Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Original post by nov04LIbride

Mar 26, 2004 11:14 AM

My FSIL got engaged about 6 mos. after we did (she is 19 and had been dating the guy a month when she gave him an ultimatum and he proposed). They since broke up, but not until after they held a large engagement party during which they received many expensive gifts and money. She is not giving back anything. She says a gift is a gift, regardless of whether the engagement is still on, but I kind of feel like she should at least offer it back (esp. when her grandmother--who does not have much money--gave them $500 to help pay for the wedding--she already spent the $ on something having nothing to do with the wedding). I know it shouldn't concern me, but I was wondering what everyone's feelings about this are...

BellaBella Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:52 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Posted by agv

Should not even be a question....the gifts go back!!!!

agree. no doubt.

diamondgrlie Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:53 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

I would probably give everything back. I wouldnt want to, but it is the right thing to do. Especially since the people who gave her the gifts are probably pretty close to her.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:53 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

If the wedding is called off you have to return all of the gifts that is the right thing to do since the gifts were given in contemplation of the upcoming marriage which is now not taking place

LovelyL Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:56 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

posted by btrflygrl
the e-party gifts should go back...it's proper etiquette. In MY situation....I would not give my ring back because it belonged to my grandmother. I'm ont sure what PROPER etiquette is for a ring that was purchased though....

NY state law says that the ring must be returned to the purchaser!

DrmnBlnd Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:58 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Posted by september2004

i personally would give them back.

same here

samsbride Posted: Mar 26, 2004 11:58 AM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

horrible!!! Why would it be any different from a wedding gift that has to be returned if you get divored soon after the wedding?

This girl is clueless

eroxgirl Posted: Mar 26, 2004 12:06 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Posted by Rob-luvs-me

If the wedding is called off you have to return all of the gifts that is the right thing to do since the gifts were given in contemplation of the upcoming marriage which is now not taking place

exactly!

sag530 Posted: Mar 26, 2004 12:33 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Give back the engagement gifts.

LIPrincess00 Posted: Mar 26, 2004 01:33 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

When I broke off my first engagement (about 10yrs ago) I returned everything I could. There were some gifts (from immediately family) that he destroyed and couldnt return but I offered to pay them back for those gifts.

heidla Posted: Mar 26, 2004 01:35 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

I believe that they should give back the gifts.

bethsiar Posted: Mar 26, 2004 01:36 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Robluvsme and Eroxgirl!

Couldnt' have said it better!

swags1016 Posted: Mar 26, 2004 01:36 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

She should give it back. Engagement gifts are supposed to be for the couple to build their lives TOGETHER and/or to help them set up their home. She is wrong, she really needs to give the stuff back!!

Scoop Posted: Mar 26, 2004 01:44 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

I agree...gifts should be given back if the engagement is called off.

butterfly20 Posted: Mar 26, 2004 05:51 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

Definately should be given back

smilealways Posted: Mar 26, 2004 05:57 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

I would definitely give them back! It just seems wrong to keep them.

palebride Posted: Mar 26, 2004 06:09 PM

Re: Would you give back engagement gifts if engagement was off?

i know someone who called off the wedding the night before it was supposed to happen and she also refused to return any of the gifts, or help the BM's pay for their $300 dresses which they were then never going to use.
I think it's a horribly selfish thing to do!