money to help pay for the honeymoon, not the whole honeymoon but a nice about so we didn't have to pay for the whole thing, just like my parents are helping us out big time with the wedding itself but aren't paying for the whole thing either.

I think the best thing for you to do is just put their names on it and be done with that. Do you really want this one thing to ruin it all? I know you might not be happy at first about it but it would make your FH happy and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

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Posted by NY2Cincinnati

I felt the same way at first regarding FIL's name on the invitation but FH said he wanted their names included. I said that was fine and I would include as...
Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Diana
to
Bradley
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent

however, when I showed my Mom she was really nice about it and said no that makes it seem like they aren't as important as Dad and I so put their names at the top with ours so it ended up looking like...
Mr. and Mrs. Bride's parents
and
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents

At first I wasn't happy nor was my Dad happy about it but it worked out. His parents gave us some money to help pay for the honeymoon, not the whole honeymoon but a nice about so we didn't have to pay for the whole thing, just like my parents are helping us out big time with the wedding itself but aren't paying for the whole thing either.

I think the best thing for you to do is just put their names on it and be done with that. Do you really want this one thing to ruin it all? I know you might not be happy at first about it but it would make your FH happy and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

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i agree, this is similar to what happened with us, however his parents may not be giving us much as a present. it ***** but what are you gonna do? some families are just more traditional in terms of who pays for what... ive learned that the trade off is that i can do what i want for the wedding and dont need his parents 'approval' cause their not paying... so in the end its probobly better.

I agree with the other posts, age has nothing to do with this? I understand your parents helped the both of you out, but you also have to understand at the age of 70 his parents I am sure by now are retired and probably don't have the money to help out with even though they want to but they can't. My in-laws have helped out tremendously with buying us furniture and giving us money towards the wedding while my parents wish to help but they can't because they are retired and can't afford it. My FH parents are not and that could have alot to do with it. When you are retired, you barely make nothing. They are probably lucky that they can even can survive with how everything costs these days.

I am not on anyone's side, but just trying to give a little bit of a perspective of maybe why they haven't helped. I am sure they would of loved too so try not to look at the negative side of it.

I would just discuss it with your FH and try your best to put their names on it, but that is your choice.

I just have to give you some

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Posted by NY2Cincinnati

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Diana
to
Bradley
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent

---

This wording would make everyone happy. His parent's are in the invite yet everyone will know who is throwing the shin dig.

Don't fret. I would totally feel the same way.

I also think this may have been blown a little out of proportion!
Listen FH's parents haven't contributed a thing nor have they asked if we wanted any help with anything. My FMIL didn't even offer to help my mom set up for my shower but I treat them all the same. I would have rather had
mr and mrs my parents
inviting ...
me
&
fh
son of

But FH asked to have both our parents 'hosting' even though we are the only ones really paying for our wedding and I said fine. It wasn't that big a deal to me anyway. I hope it all works out for you!

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Posted by thelastresort

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Posted by NY2Cincinnati

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Diana
to
Bradley
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent

---

This wording would make everyone happy. His parent's are in the invite yet everyone will know who is throwing the shin dig.

Don't fret. I would totally feel the same way.

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I TOTALLY AGREE (and would be PULLING MY HAIR OUT!!!!!)

Just remember...you are marrying your FI...not the parents. It'll be OK.

i feel the same way about our invitations and i am SOOOO stubborn!
i checked with FH first (like casually threw it into conversation)
I guess it is because our situation is a little different but i totally understand where you are coing from

You can put them on the invite in a way that still makes it look like your parents are hosting the wedding (If you are considering them hosting) It Can read

Mr and Mrs Smith (your parents)
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
your name
to your FH name,
son of Mr and Mrs Johnson

I think that would be appropriate.

My parents are paying for my reception hall. We are paying for the vendors.
Yet, I also put his parents on the invite, against my wishes.

I just felt that my parents deserved to be recognized after all the money they are putting into it.

But in the end, we are the only ones who actually read into it. Like many other things, its not worth the time and energy of arguing.

I would just put their names on the invite, if it means that much to him.

awwww relax I totally understand your point and if it something that means this much to FH then maybe you should compromise and add them on the invitation... I have to be honest - my parents (they live in Oklahoma and can't really afford to give money towards our wedding - my Dad works for American Airlines and everyone got a 50% paycut after 9-11) and FH parents are going to give us money towards the wedding... - We put both our parents on our invitation even though my parents are not helping pay per say - they are helping in other ways... i wish you good luck and i hope it all works out!

Time to calm down. Geting so upset will make you feel even worse.



I hvae the same issue FH's parents gave us a generous engagement gift BUT have helped with nothing. FH has also helped me with nothing!!! My parent sgave us $20,000 and we have gone beyond we are paying for most of the wedding. I put both sets of parents names on the invites. We wrote something laong the lines of ' Please joing Mr & Mrs John...(my fam) and Mr. & Mrs John..(his fam) celebrate the wedding of Melissa and Michael. M/b you can do that ? We did it that way so it 'd be nice for both even thought hey stink and have done nothing ???