would you 'insist' ...

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by blu6385

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Posted by kzecha

First off, I do not 'allow' my FH to do anything. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions. If it is a trust issue,then maybe you should not be together. If you cant trust him to do things on his own, that is not healthy. JMO.

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see thats what i am sayng ... i just dont see what the big deal about him attending a wedding on his own if you werent invited ... can someone who finds it a big deal for him to attend it alone please explain why?

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like i said before, if he is invited and you arent and you are MARRIED that is being disrespectful to you, his wife. So out of respect for you I think he should not attend.

I know our relationship is different than other couples so i cant really go further than that i guess. if he asks me not to do something bc it would upset him, i basically dont do it and vice versa. . .maybe allow is the wrong word, but in the end we listen to each other's opinions and requests. . .

ANyway - what is important is that YOU arent upset by him going. I mean dont ask him not to go bc you think that you SHOULD be upset. If it truly doesnt bother you then i dont see a problem - different things bother different people

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thats true i guess see thats the answer i was looking for ... i get the disrepectful part ... but heres the situation ... say your husband is really good friends with the groom ... but you jsut dont get along with the bride at all .... and i mean at all ... you basically despcie each other ... and the bride does not want you there on her wedding day ...would you still not want your husband to go though hes really good friends with the groom ....

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Posted by blu6385



thats true i guess see thats the answer i was looking for ... i get the disrepectful part ... but heres the situation ... say your husband is really good friends with the groom ... but you jsut dont get along with the bride at all .... and i mean at all ... you basically despcie each other ... and the bride does not want you there on her wedding day ...would you still not want your husband to go though hes really good friends with the groom ....

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If he was real good friends with the groom then i would think he should go...My problems with the bride shouldn't effect their friendship...I wouldn't want him to miss his friends wedding because of my problems with his friends fiancee.

ok everybody for the record ... I would let him go no big deal it wouldnt bother me ... i wouldnt like the couple so much but i feel we dont both have to love all of our firends ... IT's me insiting that I not invite his friends wife cause honestly me and her have a big probelm and i dont see why she needs to attend .. FH is friends with her husband not her and she disrepected me so now i dont want her attending and this is when me and my friend got in this argument that she would not allow her husband to go with out her ,.. and i said i would allow him to go cause ...first i wouldnt want to go and second ... our marriage wont be over or in jepoardy of being over just cause he attended a wedding without me


EDITED for some typos

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Posted by blu6385

oh everybody for the record ... I would let him go no big deal it wouldnt bother me ... i wouldnt like the couple so much but i feel we dont both have to love all of our firends ... IT me insiting that I not invite his friends wife cause honestly me and her have a big probelm and i dont see why she needs to attend FH is friends with her husband not her and she disrepected me so now i dont want her attending and this is when me and my friend got in this arument that she would not allow her husband to go with out her ,.. and i said i would allow him to go cause ...first i wouldtn want to go and second ... our marriage wont be over or in jepardy of bieng over just cuase he attended a wedding without me

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you make an excellent point! as long as it works for you and FH - that is all that matters!

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Posted by blu6385

ok everybody for the record ... I would let him go no big deal it wouldnt bother me ... i wouldnt like the couple so much but i feel we dont both have to love all of our firends ... IT's me insiting that I not invite his friends wife cause honestly me and her have a big probelm and i dont see why she needs to attend .. FH is friends with her husband not her and she disrepected me so now i dont want her attending and this is when me and my friend got in this argument that she would not allow her husband to go with out her ,.. and i said i would allow him to go cause ...first i wouldnt want to go and second ... our marriage wont be over or in jepoardy of being over just cause he attended a wedding without me


EDITED for some typos

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Ooooooo so its you who doesn't want to invite his friends wife to your wedding, and he probably feels bad doing that...And then your friend said well if you dont invite his wife then he might not go bc she said if it were her she would get mad if she wasnt invited, ok why did i repeat what you just said lol.

If you two have like a real bad relationship, gotten in arguements and fights and all that then dont invite her...IF you two just dont get along but still are able to be corteous around eachother then give it some thought.

But its your wedding and your decision you know, we can only offer advice.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by blu6385

ok everybody for the record ... I would let him go no big deal it wouldnt bother me ... i wouldnt like the couple so much but i feel we dont both have to love all of our firends ... IT's me insiting that I not invite his friends wife cause honestly me and her have a big probelm and i dont see why she needs to attend .. FH is friends with her husband not her and she disrepected me so now i dont want her attending and this is when me and my friend got in this argument that she would not allow her husband to go with out her ,.. and i said i would allow him to go cause ...first i wouldnt want to go and second ... our marriage wont be over or in jepoardy of being over just cause he attended a wedding without me


EDITED for some typos

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Ooooooo so its you who doesn't want to invite his friends wife to your wedding, and he probably feels bad doing that...And then your friend said well if you dont invite his wife then he might not go bc she said if it were her she would get mad if she wasnt invited, ok why did i repeat what you just said lol.

If you two have like a real bad relationship, gotten in arguements and fights and all that then dont invite her...IF you two just dont get along but still are able to be corteous around eachother then give it some thought.

But its your wedding and your decision you know, we can only offer advice.

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well as of right now shes not invited ...if his friend is then really not allow to go cause she cant maybe i might think about saying she can come ... my point is i just dont get what the big deal is if my Husband attended a wedding without me?

Wellllllllllllllllllll, I think you have to invite her. And of course (even though I hate that I have to write this) that's just my opinion. Don't you think the husband might be offended that you didn't invite her?

Does the husband realize that you have a problem with his wife? If not, it will be reaaaaaaaaally apparent when you send out your invites.

I think if they were dating that's one thing...but they're married. I would be really upset if I were married and someone only invited my FH. Of course I would 'let' him go, but I would be really hurt that I (as his wife) wasn't invited.

You're not going to care about her on your wedding day. You'll be focused on your FH, and the fun around you. You won't even notice if she's there.

If I were n your shoes, I think this would be one of those tough situations where I'd have to suck it up for the day. Again, I probably wouldn't even notice if she was there or not.

ETA: I don't think the issue would be 'do i care if my husband goes alone' but more of a 'do I care that I wasn't invited to attend with my husband'?

I think the second question is more of a problem for me....

Yeah Bon makes a good point, FH's friend might get offended too, and if you have no problems with him then that might cause a problem...If a friend of mine invited JUST me and not FH, it would probably cause problems, i wouldn't fight with them but i would be hurt and offended that they would do that, honestly. It might just cause alot more problems and cause problems with your FH and his friend

Plus like Bon also said, you have so many other things going on, you will barely notice she is there.

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Posted by beachbum05

ETA: I don't think the issue would be 'do i care if my husband goes alone' but more of a 'do I care that I wasn't invited to attend with my husband'?

I think the second question is more of a problem for me....

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you know what i would care if i wasnt invited ... and i admit i wouldnt like that couple but i would still not care if he went and i wouldnt insit that he shouldnt go ... not everyone is going to like me and i wont like them ... let him go and have fun ... ill just go out that night withmy girls and have some fun ... see i would just kind of look at as a night out sepreatley with our friends!!!

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Posted by beachbum05

Wellllllllllllllllllll, I think you have to invite her. And of course (even though I hate that I have to write this) that's just my opinion. Don't you think the husband might be offended that you didn't invite her?

Does the husband realize that you have a problem with his wife? If not, it will be reaaaaaaaaally apparent when you send out your invites.

I think if they were dating that's one thing...but they're married. I would be really upset if I were married and someone only invited my FH. Of course I would 'let' him go, but I would be really hurt that I (as his wife) wasn't invited.

You're not going to care about her on your wedding day. You'll be focused on your FH, and the fun around you. You won't even notice if she's there.

If I were n your shoes, I think this would be one of those tough situations where I'd have to suck it up for the day. Again, I probably wouldn't even notice if she was there or not.

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well they know that I dont want to invite his wife ... i personally told her i dont want her there so it wont be a shock ... and honestly she shouldnt want to go ... if she came it would be in my opinion just to piss me off!!! why would you want to go somewere your not welcome ...

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Posted by blu6385

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Posted by beachbum05

ETA: I don't think the issue would be 'do i care if my husband goes alone' but more of a 'do I care that I wasn't invited to attend with my husband'?

I think the second question is more of a problem for me....

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you know what i would care if i wasnt invited ... and i admit i wouldnt like that couple but i would still not care if he went and i wouldnt insit that he shouldnt go ... not everyone is going to like me and i wont like them ... let him go and have fun ... ill just go out that night withmy girls and have some fun ... see i would just kind of look at as a night out sepreatley with our friends!!!

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see i dont care about FH going out on his own and doing things either...its not about that though, its about disrespect, your FH's friend might not want to go bc he feels his wife was disrespected and maybe for that reason only....Or maybe she doesn't care either if he goes but just feels it would be disrespectful for him to go just bc he wasn't invited. I dont think this is really about whether or not someone minds about their FH going out on their own.

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Posted by blu6385

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Posted by beachbum05

ETA: I don't think the issue would be 'do i care if my husband goes alone' but more of a 'do I care that I wasn't invited to attend with my husband'?

I think the second question is more of a problem for me....

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you know what i would care if i wasnt invited ... and i admit i wouldnt like that couple but i would still not care if he went and i wouldnt insit that he shouldnt go ... not everyone is going to like me and i wont like them ... let him go and have fun ... ill just go out that night withmy girls and have some fun ... see i would just kind of look at as a night out sepreatley with our friends!!!

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No, I totally agree with that. I mean, I'm all for going out with my friends, and he goes out with his.

But I just cannot imagine receiving a wedding invitation from someone who my FH is good friends with that DIDN'T invite me (when we are a married couple). You don't think that's mean? She might not COME (especially if she knows you have a problem with her), but I think it's kinda mean not to invite the wife of your FH's friend to your wedding.

Then again though, it's totally up to you. If you'd feel uncomfortable, then it's not worth it to invite her. You don't want to have bad feelings at YOUR wedding. I totally get that.

I'm just trying to say that you might really offend your FH's friend....

If he was invited to a wedding without me he would not go. I wouldn't have to say a word to him, that's just how he is. He would be mad that I wasn't invited. It wouldn't matter if it was his sister's wedding or a coworker, we're married now so it's just the way it is with us.

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Posted by kittythestray

If he was invited to a wedding without me he would not go. I wouldn't have to say a word to him, that's just how he is. He would be mad that I wasn't invited. It wouldn't matter if it was his sister's wedding or a coworker, we're married now so it's just the way it is with us.

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Same here. My FH wouldn't go without me. Maybe it's weird, but we're a complete person. You get one, you get the other - free of charge!

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Posted by kittythestray

If he was invited to a wedding without me he would not go. I wouldn't have to say a word to him, that's just how he is. He would be mad that I wasn't invited. It wouldn't matter if it was his sister's wedding or a coworker, we're married now so it's just the way it is with us.

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yeah i agree, he would get mad if they didn't invite me and i would get mad too. It is a package deal now

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by blu6385

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Posted by beachbum05

ETA: I don't think the issue would be 'do i care if my husband goes alone' but more of a 'do I care that I wasn't invited to attend with my husband'?

I think the second question is more of a problem for me....

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you know what i would care if i wasnt invited ... and i admit i wouldnt like that couple but i would still not care if he went and i wouldnt insit that he shouldnt go ... not everyone is going to like me and i wont like them ... let him go and have fun ... ill just go out that night withmy girls and have some fun ... see i would just kind of look at as a night out sepreatley with our friends!!!

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No, I totally agree with that. I mean, I'm all for going out with my friends, and he goes out with his.

But I just cannot imagine receiving a wedding invitation from someone who my FH is good friends with that DIDN'T invite me (when we are a married couple). You don't think that's mean? She might not COME (especially if she knows you have a problem with her), but I think it's kinda mean not to invite the wife of your FH's friend to your wedding.

Then again though, it's totally up to you. If you'd feel uncomfortable, then it's not worth it to invite her. You don't want to have bad feelings at YOUR wedding. I totally get that.

I'm just trying to say that you might really offend your FH's friend....

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no i totally get you and i think its mean but i guesss honestly i just dont care .... like i said i would def. not like the couple but i would still say for him to go ... and yeah honestly if it starts this big of a deal i may give in ... and i would feel very hurt but like i said i jsut wouldnt like the person ...

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Posted by kittythestray

If he was invited to a wedding without me he would not go. I wouldn't have to say a word to him, that's just how he is. He would be mad that I wasn't invited. It wouldn't matter if it was his sister's wedding or a coworker, we're married now so it's just the way it is with us.

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so now i'm thinking i should have gave more details with the poll ... alright but if you just didnt get along with the couple and he did ... you think he still wouldnt go ...