Yet another Bridesmaid Rant / Vent... with 9 days to go

Okay - here's the story. I have this friend B who I've known since college (I'm 32 now). In the begining of out friendship - we were tight like sisters -- but she always had a small bit of a 'Mommy/I-know-better-than-you' vibe to her --> but it was a small thing and felt more like somone nurturing/caring for you than bossiness. And she was always very possessive of me & our friendship - but that was also a flattering thing in a small dose.

Well fast-forward... years later and she evolved into a bit of an overbearing person & still possessive, but nothing I couldn't handle. If she got too out-of-control, I'd tell her to lay off and she would because she never wanted to lose my friendship. My other best friend D told me (who B hated at first, but then made her peace with it since D wasn't going anywhere and D, B, & Me became became 3 bst friends) --> you know B is very competitive with you -- and after she said it, I began to realize how right she was. that every good thing that happened to me made B feel happy for me -- but it was always accompanied by a twinge of envy..

Okay, now fast forward to today. B has been living in Germany. When she got married I bought 3 gowns, matching shoes & handbags & flew to Germany to be her MOH -- plus gave her a $300 cash wedding gift, plus paid for the all-night limo plus drinks etc for her batchelorette party. Mind you, I didn't get a MOH gift (B grew up 1/2 in Jersey & 1/2 in Germany --so I'd like to assume she didn't know the custom)

So this woman, who is constantly bragging about how rich her husband's family is- and how he buys her diamonds (nice stuff) and who shows off her tiffany watch and Tells us how she always wears less expensive models but her husband told her 'I have $1000 watches -- so my wife has to have an expensive watch too...'

So this woman -- who spent didn't even have to buy a BM gown because I paid for all of them -- who HAS TO FLY TO THE U.S. at least 1 a year to keep her Green card status (she's a German citizen) -- tells me: 'I don't have much money, so I'm going to take lots of pictures and make you a scrapbook.' And as far as the bachelorette party --> she's making D pay for everything. And as to the bridal shower -- she didn't offer her help or pay a dime toward it

Now compare this to D who wrote my MOH a letter and called her to tell her to please let her know if she could help or send money. My MOH told her -- don't worry me & my mom have it covered -- just take whatever you would have given us and apply it toward Dora's gift...

Anyway -- I'm so pissed. My FI hates B cause she's such a snob -- not to mention the fact that she totally snubbed him when she first met him... And when she met my FI's friends (who have also become my friends) at a barbeque at my house --
they were talking about something that B didn't 'approve' of and she made a big scene and went in the other room...

And when she first saw me and how I had lost so much weight - the first thing she said was 'Oh my God you're so skinny --> I lost 8 lbs and I thought I did good. I;ve gotta lose more weight' --> That is her in a nutshell --> what does my weight have to do with yours!!!

I have a bad feeling I am going to send this girl home in a bodybag! Seeing her once a year when she visits has been getting tougher & tougher because I HATE the snobby, judgemental princess she's become. And over the course of these last days before the wedding -- with my stress levels rising to new heights -- I KNOW I am going to explode and tell her off in no uncertain terms!

Me & B we are no longer Best friends --> but it's getting to the point where I don't even want to be her friend period! Meanwhile she thinks we're still best buddies forever. Please -- anyone else got a dear friend from WAY back, who has warped into someone you can't stand? How do you get people out of your life??

I feel for your situation. I hope what I say helps even a little bit. It's a bit long- sorry for that.
First off , people come into our lives for various reasons. Not everyone is meant to be our best friend or even our friend forever. Sometimes we need a certain something in our lives, maybe it is emotional support at the time, and God (I believe) sends people to us. That doesn't mean that these people are meant to be in our lives forever.

I met a friend in the summer before my senior year of high school. I had some very difficult family problems at the time and my best friend in the World had just gotten married so I was feeling very alone. Anyway, this girl and I quickly become very close friends. We went out all the time, double dated etc..even through the first 3 years of college we were very close. Then something changed, she wanted to party all the time, she lived at home and never had any financial problems. I on the other hand, started to date someone seriously for the 1st time, had to find an apartment when I graduated college and came out of school with a zillion loans. She couldn't relate to my life, nor did she even try. She made me feel bad every time I spoke with her. She bragged about trips she was taking and only working part-time while trying to figure out what to do next. I was working 2 jobs and just making my rent. Finally one day while on the phone with her I just told her, 'You make me feel bad about myself. You are not supportive, nor do you even try to be' this went on for a few minutes and that was the last time we spoke. It has been 10 years since then and you know what, I think about her once in a blue moon hoping she is doing well but I don't miss her or the way she made me feel. So I have no regrets.

Then I have friends who I believe are in my life forever. My Best friend, although are lives were in different places all the time, is always there for me, supports me, we have fun together, we geniunely care about the other person's life. Claud2001 and I have been friends in good times and in bad, and I believe she a life long friend. I would fight to keep our friendship.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes you need to let go and tell the other person why. And that is that. It is sad and like all relationships that come to an end, it hurts but in the end you learn from it and move on. Maybe it is time for you to do that with this women. Wish her well and move on.

Dora, sorry to hear that you have to deal with this in general but especially right before your wedding. Michele said it best, there are friends in your life that do come and go and then there are ones that stay for a reason. Some can generally be happy for what you have in your life and not be unhappy because they don't have that too...Half of my friends aren't in the same place as I am but they are ACCEPTING of it as I am of them and that makes all the difference. But there has to be a time to let bad friendships go...friendships normally are easy but sometimes they are more work than we asked for, it is up to you to know if they are worth it. Definitely learn from this and make a decision about your friendship and move on.
Best of Luck to you.

Dora,

I'm going through something similar only she's not one of my BM's. She just left me this long drawn-out message (and obviously lying) that she couldn't come to my wedding because she just realized that her cousin is getting married the same day as me and she's in the bridal party). She said the cousin just picked her wedding date. 4 weeks before? Does she think I'm an idiot?

Bottom line is, I'd rather have a few good friends, than 100 not so good friends. I always felt that she was jealous that I had a boyfriend and then when I got engaged, we really grew apart. It's obvious she's insecure and it seems your friend probably is as well.

People who deliberatly put others down to make themselves feel better usually have some sort of self-esteem problem.

Try to get through the wedding for now. After that...it's best to clean out the dead wood and spend time with the friends that you really care about - and of course, the ones that truly care about you!
Best of luck!

I think I am coming to the point in my life when I realize that many people (good & bad) come into my life and go...but they are there so you can see who the ones who stay are.

I have been friends with one of my BMs (sister was MOH for family and political reasons) since 7th grade and we have never argued about ANYTHING!!
I realize what an accomplishment that is because of people that have come into my life...

take this opportunity to tell D what a great friend she is and how much you cherish her....DO NOT let B ruin your day...don't compete with her in gifts...just be honored that she is flying from Germany (DH's FAMILY from Spain did not come to our wedding)

Thanks so much for all your comments. I agree -- I'm just going to try to stay away from her & get through this -- but after this wedding -- I'm gonna have to let her know how I feel.

To me it's so obvious that we've grown in two different directions -- but she really beieves that we're great friends. I have this feeling she's going to feel like she has to 'fight' for our friendship. She's not gonna let this go -- UGH! Ah well - I'll deal with it later. I just keep hoping she'll turn back into the 'cool B' that I used to hang out with.

And can I say -- I'm so pissed she's not getting me a gift! Call me greedy, materialistic or whatever --> but this is ridiculous! She just flew over (like I said -- she has to fly in to the US once a year to keep up her green card status) and flew first to Florida to hang out with D, then is coming to LI for the wedding --> somehow she 'scraped together' the cash for a week-long beach vacation, but can't get me anything! After all the money I spent on her -- so not cool!

I can just see my FI's groomsmen having to put up wit her if she gets into bi*ch mode --> they'll kick her out the limo and make her walk to the reception!

Thanks for listening!!