Worried.. confused.. very long (Update! with happier news)

first of All to you!

There are many issues going on but the first may be that mom is not ready for her son to grow up so she is saying things to place doubt.


Second of all, you two get away from all the hype even if its for a 'date' whenever you can so you can concentrate on building up what is already a strong bond.

Everyone has made some really great points here. I didn't get to read through all the posts - so I'm sorry if I repeat anything...

I just wanted to tell you that I am so impressed with how level-headed you have been about this - and I do know how hard that can be. But you show how mature you are in wanting to seek couples counseling rather than just run away or ignore the feelings.

IMO - I think his mom is probably feeling a little insecure and jealous. I just wish people would think before they spoke - donesn't she know how difficult it is to take these things back! But you need to be the better person. FH is being torn - his love and loyalty for both of you is being questioned and like most guys he's probably not expressing his feelings too much. Definitely take care of the both of you - sit down and talk - get out your feelings but also make sure to express how you feel about each other - it's so easy to take that for granted when drama like this happens. It sucks that his mom put ideas in his head as much as I hate to say it - I think he needs to hear that they are absolutely untrue - I hate telling you that you have to defend yourself against this garbage but I do think he needs to hear it.

As far as debt - I have to say I commend him for wanting to get out of it. I know that planning a wedding makes it harder but starting a marriage with debt is not so good either. It's a hard thing to choose but I personally would try to get out of debt. The sooner he does that the faster he can contribute to your life together.

Finally - you are gorgeous and you both make such a great couple -you look so great together! Your weight is not a factor - it's just a weakness that she immaturely knows she can taunt you with. Don't let her!

Take care and good luck - remember you can always come here for unconditional support!

BUMPING FOr the update :)
Thanks girls

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Posted by Pookiesangel


UPDATE:
First I would like to thank all the girls that posted here or FM me with their kind words of support and some really good advice.
After two nights of some serious heart to heart, we have made a game plan for our 'joint' savings, and starting in June will start saving into one account, for wedding and moving related stuff.

On the FMIL front, I think I finally got him to understand my feelings and explained to him that her word are hurtful and cause me undue stress. And how it makes me feel when he sides with her. We came to some agreements on how to handle her in the future, and he's actually happy we talked about it, because it was really stressing him out as well.

So I think we will start making progress, and we might even do couples therapy if we feel we aren't making enough progress in bettering our communication with each other.
He expressed to me his concerns, and he is worried he won't be a good husband or provider, I told him once we get married it's no longer, this is mine, that is yours, it's ours, and that seem to help calm him and reassure him.

Again thanks girls for all your help, I really feel much better.

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your both gonna do great.
as for the money thing, that was one of the first things we talked about when we moved in and got serious. it's great. everything you will do, will be together.

he will be a great husband and him acknowledgeing his feelings and commications is great. as long as you commicate (sp) you won't have any worries.

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Posted by Pookiesangel
UPDATE:
First I would like to thank all the girls that posted here

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edit, btw..i'm FH

just wanted to say good luck - you are handling this well :)

thats great!!!! awesome!! congrats!!

Just wanted to

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Posted by MCDO15

edit, btw..i'm FH

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My most sincere apologies kind sir! Won't happen again..lol

Seriously, it's nice to hear things from the male perspective.. because sometimes our own darlings worry more about hurting our feelings than being honest..ya know?

Thanks again

im glad you talked things out

Yay!! I am so happy you and FH talked things out. It's seems like you guys are back on track.

Glad to hear it's all working out....a little love, a little patience, and lots of communicating is KEY! Best Wishes sweetie!!!

I am so glad to hear you talked and worked things out. It's so much better to be communicative now, you know you can be later. Good luck again.