Brides Helping Brides ™ - Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Smiley22 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 07:34 PM

Why I HATE my SIL...long post

So, my SIL and I are not very close. I never much cared for her, and now even less.

She has never been respectful to my family. I could go on and on with the details - but just trust me. I was a BM in her wedding - not really because I or she wanted me to be but because she honestly had no friends (I am being truthful). Both my sister and I, as well as her two sisters were in her wedding party.

So, even though I didn't like her, I paid over $200 for a hideous dress, $50 for ugly silver shoes (with a plastic heel - mind you) and ordered a size ten dress (at her request even though I wear a size 4), and paid over $80 for alterations.

Anyway, when it comes time for my wedding, I was planning on ordering my dresses from NetBride - I found a great price and deal. I want to put the orders through at the same time, so all I need are the girls sizes and shipping info. I had no idea that this would be such an issue.

She is a little heavier, so she tells my brother she does not like my style of dress because it will make her look 'fat.' She can't wear satin and won't approve of the dress until she tries it on. She also complains that the dress looks cheap. So, she dragged him to a bridal boutique, and the dress is OK, but she does not want to give me her size. She wants to order it for herself.

BUT.. I was told the dresses needed to be ordered together to all be the same color?? I already had my other girls cut me a check for the dresses, so I don't want to have to change my plans and order from the shop she went to just so she doesn't have to tell me her size.

Such unnecessary drama!!
I thought I was extending an olive branch asking her to be my BM...she never changes...

Seriously, what do I do. Let her get the dress ion her own, or stand firm?

PegaLega Posted: Apr 19, 2008 07:40 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

ok this is just me-YES the dresses should be ordered together so they are the same color-honestly the difference in color if they are ordered seperately is so incredibly slight then its unnoticeable. My MOHs dress was ordered after all my other girls and youcouldnt tell it was a different color.

For ME-I would tell her-give me your measurements and your money or you can sit with the rest of our guests. Obviously you dont get along-this is now YOUR wedding, you did what she wanted for hers and she SHOULD return that favor. Tell FH to tell her this is how its going to be, if you let her get over on you she will do it thru out the rest of planning every chance that she gets.

Im sorry you have to deal with tit, this is part of th ereason I didnt have my SIL in my wedding party

Reymiliz Posted: Apr 19, 2008 08:13 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

STANDDD FIRM .. this is your wedding and things should go your way .. after all u sacrificed with alot her ugly looking items .. no one else had a problem so she needs to stop being difficult she needs to tell u her size and if she doesnt then you need to say ... Thank you but im sorry you cannot be a part of this wedding .....YOULL be ok

Soon2BMrsC09 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 08:20 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

stand your ground girl - i would tell her these are the arrangements very nicely and she needs to give you her size and measurements and if its too inconvenient to accomplish that then you will save her a great seat out in the pews where the rest of the family will be - and funny thing about that - she can wear WHATEVER her LARGE heart desires with a big smile of course

SummerBride10 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 08:36 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

I agree with everyone else- even if it is difficult (I know I have a hard time standing up to some people sometimes) stand your ground!! Tell her you need her size because you are ordering the dresses by this whatever date you choose. She can either order her dress then or just not be in your wedding party.

angl2001 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 08:41 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

stand firm if she still doesnt do what you want tell her to eff off!!! you did what she wanted fot her wedding she should do the same!!! if she doesnt like it tuff!

jaep129 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 09:00 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Tell her sorry if you dont order the dress at this time then the dress wont match and I am sorry but you will not be able to be in the wedding. I understand if you choose to drop out!

bluegreen08 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 09:23 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

I agree with everyone else.

I also feel your pain! We told our bridal party about tux info in November, and asked them to get measured (takes 5 minutes) and send their measurements in by March. Our 2 best men (FH's brothers) still haven't done it.

Every weekend they are 'going to get measured today!' and then ... oh, they didn't go get measured. They are 22 and 28, and are perfectly capable of getting measured. Unfortunately I can't threaten to kick them out of the BP

vmystique33 Posted: Apr 19, 2008 09:52 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

I am soooo sorry you have to deal with such a beast of a SIL !!

beram63 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 06:55 AM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

i think you should stand firm or she may continue to push you based on being able to get her way with this. nip it in the bud or she'll prob drive you crazy with everything else too.

diva7531 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 11:07 AM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Posted by PegaLega

ok this is just me-YES the dresses should be ordered together so they are the same color-honestly the difference in color if they are ordered seperately is so incredibly slight then its unnoticeable. My MOHs dress was ordered after all my other girls and youcouldnt tell it was a different color.

For ME-I would tell her-give me your measurements and your money or you can sit with the rest of our guests. Obviously you dont get along-this is now YOUR wedding, you did what she wanted for hers and she SHOULD return that favor. Tell FH to tell her this is how its going to be, if you let her get over on you she will do it thru out the rest of planning every chance that she gets.

Im sorry you have to deal with tit, this is part of th ereason I didnt have my SIL in my wedding party

Exactly what I was going to say, either give you a size and a check or she can be a guest. She will continue to be this way for the rest of the planning process unless you put your foot down now! You don't have to be mean but you can be firm.

Smiley22 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 03:47 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Thanks for your suggestions, although I think it would cause a huge family drama if I kick her out of the bridal party. She'd torment my brother and probably call my mother and curse her out (she's done this before!). How bad is it if one dress is not in the same batch? Has anyone done this before? If it is not totally obvious, I'll just let the biatch have her way....

bluegreen08 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 03:53 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Posted by Smiley22

Thanks for your suggestions, although I think it would cause a huge family drama if I kick her out of the bridal party. She'd torment my brother and probably call my mother and curse her out (she's done this before!). How bad is it if one dress is not in the same batch? Has anyone done this before? If it is not totally obvious, I'll just let the biatch have her way....

Why dont you just tell her they need to all be ordered together, and if she would prefer you can guess her size, up it by 2 to be safe, and then she will be responsible for any alterations?

Or, she can tell your FH her size and he can place the order if she feels more comfortable (and then he can tell you the size and you can order it).

Or, you can reassure her that bridesmaid dresses do not run true to size, not to feel bad about the number in the dress, and tell her you had to order your dress many sizes up from your street size and that you hate to think that she is embarrassed over a number that means nothing.

BAL5-9-05 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 04:57 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Me? I'd let her order her dress on her own...& a word of warning....if the dye is off - OH WELL, that s**ks for you! You never know...maybe the dress will come in a different shade & she'll refuse to be in the barty because she'll stick out....things have a funny way of working out.

sweetdoublenn Posted: Apr 20, 2008 05:34 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

Wow I am sorry you are dealing with this. I as told my bm's dresses should be ordered together. But since my sil is pregnant and wanted to wait another month I went ahead and ordered the dresses. As long as it can be less stressful for her. But I love my sil!!!! I think it's terrible you have to deal with this! Since she is that kind of person I would stand your ground and tell her this is what needs to be done!!!!

Good Luck!!!

Jamnike Posted: Apr 20, 2008 06:46 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

dont let her walk on you at ALL

SFAR89 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 07:53 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

A big part of me wants to say stand your ground, but then another part of me says, your going to stress yourself out for what??

If she orders her dress seperately and it doesn't look the same, then that's her fault and i would personally be snickering under my breath at her during the whole wedding lol

PLUS, most photographers these days, IF the dress was really that different in color, can photoshop it for you and change the color i am sure to match the rest.

The wicked part of me says that I would stand my ground and tell her this is how its going to be, but the part of me who doesn't want to deal with the stress of it all, and cant wait to see it backfire on her is outweighing the other option lol

Good luck with it, and really as much as i even HATE my SIL, i would just let it go. IT's not worth the stress, b/c for me, this would be her first chance. If she gets out of line again then she gets the smackdown :)

eelharas4700 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 08:10 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

speaking from personal experience i had a ton of drama with one of my sil. and looking back i would have just spoke my mind on everything and anything. there were so many problems with her and the bridal party. and at the end of the day, it all comes down to you and fh, always remember that. i would just be 100% honest, and tell her these are the dresses, i need your size tough cookies!!

bluegreen08 Posted: Apr 20, 2008 08:20 PM

Re: Why I HATE my SIL...long post

i had edited an earlier post to suggest these, but i think that depending on her reason for not telling you one of these might work:

Why dont you just tell her they need to all be ordered together, and if she would prefer you can guess her size, up it by 2 to be safe, and then she will be responsible for any alterations?

Or, she can tell your FH her size and he can place the order if she feels more comfortable (and then he can tell you the size and you can order it).

Or, you can reassure her that bridesmaid dresses do not run true to size, not to feel bad about the number in the dress, and tell her you had to order your dress many sizes up from your street size and that you hate to think that she is embarrassed over a number that means nothing.