Re: NYPD / FDNY wives...

Shannon,

Once Jerry gets settled in and gets a 24 partner it won't be so bad. The only 'bad' days for me are when Steve works 2 night tours in a row because then I don't see him at all for almost 3 days.

He said he could NEVER go back to a 9-5 job ever again

Re: NYPD / FDNY wives...

I wish they would offer the cops hours like the firemen have. Like Michelle said sometimes it may be like 3 days, but than if they are home more often it would be worth it I think.

I think we should start a recall like the are doing in Ca. and get Bloomberg out. I am not sure who we can replace him with, but my God, how can you let cops and firmen go and not replace them, and close firehouses after 9/11? This man is out of his mind!!

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Ladies....I can totally sympathize with you....Glad you guys can understand also. My FI is not a cop/fireman (my dad was), but he works nights all week as a terminal mgr. for a major company. He leaves 5 nights at 9 p.m. and comes home the following morning about 10 a.m. or so (I'm a teacher). He said he can't get right to sleep, he needs to unwind so he'll watch TV or play online or goto breakfast w/ the guys. BUT, then he goes to sleep & won't wake up until 8 p.m. or so, at which time he jumps in the shower, grabs something to eat & is out the door. It makes me want to scream!!!!!!! I'll leave him a list of errands or ask him to clean this or that in the house & I get home from work & its not done & it drives me up the wall.

Karen, as you were saying, it seems all he does is goes to work & sleep, while we work, sleep, run errands, clean the house & then am stuck alone at night while they are working. It is SO frustrating.

Then to make things even worse......on his 2 nights off he works his 2nd job at night & so when he comes home the following morning (he sleeps & will get up about 1/2, but then is so dragging). I make comments about how necessary is the 2nd job, but he says 'you want a house' 'you want this wedding'...URRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Not sure I remember who said it, but I can see why cops wives would be more inclined to having affairs.

Ladies, how do you deal?

I'm living knowing/praying that nights aren't always the norm, but in the meantime, it seems so unbalanced & I get so frustrated w/ him NOT doing even the little things I leave for him to do. It just feels like I'm carrying the load & yet he is the one getting the sympathy from everyone (he works hard, nights are such a drain on the body, you can run the errands, at least he's working, he could be out drinking, etc.) URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Big hugs to all of you!!!

Re: NYPD / FDNY wives...

How do we deal with being an NYPD/FDNY wife??

We just do. It's really that simple. The women who can't deal, simply don't marry our finest/bravest.

I hope my response doesn't come across as sarcastic, because it's not meant to be. My response is just the honest truth.

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JennRenee - I totally understand what you are saying. As I posted earlier, it takes a ceratin kind of strength and persoanlity to deal with the hours and people come to realize in time if they can deal with it or not. I know exactly what you mean.

Jamie - I am so sorry to hear that! I know... it ****s... hugs to you!

Shannon - you are very lucky that he made the change! I bet you;ll see more of him in due time. Granted the two 24 hour tours may get rough, but you'll sure;y appreciate the the long stretch when he is home (esp when you decide to have children!)

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My consolation is that DH is able to retire in four years. So I know it won't be like this forever.

I'm also independent and like my time alone, but sometimes it just gets to be too much time alone.

I'm the one who mentioned the affairs. I honestly can see how the loneliness might get to be too much for some women, and they might be prone to finding other companionship, probably not even intentionally.

I'm glad DH is retiring in four years. I'm proud of who he is and what he does. I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into in terms of hours and time alone. I can handle it. But I'm looking forward to his retirement.

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kmcwed - I know what you mean by a lot of broken families for cops. Mark knows a lot if copw who have been divorced. I am sure we will be o.k. because like I said I grew up in a cop family and went into our relationship fully understanding what comes alonmg with him being a cop. 10 years until he can retire, but I'll tell ya, he still actually loves his job and will probably stay longer. I guess it all depends on what happens with the job between now and than.

Jenn - I totall agree with you too. It does take a certain personality to be with a cop or fireman!

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Good for you Karen! You sound like you see the light at the end of the tunnel. You make a very valid point of the hockey games. I have seen a baseball game before and the same theory seemed to hold true. Scary thing to think about, though I know if we've made it this far, we can get thru anything together. I just hope that other can see it the same way as us. I feel that people give up to soon, making affairs too easy.

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My DH has been working midnights (12-8) for almost 5 years now. He loves working midnights (more action ) and I have to say that I really like it too. We just have a routine that works for us, dinner together every night then lazy Sundays hanging out. WIth my being in school and being so busy it just has always worked for us - we understand when the other isn't in total control of their time and we can give each other a lot of support because we both have such crazy schedules.

Because he was in the anti-crime unit and conditions unit before that he has had steady Sunday, Mondays off for at least 4 years. What I don't like are the old patrol shifts when he used to work 5 on 2 off 5 on 3 off. Those stink- when you never have a consistent day off. Now that he just got promoted to Sgt he will probably be on that swing schedule again and I am dreading it.

He has told me about alot of divorce and marriage problems among the people he works with. It makes me sad, I guess. But like most marriages that don't work out, it often comes down to communication. When you let the little resentments build up and don't talk through your fears and anger it can just boil over. Marriage is work just like a job and you need to devote time to it like any other commitment.

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It's a sorry situation that some wives feel it would be that easy to blame an affair on loneliness. Your DH (hypothetically speaking of course) is out working and your lonely and you have affair to feel less lonely? Nice excuse. I think anyone who does that has problems in their marriage besides the hours their husband's job requires.

My DH is an FDNY Lieutenant. He had better hours when he was a FF because there were more FF to trade hours with than LTs. But I'm so use to his ever changing hours, it's our lifestyle. I definitely miss him when he is working a few nights in a row but me & the baby get to see him alot more days than if he had a 9-5 job. I'd hate it if his hours got him up and out before the baby woke up and home after he went to bed 5 days a week.

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Swags - I know it ****s. Hang in there

Maybe you can think of something good to do with the ot $$$

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I haven't been here in awhile, but what about the Port Authoruiy cops?? My husband was a formere NYPD cop and now works for the Port Authority. I know how you girls feel about the OT and the eating dinner by yourself sometimes. My husband is doing flip flops right now, so every other weeek he works nights. It stinks! I've been spending alot of time with friends and family during those days. I know that OT stinks, but you can never say NO to the $$!

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Jamie - I hope he's at least home with you tonight!
Sorry to hear that honey.
Well I am going to vent one more time about this. I had a really nice Sunday planned out for the two of us. We recently bought a house back in April and since then Joe has done nothing but work work work... whether it be his everyday job with the PD, his side job, or working on the house (which consumes his every free moment!) So, I have a really nice Sunday planned in the city so he CAN'T do anything on the house and just relax. A guy I work with has an AMAZING loft downtown that he has given me for a few days since he is on vacation. So it was going to be breakfast on the rooftop terrace overlooking the financial district downtown, early dinner in Little Italy, followed up with drinks at a local place or walk along the park by the West Side Hwy. WELL, he just got notified for mandatory OT on Sunday. There goes that plan. Sometimes I really resent the PD. Sorry for the vent. I'm just really upset. He's trying to get out of it as we speak. He doesn't know what the plans are, just knows that I have something special planned for Sunday.

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Awwww, that really stinks Lauren.

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I figures!!!

I'm sorry the PD ruined yur day.

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Sorry Lauren
whats going on on sunday that they made him go in?

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I know there's some big concert going on... Patrick is not thrilled about having to work it.