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Church just called us....

Original post by blueyes678

We had asked the priest if we could do the Hand Ceremony in our Ceremony and he just called back and said 'no.' He said there were symbols and whatever that they (The Catholic Church) didn't approve of. Here's a copy of what a reader would read as FH and I joined hands..... Do any of you girls see anything sybolically against the church????

The Hand Ceremony
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
smara Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by Boston&NY2006

A friend of mine is getting married in the Catholic church and her priest won't even let them do a unity candle. I believe he told them that he considers it to be a 'pagan ritual' or something.


Really... I find that really odd. All the catholic ceremonies my family has done this and it has been accepted by the churches. I am also doing this, and my church has no problem with it. Catholic stores actually sell unit ycandles.
CaseyVM214 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

I guess the bottom line is that there is sooooo much variation between Christian fates (the orthodox christians don t even say vows, I know because that is what i am, no unity canlde) and even within the particular sec...like the Catholic Church for example...you can see from this post that not all Catholic churches have the same practices.. SOOO I find it a little odd to say any of these are what Jesus wanted or did because they all contradict (are different)!!! I think the point is that they are all an INTERPRETATION of Jesus's teaching therefor nothing is wrong...not even the hand ceremony. I say unfortunately you have to abide by the rules of the institution and unfortunatly if you dont like them you have to go somewhere else. I wouldnt go so far as making this a religous argument...rather whether or not you want what this church has to offer you...

Hope this makes sense.

Good luck
MissingTheBGene Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by CaseyVM214

I guess the bottom line is that there is sooooo much variation between Christian fates (the orthodox christians don t even say vows, I know because that is what i am, no unity canlde) and even within the particular sec...like the Catholic Church for example...you can see from this post that not all Catholic churches have the same practices.. SOOO I find it a little odd to say any of these are what Jesus wanted or did because they all contradict (are different)!!! I think the point is that they are all an INTERPRETATION of Jesus's teaching therefor nothing is wrong...not even the hand ceremony. I say unfortunately you have to abide by the rules of the institution and unfortunatly if you dont like them you have to go somewhere else. I wouldnt go so far as making this a religous argument...rather whether or not you want what this church has to offer you...

Hope this makes sense.

Good luck


Perfectly stated, I agree as well.
Boston&NY2006 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by smara

Posted by Boston&NY2006

A friend of mine is getting married in the Catholic church and her priest won't even let them do a unity candle. I believe he told them that he considers it to be a 'pagan ritual' or something.


Really... I find that really odd. All the catholic ceremonies my family has done this and it has been accepted by the churches. I am also doing this, and my church has no problem with it. Catholic stores actually sell unit ycandles.


I know, she thought it was weird too, but they wouldn't budge on it...

Almost every Catholic ceremony I've been to has had the unity candle. I guess this particular priest just has an issue with it...
M&S Sept12006 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by CaseyVM214

I guess the bottom line is that there is sooooo much variation between Christian fates (the orthodox christians don t even say vows, I know because that is what i am, no unity canlde) and even within the particular sec...like the Catholic Church for example...you can see from this post that not all Catholic churches have the same practices.. SOOO I find it a little odd to say any of these are what Jesus wanted or did because they all contradict (are different)!!! I think the point is that they are all an INTERPRETATION of Jesus's teaching therefor nothing is wrong...not even the hand ceremony. I say unfortunately you have to abide by the rules of the institution and unfortunatly if you dont like them you have to go somewhere else. I wouldnt go so far as making this a religous argument...rather whether or not you want what this church has to offer you...

Hope this makes sense.

Good luck


I couldn't have said it better ... and I agree that calling the church hypocrite etc etc is not very nice...especially on public boards where we are all of different religions and backgrounds.
JazzyT Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

I don't think there is anything wrong... but the catholic church is strict

sr081906 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Does a simple post need to be turned into another drama thread again?

We all have to agree to disagree. We all have different beliefs.

stephanief Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by Mitabtrfly

This is part of the reason why we chose to have our ceremony done by a Reverand..because the Catholic church (which is what I am) is so full of it!! give them the right $$ and they will let you do whatever you want!!!!! UNREAL! Never seen such hypocracy in my life!!! Sorry..this is just my opinion.


I agree wholeheartedly
smara Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by Boston&NY2006

Posted by smara

Posted by Boston&NY2006

A friend of mine is getting married in the Catholic church and her priest won't even let them do a unity candle. I believe he told them that he considers it to be a 'pagan ritual' or something.


Really... I find that really odd. All the catholic ceremonies my family has done this and it has been accepted by the churches. I am also doing this, and my church has no problem with it. Catholic stores actually sell unit ycandles.


I know, she thought it was weird too, but they wouldn't budge on it...

Almost every Catholic ceremony I've been to has had the unity candle. I guess this particular priest just has an issue with it...


yeah some churches are more strict than others. I didnt know that some didnt beleive in the unity candle, epsecially since you can purchase them at catholic store. When I went to see my priest the other day, he told me of a nice store to buy the untiy candle.
FrogGirl0917 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by sr081906

Does a simple post need to be turned into another drama thread again?

We all have to agree to disagree. We all have different beliefs.



Thank you. Thanks to CaseyVM214 for putting it very elegantly as well.
prettyprincess07 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by Mitabtrfly

This is part of the reason why we chose to have our ceremony done by a Reverand..because the Catholic church (which is what I am) is so full of it!! give them the right $$ and they will let you do whatever you want!!!!! UNREAL! Never seen such hypocracy in my life!!! Sorry..this is just my opinion.


I agree, we are having our wedding ceremony and reception all at one place. I dont agree with alot of the things in the Catholic church and since I dont agree and dont feel i should have to conform that the solution we came up with. It's a personal choice if you want your wedding at a church you go with the flow. If not you have other options
prettyprincess07 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by blueyes678

Thank you girls so much for your support and comments. I think you're all so sweet!! I hope I didn't start any friction but I (like most of you) didn't think it was fair for them to tell us no. (I mean we are giving them quite a large 'donation' which they filled in the blank for us telling us how much we have to 'donate'.) Which still baffles me. But thank you all so much for posting!!



I've been meaning to ask someone this and I will ask on the 07 Board as well, If you are an active or member or someone whose family has attended for years why do you have to pay the church anything? I thought that if someone just walked up off the street to get married in a church and they arent memebers is when you have to pay. Can someone explain this to me?
agailunas Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

you could still do it at the reception...

donegal419 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Sorry to jump on your boards, but i saw this and thought I would comment....

The reason that hand ceremonies, sand ceremonies, unity candles, etc. are NOT allowed in some Catholic Churches is because NO wher is it a part of the Nuptial Vows or the Mass. these traditions (which includes the exact wording of the vows and the Mass) have been in place for well over a thousand years... no changing it now, nor should it be changed.

The reason why there is discrepancy between different priests, parishes, etc. is because of individual interpretations.... just as a priest has a right to say 'oh, that's a nice idea... let's include that...' (which many priests do, mostly with the Unity candle), other priests and parishes have the right to stick it the absolute tradition of the Catholic Nuptial vows and the Mass and NOT have those secular traditions included anywhere.

Hope this makes sense and helps.....
donegal419 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by prettyprincess07

Posted by blueyes678

Thank you girls so much for your support and comments. I think you're all so sweet!! I hope I didn't start any friction but I (like most of you) didn't think it was fair for them to tell us no. (I mean we are giving them quite a large 'donation' which they filled in the blank for us telling us how much we have to 'donate'.) Which still baffles me. But thank you all so much for posting!!



I've been meaning to ask someone this and I will ask on the 07 Board as well, If you are an active or member or someone whose family has attended for years why do you have to pay the church anything? I thought that if someone just walked up off the street to get married in a church and they arent memebers is when you have to pay. Can someone explain this to me?


I responded to you on the '07 boards.
Tommylove Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

That doesn't make much sense to me, since we did the Hand Ceremony at the end of Pre Cana. So, I guess my Catholic Church doesn't have a problem with it, but that doesn't mean that they would let us do it either. Especially since they don't give you much time in between ceremonies.....11:30, 1:00, and 2:30. I doubt that there would be any extra time for the Hand Germany....it is pretty long. I'm thinking about doing it at the reception, when the speeches are made.

Tommylove Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by JazzyT

I don't think there is anything wrong... but the catholic church is strict


Yeah, I know and it is ridiculous all of the restrictions they have now.....no rose petals in the church, nothing can be thrwon as you leave the church. I am so angry, so I have decided to ignore the rules and still have the Wedding Rice thrown....what can they do to me???
donegal419 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by Tommylove

That doesn't make much sense to me, since we did the Hand Ceremony at the end of Pre Cana. So, I guess my Catholic Church doesn't have a problem with it, but that doesn't mean that they would let us do it either. Especially since they don't give you much time in between ceremonies.....11:30, 1:00, and 2:30. I doubt that there would be any extra time for the Hand Germany....it is pretty long. I'm thinking about doing it at the reception, when the speeches are made.


Yes, you did it at the END of Pre-Cana... NOT during your wedding Mass or ceremony inside the Church. that is the difference... many agree it's a lovely sentiment, as do I, but I don't believe it has any place at a Mass.....
SwissMiss06 Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

I AM IN THE SAME EXACT SITUATION!
I wanted to include this reading in our ceremony but our church also said no. I think I am just ignorant when it comes to the Catholic church.
Are you having trouble picking the 'approved' readings?
What about your songs?? I don't think anyo f the approved songs reflect what FH and I feel about each other. It's awful!
smara Posted:

Re: Church just called us....

Posted by donegal419

Posted by Tommylove

That doesn't make much sense to me, since we did the Hand Ceremony at the end of Pre Cana. So, I guess my Catholic Church doesn't have a problem with it, but that doesn't mean that they would let us do it either. Especially since they don't give you much time in between ceremonies.....11:30, 1:00, and 2:30. I doubt that there would be any extra time for the Hand Germany....it is pretty long. I'm thinking about doing it at the reception, when the speeches are made.


Yes, you did it at the END of Pre-Cana... NOT during your wedding Mass or ceremony inside the Church. that is the difference... many agree it's a lovely sentiment, as do I, but I don't believe it has any place at a Mass.....


Ok I didnt do a hand ceremony at Pre Cana? and unity candle is accepted at my church. The priest asked us and told us a good store to get the candles. We are using this and the petitions to remember our deceased mothers. So I guess it depends what parish you do your ceremony at.

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