WEDDING MAY BE OFF...FIRST UPDATE!!! SECOND UPDATE WITH RESOLUTION!!!

Original post by OrangeGrl

Jun 28, 2007 07:21 AM

Fh went to his parents house last night while I was shopping for a MOB dress with my mom and sister. When he got home he asks me if the invitations were finalized. I said no, I was waiting for one more sample. SO then he says 'I want my parents names on the invite.' UM, NO! He hasn't helped me do ONE THING for this wedding, and neither have his parents! Actually NO ONE from his family has! They are OLD TOO! His parents are going to be 70! They think everything I do is 'New Age' or 'Trendy', and it is NOT! CHECK OUT MY ALBUMS! All my ideas are things I got from here. Nothing is far out or even close. My parents gave us $10,000 for the wedding but my FH thinks that doesn't count for anything because we have gone WAY over the $10,000 and we have to pay for the rest but his parents haven't given us A PENNY! They gave us a WHOPPING $200 for our engagement and then started telling me I have to send STD's to every dying-in-hospital-old-foggy-person-even-FH-has-never-met-relative-of-theirs! I think this is BULL$HIT!! MY Parents names are going on the invite! Why should his parents get the same honor as mine? They are the hosts and he tells me 'It's disrespectful because his parents aren't dead.' MINE AREN'T EITHER!! So they he SCREAMS at me 'If my parents names aren't on those invitations, I WILL NOT MARRY YOU!' Awesome...I slept on the couch...I seriously don't know if I can do this. I have planned every little part of this wedding by myself and for him to come in MOMENTS before I finalize things is SO thoughtless, stupid and very unfair. I WILL NOT put his parents names on the invite...it disrespects MY FAMILY then! UGH! Thanks for listening...sorry soooooooooooooooo long.

***UPDATE 1 ON PAGE 3***

***UPDATE 2 ON PAGE 4***

TnOiOnL Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:37 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

my FMIL is not paying a cent for anything but the invite still says 'son of .....' just out of respect to FH and honestly, tradition.
and btw- my mother is 70 & father is 75, I am 25. Theyre giving a hell of a lot more than FH's mom who is 60 and her bf who is 50. Age doesnt make a difference.

0707Bride Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:43 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I feel your pain!!!! I went through this with FH's parents only my FMIL asked me (after I ordered the invites) if her name was on it. I said no. They gave us money toward buying my house but my mom is paying for 80% of the wedding and it's important for her to be on the invitation.
I think putting 'son of' is a good compromise.

What's the update? How did things turn out?

cuteauburnininny Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:43 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

fh and i had the same issue about his parents being on the invites.whe him and i finally talked about it nicely he understood my point and i got my way. my reasoning where diffrent then yours . yes his parents did not give us a dime nor are they paying for the rehearsal dinner my parents are. but t me his parents (dad and stepmom) don't really TREAT him or his brother like a son. then my fh stepdad would be pissed his name is not on it as well. fh mom has passed away. so after i told him how i felt he agreed with me and just my parents names where on the invites.

but i have to say in my opinion the thing about them being old is alittle mean and to call his relative old foggies not nicce. we are going to be old one day as well.

sorry your going thriugh this like someone said above chose your battles some aren't just worth it.

good luck

B22 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:43 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I'm sorry but if your FH is going to THREATEN you with not marrying you over an argument, then maybe you shouldnt be getting married.
Though, people make stupid mistakes when they are angry... That's just very wrong.

FH said something to that effect to me when we first started plannng the wedding and believe me he regretted it...

Its just not something you do to someone you love.

As for your dilemma, the parents of the bride being on the invitation is VERY traditional b/c in the past, the brides parents paid for the wedding etc etc.

My parents are paying for most of our reception and that is how our invitations are written. He should understand that it is VERY normal to just have your parents on there.

Hand in there, I'm sure it will work out fine. <3333

kris01 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:45 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

first thing.. try and breathe!!!
you poor thing....I understand what you are going through but instead of putting on the invites as both parents hosting the wedding why don't you put something like this...

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Kristina
to
James
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent
this is what we did and my parents are paying for the reception and his parents haven't given us anything yet or brought up the fact it is tradition to pay for the RD.

HTH!!!! We are here for you if you need anything!!!

Jennifer907 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 08:52 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I'm sorry sweetie. First let me give you lots of

I can kind of relate because my FILs are paying for most of the wedding. They can afford to and my Dad can't. But my Dad is sending us on our HM and did give us money. He also offered to pay for the RD. I want to honor him and have his name on the invitations, but I don't want to put my Mom because she hasn't been there for me my entire life and I would have to put FHs parents since they are footing a good portion of the bill. So to honor my Dad and his parents without mentioning names, I'm doing 'Together with our parents'. Maybe you can compromise that way? I mean, is this really worth ending your relationship over?

rkl1130 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:04 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Is this really worth calling off the wedding?

Neither sets of parents have really given us a lot of money for the wedding, but we put both sets of parents on the invitation as a sign of respect.

Nowadays, noone looks at an invitation and says 'oh, so and so's parent's names are on it, so they must've paid for it.' I feel like you may be looking into too much and it's not really worth the fighting and calling off the wedding.

erdbeere Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:11 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I know that its frustrating trying to plan a wedding with no help from FH or his family... but I guess we're lucky because none of our families are helping out so we don't have to worry about whose name goes where.
I definitely understand you not wanting to put FHs parents ont he invite..I wouldn't want to either, especially since my FILs seem to not give a crap about the wedding, but it wouldn't be something I'd let ruin our relationship. I think you need to sit down with FH and try to reach a compromise. Or maybe just put the names ont he invite, but find a way to publicly thank your parents for their help, maybe with a short speech at the reception or a little note in the program. That way FH's parents get their names on the invite and your parents get recognized for their contributions if thats important to them.

chellynyc Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:11 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I'm sorry your going through this, I hope today is a little better for you. Mine & FH's parents are not paying for our weding - wer are but we still put both sets of our parents names on the invitations as a form of respect - we figure we wouldn't be here and getting married if it wasn't for them.

To be honest with you I think I would just put his parents name on the invite to keep the peace.

amytee Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:13 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I'm sure this will all work it's self out. the girls above have such great advice, I don't know what to add!

hmv12 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:20 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I am so sorry for what happened. I will admit that my FH's parents have done 0% for this wedding as well, but I put their names on the invite for respect. I understand how you feel, but if it is important for your FH maybe you should just do that for him...JMO

Nina_m74 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:38 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed, I agree with the other ladies that this may have been blown out of proportion. FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and we are listing both of our parents on the invite, not as a nod to who is paying but to honor them for raising us to be the people we are today. Our parents have contributed something much more valuable than money, they have given us their time and love for the past 30 years. To us that deserves to be honored.

This seems like it is very important to your FH and in the long run is a very small thing, I think it would be better to give him this one, it's really not worth ending your relationship over.

jayandjenny Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:46 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Posted by Flutterbye922

You can put them on the invite in a way that still makes it look like your parents are hosting the wedding (If you are considering them hosting) It Can read

Mr and Mrs Smith (your parents)
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
your name
to your FH name,
son of Mr and Mrs Johnson

I think that would be appropriate.

I totally agree with this way of writing the invite. It's pretty self-explanatory.

I totally understand what you are going through! My parents are paying for practically everything. Really, I couldn't have my big beautiful wedding if it weren't for my parents and sister's financial help. His family has not really assisted in the planning or $$$ (OK, FSIL is paying for DJ, but really? Not much in the grand scheme of things). Anyway, both of our parents names are on the invite out of respect.
There were times when I didn't want their names on it b/c I wanted people to know that this is coming from MY parents....but you know what? It's pretty obvious when everyone looks at the planning and the wedding day.

Please reconsider everything. Don't let this decide your future. I know it's principle and pride, but just think about it and talk calmly with FH.

jayandjenny Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:48 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Posted by hmv12

I am so sorry for what happened. I will admit that my FH's parents have done 0% for this wedding as well, but I put their names on the invite for respect. I understand how you feel, but if it is important for your FH maybe you should just do that for him...JMO

BTW, your dress is beautiful!

Tobewed07 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:49 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Posted by Jennifer907

I'm sorry sweetie. First let me give you lots of

I can kind of relate because my FILs are paying for most of the wedding. They can afford to and my Dad can't. But my Dad is sending us on our HM and did give us money. He also offered to pay for the RD. I want to honor him and have his name on the invitations, but I don't want to put my Mom because she hasn't been there for me my entire life and I would have to put FHs parents since they are footing a good portion of the bill. So to honor my Dad and his parents without mentioning names, I'm doing 'Together with our parents'. Maybe you can compromise that way? I mean, is this really worth ending your relationship over?

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this!!
But like Jenn, I too didn't want to single out my parents, even though my Dad and Step-Mom are paying for the reception, so we decided to put on the invite 'together with their parents'...

No one is going to really analyze the wording on our invites, and if it means that you and FH can agree and have a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness than that's all that matters...

Words are just words, you know in your heart, as well as your parents, how really made a difference in your day...

Again, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, but please don't let it ruin what you and FH have together....

Queensbebe Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:49 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I sympathize bc my FH's parents haven't even given us a card or shed a dime for this wedding. My FMIL actually asked me if she has to 'buy a new dress, I already have a couple in my closet I could wear'!!! However, when it came time to order the invites, my FH said he didn't care what I did, and I was SO tempted to be spiteful and not put their names on it, but I didn't. I did the traditional way with the son of mr & mrs. I didn't want to embarass them to their entire family and make it known they didn't help, and I didn't want to start out on a bad foot and have bad vibes around the wedding. I know how you feel, but I would add their names and call a truce.

twinkle164 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:54 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Posted by NY2Cincinnati

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of the daughter
Diana
to
Bradley
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parent

OK, he was definitely overreacting. But this close to the wedding, emotions run high. This wording above is perfect. Both names are on the invitation but clearly the brides parents are the hosts. Good luck.

imas98 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:54 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

kitty1224 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 09:59 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

Mr and Mrs Smith (your parents)
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
your name
to your FH name,
son of Mr and Mrs Johnson

I think that would be appropriate.

I like this one and will be appropriate, I think you will need to let this one go. I don't think that it is about how much money, but that they are proud of there son and want to be apart of it. I know they haven't done anything, but if FH feels so strong about it, you need to give alittle and add there name. Just my oppinion.

kahlua716 Posted: Jun 28, 2007 10:09 AM

Re: WEDDING MAY BE OFF...

I totally understand where you are coming from. My invitation only has my parents on it, because they are paying for MOST of the wedding- we are paying for the rest, and his mom isn't paying for anything. He didn't care what I wrote- wanted nothing to do with any planning whatsoever, so he has no say (if he wanted one)

However, I was going to put 'son of....' but I didn't know what the etiquette is for a recently desceased parent. . . so I left them off.

His mother is hosting the Rehearsal dinner, so I will honor her on that invite and also with a thank you blurb in the programs.

Good luck with this one- I have to agree that putting 'son of...' is the best way to handle this one. This way it is clear that your parents are hosting.