Last night we went to my BIL's 40th birthday party (DH's sister's husband) Now the party was at a Bar/Restaurant and there was a lot of good food. Now one of DH's brother could not make it but his wife came with her two little daughters (4 & 1 yrs. old) after the party DH and I went back to his sister's house and they were opening the envelopes and I hear DH's sister saying 'oh you gotta be kidding me'. Apparently they opened the card from the SIL who came alone with her two daughters and she put 41 dollars in the card!
Now I know this was not a wedding but come on, 41 dollars??? what was she thinking??? she was probably thinking that it's a 40th birthday so i'll give 40 plus one dollar for good luck. She could have done better since the birthday boy is Godfather to one of your daughters and is very generous to your daughter not just for her birthday but all throughout the year. I mean everytime he sees her he gives her 20 dollars. My MIL said 'the best part is that in the car she was was saying how she hoped she did the right thing'. I'm sorry but I don't think she did. Her card was the cheapest, everyone else including friends gave at least a 100 or more.
At least he got something...I got crap for my birthday and I'm godmother to her other daughter. We spoil our nieces and nephews. she couldn't go out and get me a little something and say 'from your goddaughter??? I am godmother to my best friend's son and she got a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure with the card saying 'from your godson'. I'm not saying that I expect a lot of things, but just a little something, not even a fricking card I got from DH's SIL. Nothing! It just bugs me how we treat everyone so good and yet we get zilch in return from them. At least DH's sister and other brother get me and DH something for our birthdays and christmas and I'm not godmother to any of their children, and here my goddaughter's parents could not pick me up something. DH and I gave her daughter more for her 4th birthday than what they gave my BIL for his 40th.
I just think it was a very cheap thing to do. Sorry for the long post. Had to vent a little.
RedHead
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by bedda26
so DH's sister is tacky for expecting money but yet it wasn't tacky for DH's SIL to ask for money for her daughter's 4th birthday party that was at the house....????????????????????????????????
YES VERY TACKY... One of the is 4 the other 40...
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by RedHead
One of the is 4 the other 40...
exactly
bedda26
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
saving money... that's a good one....
If you only knew her well.........
By the way everyone at the party gave envelopes so there are people out there that doesn't think it's silly to give envelopes at a party....
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by bedda26
By the way everyone at the party gave envelopes
It IS customary to give a birthday card at a birthday party - and cards are usually kept in envelopes
bedda26
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by palebride
Posted by bedda26
By the way everyone at the party gave envelopes
It IS customary to give a birthday card at a birthday party - and cards are usually kept in envelopes
they weren't empty...
RedHead
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
That has got to be the tackiest thing i have heard in a while
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
You can't judge some people's 'cheapness' by others' generosity
dcwife
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I have a question- What would be considered an appropriate $$ gift? Everytime I invited to a party like that I don't know how much to give.
bedda26
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I guess I must be crazy...
I learned something from this post. That's it's ok to be cheap when people treat you good.
JimmysBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Sorry, I have to agree with RedHead. I really think it's silly for a 40 yr old to throw himself (or have thrown for him) a birthday party at restaurant and expects gifts....and apparently not only were gifts expected, but only certain amounts were considered appropriate by some. And, IMO, it makes no difference where the party was thrown.
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by bedda26
I guess I must be crazy...
I learned something from this post. That's it's ok to be cheap when people treat you good.
Just because EVERYONE doesn't agree with you doesn't mean you are crazy We are allowed to have our own views and opinions.....and they are allowed to be different - that is what makes this world the wonderful place that it is
JPC1125
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
This is why I hate $ as gifts for anything but a wedding
we just went to a friends 25th b-day at his home and we gave a gift card...as did many of his other friends
it was $50.
The general rule i go by, and usually i see it when i get $ as gifts myself...its usually a rounded number...50 or 100 (graduations and such)
heidla
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I don't equate how much money people give me with how much they do or don't care. I think that making time in your schedule and attending a party in my honor is its own gift.
As far as them spending their money on having a nice car and fixing their home...... I don't think that anyone but them have the right to decide how they spend their money. Besides, it doesn't sound like they spend frivolously. It sounds like they are trying to provide a nice life for their children. Seems reasonable to me.
suven
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
hmmmm...for some reason, I always have a difficult time with gift giving.
But, we do tend to usually give $ as gifts. When the parties seem more informal, (or we feel like the person of honor has been cheap with us in the past) we give a smaller amount.
If the party is at a restaurant, we usually give more.
If it's a *big* deal, like christening or something and we can't attend, we send a check...
For a 40th BDAY at a restaurant, if it was MY brother, I would have given at least $100 from me and DH. (DH doesn't have any siblings, but if it was one of his cousins, we'd give between $50 and $100- some of his cousins have been cheap with us, so we reciprocate in kind- others have been more generous, so we are more generous with them).
dpli
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I also have to disagree. Your SIL may be very cheap and is out of line to tell other people what to buy her kids for birthdays. You have to be the judge of that since we don't know her. However, in my opinion, if an adult is having a birthday party, it should be to celebrate the occasion. If they are having it at a nice restaurant, it should be because they can afford it and want to enjoy it with their guests, not because they expect to get more expensive gifts. I usually give gifts, not money, sometimes a gift card. The amount I spend generally depends on my financial status at the time and how close I am to the person. If they are ungracious in receiving what I give, then they can choose not to invite me next time. That is just how I see it....
Johnny&Maur
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by bedda26
Last night we went to my BIL's 40th birthday party (DH's sister's husband) Now the party was at a Bar/Restaurant and there was a lot of good food. Now one of DH's brother could not make it but his wife came with her two little daughters (4 & 1 yrs. old) after the party DH and I went back to his sister's house and they were opening the envelopes and I hear DH's sister saying 'oh you gotta be kidding me'. Apparently they opened the card from the SIL who came alone with her two daughters and she put 41 dollars in the card!
Now I know this was not a wedding but come on, 41 dollars??? what was she thinking??? she was probably thinking that it's a 40th birthday so i'll give 40 plus one dollar for good luck. She could have done better since the birthday boy is Godfather to one of your daughters and is very generous to your daughter not just for her birthday but all throughout the year. I mean everytime he sees her he gives her 20 dollars. My MIL said 'the best part is that in the car she was was saying how she hoped she did the right thing'. I'm sorry but I don't think she did. Her card was the cheapest, everyone else including friends gave at least a 100 or more.
At least he got something...I got crap for my birthday and I'm godmother to her other daughter. We spoil our nieces and nephews. she couldn't go out and get me a little something and say 'from your goddaughter??? I am godmother to my best friend's son and she got a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure with the card saying 'from your godson'. I'm not saying that I expect a lot of things, but just a little something, not even a fricking card I got from DH's SIL. Nothing! It just bugs me how we treat everyone so good and yet we get zilch in return from them. At least DH's sister and other brother get me and DH something for our birthdays and christmas and I'm not godmother to any of their children, and here my goddaughter's parents could not pick me up something. DH and I gave her daughter more for her 4th birthday than what they gave my BIL for his 40th.
I just think it was a very cheap thing to do. Sorry for the long post. Had to vent a little.
I understand you venting about something frustrating to you...we all do it...but you have to remember that everyone goes through different things in their life that you may not realize. How do you know she didn't feel bad giving $41 to him?? She may have felt ashamed wishing she could give more but hoping that a grown adult man could care less and buy himself something with the $$. Regardless of how her everyday views on gift giving or financial state are, you have to keep in mind that you are not her. Do you think she'd be very happy knowing that others know her gift amount? I would be furious if someone did that to me.
If you are a generous person then that should be enough..don't worry about others and the lack of their generosity. The point of being a good, generous person is not feeling badly if it always doesn't come back to you..eventually in other ways it will!
MrsERod
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I thinks it's pretty tacky to come on here complaining about a monetary gift someone gave. She gave what she could, and thats that! So what they spend their $$ on redoing their home, buying new cars...its THEIR $$ to do what they please.
MrsERod
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Posted by Johnny&Maur
Do you think she'd be very happy knowing that others know her gift amount? I would be furious if someone did that to me.
If you are a generous person then that should be enough..don't worry about others and the lack of their generosity. The point of being a good, generous person is not feeling badly if it always doesn't come back to you..eventually in other ways it will!
Kudos to you!!!! I couldn't have said it better myself!!!!!!!!!
MrsERod
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
Can I just say, when I was planning my DH’s surprise 40th..at a RESTAURANT, some people called to ask what they can get him as a b-day gift. I said NOTHING!! I just wanted people to come and celebrate with us and have a good time!!…(and maybe roast him on stage – which would have been hilarious) I didn’t expect a thing in return, nor would he.
eogara
Posted:
Member since
Re: Cannot believe how cheap people can be...
I don't understand why ANYONE would give $ to a 40 year old man for his birthday. That's bizarre. I honestly have never heard of such a thing. At least her gift shows thought - 40 + 1 for good luck. To just give money IMO at something like this shows an utter lack of thought and personality. And to EXPECT money... well, that just shows an utter lack of class.
