Why do people want to have children?

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Posted by greenfreak

We are not planning on having children. And are crucified for it frequently.

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That is so wrong, it's no one's business whether or not you have children. So annoying.

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Posted by SuzBride

for tax write-offs

to drive in the carpool lane

to get their parent's to stop asking them about it

so they have someone to mow the lawn

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I dont think so...

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by Jennie0898

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Posted by JessicaM.
Suz, some should not proliferate their genetics

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Who are we to determine that?

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I was joking.

I may have children. I am undecided, hence the curiosity.

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Sorry, I didn't catch that.

I think it's a fair question to ask if you're curious, but somewhat of a difficult one to answer.

I don't know why I want kids...I just do.

I did post something like this on LIF - and it was refreshing to find out that many ladies felt my sentiment. They won't flame you unless you completely make it a good vs. bad issue and make it like those who do have children are crazy.

lemme find the link!


ETA:

LIF link

What's tough about that is when someone feels one of the reasons is selfish, like you said.

I think everyone can agree that having a child to 'save' a marriage is wrong. But the other reasons are open to interpretation.

I firmly believe that people who don't want children shouldnt have children.

If a couple is indecisive, then they need time to weigh the pros and cons for themselves and make that choice in their own time.

As for myself, I base my desire to have children on my own upbringing. I had a good childhood with good parents and siblings who taught me wonderful lessons. I would like to pass that on.

I agree with other posters who say this is a hard question to answer - without sounding self-absorbed.

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Posted by Goldi1021


I agree with other posters who say this is a hard question to answer - without sounding self-absorbed.

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I have no problem with self-absorbtion in this area. you SHOULD be self-absorbed when making this decision, IMHO.

As someone who doesn't want them, I don't know.
I honestly have no desire to reproduce.

Do you think it's strange that there are so many of us NWR hows that have made the choice not to have children?

I've never seen so many people in one place who made the same decision as we did. Birds of a feather?

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Posted by greenfreak

Do you think it's strange that there are so many of us NWR hows that have made the choice not to have children?

I've never seen so many people in one place who made the same decision as we did. Birds of a feather?

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A majority of the ladies that do want children or have them are on LIF....

I don't think it's strange. I think men and more so women today are not giving into the outside pressures that alot of couples face today.

I think past generations had children because that's what was expected of them, not because it's what they wanted. Couples today realize that it's not the end of the world if they don't have a family.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

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Posted by greenfreak

Do you think it's strange that there are so many of us NWR hows that have made the choice not to have children?

I've never seen so many people in one place who made the same decision as we did. Birds of a feather?

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A majority of the ladies that do want children or have them are on LIF....

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You're right...thats where our place is.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

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Posted by greenfreak

Do you think it's strange that there are so many of us NWR hows that have made the choice not to have children?

I've never seen so many people in one place who made the same decision as we did. Birds of a feather?

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A majority of the ladies that do want children or have them are on LIF....

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Besides you hotties, I know of one other person who has decided not to have kiddies.

I work with her, she's an awesome person. I am so jealous of her passport stamps. She's been everywhere.

- Pregnant parking spots
- Taxes deduction
- Use them as a weapon (let them touch everything and scream around people you don't like... then say 'oh, he/she is just a kid'

I guess it's a personal choice! I understand that some people don't want a child. It's not for everybody but then some people have great fulfillment having a child (or 2 or 3, etc...).

I honestly don't think my life will be over when I have a child. I REFUSE to let it totally absorbs who I am/was before being a mom or even being married. Of course I will have to make some adjustments but that's not ALL my life.

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Posted by sr081906
- Use them as a weapon (let them touch everything and scream around people you don't like... then say 'oh, he/she is just a kid'

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Don't forget letting them touch everything with sticky candy hands and leaving 'child goop' all over everything....

Please know that my comments here are not aimed at ANYONE on here, and I totally respect people who are having children or want to have children.

We're not having kids. I am not having kids because I want to devote my life to my husband and to my volunteer work. I want my money to donate to my charities and I want my time to be used to help many instead of helping one child. That's why I'm not having kids, not because I want to go on nicer vacations or buy nice clothes or cars. My HUSBAND is my number one priority and that’s how I always want it to be.

I may the ONLY one who feels this (the ‘this’ being explained below) way about it and I'll probably get flamed for saying it - but hey, it's my opinion, and people FREELY give me their opinion on how they feel about me not having kids so I'll go out on a limb here...

So, maybe it's selfish to HAVE kids. If you're having kids because YOU WANT THEM, how is that any less selfish than NOT having them because you DON'T want them?? I know some people have well thought out reasons for having children, but many people tell me they 'just want them'. So if I'm selfish for not wanting them, then what they’re saying is that makes the person having a child selfless?

Selfless means you do something because there's nothing in it for you, so if you're having children because you want them and you feel it will be the most rewarding thing you can do with your life, then you're not being selfless, you're doing it for the rewards and your desires. That’s just as selfish as me not having them so I can do volunteer work because I find that extremely rewarding.

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Posted by kittythestray

Please know that my comments here are not aimed at ANYONE on here, and I totally respect people who are having children or want to have children.

We're not having kids. I am not having kids because I want to devote my life to my husband and to my volunteer work. I want my money to donate to my charities and I want my time to be used to help many instead of helping one child. That's why I'm not having kids, not because I want to go on nicer vacations or buy nice clothes or cars. My HUSBAND is my number one priority and that’s how I always want it to be.

I may the ONLY one who feels this (the ‘this’ being explained below) way about it and I'll probably get flamed for saying it - but hey, it's my opinion, and people FREELY give me their opinion on how they feel about me not having kids so I'll go out on a limb here...

So, maybe it's selfish to HAVE kids. If you're having kids because YOU WANT THEM, how is that any less selfish than NOT having them because you DON'T want them?? I know some people have well thought out reasons for having children, but many people tell me they 'just want them'. So if I'm selfish for not wanting them, then what they’re saying is that makes the person having a child selfless?

Selfless means you do something because there's nothing in it for you, so if you're having children because you want them and you feel it will be the most rewarding thing you can do with your life, then you're not being selfless, you're doing it for the rewards and your desires. That’s just as selfish as me not having them so I can do volunteer work because I find that extremely rewarding.

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Kara - I think you are very realistic and admire you and others for that! I never think its selfish - as you say, I believe its selfish to have kids if you dont want them or are not sure because you think its expected, you want attention, you want to heal your own wounds, or have someone dependent on you - which are some of the reasons I see people having kids sometimes....

I can not answer the general question of why do people want to have children, because I cannot jump into their heads, but, I can say that I always had a maternal side to me. I always knew I wanted kids, and if I was not capable of having my own, I would adopt. DH and I still talk about taking in foster kids someday as well. I love children. I work with children with disabilities, and care for all of the kids I work with. I love doing kid things with kids... I love knowing that I will share a life with someone, that I will get to know this person who will hopefully be in my life until the day I die. For me, that is such a beautiful and life fulfilling thing.

I will still work and have my own life as well. I never had a good relationship with my mother due to her mental illness, and love the thought that maybe I can have that relationship I always wanted with my own mom. I love knowing that this person will be allowed to be his/her own independent person, because that means so much to me.

I love my husband, and love that we will be taking on the responsibility of raising a child together. That our love made this baby (I know - gag worthy cheese fest comment) and that we can share our love with this new little life. I love knowing that we will be a fa,ily. Family means a lot to both of us.

As much as I freak out and feel I'm not ready, when I look at my life in the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years, I love knowing that this person that I havent even met yet will be in our lives. And we will have memories and experiences together that I would never have with anyone else.

That, in a small nut shell, so far, is what I think about when someone asks me - why do you want kids.

I may get back to this post at 2 in the morning when the baby has been up screaming all night, and edit a little...

You ladies never cease to amaze me.

It's a personal decision. That's it.

Having children is something I have felt inside my soul since I can remember. I knew from the time I could think that I was going to be a mommy. It was just a destiny thing for me.

I teach middle school and I can tell you that not everyone is meant to be parents and I truly do admire those of you that have decided to NOT have kids. I wish more people in this world would take the time to actually THINK about what bringing children into this world means. My heart breaks just looking out at my classroom and the needy kids that don't get nearly enough love and support.

Also, I think life takes us in different ways all the time and when we least expect it we are suddenly faced with a new possibility. Maybe someday you will become mommies. I only hope that if you do it brings you all the happiness and love you could have never imagined. And if you don't become mommies I hope that the love of a child enters into your life in one way or another. You would be missing out on quite an experience otherwise!

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by Goldi1021


I agree with other posters who say this is a hard question to answer - without sounding self-absorbed.

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I have no problem with self-absorbtion in this area. you SHOULD be self-absorbed when making this decision, IMHO.

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I agree with your statement however, I said it is hard to answer without 'sounding' self absorbed, not BEING self absorbed. There have been countless times when I have heard people say ' I want a little piece of me' in this world when they mean something on a much bigger scale which of course, is fine. It is simply difficult to put into simple terms.

ETA: Kara articulated my thought in her post better than I did. Thank you!

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Posted by Goldi1021

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by Goldi1021


I agree with other posters who say this is a hard question to answer - without sounding self-absorbed.

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I have no problem with self-absorbtion in this area. you SHOULD be self-absorbed when making this decision, IMHO.

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There have been countless times when I have heard people say ' I want a little piece of me' in this world

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I have never thought of having children as having a 'piece of me' in this world. Frankly, I impact the world everyday in different ways without having children. Do I want to have children? Yes. Do I want them right now? No. I am enjoying my life with my husband and I cherish every moment with him. Don't you think your existence alone is an impact? For me, it is. I have spent my entire life being responsible for SOMEONE. My brothers, my mother, my nephews etc. At this moment in my life, I want to be responsible for me and for my husband. That may sound selfish, but that is my life.