Will I get over this?

I don't want to take FH's last name. I love my name and I have a family history that I am SO proud of and I want to remain associated with it by keeping my last name.

I feel so horrible and guilty over it. I just tried to picture what the name on my door would say at work, and what my voicemail would say, and how I'd sign court docs if I were to take his name or hyphenate...and I just DON'T WANT TO and I don't know what to do about it. I WANT TO WANT TO! But I don't

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Posted by Randilotus

I'm sorry wish I could help you, is it a bad last name?

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LOL - maybe deep down that is part of it. It's definitely not an easy last name - but neither is my maiden name.

I honestly think part of it is that I'm OBSESSED with being an 'independent woman.' My Dad has ingrained in me since I was very young that I can take over the world alone and that, even though I should fall in love and marry a man that I love, I should keep my identity and remain 'myself'. I guess for that reason I just feel like there is something not right about giving up my last name, and I don't know how to get over it.

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Posted by PEPE10

well it's a big decision, have you talked to him about it -how does he feel- don't feel bad you are not the only woman in the world who feels this way - if it means that much to you to keep it then you should

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He does know about it, and he is somewhat sad about it, but he is being understanding. He is hoping I'll keep my maiden name in my professional life and use his last name in my personal life.

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by PEPE10

well it's a big decision, have you talked to him about it -how does he feel- don't feel bad you are not the only woman in the world who feels this way - if it means that much to you to keep it then you should

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He does know about it, and he is somewhat sad about it, but he is being understanding. He is hoping I'll keep my maiden name in my professional life and use his last name in my personal life.

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well would you consider doing that
sounds like a compromise

I'm very attached to my last name also. I'm keeping it.

I offered to hyphenate. FH hates the hyphens and is fine with me keeping my own name (2 of his aunts did...I have since thanked them for doing so b/c it made it easy for me).

Keep your own if it makes you happy!

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by Randilotus

I'm sorry wish I could help you, is it a bad last name?

---

LOL - maybe deep down that is part of it. It's definitely not an easy last name - but neither is my maiden name.

I honestly think part of it is that I'm OBSESSED with being an 'independent woman.' My Dad has ingrained in me since I was very young that I can take over the world alone and that, even though I should fall in love and marry a man that I love, I should keep my identity and remain 'myself'. I guess for that reason I just feel like there is something not right about giving up my last name, and I don't know how to get over it.

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The funny thing for me is that my dad is actually the one who is upset that I'm not changing my name.

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Posted by lwny427

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by Randilotus

I'm sorry wish I could help you, is it a bad last name?

---

LOL - maybe deep down that is part of it. It's definitely not an easy last name - but neither is my maiden name.

I honestly think part of it is that I'm OBSESSED with being an 'independent woman.' My Dad has ingrained in me since I was very young that I can take over the world alone and that, even though I should fall in love and marry a man that I love, I should keep my identity and remain 'myself'. I guess for that reason I just feel like there is something not right about giving up my last name, and I don't know how to get over it.

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The funny thing for me is that my dad is actually the one who is upset that I'm not changing my name.

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My Dad is weird - he is literally a feminist. I think it's because he is Cuban, born in Cuba then brought to the US in his early teens. His Mom played the traditional role - she basically lived to serve her husband and in my Dad's opinion 'had no identity of her own.' My grandfather recently died and now that she is alone, she has no hobbies, interests or passions. My Dad feels this is because of what her 'role' was.

My Dad also tells me to vote for Hillary no matter what, because she 'can't be worse than Bush' and 'the world needs a woman leading it'

my SIL had the same problem. i will fully admit that my current last name is AWEFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she went from having a really nice last name to taking my brother's. she was so upset about it, she used to complain all the time.

but it's been 3 years and she has TOTALLY embraced it. they have a baby now, and ever since she became pregnant it was like it was THEIR family name, and she's been really happy about it.

i hope you end up feeling the same way...but if you really feel that strongly, maybe you should talk to him about it??

good luck w whatever you do!!!!

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Posted by davenjess

have you & fh talked about this? is he okay with it??

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We have, he knows. He would love for me to take his name, but he has also seen me crying b/c I feel like I'm some sort of freak because I'm not scribbling 'Mrs. S' on my notebooks. I haven't even ordered one of those 'Future Mrs. ....' hoodies for the day of because I don't know if I will ever be Mrs. ....

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Posted by JeanetteandSteve

my SIL had the same problem. i will fully admit that my current last name is AWEFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she went from having a really nice last name to taking my brother's. she was so upset about it, she used to complain all the time.

but it's been 3 years and she has TOTALLY embraced it. they have a baby now, and ever since she became pregnant it was like it was THEIR family name, and she's been really happy about it.

i hope you end up feeling the same way...but if you really feel that strongly, maybe you should talk to him about it??

good luck w whatever you do!!!!

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Wow, that's comforting. Maybe once pregnant I'll feel like I really want me and the baby and FH to share a name. I know it's not right away - but it's comforting to know I might get there one day.

Thank you!!

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by davenjess

have you & fh talked about this? is he okay with it??

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We have, he knows. He would love for me to take his name, but he has also seen me crying b/c I feel like I'm some sort of freak because I'm not scribbling 'Mrs. S' on my notebooks. I haven't even ordered one of those 'Future Mrs. ....' hoodies for the day of because I don't know if I will ever be Mrs. ....

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hahah, I tried writing it out Mrs. ... to see how I'd feel writing it. I wasn't a fan.

I was wondering about that. Do I never use Mrs if I don't take his name? I'd still be a married woman. I guess not though b/c then it would seem like I married a family member. ewww.

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Posted by lwny427

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by davenjess

have you & fh talked about this? is he okay with it??

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We have, he knows. He would love for me to take his name, but he has also seen me crying b/c I feel like I'm some sort of freak because I'm not scribbling 'Mrs. S' on my notebooks. I haven't even ordered one of those 'Future Mrs. ....' hoodies for the day of because I don't know if I will ever be Mrs. ....

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hahah, I tried writing it out Mrs. ... to see how I'd feel writing it. I wasn't a fan.

I was wondering about that. Do I never use Mrs if I don't take his name? I'd still be a married woman. I guess not though b/c then it would seem like I married a family member. ewww.

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LOLLLL

Even if I did write Mrs., I don't think I'd slap it on a hoodie - that would just be weird!

Maybe I could just do 'Future Wife!' LOL

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Posted by JB1122

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Posted by JeanetteandSteve

my SIL had the same problem. i will fully admit that my current last name is AWEFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she went from having a really nice last name to taking my brother's. she was so upset about it, she used to complain all the time.

but it's been 3 years and she has TOTALLY embraced it. they have a baby now, and ever since she became pregnant it was like it was THEIR family name, and she's been really happy about it.

i hope you end up feeling the same way...but if you really feel that strongly, maybe you should talk to him about it??

good luck w whatever you do!!!!

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Wow, that's comforting. Maybe once pregnant I'll feel like I really want me and the baby and FH to share a name. I know it's not right away - but it's comforting to know I might get there one day.

Thank you!!

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i'm glad i made you feel better. i really think eventually when you have your own family, you will think of it as your family's name, and it will make you happy!!

can i tell you AGAIN how terrible my last name is?!?! lol...if my SIL can deal w our name, i bet you can deal w your FHs!!

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Posted by JB1122

I don't want to take FH's last name. I love my name and I have a family history that I am SO proud of and I want to remain associated with it by keeping my last name.

I feel so horrible and guilty over it. I just tried to picture what the name on my door would say at work, and what my voicemail would say, and how I'd sign court docs if I were to take his name or hyphenate...and I just DON'T WANT TO and I don't know what to do about it. I WANT TO WANT TO! But I don't

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I feel the exact same way. I have a very strong family and my dad only has daughters. So my last name dies after him. I love my last name.. For gods sakes its our identity and has been our whole life. I think legally I will hyphenate. Good Luck

It's a personal decision, but don't feel bad if you don't want to change.

FTR, I didn't change my name because I wanted to keep my cultural identity. (DH and I are from different cultural backgrounds.)

BTW, it's awesome that your dad is a feminist! The world needs more male feminists.