What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

My parents are divorced, and my mom is remarried. I'm really struggling to decide what all the 'dads' should wear...mostly because of my stepfather.

I would normally have had both my dad and FH's dad match the groomsmen in some way...but my mom will throw a fit if my stepfather doesn't match too. I don't feel he's as important as the real fathers. Yes, my mom has been married to him for 15 years now, and all 3 'sets' of parents are giving us substantial gifts to help us pay for the wedding....but the fact remains that he's not my father, he's my mother's husband. I don't want him to feel bad, and really don't think he would care what he wore...more about what my mom wants - which drives me nuts! (She's really very selfish sometimes.)

I realize I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing, but my dad is very special to me, and I want him to really stand out .

Divorce really stinks!

Please help - I'm open to suggestions. I would love to hear how other brides are handling this or have handled it.

TIA!!!

PS - My FH will probably be picking a formal suit/less formal tux for the groomsmen...so a we were thinking of just having my dad match and have FH's dad and my step dad wear dark suits of their own.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

WOW! Sounds like I typed this. I am not close to stepdad at all. My mom has not said anything but I am getting my stepdad a boutinerie (spelled wrong). That is it. He can wear a tux but aside from the flower which 'represents' someone special that is it.
My mom has not bugged me about this YET. Sorry I know what you mean about Divorce. I bought a great book that has a lot of stuff spelled out for you, wich helps cause this whole wedding thing has put me in the middle of my mom and dad again. My mom remarried a jerk about 14 years ago, she lives in Florida though. I have done all the wedding stuff myself since my mom is out of town. Good Luck!! Sorry I wish I could help

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

My step-father (who I'm not terribly close with) is wearing a tux that he owns. If he didn't own one, I'd probably offer for him to rent one, or just wear a nice suit.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

I am actually really close to my step dad and he'll be matching the other dads. Just curious are you brides going to recognize step dad at all as far as dances or anything like that?

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

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Posted by JandJ1224

I am actually really close to my step dad and he'll be matching the other dads. Just curious are you brides going to recognize step dad at all as far as dances or anything like that?

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I'm semi-close to my stepdad...and am not having a special dance with him - only my dad. My mom brought up having him involved in the dance...but then said when all parents are involved - include him. As far as the dances goes we're just doing Father/Daugher, Mother/Son...no other parents. At some point during the reception my FH will ask my mom to dance, and I'll ask my stepdad, and then my FFIL...that's when we'll dance with them.

If we tried to do the parent swap during the dances, it would get too messy - who do I dance with first - my stepdad or FFIL? Just better to avoid it.

Hope this helps.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

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Posted by CTarantino

WOW! Sounds like I typed this. I am not close to stepdad at all. My mom has not said anything but I am getting my stepdad a boutinerie (spelled wrong). That is it. He can wear a tux but aside from the flower which 'represents' someone special that is it.
My mom has not bugged me about this YET. Sorry I know what you mean about Divorce. I bought a great book that has a lot of stuff spelled out for you, wich helps cause this whole wedding thing has put me in the middle of my mom and dad again. My mom remarried a jerk about 14 years ago, she lives in Florida though. I have done all the wedding stuff myself since my mom is out of town. Good Luck!! Sorry I wish I could help

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I'm sorry you're going through this too - but I'm glad I'm not alone. I will definitely get him a boutonneire...and at this point am thinking it may be easier to just have all the 'dads' rent something similar...to avoid potential problems.

Thankfully my stepdad isn't a jerk, he's always good to me - just very old fashioned and stubborn, but I'm 'daddy's little girl'...so stepdad takes back burner as far as I'm concerned.

What book did you get - I would love to read it!

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

bump

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

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Posted by LMFitz

My step-father (who I'm not terribly close with) is wearing a tux that he owns. If he didn't own one, I'd probably offer for him to rent one, or just wear a nice suit.

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DH isn't close with his step father at all - he wore a tux that he owned. If he didn't own one, DH would have asked him to rent a tux.

ETA -JNMWineBride - if your dad is going to be there, this is JMO I don't see why your step dad's tux should be the same if you don't feel close to him; it's almost a strange symbolism that he was like a second dad to you if he dresses the same as your own dad. I hope that makes sense.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

I am having my dad step-dad wearing the same.

i was stuggling on if i should have a fklower for my step-mother whom i can't stand. The lady told me to watch who you pick a fight with on My wedding day. I guess shes right. Just make sure that what ever decisions you make you make them for the right reason with no regretes.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

My stepfather is wearing the same tux as everyone else in the BP, including my dad and nephew.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

Because it is a day time wedding, only FH and BM will wear a tux.

Everybody else (BIL, FFIL, FBIL, and step dad) are asked to wear a nice suit. If FBIL was asked to wear a tux, step dad would also wear one. That's not fair to exclude them.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

my dad and my stepdad will both be in tuxes....i was thinking about doing different flower bout for them, to make my dad 'stand out', but we shall see........theres so much divorced family politics to think about....

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

I totally understand what you are going through. My dad would love to see my stepfather wear a dress suit rather than a tux. My stepdad will wear a tux just like my dad and will get the same flower as my dad. If I treated my stepdad different, my mom will annoy me to know end. I get along better with my stepdad than my stepmom.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

I am having my dad, moms boyfriend and FMIL's boyfriend all in the same tux as my FI and BP-they are all people who are important to the people I love....so I figured I would just have them all match.

Re: What should stepfathers wear to the wedding?

I too am the bride of divorced/remarried parents. My problem though is that my dad is footing the bill for a large part of the wedding and he is easily offended. My dad doesn't live here and so he is planning to have his tux made to somewhat match what FH is picking. But as far as my stepdad is concerned, I want him to rent a tux but not the same as the BP and he defnitely won't be the same as my dad since he wil be having his made. But I do intend to give him a bout, just something simple to symbolize that he is special but my dad's will be different.

As far as the dance, I am not setting aside a special dance for him but will dance with him at the reception.

My mother and stepfather have been married 10 years and my dad and stepmother have been married 9 years. I am not close at all with my stepmother because they live out of the country so we have a polite relationship. But I lived with my mom and stepdad, so I have a lot more history with him and my mom would kill me if I didn't make him feel a little special.