WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Original post by Mizzdimple

Mar 18, 2007 08:23 PM

How to figure out who pays for what in this modern age??????????????????//

You have a dream wedding planned in your mind, but do you know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.

Some scenarios for who pays for what:

Traditional Responsiblities

The bride’s family pays for:
- Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
- Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
- Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
- The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
- Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
- Favors
- Photography
- Transportation
- Their own attire and travel expenses

The groom’s family pays for:
- The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
- Their own attire and travel expenses
- A wedding present

The bride pays for:
- The groom’s wedding ring
- A wedding gift for the groom
- Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
- Gifts for her attendants
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids

The groom pays for:
- The marriage license
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
- The honeymoon
- A wedding gift for the bride
- The bride’s bouquet
- Gifts for his attendants
- Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
- Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
- Fee for the officiant

When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources
The bride and groom pay for all wedding costs themselves

A modern take on who pays for what at a wedding:

After announcing their engagement, the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding, probably after finding a reception site and making general decisions about theme, style, time of day etc.

They then approach their parents and after describing what they’ve decided on so far, say gently, “We were wondering if you would be able to pitch in for any of the costs.” The parents may look at the budget and say, “We’d like to pay for the reception food and the flowers” for example. They may also offer a set amount they’ll contribute. If their parents say they can’t afford to contribute, or only offer a small amount, the bride and groom say, “Thank you for considering,” and perhaps have to revise their budget or find creative ways to pay for the wedding.

Split the budget three ways
In this scenario, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, and the bride and groom themselves each pay for one third of the budget. Typically, this means they will also each invite one third of the guests.

Luvbsb4eva Posted: Mar 19, 2007 11:25 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Its our wedding not our parents so we should be paying for it. If they would like to help along the way thats fine but its the bride and grooms responsiblity in my eyes. Everyone has their own views on this.

Yeah everyone does have their own view on this. My parents feel like if they have the money they should pay for their daughter's weddings. I know that I'm very lucky that my parents feel this way!

sassygirl9 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 11:34 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 11:54 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Luvbsb4eva

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Its our wedding not our parents so we should be paying for it. If they would like to help along the way thats fine but its the bride and grooms responsiblity in my eyes. Everyone has their own views on this.

Yeah everyone does have their own view on this. My parents feel like if they have the money they should pay for their daughter's weddings. I know that I'm very lucky that my parents feel this way!

You are lucky and shouldn't feel bad.

I understand everyone has their views on this subject and just about any subject for that matter. But sometimes maybe we should watch how we say things. You can state how you are doing it and that you feel comfortable doing that...but to go further and put others down whose parents are paying for everything really is not right...I am not personally insulted bc my parents are not paying for the whole wedding, i am putting in most of the money. But its not fair to others...Hey if her parents have saved up this money and want to pay for her wedding she should not have to feel bad about this...Guess what some parents WANT to pay...when i told my dad to just pay for the cake and anything else he wanted to he actually got mad at me...For him its like i am his only child and wants to do this before i leave the house and second it has to how his circle of friends are, he wants to show that he can do this for his daughter and help her pay for things...his friends paid and had big weddings and its kind of a status thing for him, stupid but hey its how he feels.

There is a way to express how you feel about things, express a difference of opinion without having to insult others and putting them down...Its not just with this its with sooo many other things...People will be like ugh thats a waste i would never do that, or i would HATE that for my wedding, without thinking that uhmmmmm there are MANY people on here who are doing that.

I dont think someone should be made to feel bad if their parents are helping or are not. Whichever position you have on this subject, i am sure you wouldn't like it if people said something to you about either way you are doing your wedding.

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 11:54 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

sassygirl9 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 11:59 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 12:02 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

sassygirl9 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 12:07 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

I agree. I think when people post questions like this though, you know someone is gonna have a strong opinion. Not that it makes it right, but lets just say some forget to sensor their thoughts.

cherish83 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 12:10 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

I think it all depends on the families and the situation.

Both sets of parents are trying to help out as much as they could. For example,

My mom is paying of my dress and veil
My stepdad is paying for the flowers since he works in the industry
My dad is paying for the chuch, photo and video.
FHs parents are paying for the limos (and possibly shuttle busses) and the rehearsal dinner.

But FH and I are paying for a large bulk of it ourselves. We are paying for the Reception Hall, DJ (maybe the shuttle busses if FHs parents dont) and the rest of the odds and ends.. that go on and on and on.

Luvbsb4eva Posted: Mar 19, 2007 12:35 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Luvbsb4eva

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Its our wedding not our parents so we should be paying for it. If they would like to help along the way thats fine but its the bride and grooms responsiblity in my eyes. Everyone has their own views on this.

Yeah everyone does have their own view on this. My parents feel like if they have the money they should pay for their daughter's weddings. I know that I'm very lucky that my parents feel this way!

You are lucky and shouldn't feel bad.

I understand everyone has their views on this subject and just about any subject for that matter. But sometimes maybe we should watch how we say things. You can state how you are doing it and that you feel comfortable doing that...but to go further and put others down whose parents are paying for everything really is not right...I am not personally insulted bc my parents are not paying for the whole wedding, i am putting in most of the money. But its not fair to others...Hey if her parents have saved up this money and want to pay for her wedding she should not have to feel bad about this...Guess what some parents WANT to pay...when i told my dad to just pay for the cake and anything else he wanted to he actually got mad at me...For him its like i am his only child and wants to do this before i leave the house and second it has to how his circle of friends are, he wants to show that he can do this for his daughter and help her pay for things...his friends paid and had big weddings and its kind of a status thing for him, stupid but hey its how he feels.

There is a way to express how you feel about things, express a difference of opinion without having to insult others and putting them down...Its not just with this its with sooo many other things...People will be like ugh thats a waste i would never do that, or i would HATE that for my wedding, without thinking that uhmmmmm there are MANY people on here who are doing that.

I dont think someone should be made to feel bad if their parents are helping or are not. Whichever position you have on this subject, i am sure you wouldn't like it if people said something to you about either way you are doing your wedding.

Thanks Denise!

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 19, 2007 12:52 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

some great points!
my parents are very traditional and they would love to pay for my wedding. . . but financially it is just impossible. My mother has said repeatedly that if we were anywhere but NY - her contributions to the wedding ( dress, florist etc) would cover the cost of the entire wedding!!

lol she has a good point

my family feels terrible they cant pay for the wedding- bc it is traditional in our culture for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding and the parents of the groom to pay for the first house well that is how my family does it in italy anyway - but of course . . . it is so different here it can't even be compared!

but either way - its a personal issue and as long as the bride and groom are happy with the arrangement - that is all that matters!

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 01:50 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by ant n tilde

some great points!
my parents are very traditional and they would love to pay for my wedding. . . but financially it is just impossible. My mother has said repeatedly that if we were anywhere but NY - her contributions to the wedding ( dress, florist etc) would cover the cost of the entire wedding!!

lol she has a good point

my family feels terrible they cant pay for the wedding- bc it is traditional in our culture for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding and the parents of the groom to pay for the first house well that is how my family does it in italy anyway - but of course . . . it is so different here it can't even be compared!

but either way - its a personal issue and as long as the bride and groom are happy with the arrangement - that is all that matters!

exactly, every family is different and as long as all involved parties are happy with everything then that is all that matters...We shouldn't sit here and judge how some families handle things.

Also, I think a big thing about this is cultural like you said...My parents didn't pay a dime for their wedding, in my culture the grooms parents pay actually and my dads parents paid for their entire wedding...so to them its like well our parents did it for us, how are we not going to do it for our child...You always want your kid to do better than you and a kid wants to do better than their parents did.

Whatever the case is, its that families situation and how they live their lives, they shouldn't be judged for it

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:46 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

Denise you seem to be upset over this so to make things clear I will explain my post.
First of all when I stated the word 'WE' in my post it was refering to my FH and I not each and every bride on LIW (afterall I dont know half of you so who am I to tell you what to do?). This topic was posted for a matter of personal opinion. Our parents are actually paying for many of things at our wedding and yes we are very lucky. Both sets of our parents can afford to pay for our wedding and have offered and we had told both of them that it is our wedding and we want to pay for it. We look at it as an accomplishment and a beautiful gesture to be able to do so for eachother. At no time did I ever critize ANYONES Parents for paying for their weddings and by no means should anyone ever think I would or did being that many of us dont know eachother and shouldnt judge. My personal opinion is exactly that my personal opinion. I am sorry if you misunderstood my post.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:48 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Luvbsb4eva

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Its our wedding not our parents so we should be paying for it. If they would like to help along the way thats fine but its the bride and grooms responsiblity in my eyes. Everyone has their own views on this.

Yeah everyone does have their own view on this. My parents feel like if they have the money they should pay for their daughter's weddings. I know that I'm very lucky that my parents feel this way!

Yes I agree you are truly blessed that your parents are able to do so. You should be honored as you are. I hope to do the same for my daughter or son one day.

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:50 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

Denise you seem to be upset over this so to make things clear I will explain my post.
First of all when I stated the word 'WE' in my post it was refering to my FH and I not each and every bride on LIW (afterall I dont know half of you so who am I to tell you what to do?). This topic was posted for a matter of personal opinion. Our parents are actually paying for many of things at our wedding and yes we are very lucky. Both sets of our parents can afford to pay for our wedding and have offered and we had told both of them that it is our wedding and we want to pay for it. We look at it as an accomplishment and a beautiful gesture to be able to do so for eachother. At no time did I ever critize ANYONES Parents for paying for their weddings and by no means should anyone ever think I would or did being that many of us dont know eachother and shouldnt judge. My personal opinion is exactly that my personal opinion. I am sorry if you misunderstood my post.

honestly it was not a personal attack on you. I didn't even think you wrote anything bad
I wouldnt take offense bc i am doing the same as you, paying for MOST of our wedding, and our parents will help out with things here and there...my dad offered to pay the whole thing for quite a few things and i said no way, i will put in money towards it too.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:52 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

Denise you seem to be upset over this so to make things clear I will explain my post.
First of all when I stated the word 'WE' in my post it was refering to my FH and I not each and every bride on LIW (afterall I dont know half of you so who am I to tell you what to do?). This topic was posted for a matter of personal opinion. Our parents are actually paying for many of things at our wedding and yes we are very lucky. Both sets of our parents can afford to pay for our wedding and have offered and we had told both of them that it is our wedding and we want to pay for it. We look at it as an accomplishment and a beautiful gesture to be able to do so for eachother. At no time did I ever critize ANYONES Parents for paying for their weddings and by no means should anyone ever think I would or did being that many of us dont know eachother and shouldnt judge. My personal opinion is exactly that my personal opinion. I am sorry if you misunderstood my post.

honestly it was not a personal attack on you. I didn't even think you wrote anything bad
I wouldnt take offense bc i am doing the same as you, paying for MOST of our wedding, and our parents will help out with things here and there...my dad offered to pay the whole thing for quite a few things and i said no way, i will put in money towards it too.

Sorry you just seemed annoyed when you quoted my reply. No big deal.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:53 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

Posted by Espo22

Posted by caligirlinnyc9

I agree, everyone has their own thoughts on paying. I think parents shouldn't be frowned upon if they don't help though. Whether they have the money or they don't.
I'm sure any bit helps and that's what's important

to me it seems more like parents are frowned down upon if they do help.

Well I wouldn't pay attention to them. If parents offer to help pay and everyone's okay with it, great!!! It's not a bad thing. Many parents and daughters dream of this day and making it special for their children.

I know, i think either way its nobodies business really to judge whether a parent is going to help out or not. Money is such a personal issue and its such a touchy subject.

Denise you seem to be upset over this so to make things clear I will explain my post.
First of all when I stated the word 'WE' in my post it was refering to my FH and I not each and every bride on LIW (afterall I dont know half of you so who am I to tell you what to do?). This topic was posted for a matter of personal opinion. Our parents are actually paying for many of things at our wedding and yes we are very lucky. Both sets of our parents can afford to pay for our wedding and have offered and we had told both of them that it is our wedding and we want to pay for it. We look at it as an accomplishment and a beautiful gesture to be able to do so for eachother. At no time did I ever critize ANYONES Parents for paying for their weddings and by no means should anyone ever think I would or did being that many of us dont know eachother and shouldnt judge. My personal opinion is exactly that my personal opinion. I am sorry if you misunderstood my post.

honestly it was not a personal attack on you. I didn't even think you wrote anything bad
I wouldnt take offense bc i am doing the same as you, paying for MOST of our wedding, and our parents will help out with things here and there...my dad offered to pay the whole thing for quite a few things and i said no way, i will put in money towards it too.

Sorry you just seemed annoyed when you quoted my reply. No big deal.

We are very lucky to be able to do so.

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 02:57 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Oh im sorry i just realized i did that-i forgot...it was more what you said about everyone has their own views and i took just that part and talked about other comments.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 03:01 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Oh im sorry i just realized i did that-i forgot...it was more what you said about everyone has their own views and i took just that part and talked about other comments.