Dear...

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Posted by kzecha

Sorry to re-hash this thread.....It's been quite a morning commute....here I go:

Dear LIRR commuter sitting behind me:

I understand that we take the 6:08 am train and it is VERY early and you may forget to do some things before you leave the house....brushing your teeth should not be one of them.....I can smell your morning breath and it is not pleasant. Please be kind to your fellow passengers and brush your teeth in the morning.

Sincerely,
Trying to hold my breath from Ronkonkoma to Penn Station

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OMG! I can't stand when people don't brush there teeth. Some guy at my job is like that....it's so gross!

Dear Showoff (cousin),
Why do you need to know everything about my wedding! Are you afraid I might upstage you. This is not a competition and if it was my wedding would be better then yours. Maybe you forgot that I planned your wedding even after you stole my RH. But thats okay. One word, Karma.
Sincerely,
Wedding of the year


Dear Cousin,
Why do you want me to include your children in my wedding when you know they are scared of people and will not make it down the aisle. Are you purposely trying to make it hard for me to say NO. But it won't be that hard,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Bridezilla

Dear Friend,

I'm so happy that I chose you, one of my best friend's since middle school, to be part of my bridal party. It's just too bad that you dont call--EVER. I called you for your birthday (almost 2 months ago) and havent spoken to you since. I guess you'll call me (as you put it) 'when i remember'.

Sincerely your eghausted and could care less about you any more friend...

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Posted by Mizzdimple

Dear best friend,

YOu have no say in my wedding, so if i tell you to wear a Red dress, wear it and shut it!

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WOAH...MizzDimple-Zilla I love it!!!

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Posted by madseason

Dear Mechanic,

I hate to break this to you, but the radiator you are getting from a junk yard is not going to cost me 900.00. The labor is not even going to cost me that much, unless you plan on installing it with your toes, using 24ct diamond studded hoses.

I know my engine is a 3.0. Next time you remind me to check the manual, youll be pulling it out of your rear end.

Boobs does not equal dumbass. Get my drift???

And no, I am not flattered...


Car saavy

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Oooh so very true!

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Posted by Julybride08

Dear Brother.....

Stop eating all my food!!!!!

Your starving sister!

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Wow if I didn't know any better I would think we have the same brother...oooooh so very freakin annoying!!!!

Dear FH



Love ya to pieces!!!
Your FW

PS... I'm not a mind reader.

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Posted by failurebydsign

dear period,

why do you hurt my tummy so

love,
my body

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Ditto!

OR

Dear Uterus,

Stop cramping up and making my feel horrible.

Love,
the rest of your body

dear company i am contracted to through work whose identity i will not publicly reveal otherwise people would hate you even more than they already do:

thanks so much for making my life a living hell. i derive much pleasure from running around like an idiot, implementing your latest promotion, only to have you pull said promotion at the LAST MINUTE, because you've decided on changing everything i've just worked so hard to get set up.

you don't keep me on my toes, you keep me on my toeNAILS...i finally got started this morning on making up for work i have been behind on because of YOU, and now you've decided on yet another last-minute-and-might-i-add-IMPOSSIBLE task, which of course you want completed by the end of the day. thanks for making me feel inadequate. i obviously suck because i can't meet your completely unreasonable demands. i hate your guts.

kisses,

disgruntled marketing rep

Dear coworker who keeps kindly offering to go pick up lunch for the both of us then when I give you a $20 and my lunch is all of $5 and ask for my change back you tell me that you didn't have money today so you'll pay me back another time. What would you have used if I said no I'll go pick up my own? You continuously tell me about all your escapes on the weekends and all your designer clothes you have. Save your freakin money I'm not the Bank of Melissa. I'm still waiting!

Sincerely,
I'm claiming you as a dependant on my taxes

TO my co-worker, 'A'

Must you wear so much perfume?? White Diamonds nontheless???

Who the f*** wears that???
Must you cake your foundation on to the point where the smell meshes with the smell of the white diamonds, then your breath...oh gosh...I'm surprised I have not passed out yet!! Too bad you are such a nice person...maybe I should tell you??

Dear instant coffee,

You just aren't 'doing it' for me anymore. I want a divorce.

Hearts,
wish i could afford starbucks

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Posted by beachbum05

Dear instant coffee,

You just aren't 'doing it' for me anymore. I want a divorce.

Hearts,
wish i could afford starbucks

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wait. you drink that coffee that comes in a powder and you just mix it?

Dear Friend of my Dads,

Stop telling my parents they can't move. They have to move. LI is just way to expensive. Dad's to sick to work, and Mom's working her butt off to survive. I know you are my Dads good friend, but taking him golfing every Sunday won't help them pay for their mortgage. If you want them to stay here that bad....pay off their house! You have enough money!

Love, frustrated that you make my dad confused

to my brain,

where were you yesterday when my sister said 15 mins wouldn't be too long in the tanning bed? you know I am sensitive!

thanks for nothing,
my skin that is now red-as-a-lobster!

Dear Bridesmaid:

It makes me SO incredibly happy to hear that you are trying to make bets with everyone you know that you will be getting married before me and that 'there will be two weddings in 2008.' Thats very cute. Except you have been dating this guy for two months.

I also would like you to stop criticizing the size of the dance floor in my hall or otherwise comment on how 'it is going to be for you.' When we get to your wedding, we can get excited about it. Also I really REALLY appreciated that comment about 'you won't have to worry about money b/c my bf works at Merrill' knowing full well FH does not. Let me say it again: TWO MONTHS. If he is talking about marriage do you think (gasp) it could be b/c he wants to get in your pants??

My final words are: good luck finding a free 2008 date in fall of 2007 (your estimated time of engagement). also you will pay through the nose for vendors cause you won't have time to shop around/haggle. HA!

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Posted by beachbum05

Dear instant coffee,

You just aren't 'doing it' for me anymore. I want a divorce.

Hearts,
wish i could afford starbucks

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:lolIs it $5 a cup yet??

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Posted by DananTodd

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Posted by beachbum05

Dear instant coffee,

You just aren't 'doing it' for me anymore. I want a divorce.

Hearts,
wish i could afford starbucks

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:lolIs it $5 a cup yet??

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It's RIDICULOUS. I refuse to pay that much for coffee. Besides I'm a dunkin donuts gal anyway. But yes, Matilde, it is the powder stuff. Gross, eh?

But it only takes a few seconds to make!

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Posted by beachbum05

Dear instant coffee,

You just aren't 'doing it' for me anymore. I want a divorce.

Hearts,
wish i could afford starbucks

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paid $3 for a cup of tea yesterday at starbucks that burnt my tounge on the first sip... still cant eat or drink anything hot
(right before i went tanning and burnt my skin)
i'm not the smartest