I've seen that happen before at other weddings. I would sooner die! How class-less!
I don't think its classless at all... people do what they can with what they have. NOW, not giving a CARD may bother me a little, but only b/c when i was little (OK, and i still do it to this day b/c its a tradition now).. my family and i would always make cards for each other... not like the extreme martha stewart stuff you see these days.. just basic paper white paper and markers. i think that people can do thoughtful things like that, and it doesn't even cost .50 cents, but still congratulates the couple and wishes them happiness.
honestly, we didnt even plug the 'gifts' into our master list yet, so i dont even know if theres anyone that we didnt get a gift/ card from yet. what i do know is that im Extremely embarrased by some of the gifts that we did get. Some people were soo extremely generous, and i feel like 'What did we ever do to deserve such generosity?!' (and ALOT of it was from people that i KNEW didnt 'have that kind of money', but this was something they wanted to do for us... for those people, i actually Wished that they had just gotten us a card
DH and I definately had talks with each other here and there about how much we *thought* we might get, just based on averages, but it wasnt something that held any weight to us... we planned our wedding the way we wanted, regardless of what we could possibly 'make' from it.
seriously, these are our friends and family that came from all over to share in our special day. Its not their *fault* if they dont 'cover their plate'... THEY didnt choose to have the big weding at the fancy place.. WE did, and so in no way (IMO) is it THEIR obligation to cover their cost. I would've been so upset if so many of those people didnt come to celebrate with us just b/c they felt like they couldnt give a certain amount of $$$ that was expected. we invited people b/c we wanted THEM there... not their money.
i do think its a different situation if youre talking about someone that you invite b/c you feel you Have to, or to be cordial... so for those people to not give a gift is kind of like pouring salt into the wound... BUT if you can feel like that, then seriously, you just shouldnt invite those people.
sidenote... my grandmother passed away last year. One of her old friends had kept in touch with my mother and REALLY wanted to come to our wedding. i didnt know this woman that well, but i knew how much it meant to her and to my family, so we invited her without hesitation. Now, this woman had a medical malpratice law suit a while back, and just a couple of years ago, received $14 million. she gave us a $75 dollar gift (BUT she also doesnt drive, and she paid for Car service from brooklyn to long island!!). now, do i think that just b/c she has That much $$$ that We should've gotten more? NO. She had tears in her eyes the whole day b/c of how happy she was for us, and how sad she was that my grandmother couldnt be there with us. her sincerety meant more to me than any gift. Thats why you invite people imo
Wow, beautifully said! And I'm sorry that your grandma wasn't able to share your day in presence, I'm sure she was there in spirit.
ETA: I just have to commend you on being able to eloquently make your point without being judgemental or disrespectful to others whose opinions differed from yours. We need more posters like you!
February05
Posted:
Member since
Re: WOW! This is bad
Posted by SomethingBlu Wow, beautifully said! And I'm sorry that your grandma wasn't able to share your day in presence, I'm sure she was there in spirit.
ETA: I just have to commend you on being able to eloquently make your point without being judgemental or disrespectful to others whose opinions differed from yours. We need more posters like you!
Thank you i definately felt like she was there with me in spirit that day!
and Thank you for the compliment, but in all honesty, some the responses on this thread were pretty bothersome, and while i respect that people have different outlooks on the situation, i do feel like the initial comments that were made about gifts (or lack of) were pretty judgemental in themselves, so i dont feel like people can be faulted for responding in that same way. i know that this was a sensitive topic to me, and i'm sure that it is to many other people, so brutal honesty is definately to be expected on this one
dm24angel
Posted:
Member since
Re: WOW! This is bad
What a weird thread....BUT..
Like Jan05bride said..NO formula works...We got about 40% less then we expected...but the bottom line is...who cares....you cannot think about breaking even, making money, or losing money or you will be dissapointed no matter what. The best thing me and DH did was say no matter what we get in money as gifts, we will just be happy we had the most amazing day to start our lives together...and we did...so the money didnt mean a thing in the end...
Mrs. dleeny
Posted:
Member since
Re: WOW! This is bad
Posted by neeniebean86
Posted by SomethingBlu Wow, beautifully said! And I'm sorry that your grandma wasn't able to share your day in presence, I'm sure she was there in spirit.
ETA: I just have to commend you on being able to eloquently make your point without being judgemental or disrespectful to others whose opinions differed from yours. We need more posters like you!
Thank you i definately felt like she was there with me in spirit that day!
and Thank you for the compliment, but in all honesty, some the responses on this thread were pretty bothersome, and while i respect that people have different outlooks on the situation, i do feel like the initial comments that were made about gifts (or lack of) were pretty judgemental in themselves, so i dont feel like people can be faulted for responding in that same way. i know that this was a sensitive topic to me, and i'm sure that it is to many other people, so brutal honesty is definately to be expected on this one
I'm sorry if what I said sounded harsh. I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad.
I guess what I am saying is that if I were invited to a wedding and I had no money, I would still buy a little something as a gift. I feel that it is proper etiquette. If it were my sister and she had financial issues and couldn't give me a gift I wouldn't care. But I couldn't do it myslef.
that's all I'm saying.
February05
Posted:
Member since
Re: WOW! This is bad
Posted by dleeny I'm sorry if what I said sounded harsh. I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad.
I guess what I am saying is that if I were invited to a wedding and I had no money, I would still buy a little something as a gift. I feel that it is proper etiquette. If it were my sister and she had financial issues and couldn't give me a gift I wouldn't care. But I couldn't do it myslef.
that's all I'm saying.
you dont have to appologize.. your feelings are your feelings, and like i said, i respect that different people have different outlooks on the situation. I think theres also 2 sides to this- being on the Giving side or the Receiving side. i would not NOT give a card (at the very least) even if i didnt have $$$ either, BUT being on the receiving side, i wouldnt think that someone was classless just b/c they didnt give a gift. just a difference of opinions
