XOXO

dont feel like a fool she was a good friend at that time and youwant her to be a part of your day!!

i would call her or email her asking whats up and maybe ask her if she still want to be in the BP tell her how you feel ans see what she says....good luck!!

I think she is sending a very clear message that she doesn't want to be bothered.
I would ask her to step down.

I know this hurts -- hugs to you

I felt like I just read whats going on with me and one of my BMs - literally.

It basically came down to the fact that I got hammered one night and made a drunk dial and basically let it all out.

It is not completely resolved but she wrote an apologetic e/m to the rest of the BP and my mom and has been making more of an effort with calling me.

Regardless, I would not be surprised if we lose touch completely after the wedding.

I understand what you are going through. Good luck - it definitely is not easy.

Oh - I also gave her the option of stepping down - in as nice of a way as you can do that.

I would never 'kick her out.' But I also wanted her to be apart of it because she wanted to be - not bc she felt she had to.

Aw Im so sorry .. I had a similar situation with my college roommate too. She didn't come to my shower, and just didn't seem into the whole thing. But then I called her up about it and we talked and she was sooo sorry that she didnt mean to hurt me in anyway, and then she really stepped up her game!

Basically, I would defiantly talk to her about it, and clear the air, hopefully she knows shes being kinda crappy at a special time for you and changes.

whoa, must have missed the post where you announced but congrats!

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. You shouldn't feel like a fool though. Being one of your oldest friends, it was the natural response for you to want her to be a part of this special time in your life. Unfortunately, it seems some people have trouble balancing priorities in their lives.

Like you said, maybe you want to wait and see if she attends/takes part in your shower before you make a decision on how to respond. At the very least, if you are that hurt by this, maybe you should let her know that you're disappointed she hasn't tried to be a little more involved or responsive. You can let her know that she had the option of declining your invitation to be a bridesmaid if she really doesn't have the time to commit. See how she responds, and maybe then you can decide if you want to ask her to no longer be in the bridal party.

It sounds like you've been understanding of her other commitments. I don't think you're asking too much of her to show some interest. Good luck!

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by mrspalomino148

Aw Im so sorry .. I had a similar situation with my college roommate too. She didn't come to my shower, and just didn't seem into the whole thing. But then I called her up about it and we talked and she was sooo sorry that she didnt mean to hurt me in anyway, and then she really stepped up her game!

Basically, I would defiantly talk to her about it, and clear the air, hopefully she knows shes being kinda crappy at a special time for you and changes.

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whoa, must have missed the post where you announced but congrats!

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I just got back, so I haven't yet, my first time on in a while! lol ... I might go do that now

wow im so sorry..thats definately not right, and she's your bm so she should be involved in as much of the planning as possible..not attending important events is wrong..I definately think you should talk to her..to let her know its bothering you..to be honest with you, if this happened to me..i'd be contemplating kicking her out! Hope everything works out, and good luck

I would try to talk to her and tell her how you feel, that way you two can talk about it and try to work it out. I'm sorry you feel this way.

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Posted by bluegreen08

we had one blip a while ago, maybe 5 months back where i asked her if she really wanted to be a bridesmaid because i said sometimes i felt like she didn't and didn't want to be forcing it on her... and she said she did, and then got really mad at me and asked if i wanted her to step down.

i apologized and told her i did want her to be a BM (although at the time i was admittedly having my doubts) but things haven't gotten any better. i told her i didn't really expect for her to drop everything and help plan my wedding, just to come to the major events like bach party, shower, rehearsal dinner, etc but every step of the way i feel like i'm forcing her and it makes me feel horrible.

i dont know if i should say something to her now or wait until after the shower.

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Hmm thats tough, since you already talked to her about it. I would probably wait till after the shower, hopefully she is there and helping out and you will better. Or maybe ask someone if they know if shes coming to the shower? Because if you fight before the shower and she comes it may be awkward ya know?

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Posted by mrspalomino148

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Posted by bluegreen08

we had one blip a while ago, maybe 5 months back where i asked her if she really wanted to be a bridesmaid because i said sometimes i felt like she didn't and didn't want to be forcing it on her... and she said she did, and then got really mad at me and asked if i wanted her to step down.

i apologized and told her i did want her to be a BM (although at the time i was admittedly having my doubts) but things haven't gotten any better. i told her i didn't really expect for her to drop everything and help plan my wedding, just to come to the major events like bach party, shower, rehearsal dinner, etc but every step of the way i feel like i'm forcing her and it makes me feel horrible.

i dont know if i should say something to her now or wait until after the shower.

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Hmm thats tough, since you already talked to her about it. I would probably wait till after the shower, hopefully she is there and helping out and you will better. Or maybe ask someone if they know if shes coming to the shower? Because if you fight before the shower and she comes it may be awkward ya know?

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sent FM

That stinks...I'm sorry that you have to deal with this crap during an important time in your life.
IMO The bottom line is that you need her to be there for you and she simply cannot deliver. I think it would be best if you wrote her an email stating simple facts of what she did and how you made that feel. I would also let her know that you would still like to remain friends and would still love for her to attend your wedding but you do not feel that it is fair for you, her, and your entire BP to have to deal with her frequent disappoints.
I don't mean to be a jerk but it just seems like unnecessary stress where there shouldn't be.