What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

So now we're in this totally different financial situation. My mom may be losing the house, because htere's just no money (mmany of you know why)...So I'm supposed to be having this big wedding next year, but I just can't see affording it since I actually have to get a FT job and push school to the backburner, it's that bad, and we're taking on a lot more $$ responsibility that my parents once had...so I just don't see how we can afford to get married next year, and I also sort of don't feel like planning a wedding at the moment because of everything that's going on.

I think it's stupid though to not marry my wonderful FH. I mean, how long can I put it off? We already planned a 3 year engagement to save $$. So I was thinking maybe on Dec 16, 06 (our planned wedding date) we can just have our wedding ceremony in church or whatever, and then a year later, Dec 16 07 have a renewal and have the white dress and the reception then.

FH says that people won't come if it's a 'renewal', and they'll think we're just doing it for gifts (which is ridiculous because you always spend way more on the wedding than you get back)...

Also, I figured we'd just have a small wedding in church for the first one, so it would be recognized by the church and the state, and ahve the big interfaith thing in 07. I figured it'll just be close relatives and so they won't care where it is..but FH is arguing that too, he said we should have it at historical chapel and have a priest and a rabbi, and like that's a HUGE expense and a huge deal...I don't know...it's just frustrating. I figure as long as we're having 2 wedding, why can't one be in a church? I know I'm probably being selfish, but right now I'm at a time when I feel like EVERYTHING's being taken away from me.

Please answer the poll, and maybe say a little bit about why you answered the wya you did, like if you would still want to come to a big wedding if you knew it was only a renewal, etc..

I feel so badly for you. Hang in there!

I picked small wedding in 06 and big reception in 07.

You waited so long to marry your FH, why wait longer? Do the small thing in 06, you deserve at least that. Besides, that is still so far away, so many things could change before then - things could get better.

Of course I would come to a renewal, if that was the only reception, what's the difference when it is? I wouldn't think twice about it, personally.

But also - if I was close to you and knew about the 06 ceremony, I'd probably still give you a gift then ( I know that isn't what you are concerned about but thought I'd throw it in).

I voted for getting married next year and having the renewal afterwards. Trust me, the people that want to be there will be there.
This is what my husband and I are doing, we got married in 99 in a civil ceremony and we are renewing our vows next year in mexico. we are supposed to be doing it just the two of us and our daughter but we are going to tell our family and whoever wants to come, they are more than welcome. Either way, we are still doing it for us.
Do what you and fh feel it's best in your hearts. not everyone feels the same way.
I have waited for almost five years and this is exactly what I wanted.

Oh MaryMoon..Im sorry..this is all news to me..Im not on here much and I didnt know you were going through this!!! Im really sorry!!! I say get married and have a party later!!! I definately see nothing wrong with that...the people you would invite to your reception anyhow will be close to you as it is, therefore they would understand and do whatever is best for you and DH. Marry your man..Im sorry that things are so hard for you. Please hang in there!!! Marriage is all about being married..man and wife..not about the party and how much you spend..so take it easy on yourselves and I wish you nothing but the best!!!

I'd say either downsize the original wedding OR do the ceremony and small affair as intended and do a big shebang a year later. My father and step mother did this and had the party a year later. Also, Xelindrya did it too....she did a civil ceremony and a year later had a nice full wedding.

Heck, if you go for just a civil ceremony, DO IT NOW!

I had a friend who got married at a private ceremony 2 Decembers ago, and then that summer they had a reception party at her father's lake house.
it was really lovely.
they were even able to break out the photo album of all of the wedding photos.

It was really nice, stree-free, and inexpensive, yet it still had a 'wedding' feel to it. even had a wedding cake!

I think if money is an issue, as much as i hate to say this, and as much as you'll hate to do it, cancel the wedding you have planned for now, have a small ceremony, and a larger reception later.

I am sorry you have to go through this marymoon!I say have a small wedding next year and have a reception the following year or just have a party at a house if you can. I am sorry you are having financial problems maybe things will change and you wont have to make changes i am going to pray for you that things turn around for you. lots of luck!

---

Posted by beautyq115

I wouldn't want to have 2 seperate things personally...can you postpone it? What about the NRC will you lose money??

---

I think postponing the NRC won't be a problem, as long as we have an affair later that costs the same amount of money..thats why I figurd a year alter would be ok, and we could keep the same anniversary

First let me say, I am so sorry you are going thru this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I think you should have a ceremony in 06 and the reception in 07.
My friend from work did this a few weeks ago. Had a small ceremony and shes planning on having a reception next summer.
I wish you the best of luck with everything. We are here for you!

I think if it were me...I would downsize the wedding and have it as scheduled..

One of my closest friends got married in a church, with her wedding gown and had a small reception in her parents backyard...

I can't tell you how wonderful the wedding was...It was better than 90% of the hall weddings i have been to.

When you have people at a wedding who truly love you and are happy for you...They can have a great time no matter where they are..

I voted small wedding in '06 and renewal in '07.

A good friend of mine eloped in Vegas (htey were together since they were 16!) and when she got back and announced they were married- everyoe was happy for them. They had their reception a year later at her parent's house. It was so romantic and beautiful to see them renew thier vows. It was like 'WOW! They are so in love!'

good luck with whatever you decide!

---

Posted by oct.2004bride

I think if it were me...I would downsize the wedding and have it as scheduled..

---

I agree with oct.2004bride wholeheartedly. On Long Island we get caught up in whole lot of non-essential craziness. You can have a very, very beautiful wedding for a lot less money than is typically spent.

I also don't see how in one year your financial life will be so turned around that it would make sense even then...

I would definitely go to a renewal, that being said If I had to make the choice for me I would have a much smaller scale wedding in 2006 Something like Oct bride mentioned.

Lots of luck to you in what ever you decide. Only you guys know what is best for you.

I remember you telling us about your situation. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I agree that you should have a small ceremony in 06 and have the reception of your dreams in 07. Much

I would have a civil ceremony and scrap the big wedding altogether. I would concentrate on taking care of business and not get into any more debt than is needed. Once finances are in order I would then revisit a more lavish celebration.

Taking care of your mom and continuing your education would be top priority for me and where your funds should be spent.

Sorry to hear you are going through this!

I'm sorry you are going thru this!

I think you've waited long enough and were planning to wait long enough to marry your FH. Life is too short and will always throw you curve balls like this... you never know what could end up happening in 2007!

I say do something small and elegant in 2006 and that's it. Two wedding celebrations a year apart is not something I would do. The important thing is that the two of you get married and that the closest people you love are there to share in the day with you.

I say stick with your original date, and just have a more intimate gathering of family and very close friends...You'll have your special day, with those that really matter, and you will be happy. Good luck

---

Posted by JimmysBride

I'm sorry you are going thru this!

I think you've waited long enough and were planning to wait long enough to marry your FH. Life is too short and will always throw you curve balls like this... you never know what could end up happening in 2007!

I say do something small and elegant in 2006 and that's it. Two wedding celebrations a year apart is not something I would do. The important thing is that the two of you get married and that the closest people you love are there to share in the day with you.

---

I agree! A lot of us get caught up in wedding plans and the money spent and I think you can still have a beautiful, intimate affair celebrating your love with your FH - that's what is the most important. I would stick with your original date and not do a renewal a year later. You'll probably have a lot of other things that you'll want the money to go to at that point.

I voted for you to have a beautiful, smaller wedding in 2006. As someone already said, you don't know what your financial situation will be in 2007. It would be a shame to postpone the big celebration until then and still not be able to afford it.

As for the church issue, I can understand wanting your initial ceremony (if you decide on that option) to be interfaith. After all, that's what's 'officially' marrying you, not the renewal ceremony the following year.


Jenn, I am so sorry you are struggling with all of this right now. You are definitely in my thoughts daily.