why I've been ***

Ok so ever since we got engaged i've been unhappy. I'm supposed to be happy right? FH and I have been fighting non stop mostly about $.

I never expected to have to drain my savings account for a cesspool, window and reframing the house, all these drs and meds and the car which is dead in my driveway and the biggest argument lately.

On top of it, his parents are so uninvolved. I love them but would it kill them to ask about the wedding? And his mom is so annoying about her little Nonyo (crybaby) but never calls him? It really upsets me. You'd think she'd try to help us even if its not money related and i think she should give him $ truthfully since she supposedly wanted a wedding so badly.

Yesterday i told his cousin how i felt and she was like id be so mad! Yeah so that was a dig i hope gets back to fmil.

On top of this i almost deleted my profile bc FH said, 'youre hiding behind that stuff on that site but everyone there has their sh*t together.' yeah that killed me.

I dunno. I was happier just living together.

I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time. I don't know what to say to make it better, but I hope things turn around for you soon!!!

hugs to you amy

this whole process is draining on people. ive def had my moments where i wanted to just shut down and cry... im in a different position where its not me an FH taking the blow, its my parents (financially speaking).

when our washing machine flooded our basement last month the sound of my mom yelling and screaming 'W T F are we going to do we have no money' has haunted me every day and kinda breaks my heart

i think you and FH need to sit down and evaluate what you both really want and what you both can do - and im not just talking financially but emotionally. you deserve to be happy and enjoy this instead of just going with the motions.

if you guys cant figure out what you really want neither one of you will be happy.

That was really mean what he said...I would've been so hurt too..

FH's parents are really uninvolved too. I don't know why, i think they always worry about being 'intrusive inlaws.' They are also not contributing to the wedding at all though FH says they did the same to his brother but gave a very generous wedding gift. Maybe that's the same case? Culturally, maybe it's different?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, Amy. I wish I can do something to cheer you up.

You *are* supppose to be happy. But planning a wedding IS stressful. On top of it being a major life change, it's just an inherently stressful process.

So is it just that, or is there something else underneath that really making you unhappy?

Its just depressing. I miss FH and I being best friends and happy.

And i havent mentioned my own mom who thinks i should have a small dinner. Even if i only invite up to 1st cousins and the closest family friends Im over 118 people. She doesnt get that. My dads on my side and says Anthony should have a wedding and they'd help us...which they havent. I wanna run away and change my name at this point.

you poor thing, money issues are the hardest!!
it makes my blood boil with FH too, thank god -it's rare but let me tell you nothing ruffles my feather more!

**sigh** there is no quick fix (cept winning the lotto)

Is a big formal wedding what you want?
would ya really be happier just eloping?

**hugs**


you and FH have a lot of stress on ya, anyone would be crazed and or sad.

i really hope things get better, but please dont leave us!!
vent to us, we are here for you!

Awww I'm sorry. Money is a huge stressor. I thought you got along with your future inlaws? If you really are not happy about getting married and you prefer to live together do it! You don't have to officially get married if its not what you want. Plus if money is an issue now it will be worse after paying for a wedding. I'm sorry your unhappy

---

Posted by JLWSJC

You *are* supppose to be happy. But planning a wedding IS stressful. On top of it being a major life change, it's just an inherently stressful process.

So is it just that, or is there something else underneath that really making you unhappy?

---

Oh are you referring to FHs insanity? Yeah that isnt helping either although he went to the dr and they upped his meds. The stress doesnt help w his anxiety.

I asked him why we had to get married and he almost cried.

Im sure if either family showed interest id be ok.

sorry to hear this...things will work out, just take a step back and talk about things. Hope you feel better soon, I know you have a lot going on

Aww Amy Im so sorry That was NOT NICE at all what he said to you! Weddings are stressful in themselves and adding $ problems on top of it makes it 100x worse! Did you talk to FH about how you are feeling and how upset you are? Please let me know how I can help.. <3 you!!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I can definitely tell you that I know I'm wayy more stressed out and frustrated then I would be if we just were living together. We got engaged, got a house and moved in together at the same time. (I would have been happy just living together, and going to the next step in our relationship, but the guy proposed! haha. and I definitely want to marry him!!).

The in-laws. . .it's just one of those things. I know it's hard, but don't let it stresss you out sooo much!! (easier said then done)

Ignore FH's comment. These boys just don't know. Weddings are stressful (far more for the bride!). Don't think that there is something wrong with you! I think this is something a lottt of people deal with!

I do get along w them. Last week i said to her,'i bet right now you wish you had a daughter instead of these 2 bratty sons' and she said, 'but i do have a daughter' and hugged me.

They love me theyre just uninvolved in his life. And this is weird considering hes her pride and joy.

Mind you the big wedding is all FH. I was cool staying status quo or eloping. He says hes going to talk to them and will make it happen, whatever that means.

---

Posted by allornil

---

Posted by JLWSJC

You *are* supppose to be happy. But planning a wedding IS stressful. On top of it being a major life change, it's just an inherently stressful process.

So is it just that, or is there something else underneath that really making you unhappy?

---

Oh are you referring to FHs insanity? Yeah that isnt helping either although he went to the dr and they upped his meds. The stress doesnt help w his anxiety.

I asked him why we had to get married and he almost cried.

Im sure if either family showed interest id be ok.

---

I dunno Amy, you tell me... there's a difference between stress and really being unhappy, KWIM? You need to figure out if this is temporary, what's causing it, of if it's something that is insurmountable. ('this' being what you're feeling, not any particular extraneous factor). I figured something else besides cash flow had to be going on with you. And I'm really sorry things are so up in the air right now... it's so furstrating to have no support, it's really upsetting and unsettling. Totally here if you need to talk.

---

Posted by allornil

I do get along w them. Last week i said to her,'i bet right now you wish you had a daughter instead of these 2 bratty sons' and she said, 'but i do have a daughter' and hugged me.

They love me theyre just uninvolved in his life. And this is weird considering hes her pride and joy.

Mind you the big wedding is all FH. I was cool staying status quo or eloping. He says hes going to talk to them and will make it happen, whatever that means.

---

It's good that t least you guys seem to be talking. MAke sure you keep doing that.

awww i know exactly how you feel...
but dont worry..a majority of us are going thru it ... but not being happy, thats not good.. you should be happy and still enjoy each others company during this time.. it took a year for us to get around this because of Haiti, family etc etc.. my list goes on! but I thank God everyday I didnt have a 6months or 1 year engagement because we will probably end the engagement by now.. its just TOO MUCH STRESS esp with money.. OMG!! thank goodness for LIW and you ladies...I couldnt imagine planning this alone...

one way that we ease the situation was have a realistic budget. our 1st, 2nd and 3rd budget was just plain unrealistic to our situation... we keep revising it until it was a REAL budget for Cindy and Patrick.

We had all crazzy stuff that was just totally unnecessary.. (( mostly me ))
and we HAD to trim the guestlist since this is 50% of the budget. if it mean, no children since thats $4000 worth in our family.. then no children.

Remember this is just one day hun .. you and FH have a lifetime together.. Try cooling off and give each other 24hrs.. and then talk about it.. go bowling, movies .. anything non-wedding related. dont let this rough patch make you depressed.

I strongly believe this wedding planning makes couples stronger.. if we can understand each other through compromise and finances.. we can make it through other goals..

Take a Breath and Relax! Im praying for you hun

---

Posted by JLWSJC

---

Posted by allornil

---

Posted by JLWSJC

You *are* supppose to be happy. But planning a wedding IS stressful. On top of it being a major life change, it's just an inherently stressful process.

So is it just that, or is there something else underneath that really making you unhappy?

---

Oh are you referring to FHs insanity? Yeah that isnt helping either although he went to the dr and they upped his meds. The stress doesnt help w his anxiety.

I asked him why we had to get married and he almost cried.

Im sure if either family showed interest id be ok.

---

I dunno Amy, you tell me... there's a difference between stress and really being unhappy, KWIM? You need to figure out if this is temporary, what's causing it, of if it's something that is insurmountable. ('this' being what you're feeling, not any particular extraneous factor). I figured something else besides cash flow had to be going on with you. And I'm really sorry things are so up in the air right now... it's so furstrating to have no support, it's really upsetting and unsettling. Totally here if you need to talk.

---

No i am really unhappy. On top of this i have all this medical stuff and i dont need the drama ya know?

I really would like the inlaws and Ant to talk. At least I'd feel better that they get what upsets us. I mean imagine your parents never never never calling you? W t f is up w that? I have the opposite prob. My parents are up my azz 24/7. Maybe that evens us out.

Anyway now I feel like an imposter bc im wavering especially since he made that comment. Hes since apologized on his own and said it was low and untrue and had no right saying it.

Im going to talk to my FBIL about it later. And fyi...he never calls or texts him either but talks to me every day. Weird right?

---

Posted by allornil

Its just depressing. I miss FH and I being best friends and happy.

And i havent mentioned my own mom who thinks i should have a small dinner. Even if i only invite up to 1st cousins and the closest family friends Im over 118 people. She doesnt get that. My dads on my side and says Anthony should have a wedding and they'd help us...which they havent. I wanna run away and change my name at this point.

---

maybe this might be a great idea.. you dont need to have over 118 people to have a stressfree and affordable celebration.... but if you really want everyone to be there.. it will be hard. you cant bank of outside help until you see that cash or check. my mother plans on paying for my dress but I have already saved enough just in case .. i dont like banking on anyone esp during these hard times.. things happen!