What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

leesah85 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 04:49 PM

What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

So two of FH's cousins came to our e-party w/out a gift. We had a pretty formal e-party in a really nice restaurant where formal invitations went out, etc.

The cousins are both in their late 20s. One of them is married and the other is in a relationship w/ a guy she's been with for 10 years (but their not married). When the married cousin got married, they got married at city hall w/out telling anyone last year and are having a formal wedding this year. They didn't have an engagement party, so we didn't send an engagement gift.

Anyone think I'm crazy for expecting a gift for either/both of them? And to boot, the married cousin is in our BP!

I'm doing thank yous and was wondering if I should send them a card just thanking them for coming, but I'm having a hard time conceptualizing that.

jwleewedding Posted: Apr 08, 2010 04:53 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

i think that the e-party can be iffy. gifts are somewhat 'expected' for a wedding...but e-parties are questionable...

so i think you should still send out a thank you not for their presence..and if the same situation happens for the wedding, then something might need to be said...

peaches42587 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 04:59 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I would still send a thank you. Just write 'Thank you for coming and celebrating our engagement' and just leave it at that.

allornil Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:00 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

Posted by peaches42587

I would still send a thank you. Just write 'Thank you for coming and celebrating our engagement' and just leave it at that.

I agree, but i think it's sorta rude they didn't bring a gift. I bring a gift to everything!

AwaitingAugust Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:01 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I had a similar situation ... we had 2 guests who didn't give any gifts and it really pissed me off.

i did not send those two people thank you cards ... though i probably should have lol

Moonmist09 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:02 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

i think its pretty expected to bring SOMETHING to the e-party.

i would prob send a thank you card saying thanks for coming but i would let FH family know wthat they did. usually word of mouth spreads and they will know what they did was wrong

WeezyGirl2354 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:05 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

You don't 'have' to bring a gift to an e-party - actually, you really aren't supposed to (according to the knot book that a friend gave me).

is it nice?? totally!!!! especially since they are family.

i agree w/ you though - it is strange since they are family and are adults.

Jna2010 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:06 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

i would expect some sort of gift if it was me. i would still send a thank you note regardless though

StellaStar13 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:10 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I dont blame you for expecting a gift. I was shocked when 3 of my cousins didnt bring anything and when FH's 50 yr old cousin brought us a bottle of his home made wine.....not even a card
Our party was also formal.

madamsireeda213 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 05:59 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I think you should send out a thank you card as well because you want to be the bigger person but honetly, thats rude what they did. Keep an eye out on the one who is in your BP because if she cant even give you a gift at your e-party or everna reason why she couldnt give you a gift (i.e. money was tight, i was running late, I'll get you something next time) then she might be a problem in the future.

alli3131 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 06:03 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

Send a thank you for coming. The e-party and wedding are not about gifts!

rendel Posted: Apr 08, 2010 06:07 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I don't understand people!!!! I guess you will have to just **** it up and send a thank you!!!! I know it sux, but there is always someone who doesn't know how to act.

wiggleit28 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:01 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I understand that it's frustrating and a bit rude on their part but i'd still say send a thank you. I'm honestly totally preparing myself for most of my family members to NOT bring a gift to the engagement party. I'm Dominican and Dominicans don't even DO engagement parties (at least not in my family) and i'd feel like a total jerk trying to make it known that we are expecting gifts. I just don't think gifts for the engagement party are that big of a deal. Weddings are such a huge expense for guests (obviously it's a crazy huge expense for us--but it's our choice to have these parties)--and I feel bad that they are buying a gift for an engagement party, and then for a bridal shower, and then buying a gift for the wedding. Not everyone can afford to pay that kind of money!

Just my opinion, and I totally respect the fact that people expect gifts for an engagement party, I just don't because it's really not a part of my culture. My FH's side of the family on the other hand....!!!!

Jesebelle Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:11 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

It's actually not expected to bring a gift to an e-party. People probably started bring them because they didn't know, and now people expect them. Everything I've read about them states that guests do not have to bring gifts.

Dramatica Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:12 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

Actually, I didn't think you had to expect anything for an E-party

I mean E-party, Bridal shower, wedding it becomes a lot.

I would send them a thanks anyway they showed up and celebrated your day
Also times are hard.

sophisticat13 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:15 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I would be upset also...any party celebrating something 'good' merits a gift in my opinion I never go to any party empty-handed....if thank yous are for gifts, I wouldn't send one to them because if they didn't give you a gift then what are you thanking them for? JMHO....lol

SoonToBeMrsCampos Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:16 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

R-U-D-E!!

they should be embarrassed!! especially the one in your bridal party.

i had a male friend in his 20s not give a gift to my formal e-party and i didn't send him a thank you. thank you for what? yet again, he is a 28yo boy LOL

e-party gifts are expected, especially formal ones.

if i were you i'd send a thank you card, emphasize thank you for coming, and some how i would throw them some sort of dig the next time i saw them.

depoc1011 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:16 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

it's such an iffy topic....
no, the e-party and wedding are not about the money....

and usually they say its def not expected to bring a gift...

but to me, its just a thought that would be nice...a picture frame, an album, a little something....

i was raised to never go to a party empty handed, so that is what i go by personally....

wiggleit28 Posted: Apr 08, 2010 07:19 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

Posted by depoc1011

it's such an iffy topic....
no, the e-party and wedding are not about the money....

and usually they say its def not expected to bring a gift...

but to me, its just a thought that would be nice...a picture frame, an album, a little something....

i was raised to never go to a party empty handed, so that is what i go by personally....

I agree that a a little something would be nice--I don't feel comfortable showing up to events like this without a gift either. I just wouldn't be angry if someone didn't bring one to my EP. I'm not saying a person SHOULDNT be angry...I just personally don't consider it such a faux pas.

Im getting Married Posted: Apr 08, 2010 10:44 PM

Re: What to do when someone doesn't bring a gift to your e-party/vent

I was also raised to not go somewhere without a gift but in reality people are always expecting something...no one asked us to spend this money for these parties.

Also, as others posted Engagment party ~ People want $$, Bridal Shower people want ~Gift ($$) then most people have Bacholorette Parties ~ More $$ and we haven't even gotten to the wedding yet where everyone wants more $$$ or complains about people not giving enough

Sorry this is long winded but you should definately send them a thank you..not for a gift but thank them for coming to celebrate your engagement.