UPDATE A sad long, anonymous thread. Don't know what to do....

I am posting this anonymously because I am obviously distraught.

Last night DH & I had a terrible fight. It started over money, as most fights do. But it escalated. And as it often does, it got ugly....

I was yelling at him & telling him to get out. This is not the first time I have asked him repeatedly to leave. I was shouting at him to “get out”, “leave”, “I don’t want you to live here anymore.” He shoved me. I shoved him back. He shoved me again & we fell onto the bed. He was lying on top of me & holding my hands down. So I bit him his arm. Hard. REALLY hard. I had to get him off me.

He got up, looked at the bite mark, grabbed his coat & started saying how he was going to have me arrested. He said that I shouldn’t plan on going to work today because I would be in jail. Then he stormed out.

I sat for a few minutes wondering what to do. So I called the police station & said “my husband is on his way down there. He is going to tell you that I bit him & to arrest me. I did bite him, but it was only because he was on top of me. What should I do?”

They took my name & address, asked me what happened. I told them. They sent 2 officers to my house. They took a statement. They asked if I wanted to press charges. I said no. They asked if I wanted him out for the night. I said no, that he was allowed to come home.

Then DH called. He said he had calmed down. He asked of he could come home & I said yes.

Then the police called & said after talking to their sergeant & reviewing the case, that they had to arrest him. They said “call us when he comes home & we’ll come pick him up. “ I asked them to please not do that because he calmed down & I told him he could come home. I said “I told him it was ok to come back here & now you’re going to arrest him? That makes me look horrible. He’ll think I trapped him.” They said “ok, well then just have him come here & give us his side of the story. We just want to talk to him.” Ok sounds good.

They asked for his cell #. I gave it. He calls 30 seconds later & says “did you call the police?” I said yes. He said “they want me to come down there. Are they going to arrest me?” I said “no they just want to talk to you.”

Well, I don’t know what the hell he said but the arrested him. Then I get a call from a family friend saying that not only did they arrest him, but that he cannot come near me or the house until after his court date on Jan 30th. They also gave a “no contact order” so he cannot call me, email, text me or contact me in anyway.

I am devastated. We fight SO BAD but I feel awful about this. His own mother said to me this morning that this is the wake up call he needs.

We fight a lot. There is screaming often. He can be REALLY nice for a week or two but then he becomes an a$$hole again. He calls me a fat f#ck (I’m a size 4), he says I can’t cook, he says “you f#ck up everything”. He verbally very abusive.

I have BEGGED him to come with me to counseling. I am on prozac now because I am so unhappy. I have been seeing someone (therapist) . He REFUSES and says that prozac & therapy are for “weak people”.

He has nowhere to go. His mother let him stay with her last night but she threw him out this morning. She says the whole family is on my side. But a part of me feels SO BAD for him. He must be hurting. I wanted to cover my a$$ so I didn’t get arrested but I didn’t want him out on his a$$ for a week & homeless. I want to talk to him & I can’t & it’s killing me.

His mother said that when we go to court on the 30th that I should tell the judge that I want us to go to counseling and maybe he’ll MAKE DH go with me….

I am hoping that this wakes him up but I am scared that it may end in divorce. I don’t really know what to do. Right now I just needed some support. I am at work & hiding my tears. I don’t want anyone here to know. I am afraid to tell my family. And I am embarrassed that we might not be able to get through this.


see update below...