WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Original post by janet

Feb 22, 2005 09:40 PM

janet Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:41 PM

Re: ETS: MAY05 BRIDE HELPED ME TO FEEL BETTER WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE!

yeah i got it!!!!!!!!!! lol

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:42 PM

Re: ETS: MAY05 BRIDE HELPED ME TO FEEL BETTER WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE!

Guy walks into a bar with a miniature Peanist playing in a box for him, and a genie in the other hand.

The bartender asks 'can I use your genie to make a wish?'
The guy sais, sure, but he can't hear too well!

The bartender doesn't mind and takes the genie. The bartender says
'I wish for a million bucks to fall on my head!!!' So, a million boxes start falling on the bartender's head.

The guy by the bar looks unimpressed.
'Do you really think I asked for a 9'' pianist?????'

trnity44 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:43 PM

Re: ETS: MAY05 BRIDE HELPED ME TO FEEL BETTER WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE!

I heard this one on the radio this morning and was laughing so hard....

a guy walks into his kitchen holding a duck and says 'see? this is the pig I've been screwing'

and his wife says 'thats not a pig'

and he says 'i wasnt talking to you'

trnity44 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:43 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

this one is cheesy.....

bacon and eggs walk into a bar.....the bartender says 'sorry, we dont serve breakfast here' lol

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:44 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

guy walks into a bar. Puts a cup on one end of the bar.
Walks up to a bartender and says, I give you $5 if I can pee into the cup from all the way over here.

The bartender tells him he is on!

He pees all over the bar. Hands the bartender the $5 with a smile.
The bartender asked 'what is so funny'
I bet that guy $100 you would let me pee all over the bar!

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:45 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Posted by trnity44

this one is cheesy.....

bacon and eggs walk into a bar.....the bartender says 'sorry, we dont serve breakfast here' lol

I like it!

janet Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:45 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

this is great! i really needed this and i am sure others too!

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:48 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Horse has been crying for months!!!!
The owner put up a flier that he would pay $1000 to the person that makes the horse lauph.

Many have tried, many have failed!! One man comes, and makes the horse lauph.

Months go buy and the horse won't stop lauphing. The owner can't take it anymore. Can't get any sleep. Calls the guy back, and said it was quieter when the horse cried. He'd pay $2000 to make him cry again. The guy went in, and made the horse cry.

The owner said. I don't understand how did you do this?

'I told the horse I have a bigger penus than he does'

.. 'and how did you make him cry again?' the owner asked.

'I showed him!' the man replied.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:51 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, 'Your mom's the best sex in town!'
Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, 'I just did your mom, and it was s-w-e-et!'

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, 'Your mom liked it!'

Finally the guy interrupts, 'Go home, Dad, you're drunk!'

janet Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:51 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

lol where do you get them from!!?

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:51 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Posted by May05Bride

Horse has been crying for months!!!!
The owner put up a flier that he would pay $1000 to the person that makes the horse lauph.

Many have tried, many have failed!! One man comes, and makes the horse lauph.

Months go buy and the horse won't stop lauphing. The owner can't take it anymore. Can't get any sleep. Calls the guy back, and said it was quieter when the horse cried. He'd pay $2000 to make him cry again. The guy went in, and made the horse cry.

The owner said. I don't understand how did you do this?

'I told the horse I have a bigger penus than he does'

.. 'and how did you make him cry again?' the owner asked.

'I showed him!' the man replied.

sorry for the dirty jokes !
I have a dirty mind sometimes!

janet Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:55 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

don't frown on that i love it! how can we get more to come in? i love this ty so much it feels good to laugh with a hurt right hand! ty again! plus at this rate after oh i don't know 3 years of posting on this board i might make 1000 post! lol

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:57 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

I 'm sure you will!!!!

I think a lot of people went to sleep already

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:58 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

5 Stages of Drunkeness
Stage 1 - CLEVER

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:58 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE

This is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:58 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:59 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:59 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snob the face off them for the same reason. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.

janet Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:59 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

lol hey if i can make 1000 post plus help to get to the diamond great for me and well hopefully me or you! lol

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:59 PM

Re: WELL NOW LET'S GET JOKES! KNOW ANY GOOD ONES! COME IN AND SHARE! may05 has got some good ones! ty may05!

THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP

Stage 1 - STUPID

As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realize that you have lost not only several hours of your life, but also the ability to concentrate on anything at all. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.