been very upset lately...long

ok girls i have been trying to keep this in for awhile to see if things would get better but they have only gotten worse....for the past month my FH and I have done nothing but fought ...and not just like little stupid fights ...i cant figure what they heck i am doing wrong ....i know has a lot to do with the fact that he had OCD and if something is out of place in our house he flips...and i am totally the opposite...we havent spent any time together nor have we gone put i over a month...he totally blew off our 7 year anniversary last month ( he told me he was taking me out and then that night he told me he was too tired and then had his neice come over so i could babysit her!)
i am thinking about moving back home ...but i know if i do that it had to be final...cant go back...i cannot have him keep coming in and out of my life whenever he feels like being nice to me
he hasnt said to words about the wedding ...all he does is complain about me ...that i do nothing for him...helllooo i work full time in manhattan ...dont get home til 7pm and then go to the gym afetr that ...where does making dinner every night fit itn?????
i just dont know ...i was hoping that some of u girls had some advice
sorry this is so long i am just so upset i have spent the entire weekend in my house crying ...i am just so sick to my stomach about all of this

TIA

So sorry that you're going through this Kim! It's nothing easy. As some of the girls know, my FH and I have been going through some rather difficult times as well! It's no fun at all and planning for a wedding only adds to the pressure and stress.

I've learned that guys (or at least my guy and my dad) have such strange ways of thinking... their perspective on things and the way their minds work is totally unique to the way we women perceive things.

One of the only thing that works for me when my FH and I aren't seeing eye-to-eye is having a serious 'sit-down' to discuss everything that is on our minds. When we argue... we're so busy trying to prove our points that we don't fully consider each other's points.

So maybe try having a serious chat with him. Try to understand why in the world he thinks you aren't doing 'enough' for him. Without arguing... try to figure out what exactly he needs...and in the process, explain your perception of the situation and why you feel that you're doing all that you can at this time, that you are trying, etcetera.

You're right, it isn't fair for him to only be nice to you when he wants to... and OCD is no excuse... Do you only argue about what you're not doing? Is it possible that he's the one who needs to evaluate himself and to possibly make some changes?

Don't be so quick to blame yourself! Men are great at twisting things around so much that you lose focus of the root of the problem! My FH (aka the mind twister) is a pro at it lol!

I wish I could tell you not to cry but most of the time, that's what makes me feel better lol. Just get all the tears out but remember that as long as you are making an effort in the relationship, he shouldn't be attacking you because you are trying. Give it some more time and a few 'sit-downs' before you decide to move. That's a huge step and might only make things worse if you decide to move back later.

Good luck Kim! And please FM me if you ever want to speak! I HTH!

thank you everyone ...i really appreciate ur advice and concern ...i hope ill figure somethng out soon
it just makes me so mad beause he walks around here like nothing is wrong! like hes not even bothered my it ...grrrr

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Posted by kimnsteve

thank you everyone ...i really appreciate ur advice and concern ...i hope ill figure somethng out soon
it just makes me so mad beause he walks around here like nothing is wrong! like hes not even bothered my it ...grrrr

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Yea that always pisses me off too...sometimes men just don't have any emotion what so ever..

Kim, you have FM

oh im so sorry that you have to go through this. Men just dont get it sometimes. I think you should def. try and sit him down and talk to him and tell him look its either things change or im leaving. (make sure he knows ur not kidding around) and see what happens. if he lets u go... that will give you ur answer. MEN SUCK!... mine never seems to understand that im going to be his WIFE so i come first... hehehe but really he always puts his familes needs before mine so that is our major issue. But hes willing to work on it and get better. You need to find our if you man is willing to change or not.
i hope things get better or work themselves out. just dont let them sit and soak make sure they get talked about. thats my biggest probelm i keep things in untill they get really bad.

oh my gosh hun I am sorry...I dunno...

i am not in ur situation but i think you should tell him how you feel. ask y he hasnt talked abotu the wedding, is there something more to the fighting than he lets on..

i dunno just be honest with ur feelings ask him to do the same and see where u stand.


before you get too involved with all the wedding planning make sure it is what you both want.

FM me if u want to talk hun! im here for ya.

<3

I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties! you should sit down and have a heart to heart.

You need to know if this is going to work. If you want your marriage to work, I would say moving home would be the WRONG thing to do. You need to act like adults and talk about this and come u p with a solution.

good luck

'That I do nothing for him'???

What is that supposed to mean? Are you supposed to cook, clean, be barefoot and pregnant, and still have a raging sex drive so you can satisfy his every need?!

Hellooooooooooooooo - welcome to 2006 (almost 2007!).

Sorry - I know you're upset, but I just want to let you know that it's just not realistic to be superwoman. If you have a full time job, and you're planning a wedding (from thousands of miles away!), you can't attend to his every need.

I agree, you both need to sit down and talk. But try and do it without drama and without tears. Just be very upfront and calm with him, and ask him for constructive ways to make things better. He should also be willing to listen to your concerns and your advice on how to fix things.

Don't move home yet. Give it a chance. You're engaged for a reason, and you're getting married for a reason - you love each other more than anything. Try and talk it out...

Keep us posted.

Kim, I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. But I really want to go to SI and hang with you so you feel less alone... I'm sure it's hard to talk to your 'real' friends about it because it's hard to tell them when things aren't going so perfectly with FH.

I have to say, I don't know how much good a sit-down talk is going to do... to be honest, it just sounds like your FH is PMSing and taking it out on you. Men get moody, a heck of a lot moodier than women.

As far as you not doing things for him anymore - anytime he makes some assinine comment like that again - just say 'I'm not your mother' and walk away. Don't start feeling inadequate or that he doesn't love you or appreciate you because he does. Don't start to feel sad and mopey like things are going downhill because they're not. It's an argument, not the crumble of your engagement. If he truly has OCD and certain things bother him, let him take care of it. It's his problem - not yours.

Like Jeanine said, men are excellent twisters and manipulators. Remember that or you will slowly but certainly go insane.

You have been with him for 7 years and he has been with YOU for 7 years. There is a reason for that. You love him unconditionally as he loves you. This will pass... if he's walking around like nothing's wrong, you do the same. This probably isn't the first time you've had this argument. Hang in there Kim!!!


P.S. Watch Elf. That's the best feel-good movie out there....

you definitely need to talk, but you need to know what YOU want before you sit down with him

If this is an indication of what married life will be like with him, you need to know that NOW

the MOST important thing is your happiness

HTH

I'm sorry to hear this news, I definately agree with all the girls to sit down and have a heart to heart talk.

It always works for us, sometimes having a list of things written out, so you can go over each incident, or issue that you want to talk about clearly layed out in front of you might help.

I hope everything works out, you have been together for 7 years wich definately means you have a strong bond and connection, everyone goes through a rough patch at some point but i am sure you will be able to work it out

good luck sweetie