Am I being sensitive?

wo0shply Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:18 PM

Am I being sensitive?

This is a vent and also a question.

My cousin's MOH just emailed me asking if I could contribute $400-$500 to my cousin's bridal shower/batchlorette party.

When my cousin asked me to be one of her bm I made it clear that I could not contribute financially because I am going to be going to school full time, quit my job and also saving up for a wedding. She assured me that I will not have to bare any of the costs.

When my cousins MOH emailed me asking i could contribute this much, I emailed her back explaining my situation with school, quitting my job and wedding saving. I also said that since I cannot contribute financially I will not attend because I feel bad that I cannot give in any money.

She write me back saying 'So am I understanding your intentions that you won’t attend, won’t contribute financially, and won’t help out either?' I am so upset that I started crying at work, I'm already stressed out because I have no money even for my wedding and I want to call my cousin and back out of the BP because of her MOH.

Any advice? I'm super stressed

she emailed me back and said this... gee can she rub it in any more?

'Ok, well, that will definitely be something to let the rest of the girls know since we will have to cover your share of finances…'

Spelldizzy Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:22 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

You shoud talk to your cousin, its her wedding not her MOH's and IMO it was just plain rude of her to respond back to you that way without knowing the situation. You should re-address the issue with your cousin, she needs to talk to her MOH.

ETA; If your cousin was aware that you couldnt contribute before hand, and she told you that you wouldnt have to contribute, this MOH should respect that and not try and make you feel bad about it. She had alot of nerve. Definately talk to your cousin about this.

xXxNovember08xXx Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:22 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

i think its not fair for the MOH to try to make you feel guilty... since its a clear and legit reason why you can not financilly involve yourself.

consider all teh stress if you did contribute a large sum of money...

i dont think its wrong of you at all, i do think its not fair for her to be acting implusivly and making u feel bad....

im sorry

KitWisdom Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:22 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Wow... I definitely don't think you're being sensitive. That seemed pretty mean to me.

AmandaLynn04 Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:24 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Write back, and say, 'Listen b1tch, here's an idea, go F yourself.'

And, well, I hate to get your cousin involved, so, I might just explain again about your financial situation, and tell her it would be better if you didn't be in her BP, because you can't afford to help pay for things????

That's a tough one.

wo0shply Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:24 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Thanks ladies, I'm trying not to cry. I feel much better after venting this out.

davenjess Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:25 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

I would let her know that you have already spoken to your cousin about your financial situation and she understood so you would expect her MOH to understand it as well.

wo0shply Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:25 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Posted by AmandaLynn04

Write back, and say, 'Listen b1tch, here's an idea, go F yourself.'

And, well, I hate to get your cousin involved, so, I might just explain again about your financial situation, and tell her it would be better if you didn't be in her BP, because you can't afford to help pay for things????

That's a tough one.

Yea I have a feeling I might back out. I feel bad and I will tell her I will pay for my dress if she already paid for it.

Thanks I really felt like cursing at her but I knew I had to be the bigger person.

LeslieMike Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:26 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

What!!! Are you close with her MOH? That is seriously not right! I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a bachelorette party to go to on Thurs this week then the wedding Sat. in NH. So Im paying for tolls and gas, hotel for 3 days, and the gift and now bachelorette party things. Adds up quick. Im trying to save for my own wedding too! I dont need to fork out $400-$500 though!!! Only $50-$100!!!

BNBride60 Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:26 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

She sounds mean, BUT I don't think you should have said you would not go. I understand why you said it, but I think that as a member of you cousin's BP, your cousin would want you there. I also think that if you were to go, you'd be able to make up for what you cannot contribute financially by just helping setup and making sure things run smoothly.

Either way, MOH has to know that you said from the start you wouldn't be able to do this. I'd tell her that you and the bride already discussed it. I don't know if I'd tell the bride, because you don't want to ruin the surprise if her shower is a surprise.

jcslady Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:27 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

i think you should have your cousin have a talk with the MOH. I don't think you are being sensitive at all!! apparently she doesn't understand what it is like to save and goto school.........

angl2001 Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:27 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

ewwwwwwwwwww she seems like a biotch!!! thats alot of $$ to ask to contribute!!!! WHat are they doing?? maybe you can make some food or something and help them set up. Maybe something without contributing alot of $$ may help

mao0426 Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:28 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

So sorry this is happening to you. If your cousin understood the situation it is not her MOH place to make you feel bad about it. Don't back out. You were not informed of any financial obligations other than your attire and your gifts. Who is the MOH to go around making you look bad to the other members of the BP...thats not fair. Talk to your cousin and tell her your concerns (without making her MOH look like a bad person) and let her know what is going on

JACSANT Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:28 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Your cousin should have made her moh and the other girls in the bridal party aware of this though. She shouldnt speak nastily to you but i do understand how hard it is to be a moh and to organize all the finances. Shes probably just annoyed because no one told her in the first place. She really should have been aware before any of the planning started.

wo0shply Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:29 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Posted by LeslieMike

What!!! Are you close with her MOH? That is seriously not right! I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a bachelorette party to go to on Thurs this week then the wedding Sat. in NH. So Im paying for tolls and gas, hotel for 3 days, and the gift and now bachelorette party things. Adds up quick. Im trying to save for my own wedding too! I dont need to fork out $400-$500 though!!! Only $50-$100!!!

I'm not close to her at all.. I met her twice. My bestfriend thinks its because she makes more money and doesnt realize not everyone makes 80k.

If i had the money I would totally give it to her for my cousin its just that I dont have it and thats why I'm so upset.

jgl Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:30 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

my advice

1 talk to your cousin - her MOH may not have known about your arrangement, then maybe after bring in the MOH to discuss this

2. Just because you cant contribute financially - doesnt mean you cant help. I think that since you cant contribute financially you should ask what you can do. Like ask for some of the money and purchase prizes or favors. ask her to give you all the stuff and you'll put together the baskets.

AmandaLynn04 Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:31 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Since she makes so much money, she can pay for it!!!

Spelldizzy Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:31 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

AND the MOH should apologize to you for being an @sshole. That is BEYOND rude.

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:32 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT tell your cousin anything!!!!!!!!!! You don't want to drag her into this.

Get on the phone with the MOH and tell her that her email came off a little condescending and you didn't appreciate her talking to you that way. Let her know exactly your situation and that you will definitely contribute in other ways - that you just can't financially. End of story. Maybe you can throw in a less expensive option for the shower?

Don't get upset, don't cry - she's just a bittch. Call her out on it, you'll feel better.

jgl Posted: Jul 31, 2007 12:33 PM

Re: Am I being sensitive?

Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT tell your cousin anything!!!!!!!!!! You don't want to drag her into this.

Get on the phone with the MOH and tell her that her email came off a little condescending and you didn't appreciate her talking to you that way. Let her know exactly your situation and that you will definitely contribute in other ways - that you just can't financially. End of story. Maybe you can throw in a less expensive option for the shower?

Don't get upset, don't cry - she's just a bittch. Call her out on it, you'll feel better.