WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Original post by Mizzdimple

Mar 18, 2007 08:23 PM

How to figure out who pays for what in this modern age??????????????????//

You have a dream wedding planned in your mind, but do you know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.

Some scenarios for who pays for what:

Traditional Responsiblities

The bride’s family pays for:
- Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
- Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
- Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
- The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
- Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
- Favors
- Photography
- Transportation
- Their own attire and travel expenses

The groom’s family pays for:
- The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
- Their own attire and travel expenses
- A wedding present

The bride pays for:
- The groom’s wedding ring
- A wedding gift for the groom
- Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
- Gifts for her attendants
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids

The groom pays for:
- The marriage license
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
- The honeymoon
- A wedding gift for the bride
- The bride’s bouquet
- Gifts for his attendants
- Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
- Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
- Fee for the officiant

When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources
The bride and groom pay for all wedding costs themselves

A modern take on who pays for what at a wedding:

After announcing their engagement, the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding, probably after finding a reception site and making general decisions about theme, style, time of day etc.

They then approach their parents and after describing what they’ve decided on so far, say gently, “We were wondering if you would be able to pitch in for any of the costs.” The parents may look at the budget and say, “We’d like to pay for the reception food and the flowers” for example. They may also offer a set amount they’ll contribute. If their parents say they can’t afford to contribute, or only offer a small amount, the bride and groom say, “Thank you for considering,” and perhaps have to revise their budget or find creative ways to pay for the wedding.

Split the budget three ways
In this scenario, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, and the bride and groom themselves each pay for one third of the budget. Typically, this means they will also each invite one third of the guests.

Mizzdimple Posted: Mar 18, 2007 08:58 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

we can always win the lotto

Espo22 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 09:10 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Mizzdimple

we can always win the lotto

just dont have added expenses that you don't need, such as the guest list which is the biggest thing.

Hmmm after writing everything out, seems like its mostly FH and I lol, well so far its been like that...as it gets closer parents will help with what they can...BUT i warned everybody...if towards the end of it, it gets to be too much then either i am cutting the guest list or they have to put in some of it...i dont even expect them to pay for ALL of their own guests but something.

MikeandJess Posted: Mar 18, 2007 09:24 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

poor FH is really paying for everything. My mom said she'd buy my dress but I know that my parents are not in the financial situation where they can help us. FH's parents are but they haven't said anything about contributing and I don't think he would ask. I feel so bad but there is no way I can contribute. I only work 2 days a week (if that), Im a full time student. Poor FH will probably have an ulcer by the time of the wedding.

JeanetteandSteve Posted: Mar 18, 2007 09:25 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

here is my breakdown:

me & fh: everything

pretty stinky deal if you ask me.

sassygirl9 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 09:34 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

I know it's tough to have to pay for everything, but I think I am learning that in the long run, there's a lot less opinions, which means a lot less arguements FH and bride will have.

Don't get me wrong, any help with paying for it is nice though

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:11 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

My parents are giving less than 1/3 of the budget, his dad hasnt offered yet and his mom said that she has no money..... although we think she isnt telling us she is getting re-married in July....
b i o t c h

Espo22 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:14 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Kimbalina

My parents are giving less than 1/3 of the budget, his dad hasnt offered yet and his mom said that she has no money..... although we think she isnt telling us she is getting re-married in July....
b i o t c h

yeah good way to say it, they're giving us less than 1/3 of the budget...we havent really sat down and came up with a set amount, i mean whatever they help with is fine...Each set of parents said they would help but it was never really discussed exactly how much or what they'll pay for.

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:29 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Kimbalina

My parents are giving less than 1/3 of the budget, his dad hasnt offered yet and his mom said that she has no money..... although we think she isnt telling us she is getting re-married in July....
b i o t c h

yeah good way to say it, they're giving us less than 1/3 of the budget...we havent really sat down and came up with a set amount, i mean whatever they help with is fine...Each set of parents said they would help but it was never really discussed exactly how much or what they'll pay for.

ofcorse what they give is their option and we wouldnt debate it. But it is annoying that we didnt ask her for money she let us know she wouldnt be giving anything because she is broke and the whole july wedding thing is throwing my FH for a loop! He is mad, and I dont blame him.

maybride75 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:37 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

his parents are matching us $ for $ so i cant complain cause in the long run it comes to about half and my parents are giving us a chocolate fountain for our guests and mom is buying my gown shoes jewelry and undergarments. and his sister and BIL might be giving us a honeymoon

Espo22 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:40 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by Kimbalina

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Kimbalina

My parents are giving less than 1/3 of the budget, his dad hasnt offered yet and his mom said that she has no money..... although we think she isnt telling us she is getting re-married in July....
b i o t c h

yeah good way to say it, they're giving us less than 1/3 of the budget...we havent really sat down and came up with a set amount, i mean whatever they help with is fine...Each set of parents said they would help but it was never really discussed exactly how much or what they'll pay for.

ofcorse what they give is their option and we wouldnt debate it. But it is annoying that we didnt ask her for money she let us know she wouldnt be giving anything because she is broke and the whole july wedding thing is throwing my FH for a loop! He is mad, and I dont blame him.

oh no i didnt mean it towards you at all...Just some people see if you are getting help and think its easy...but i am still paying for alot of this, so its not like hey i have help and i am off the hook, like i said before i will put in a decent amount and said around how much in an earlier post.

I do understand and remember you posting about this before

failurebydsign Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:43 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

were splitting it 4 ways..my parents..his mom and his dad ( divorced ) are splitting the cost of the reception and my sister offered to pay for DJ and were paying for photo and video and all the little in between things

meggles808 Posted: Mar 18, 2007 10:50 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

We are lucky my parents put money away for me and my sister for our wedding or college. Me and my sister both said wedding funds. Since my parents are divorced I have some coming from my mother and my father. Also FH parents are giving us money towards the wedding. So we just have to pick up whatever is left over.

Luvbsb4eva Posted: Mar 18, 2007 11:56 PM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by meggles808

We are lucky my parents put money away for me and my sister for our wedding or college. Me and my sister both said wedding funds. Since my parents are divorced I have some coming from my mother and my father. Also FH parents are giving us money towards the wedding. So we just have to pick up whatever is left over.

We are lucky too... my parents have money saved for my wedding too! I give you girls alot of credit that are paying on your own, if we were doing that we'd have to wait probably another 10 years so I could have the wedding of my dreams!

And so far it looks like it's just my parents with the whole bill.. FH's family hasn't offered anything yet... I don't know if they will...

nifheim Posted: Mar 19, 2007 08:22 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

FH and I are paying 100% ourselves because we are older ( i am 27 he is 34) even though we don't make much I am an adult and he is adult. Fh's parents died many years ago and my parents are retired now. Even though years ago my parents offered to use my savings from a child for a wedding i needed it for college and that is where it all went. If we weren't paying it ourselves we would of been married in 07 in Oct. which was my original date.

Anyway I feel people getting married much older and established today that it really should be payed for the couple themselves or split up between families and the couple. I feel if your parents want to put more then 5 couples of friends on their list then they should be paying for their friends meals because you don't know them and wouldn't be inviting them if you didn't have to. I just feel its so old fashion also a bit prej. that a woman's family needs to pay for the wedding 100% because in way back when it was considered you had to pay to marry her off. I know that is not the case today but carrying this tradition i think is somehow carrying on this sentiment.

dream426 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 08:51 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

My mom is paying for the reception. FH and I are trying to pay for dj, photographer, rings, dress, honeymoon all the little things but my mom said she would help if we had trouble and FH parents are paying for flowers and rehearsal dinner. So everyone helping and putting in. Thank god.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 09:32 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Its our wedding not our parents so we should be paying for it. If they would like to help along the way thats fine but its the bride and grooms responsiblity in my eyes. Everyone has their own views on this.

Super2star Posted: Mar 19, 2007 09:37 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

same here...I didnt even want a big wedding...but my parents insisted b/c they wanted to pay for the reception and we are paying for everything else..
his parents are giving nothing...as of right now...they havent offered or anything...

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 19, 2007 10:22 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

FH and I are paying for most of it but my parents are paying for a few things. . .like the florist, invites, favors, my dress and everything for the day of ( hair, makeup etc)

FILs havent offered anything yet but i really hope they do because WE NEED IT! lol

but actually, we started saving the day we got engaged. . .and we are being responsible about it and at this point it looks like we will be able to pay everything in cash

What we did is we opened an ING account - that we can only put money IN we never touch it. When we have to pay deposits of parts of the hall etc. we just scramble together and come up with it without touching the account. They only thing THAT account is for is approx one month before the wedding when the final bills come in.

We have paid everything in cash so far, or if we did it over teh phone we paid by credit but paid the bill that same day! We may put hte HM on our credit cards BUT only for insurance reasons and then pay it back the day we get back- keeping money aside for it.

If it works out as planned we won't even have a $1 of debt for the wedding - i am so proud of us!!!

Espo22 Posted: Mar 19, 2007 10:25 AM

Re: WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

Posted by ant n tilde

FH and I are paying for most of it but my parents are paying for a few things. . .like the florist, invites, favors, my dress and everything for the day of ( hair, makeup etc)

FILs havent offered anything yet but i really hope they do because WE NEED IT! lol

but actually, we started saving the day we got engaged. . .and we are being responsible about it and at this point it looks like we will be able to pay everything in cash

What we did is we opened an ING account - that we can only put money IN we never touch it. When we have to pay deposits of parts of the hall etc. we just scramble together and come up with it without touching the account. They only thing THAT account is for is approx one month before the wedding when the final bills come in.

We have paid everything in cash so far, or if we did it over teh phone we paid by credit but paid the bill that same day! We may put hte HM on our credit cards BUT only for insurance reasons and then pay it back the day we get back- keeping money aside for it.

If it works out as planned we won't even have a $1 of debt for the wedding - i am so proud of us!!!

Good for you, and smart choice...We have also been paying for everything in cash. I am doing everything to avoid using a credit card...FH wanted to use CC for one vendor and i said no we have the money so lets just pay cash, unless its an emergency or last resort i wanna avoid using cc's...so far so good, and think we can avoid putting anything on a cc...Unless its a small amount, def under $2000 maybe ill think about it