Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

im changing my name because i want to have the same name as my husband and my future children, also my fi would be upset if i didnt, he is looking foward to us having the same last name.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

i am the last branch of my family tree - no brothers sisters or cousins on my dad's side so when i go the family name goes with me. but...i am still changing it to his name and i am using my last name as my middle name. our first child's middle name will also be my maiden name so it will carry on. i'm very sad about losing my name but at the same time very excited to be taking his name.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I didnt even think about any of this until after we got married. And a couple of mornings later as i drove to SS to change my name, i started to panic!! i got there and i was pale faced and the nice lady asked if i wanted to hypen my name instead, and i did.. so now i have two veery long italian last names... i think it was the best decsion i could have made

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

christy..your response made me laugh!

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I'm actually proud to be taken on FH's last name. I'm a little sad about losing mine, but I'm proud to take his. I'm old-fashioned I guess.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

Ive been struggling with this one too. My FH and I have had many 'discussions' regarding the issue. I have finally gave in and agreed to take his name.
What I am thinking of doing is if I have a boy child, giving him my maiden name as his middle name (it kind of fits) so that at least my name lives on.

It is a very hard thing to do though...

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I am upset. I have only one sibling, a brother, who 'leads an alternative lifestyle...' and does not plan on having children, so other than me, there is no one to carry on the name. Also, my FH is not close at all with his father, and that makes me feel less good about taking that name too. Hyphenated wouldn't look good. I think I am legally changing to his name, and keeping mine for work. He would be hurt if I didn't take his name.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

to jpsgirl:

i feel the same was about my fh name because he isnt close to his father either, his father is not a nice man and i hate to have his name but i guess it is par for the course and i dont want to hurt my fi either...

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

This is a very 'real' issue for many of us.
Here is a question to ask your FH:
'Will you change your last name to mine? Just imagine it. You have a different last name all of a sudden.' When he says 'No' and most do say that say,' But don't you love enough to do it?' because that is what many of the guys say to their brides when this issue is discussed.

My FH said that the decision is 100% up to me because, although he would like me to change my last name, he would never do it so he cannot ask me to. And he is right. If you are that upset, I think you will resent him for forcing the change. You should only change your name if you want to, not because your FH might be upset.

My last name is part of who I am. At 32 I find it very hard to imagine all of a sudden being a generic last name, when my whole life I have had an Italian last name. But I also like my middle name so I will not get rid of that either. Some girls love to change their name- and they should do it. But for those who don't want to don't. I might hypenate the names- not sure yet. But is it now a choice and that is what is should be.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

Question - How difficult is it to keep your last name as your middle name. I do not have a middle name and would like to have my last name become my middle name, then take his last name. Are there a lot of legalities to doing something like this. I do not want to hyphenate (sp), but want to keep my last name in some way. Anyone do this or know of anyone who has?

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I'm ok with it. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years, so people often assume we're married and that I have the same last name. I correct some people, but most have trouble pronouncing my last name (Italian). His Irish last name is easy. I guess the good thing about people slaughtering my name is that I always know when it's a telemarketer calling!!!

What makes it difficult is that for a long time most referred to me by my last name (I guess it had a catchy sound to it). Even my fiance calls me by it. Hell, he used it when he proposed!!!

When it all comes down to it...I'm proud to take my fiance's last name.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I'm already married, and I have changed my last name. It didn't really bother me at all, in fact, I looked forward to it.

Even at work - where I have both school and professional degrees, in addition to a NYS license and registration - I changed my name. It wasn't difficult, and people do catch on quickly.

I also am one who took my maiden name as my middle name. Not that I ever use my middle name, but it's there as a help if I should need it professionally (since my degrees are in my maiden name).

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I cant wait to get rid of it!!!

his is more normal

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

antoinette - yes, doesn't that makeit harder?? He is not a nice man, and does not treat him nicely, so of course I don't like him, and don' t like the idea of having that last name. To complicate things even further, he is not his biological father (he has never seen or met him, doesn't even knowhis hame!) very weird situation I'm in!

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

Okay ladies, I had to get in on this topic!
Here's my story. I have a son that has my maiden name(I've never been married)my son's biological father is not a guardian-so we don't use his name for anything. My maiden name is REALLY easy & catchy(everyone calls my son by our Last name).
My Fi is divorced, his ex-wife kept his last name(& probably always will because I doubt she'll ever get on with her life)his daughter has his last name too. It's long, Italian & has a silent G in it! He feels that we should have the same name as a symbol of our commitment. We have joked about taking our names & making a new one, but in reality my Fi is the only male in his family w/the name(will we have a boy someday?) who knows, but if we did I know carrying the name on would thrill him. Here is my multi-layer dilema
A) I hate being a second wife & she already has his name
B) My son will be the only one with a different name(he does not want to change it)
C) I don't like hyphenated names(it's just not for me)
D) my name is just so **** cool!
What's a girl to do? I know I will name my next child(If I should have one) my maiden name as a middle.

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I hate my last name. always did, can't wait to have a new one!

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I'm so happy I found this topic. I thought I was the only one who was nervous about the name change. Like most of you my last name will be lost since there are no boys on my dads side. My FH last name is a little easier to pronounce (not that people actually say it right.) But my last name is too long to have as a middle name.
And I'm not looking forward to being called the same thing as my FMIL. Although she's not as bad as her MIL. I just don't want people to confuse us!

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I've never been a big fan of my last name and was hoping for an easier one. I think I got one equally difficult if not worse.

But it was easier to switch than I thought. I still stumble when I introduce myself, but I like having his name. And I don't miss mine.

Funny, his mom just assumed I wasn't changing my name (both his sisters hyphenated - which was just not an option I liked for me).

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

Here is my problem with the whole thing. Like Richsbride said, she considers the ex-wife to have HIS name. My FI and I got into it again last night becasue he saw something from my aunt, realized that she kept her ex-husband's name and made a comment about her 'keeping his name.' That says to me that it doesn't matter if you are married for five years, fifty years or the rest of your life - the name is never anything but his! I can't stand that. I feel like it will never really by mine. I think of all of the women who get divorced and remarried. Hey the reality is it happens to a lot of women (not us of course!). If women who get divorced and remarried are constantly changing their names, doesn't it mean that their last name has NO significance? It just reflects who they are married to at the moment. I don't worry about getting divorced, I just really don't know if I want to do something that is only used to signify that I belong to him. I love my FH with all my heart, but I really belong to me.

Clearly, I have been obsessing about this! Sorry to go on and on. At one point I had him agreeing to change his middle name to my last name. My logic (if you can call it that) being if I have to replace one of my names with yours, you must replace one of yours with mine! I want to do what makes me comfortable. Now, if I can only decide what that is

Re: anybody else upset about losing their last name?

I changed my name, and went from what looks like a simple name, but always mispronounced, to another looks like a simple name and always mispronounced...

Its very hard to think of myself as Mrs. F, but it will come...

I had a moment getting the marriage license where I almost hyphenated, but my cousin passed her medical boards (therefore became a doctor) before she got married and I have seen the agita she goes through...although it would be worth it - if thats what you want...

It really depends on the person...my old roommate's father abandoned her family for 10 years...so she changed her name to her mom's maidan name and would never think of changing her name when she gets married...

its a gut decision...good luck