Big fight

A few things jumped out at me before anything else....1-How in the world did you have a chance to get down to your underwear, when you weren't welcome there? 2-You drove home drunk? 3-If you are worried about ex girlfriends or anyone else in the picture, your relationship isn't ready for marriage at all. Especially if he thinks he can kick you out of places-that's downright immature. And if you're worried about exes, either he is not doing his part to make you feel like the most magical thing he's ever laid eyes on, or you're insecure..or both. I am not into any kind of waiting games, if I were you, I would have called him already. You're supposed to be spending the rest of your life with him, and you feel ashamed or nervous to call? If he will ever be your husband, you need to know that as mad as he could ever be at you, he is still there for you..this is just absurd. I would personally call him and just be like 'Ok, how long are we going to do this? Either we talk it out, or we decide this is not going to work.' Don't be afraid to be direct and say how you feel! And make sure he respects you-it doesn't sound like he does.

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Thank you all! Reading all your responses is helping me a lot so I really appreciate it. Still thinking of what to do.

I got in his apartment by the key he leaves with the doorman for me and other guests and my name is on the list, I get there at 3am and we slept and then we fought but we were both drunk so not sure what trigger a fight. I remember him trying to be playful and stealing the covers and the bed broke( cheap ikea bed that always loses a spring and breaks) and I some how fell on the floor and he laughed and I got mad and slammed the door and then a half of hour of blackout and I don't rememeber what happened. I remember being at the kitchen table and him standing and yelling at me and then I'm like i need to video this and that's all I recall. So a lot of it is embarrassing alcoholic behaviors.

He works out of town a lot so when we see each other we go out drinking with friends and this time it got heavy with it being July 4th.

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No I was sobering up by the end of our fight, on the video he sounds drunk but I'm sober and saying it's late. I kept calling him an ******* and a ******* low form of a man and he called me a weak piece of **** and a *****. ( hurtful we even said those things to eag other because we're normally so sweet and loving and it's not how we speak to each other, he teases with names but never cursing like this) also, I waited outside his apt for about an hour and sober from the anger of what happened, was not drunk or buzzed f all but definitely sleepy when I drove home.

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I feel at this point you should put the wedding on hold and focus on your relationship. I am a bit taken back that he has not reached out to you since the argument-at least to check in to see if you made it home safely. That being said, it appears to me that alcohol played a big role in this argument and from what you mentioned it has played a key role in your prior arguments. My question to you is when the two of you hang out, is there always alcohol involved and when there is does the night normally end up with the two of you getting in a heated argument? Another question is what is it about his ex that still has you somewhat bothered? Every couple has a past however why is his past (an ex) still brought up in the present. Sweetie unfortunately I have been in your shoes and it is not easy. Trust me when I say that. I totally understand you reaching out to your mother with all that has transpired but unfortunately a seed has been planted and your mother (as of right now) has a very different view of your fiancé at this point. No matter how old we are our parents will always have our best interest at heart (although at times we may not necessarily agree with it) and want nothing more for their children to be happy. Unfortunately your mother has seen you hurt and disrespected. Everyone is going to have their opinion on your situation whether they compare it to something similar that they may have experienced or witnessed or what they will not tolerate. You have to ask yourself, putting your love aside, do you deserve the way you were treated. Unfortunately sweetie, the only one that can answer that question is you. I hear your ownership of how you may have spoken to him or acted, however you have not mentioned any of his ownership of his actions for that night let alone the previous arguments. Saying I'm sorry once, maybe twice Even I can understand, however several times after that word has a tendency of losing its meaning. The two of you definitely have to have a discussion of what transpired and take it from there. I would suggest seeking out a counselor for the both of you but also individually. I understand you love him but you also have to love yourself. Put it this way we all make mistakes, that's why pencils have erasers. No one is perfect. However mistakes are lessons unlearned and you have to ask yourself how many times do the mistakes have to happen for it to finally be understood. Please keep us posted and know that you are not alone. Big hug! Ssssqqqquuuuueeeeezzzzeeee

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Throwing you out in your underwear?! That is crazy. No freaking way. Not acceptable. Especially if it's not the first time! I wouldn't call and I would definitely think twice before marrying this guy.

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Hilary, I am a little older and and wiser and have been in the shoes you are wearing right now. I made excuses defending him. You see all the good in him, but the thing is no one else does. Love YOU more than he does. When a man loves a women he wouldn't reduce himself to such an action. Leave the glasses and I have a great flat iron if you want it. Hope you follow your gut. I would always hear people say that and really our gut does tell us. Good Luck with everything.

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Alcohol does ugly things to people, all people, even non-violent, typically calm people. My gut tells me that he is not ready for an engagement right now and has some work to do. Marriage does not fix problems, and things do not get better, so if you are uncomfortable, hurt, angry, or sad now, the solution is not marriage.

However, I think we all know relationships are complicated. Only you know what this means for you guys. You say this is not typical for you guys, so did he call eventually being extremely remorseful and apologetic/embarrassed vowing never to drink that much again? Did he stand by it thinking that what he did was appropriate? Are you both just very expressive people? Fight big, love big? Or, is your gut telling you that a marriage like that is the last thing you want to welcome?

Hang in there, do a lot of soul searching, and try not to listen to many opinions-- only you know the right answer.

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Nope, he has not called yet. He's very stubborn and I think instead of seeing how he hurt me, he's probably reading all the hurtful text messages and bad things I said about him deserving his trashy ex, I sent him that day. I'm embarrassed by my texts because they were from anger and hurt and alcohol and I would have apologized for them if he called to apologize for his behavior. No matter what I said or even if he thinks this relationship is over, I'm losing respect for him not being a man about it and apologizing for his behavior.

Thanks again ladies for your advice. I can't talk to anyone else about this because it's humiliating and embarrassing. Talking to strangers seems to help more.

Re: Big fight

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Posted by Marrythatgirl

Nope, he has not called yet. He's very stubborn and I think instead of seeing how he hurt me, he's probably reading all the hurtful text messages and bad things I said about him deserving his trashy ex, I sent him that day. I'm embarrassed by my texts because they were from anger and hurt and alcohol and I would have apologized for them if he called to apologize for his behavior. No matter what I said or even if he thinks this relationship is over, I'm losing respect for him not being a man about it and apologizing for his behavior.

Thanks again ladies for your advice. I can't talk to anyone else about this because it's humiliating and embarrassing. Talking to strangers seems to help more.

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I think you need to just call him and talk things out one way or the other...this waiting is ridiculous you are going to make yourself sick.

Big fight

I agree with @Vilardi82, you guys need to talk - what happens from the time you talk is only something you two can decide, but you should definitely talk about what happened.

If it were me, at this point I would just call - even if I was waiting for him to call me first.

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It really is a tricky situation that you are in. I have been in a similar situation where FH was drunk and saying things and causing a scene in front of his family and friends. He didn't do half of what was done to you but it was embarrassing to be in PA and not having anyone to turn to about it. The next morning I drove back to NY to cool off and we talked about it a day later and that day he gave up drinking bc it was the main cause of our huge fights.

I think that you should be he bigger person, call him and tell him that you are sorry for the not nice things that you had said and tell him that you need to talk about things and see where you go from there.

If you ever need to talk you can always FM me.

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Even if you decide to end it, you will need closure, trust me! Don't just let it go...

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My first reaction is if he's done this before when he's drinking and he's putting his hands on you what's to stop him from getting more physical when he's drunk. It is not ok and you should not excuse it by saying he's done this before but only when drunk. You need to tell him he needs to stop drinking or it's over.

Big fight

Five days have passed and I think he has had more than enough time to cool off. Now is definitely the time to talk about what has transpired and take it from there. I'm glad that you are able to express to us how it is you feel but please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed of what transpired. Things happen and people make mistakes drunk as well as sober. At the end of the day you need to get closure to know what your next step should be. Big hug sweetie!!!

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At work late today so I can't call now but i texted him this and it said he read it 5 mins ago.

'Putting aside for a moment the somewhat blurry events which transpired Friday morning until last Saturday morning. In spite of the nasty drunken 'words' texted and worse said back and forth. After watching that video repeatedly, how could you not immediately apologize for your 'actions', even if you were debilitatingly drunk, watching it sober did not evoke compassion or remorse in your heart, doing that to any woman, much less a woman you loved. '

I had to get some closure and we''ll see if he responds

Big fight

The ball is in his court now and I think we all are very curious to see how he is going to respond.

Re: Big fight

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Posted by Kimberley2015

The ball is in his court now and I think we all are very curious to see how he is going to respond.

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THIS!!!

I would just try to relax as best as possible. Grab a friend and get your nails done, grab dinner do something for you!

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Posted by brnnglgn

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Posted by Kimberley2015

The ball is in his court now and I think we all are very curious to see how he is going to respond.

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THIS!!!

I would just try to relax as best as possible. Grab a friend and get your nails done, grab dinner do something for you!

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THIS!!!! Now is definitely the time to do something for YOU. At this point, focus all your energy on yourself.

Big fight

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. It's truly heart wrenching! I can't offer much advice as I think only you will know the right thing to do but I can say that every couple gets into some ugly fights but this sounds like it went too far for you. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you deserve and certainly you know that no one deserves what you went through, drunk or not. I am definitely curious how this will play out. Know we're all thinking of you and pulling for you!

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I know this is a difficult position to be in but no freakin way is right! NEXT...Time to move on!