A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

Hi ladies,

This is a spinoff of my other post, about adjusting to married life.

Does anybody else who is a police wife feel completely BORED at get togethers where there are a lot of cops? Do you find your husband and his cop friends talk about nothing except the job when they are together? Do you notice how even a lot of the women are cops, too? I always end up feeling completely left out and bored to tears. How do you deal with this???



Karen

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I responded to your post before, but I will respond again . Sometimes I do feel left out, but there are other wives that arent cops so we all are able to talk together. Are all the wives/girlfriends cops? If so, I see how hard that is.

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I know when DH gets together with the other computer geeks...I get a little bored...

We met some people (one happened to be a computer geek too) and DH and he hit it off...his friends started yelling at him not to talk 'geek talk'...so its not just wives...

when I get together with coworkers...its hard not to talk 'teacher talk'

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

This is something that happens to me ALL the time, not only with Patrick's friends, but with Patrick and my dad (a retired sergeant) too!

My solution is to find someone else to talk to at that time, and if I can't, to try to listen to the conversation and learn enough that I can join in next time.

I don't complain, because I'm guilty of the same thing when I'm with a group of teachers.

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

It never really bothers me. We always end up talking about my DH's job in a group of people because everyone is always interested in what exciting things he gets himself into. I have heard some of his stories a hundred times but I just go with the flow.

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I believe that there are certain jobs where you become part of that job, and even when you are not actually working it consumes your life. Cops are a good example, as well as doctors, nurses, firefighters and teachers. Put a bunch of doctors in the room, and you overhear about how when one of them removes someones gallbladder, ect.. I am guilty of that 'on the job talk' as well. I dont think they do it on purpose to bore you, but sometimes you forget that people who arent on the job dont know what the heck your talking about. You should see FH's face (or any other friends and family members) faces when I am discussing with my nurse friends about some procedures! Another thing I am guilty of is talkign about things that outsiders considering gross while I am eating. It doesnt bother me, but I forget that others cant tolerate it, and try to catch myself! I apologize for this being so long, but I understand where the cops are coming from. God bless our police officers !

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

My DH was a cop...he's a fireman now...but they do the SAME thing!!! I usually try to make nice with the wives and girlfriends. I find that they ones that are also cops...don't speak about it as much as the guys do.

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I've tried changing the subject, and even DH has tried changing the subject, because he knows that I'm left out of the conversation, and he feels bad. But it only changes for a few minutes, and then it's right back to the cop talk!

One of them even started to talk about the job at our wedding!! We went around to the tables, saying hello and thank you. When we got to one of the cop tables, someone started talking about work! I just smiled and said, 'Excuse me' and walked away. I was NOT going to miss my wedding because I was standing there listening to that!

When we went to Disney (and got engaged), we met a married couple he works with who were down there at the same time. They are both cops. We met them in Epcot and had dinner in 'Germany' for the Oktoberfest. The WHOLE time they sat and talked about work. We didn't enjoy the music or anything! And the worst part about it, was they talked and talked so much I missed the Epcot fireworks! Which I hear is something spectacular! I was NOT happy.

What I didn't get was that the other woman was pregnant, they were looking for their first house, and I was just engaged, so there was plenty to make other conversation about. NOPE. They just talked about the job! It drives me loopy!

I think it's just something I have to get used to and expect when we're with his friends. Maybe once I get to know the other wives better (who aren't cops) it will be a different experience for me.

Thanks for all your responses!

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I've discussed with DH that I get vbored when he talks work talk...so he does try to make an effort...If it gets to be too much I will sarcastically/playfully roll my eyes and sigh (maybe stick out my tongue too)...that usually reminds him

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

usually his friends who are cops have wives that are not cops so I just talk to his friends wives while he talks about the job w/ the boys

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

Hi there. My DH has been a police officer for seven years. When he got on the job I felt the same experience, in fact I felt like he was more into his job than me! Years later, and parties later this is the only advice I can give you:
1: The only reason you are bored at these gatherings is simply because you don't understand what the heck they are talking about. hello ladies, when your next rdo? gee wiz, women i know never really have one!

2: do you have any idea what stupid, pathetic people your DH deals with all day? how about the liberals (hello NYC) that insist on telling officers how to do their job: 'Officer, you are arresting that person too aggresively, this is the way you should do it...' these guys (and gals) need that unwinding time with their co-workers to also discuss the horrible things they have to deal with like crispy critters (FDNY can relate to this one), space cases and the like. like people in the emergency room, cops and emts and firemem are usually the first-responders.

3: some husbands can not bring home to their wives their day-to-day activities, especially if you don't understand the lingo. make an attempt to get to know what your DH does for a living so when you have a group function, you can relate to his experiences.

4: get to know your husband's gun. it keeps him alive and he will forever depend on that thing until the day he dies. see if he will take you target shooting, get to know the trigger pull, what a round is, what kind of action the gun has. it will relieve your stress incredibly and you may have a better shot than him!

all i can really say to you is, how can what your husband does really be boring? perhaps you bore them. years ago I was at our first get together with a group of cops and I told my DH that I would never be left out of the conversation again. everytime he said a cop-friendly expression, he would explain it in English to me. Now, when we have guests and parties at our house, I am a very happy host. I love discussing the differences in guns and amo and all that fun stuff. I find his stories fascinating and terrific.

lots of luck,
margie

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

hmmm...interesting advice....

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

Hmmmm, sounds like advise given from a cop himself, maybe someone's husband??

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

That's so well written - thanks for sharing. I will make sure to respect and know all guns I come in contact with....

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I was going to say the same thing about Mrs C's post while readying it. How ignorant!

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

geez we better just ignore, I thought this was the drama free board

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

There's a polite way to say everything. I don't understand why people will hide behind an alias to say what they really feel. People do appreciate the truth but when it's said so that people will listen. Obviously 'mrs. c' doesn't get that. Hubby, family, AND best friend are all NYPD.. so I DO knwo the lingo! RDO, IVD, Atlas etc etc... Do I get bored? Yes - only because you can only hear the same things over and over and over so many times. Do I understand what he goes thru day in day out and appreciate and thank God each and every day that he is alove and well? Of Course! Does he laugh when I say to him and friends 'Can we talk about something else for once?' YES! He understands that it does become repetitive and sometimes doesn't even wanna hear about it himself!

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I'm sure Mrs. C has her own strap-on too! What a butch!! Maybe she married the dude from Police Academy who was obessed with guns!!??? Respect guns? Are you kidding??? You make it sound like his mistress!!

Karen darling, this is why I couldn't marry a cop that I was with for awhile before Husband (amongst other things). Let me tell you, if he couldn't communicate with me without using code, what kind of home environment would that be for kids someday? 'Jimmy, take your 8-20 over to the bathroom at 2100 hours and perform a 32 stat!'. Noo, that's okay. He was also a control freak and I couldn't conform my free spirit lifestyle to suit his demands.

But seriously, why would anyone want to discuss their job all the time, especially something that sounds so emotionally draining? I think you need to ask some of your friends to these gtg's so that you can have some diversity within the group.

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

Well said Shammee! LMAO!

Re: A Question for Police Wives (and anyone else who wants to answer)...

I can totally relate. My dad is a retired detective who has so many stories that the writers from NYPD Blue flew him to LA to pick his brain. I married a NYC cop who is now a NYC fireman! We can't go anywhere and no meet someone he knows or my dad knows from the job. It's our whole family, all our friends, and our entire neighborhood! I know who you feel and you kind of just have to accept it as part of him and part of your life. Good luck!